Baz Luhrmann's Great Gatsby is boring, stupid and messy but most of all - it is hilarious. The film has a terrific soundtrack and beautiful visual side, but it's a complete chore, filled with scenes that were so funny I actually roared with laughter. Even one of the scenes listed below should prevent everyone from taking this film seriously but all of those? Add to that about hundred of times Gatsby says the words 'old sport' and what you get is a laugh riot. Wicker Man remake kind of a riot. Only Wicker Man was entertaining and Gatsby is incredibly boring, unless ridiculous things are happening. And boy is there a lot of those:
1. Carey Mulligan making Daisy so boring, shallow and graceless you wonder why on Earth anyone would like to be around her, let alone fall for her. My favorite moments were when she started to cry out of the blue, like during the shirt throwing moment which has its own place on the list. This is the second worst performance of the year, beaten only by Gosling in Only God Forgives.
2. Tobey McGuire acting like a 5 year old boy who saw Playboy magazine for the very first time.
3. Whatever the hell that moment was:
4. The first time we see Gatsby which is so ridiculously over the top I actually had to pause the film to laugh for several seconds.
5. This fucking scene / the fact DiCaprio had better romantic chemistry with McGuire than with Mulligan.
6. Ridiculous slow motion moments.
7. Gatsby contemplating. While looking at the trees. You know, because it's all so deep and not about some reprehensibly spineless chick. Oh wait. It is.
8. The tea scene which includes:
8.1. The army of servants carrying flowers because apparently the tea drinking / getting back with the old girlfriend process requires you to do that in the surroundings resembling a fucking florist.
8.2. McGuire holding cupcakes nobody gives a crap about.
8.5. The staredown between DiCaprio and the clock. The clock did something awful. It showed what time it was and it will pay for it.
8.6. It was too intense to take so Gatsby storms out to get all wet in the rain and returns after presumably staring at his friends. The trees.
8.7. McGuire instructing him to fix his hair, you know, because the hair is the problem here.
8.8. The epic showdown with the clock.
8.9. Nick trying to make noise so that Gatsby and Daisy would stop flirting and start to give crap about him. He failed and I still cannot believe that scene actually happened. Someone wrote it, someone read it in the script and gave all those money for the movie. And as if it wasn't funny enough they got McGuire to play that part.
9. Gatsby fangirling over THE LIGHT.
10. The shirt throwing scene. You got the love of your life back to you house? Let's bury her under you shirts while her cousin watches!
11. Gatsby showing Daisy the shrine he made for her. This is like straight from serial killer movie.
12. Nick and Daisy dancing to ORGAN MUSIC..
13. Daisy mouthing "I love you" to Gatsby despite the fact her husband is few feet away and he can clearly hear them. Adding dumb to the list of qualities Daisy has.
14. The whole 'if you loved him for a day it means we can't be togther' deal. Fuck the war and 5 lost years THIS is really the issue we should be focusing on.
15. Gatsby yelling after Daisy's husband continuously insulted him and everyone reacting as if he just took a massive shit in the middle of the room.
16. The accident scene. Let's run straight at the car and shout your lover's name. Surely nothing bad will happen. Adding dumber than Daisy to the list of qualities Daisy's husband insignificant lover character who becomes significant in the end oh my how exciting has.
17. The fact Baz Luhrmann used that moment to put in even more visual flare and heavy handed symbolism. Adding heartless to the qualities Baz Luhrmann has.
18. Gatsby hiding in the bushes. Where is Waldo? style.
19. The flashback in which we see Daisy was the one driving the car and Lurhmann shows us the accident and symbolism again, in case anyone missed it. Adding terrible fucking driver to the list of qualities Daisy has.
20. Gatsby taking his sweet time before he dies even though he was shot in the heart.