Friday, September 6, 2013

(95) 50 shades of Charlie you've made a huge mistake + links

By Sati. Friday, September 6, 2013
  • I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey. I'm not interested in something that is apparently badly written and preys on what teenage chicks think is porn. But it does look like it can be made into one of my favorite types of movies - so bad that is is fucking funny.
  • Dakota Johnson was cast as the main chick, I do not know who she is and I only barely remember her 30 seconds of screen time in 21 Jump Street. What's very odd is that someone relatively famous and not horrible took the part of Christian Grey - Charlie Hunnam. Granted, Hunnam is not a very good actor, but he seems like  a nice person so it's a shame his career won't survive starring in that joke. I mean this thing is basically Twilight fanfic. Robert Pattinson who is a good actor will probably never escape his beginnings, so I'm certain Hunnam won't. You guys should read this article on Bret Easton Ellis and some of the madness that surrounds 50 Shades, this is all fairly surreal, especially that Ellis is a fan of this crap. Also - Hunnam is on Sons of Anarchy. My God. Those bikers are gonna kill him.
  • Check out this hilarious new poster for Thor The Dark World. Natalie! 
  • While we are at unintentionally hilarious matters, Tyler Perry was cast in David Fincher's film Gone Girl. What the hell.
  • I have not seen any films this week but I did watch the roast of James Franco on my birthday, because it features a lot of people I love and it looked like it could be funny. It really was and what made it even funnier was seeing Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen and Bill Hader crying from laughter. The whole thing was truly epic and it only made me love everyone involved, well except for Franco, more. Hader's line about Franco being on the road to killing several people in forest fire while trying to make an experimental Vine video made me laugh so hard I actually had to pause it for a minute. Franco's 90-year old grandma was there, laughing at the dick jokes. That's badass!
  • We had a lot of new posters this week. First, the official poster for American Horror Story: Coven is absolutely incredible. But why the fuck is this twit Emma Roberts mentioned on it and not Frances Conroy? This is an outrage. What's even a bigger outrage is the awful poster for The Counselor. Are they kidding with that? I would do a better job at making the poster on my birthday and I was falling down drunk.
  • And here's new, fairly horrifying teaser for Coven:
  • Here are some unofficial posters for season 4 of Game of Thrones. I think someone not associated with network made them but they are so good HBO should think about using those.
  • Speaking of, the cast continues to party hard - they even brought young Sophie Turner with them! There are also some new photos of the amphitheatre where the big trial by combat will be shot. This is going to be like Gladiator level of fucking awesome. The thing you can see in the circle is House Martell banner. Even my photoshop skills couldn't enhance it better but it looks really nice. It's a yellow spear going through black sun on red background.
  •  While we are on the subject of awesome people in TV series, Aaron Paul is an actual gift from God for humanity. He is such a super nice dude. He takes photos of himself with people who deliver him pizza, he tweets with his fans, he calls people bitch when they ask him to. So cool. Dean Norris is also on twitter and he too is hilarious.
  • We got new trailer for Gravity, which is actually the first trailer for that movie I liked. Looks very intense. Another trailer that premiered wasn't as much of a trailer as the mixed footage from Under the Skin. Well it looks like the movie and the book will have 2 maybe 3 scenes in common, but the trailer has great cinematography and really creepy score so I can't wait.
  • Speaking of Scarlett Johansson, Venice film festival brought a mixed bag of news for her male fans. On one hand, I've heard from many people she does full frontal nudity in Under the Skin so that's gonna make everyone happy. On another - she is engaged. I'm sure nudity will make up for that, though.
  • I've been catching up with Archer because I need a lot of comedy in my life right now and it's such a hilarious series. Hell, even Bryan Cranston had a guest appearance in season 3!
  • Speaking of - Cranston is NOT going to play Lex Luthor. Thank God, we are back to the state where I do not need to see this movie.
  • So I had another dream where I was running from Mads Mikkelsen because he tried to eat me. What's the disturbing part of that sentence and that dream? The running from part. Seriously, he is so fucking hot.
  • I figured I'm having those borderline psychotic dreams because I didn't finish the first season of Hannibal, so I'm catching up, very slowly though, because it's disturbing as fuck as whenever I see him  I just hear Nine Inch Nails's Closer in my head and I'm rooting for him to eat everyone. 
  • The work on season 2 already began and today Bryan Fuller posted this. God bless you, sir.
  • I also plan on seeing more of his movies, my friend recommended Royal Affair but I heard something about execution and Von Trier is the producer, so I can't handle that shit right now. Recommend me something, he can even play someone incredibly creepy IF at any point of the film he is shirtless.

  • links:
    • Ruth posted the new edition of Five for the fifth
    • Brittani recaps the new episode of Breaking Bad
    • Keith asks about your favorite little known movies
    • Jack lists terrifying movie masks
    • m.brown wrote a hilarious review of The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

    what if hannibal told lame jokes instead of implying cannibalism?

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    38 comments:

    1. My reaction about the casting of 50 Shades of Grey.... eh...

      I've never read the book nor do I care to. All I care about is the idea of seeing Don Johnston & Melanie Griffith's daughter doing nude scenes.

      I like the posters for The Counselor and Game of Thrones though the poster for Thor is cheesy.

      I'm very excited about Under the Skin as I hope it marks a major return for Scarlett to show everyone that she is an acting force to be reckoned with. At least her new fiancee isn't some dumbass who always act like a goof.

      You have a thing for Mads now... hmm... Have you seen some of his earlier work w/ Nicolas Winding Refn? It's worth checking out.

      BTW, have you heard the new NIN album? I've been listening to it non-stop. It's right now one of my 10 favorite albums of the year so far.

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      1. They've gotta be so proud :)

        Yeah it's like they phooshopped Portman from whole different movie :)

        Reynolds was the worst.

        I didn't but I saw some interesting gifs from those on tumblr, seems encouraging ::)

        I haven't had a chance yet, I'm very slow when it comes to catching up with new albums, I'm only now getting to love new The National's CD.

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      2. Oh, that album is among my 10 favorite albums right now so far.

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      3. I'm gonna need to listen to it this week then! :)

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    2. The cinemas are full of teenage novel movies nowadays. For encouragement to the actors, Anna Kendrick survived The Twilight series and is held in high regard. I have no idea how big of a role she played in the franchise though as I've never seen it.
      I remember Dakota Johnson more from The Social Network as the girl who slept with Justin Timberlake. Speaking of The Social Network... David Fincher and Tyler Perry? Odd combination indeed!

      Happy belated birthday too!

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      1. She had maybe 15 minutes of screen time in all 5 films :)

        Damn, I know she was in Social Network but I really can't recall her scenes.

        Thank you so much!

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    3. I stopped reading at ScarJo possibly doing full frontal. Because, what else matters?

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      1. Haha, yeah she has really nice body :)

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    4. I don't think anyone who attaches themselves to the 50 Shades project is going to recover from that. I haven't seen Charlie Hunnam act but that is not a good move for him (or even for anybody). Then again, that might just put him on the map (like what Twilight did) - they might just be targeting for that fame?

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      1. I think fame and money are the only two reasons someone could possibly do such movie. Hunnam is really not suited for the part, it's probably the most famous person who didn't turn it down so they landed him.

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    5. Archer! I absolutely love that show, so freakin' funny. I can't wait for season 4, not sure if it's been on where you are yet.

      I still need to catch up with the second season of American Horror Story, but the new one looks pretty good.

      I too want to check out more of Mikkelsen's films after loving him in Hannibal. I have a few issues with the show but he was brilliant.

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      1. Oh, I'm almost done with season 4, so funny! I'm so glad they will do season 5.

        The second season is amazing even better than season 1.

        He is soooo amazing on that show. They really cast the part brilliantly.

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    6. I love Archer! I really need to watch that in sequence. I always just catch an episode here and there, and it's hysterical. I'm about half way through the book, Under The Skin. Shit's getting really creepy! I'm interested in seeing how it plays out.

      I would've watched 50 Shades if it had someone drop dead gorgeous like Alexander Skarsgard or Richard Madden in it. It could end up being pretty funny, I guess. I never read the book either.

      I think James Franco had the best roast I've ever seen. Plus I love seeing Bill Hader laugh, he always looks so genuinely happy. Thanks for the link! and I hope you had a good birthday!

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      1. Under the Skin keeps getting creepier and creepier, the ending is so brilliant and the book is so wonderfully structured, it keeps unfolding the mystery till the very end.

        Yeah I'd watch it then too but I bet it will be a laugh riot, sadly without the eye candy :)

        Hader is the best, he was the best part of the show for me, Jeff Ross was also hilarious, the grandma joke about 127h left was priceless :)

        You're welcome and thank you, it was pretty cool! :)

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    7. Wahoo! LINKS time, my fave Friday post :D Thanks again for the kind link, Sati. WOW, that poster for American Horror Story: Coven is definitely VERY provocative. I already saw that you made that your Twitter pic :D

      I couldn't care less about that soft porn film adaptation, though I don't see Charlie in that role at all. Who cares though, I won't be watching it no matter who's in it.

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      1. Thanks and you're welcome! :)

        Yeah I love that poster. They have such kickass marketing for that show.

        I'll probably see it for the laughs :P

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    8. Thanks for the link. Very cool of you.

      Oh, Charlie. Even though he's kind of stiff...I've been pulling for the guy. Hopefully this move doesn't sink him. But on the other hand, who gives a fuck?

      I feel like seeing ScarJo fully naked will somehow be a bad thing. I'm not sure how, but I think that when I leave the theater... everything will turn in to This Is The End. Danny McBride will be running shit. Civilization will have to pay a high price to see Black Widow's naughty bits.

      Fucking Archer. Outside of the Venture Bros... they is nothing better.

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      1. You're welcome!

        I think being stiff may be a requirement for that part :D

        Haha :D The film is reportedly fairly creepy, hopefully her nudity will compensate you for that especially if they are keeping the scene from the book where something very unpleasant happens to guy's junk.

        Archer is the best!

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    9. Oh God, that poster for The Counselor is horrendous. I feel like the majority of mainstream one-sheets are total dogshit these days.

      I made it through 100 pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. Easily the worst book I've ever read. It reads like a fourth grader wrote it based on what they can regurgitate what they heard on the playground. Beyond that, it's just poorly written. In several instances, she uses the same adjective to describe the same thing... in the same sentence.

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      1. It honestly looks like someone put even less effort in that than I do in my studying and I thought that's not possible.

        So it really is a Twilight fanfic :D That book was written using maybe 20 words.

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    10. I don't think the casting choices for 50 Shades really matters, because no matter who plays the lead, it'll be scrutinized. I'm just glad the grade A actors turned it down :)

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      1. Yeah, that is a true career killer.

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    11. Just to let you know, I also love Archer! Watch it every night online, not on over here in the UK anymore

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      1. It's such a hilarious show, really the best animated series at the moment.

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    12. The way I see it, it's not like ScarJo would ever be dating me so her being engaged doesn't mean anything. I can still look forward to the eyecandy.

      I can't imagine the 50 Shades casting will harm his career much (if at all). He still has other projects in the pipeline now - the end of Sons, possible Pacific Rim sequel, that Guillermo Del Toro thing. I have no opinion on the casting, but the wife is drooling over the prospects of watching "Jax" in that scenario (though I doubt he'll have much "Jax" in him for the role).

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      1. I think a great actor would have difficulty to overcome the ridicule this movie will start - it's a material so bad with scenes so stupid, nobody can make it into a good film. Hunnam is not a great actor, he was only all right in Pacific Rim and that was the easiest gig ever.

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      2. I can see it might sting a little. But it's not like I'm going to stop watching SOA because of it. And I don't think I'll ever stop thinking of him as Jax. Even in Pacific Rim, it was just Jax in a bot. There's also a good chance I will not be seeing 50 Shades anyway. Let the wife bring her ladyfriends to that.

        Note the wife HATED 50 Shades (not even sure she finished the first book), but is really just going to see it to see Jax be all dominant. /shrug.

        I suppose we will see. He might have an easier time getting over it since he's not as well known as some of the other people that were up for it.

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      3. I really need to catch on SOA, I'm still on season 1 :/

        Haha, well good she didn't like the book at least :)

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    13. I am proud to say that I am almost at the end of Season 5 for Sons of Anarchy (been marathoning over the last few days). It is actually a good show but yeah despite Hunnam's relative hotness and all, I COULD point out a few flaws with the Jax/Charlie performance. But it is not so bad as to nullify the show. I think it has definitely improved as the seasons progressed.

      Back to the subject at hand– the 50 Shades casting - ha! … my friend is trying to convince me to plod through the rest of the book 50. I put it off for a long time out of fear of what I would be exposing my eyes and reading comprehension to. I went to Wikipedia to read the story summary and laughed at that thinking that the book cannot be as poor as it was described. Well I was proved wrong. Some of the turns of phrase in 50 Shades really make my head hurt. I constantly found myself laughing as I was reading it.

      That Thor 2 poster is a thing of legend (and not in a good way).

      I really liked Archer; started watching it but stopped (don't remember why). Nice reminder to revisit.

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      1. I liked the show in first season, if I had more time I'd definitely catch up on it, sadly there's never enough time :(

        I'm not surprised :) I saw few excerpts from it and it was unbelievably awful.

        Yeah, it's so funny! They really put no effort into making it.

        Archer is definitely worth revisiting!

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    14. Happy Belated Birthday! :D Sorry I missed it. I must get on Twitter more.

      Oh, I loved the James Franco roast. There were a lot of hilarious jokes, but I thought Jonah Hill stole the show. :)

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      1. Thank you! It's all right, I post so much crap, it's really too much to register :)

        Hill was so funny! I loved that he was still so genuinely friendly towards people and how much he laughed when they made fun of him :)

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    15. Happy belated birthday!

      I saw Aziz Ansari's roast of James Franco, and that was pretty funny. I really want to see the rest of it.

      That poster for The Counselor is awfully generic. Surely that isn't the best they can come up with...?

      Aaron Paul is one cool dude. One of the select few celebrities I follow on Twitter.

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      1. Thank you!

        Aziz did great, the whole Roast was really hilarious :)

        I don't know what's up with those posters, they are so uninspired. Thank God at least the trailers are good.

        He is such a super nice person! I love his tweets.

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    16. I've avoided the 50 Shades books, because word has it the most obscene thing about them is the quality of the writing. The jury is still out on whether I'll consider seeing the movie adaptation. It sounds like something I might not want to watch sober. :-)

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      1. Yep, that's not hardcore :) Drunk + bad movie = perfect relax :P

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    17. I really like Charlie, so you can imagine how I felt when I heard he actually took the role. Broke my heart *sigh*

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      1. It really makes me wish actors would consider what they are doing to their actual fans.

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