Monday, February 23, 2015

87th annual Academy Awards

By Sati. Monday, February 23, 2015 ,
  •  I haven't slept in 30h. I also had about a million alcohol units.  This will be a fun post.
  • Queen Rosamund. Holy mother of God.
  • Is her waist even human? Damn.
  • Red carpet thoughts?  There was some bullshit nonsense 'ask her more' thing spoken by Reese Witherspoon in her annoying voice. People are saying this year actresses were asked more relevant questions than usual. I don't know what red carpet you watched, but that's just a lie.
  • Keira Knightley's dress was impossibly awful
  • Neil Patrick Harris' opening was really fun. Yeah it was singing and dancing, but it was really spectacular and I loved how genuinely joyful and respectful it felt.
  • The production values of the show this year were absolutely amazing. Also stuff like this. 
  • I really liked NPH throughout the show. Harris's lines "in Zero Dark Thirty she killed Osama bin Laden. In Million Ways to die in the west I pooped in a hat" really made me laugh 
  • Unfortunately there were almost no Gone Girl references which was a wasted opportunity, seeing how Ros's dress was the color of blood. All they needed to do is get her a boxcutter
  • There was a great moment when Harris talked about how much money American Sniper earned and he said that American Sniper is Oprah - cue to horrified and confused Oprah - cue to Harris 'Because you are rich'. Oprah wasn't digging Harris's style at all and she looked so lost.
  • Robert Duvall - best poker face
  • Harris' made a hilarious joke:
  • Tumblr teenage morons who are always outraged to the point they can't get out words in their mothers' basement and type instead were obviously offended that Harris brought 'a serious issue' to the level of a joke. To that I say go fuck yourselves you humorless, pretentious assholes.
  • Neil also said this and Cumberbatch's reaction was adorable
  • Mark was seated so close to Idris. Oh, God
  • Supporting actor goes predictably. Painfully so as Simmons uses the same joke about his kids he used the whole season long. That's kinda pathetic. During the nominations clips there was an insanely loud cheering for Ruffs. This is the kind of cheering you won't ever get, Eddie Redmayne.
  • Adam Levine performs Lost Stars to my delight
  • His performance was announced by 50 shades of my parents are famous and hooked me up with a gig. Seriously, stop pimping out Dakota Johnson. She is famous because of nepotism and showing her tits in a movie based on trash. She's a nobody in spite of coming out of somebody once relevant.
  •  The woman who won for costumes walked to the stage so slowly anything slower than that and she would be crawling.
  •  Fav thing - Oprah being continuously stunned at NPH's lines. She seemed humorless and or sedated.
  • Ida won foreign film to the joy of my nation. Paweł Pawlikowski is a fucking hero - he was speaking and the orchestra started playing, he just kept talking, the orchestra gave up and he talked some more. This was awesome for a number of reasons but mainly because it is so annoying how someone as famous as McConaughey went on for like 5 mins last year but the unknown people get 30 seconds. Fuck you, an Oscar is an Oscar and everyone should have the same amount of time.
  • Thanks to Agata Trzebuchowska we know that the Ida actresses were actually in the bathroom when the movie won.This stuff is national news, guys.
  • NPH and Steve Carell did a hilarious bit together (-What's your name? - STEVE!!!). Tatum in the background only made it funnier.
  • The performance of the song from Lego Movie was so fucking surreal I legit looked at my drink suspiciously. Also - Lego Oscars.
  •  The stick insect Gwyneth Paltrow appeared looking worse than usual.
  •  Margot Robbie's hotter than fucking sun. I have no more comments, just stating this fact.
  • I love Emma Stone so much
  •  We even share hobbies:
  •  Jesus Leto appears and does this
  • and gives the Oscar to Patrica Arquette who gives the phoniest speech of the season and to my grand disappointment Streep and J.Lo take the bait. Not cool. I don' think I'm ever gonna be able to enjoy True Romance again. The levels of pathetic and boring Arquette reached this season are just awful.
  • also mother of God MEMORIZE. How the fuck do you not remember several lines for Oscars?
  •  IDRIS ELBA shows up with Jessica Chastain to award cinematography to Emmanuel Lubezki. I was basically just barely alive when I saw Elba. So fucking fine.
  •  I loved Carell and Keira being seated so close to each other. "Seeking a Friend...".y'all
  •  Terrence Howard shows up and he is clearly fucked up. He is talking as if he was either climaxing or dying. He keeps talking about how moved he was and in the most awesome plot twist of the night it turns out he is not talking about Selma, but about The Imitation Game
  •  I cannot believe Goldblum was attending and they didn't get him to present, this is Jeff fucking Goldblum are you kidding?!
  •  Common and John Legend sang Glory. Then the crowd gives a standing ovation. While Chris Pine was simply crying David Oleyewo looked like he was about to meet God.
  • Idina Menzel and John Travolta present best original song together. This is so glorious. Such kudos to Travolta for having a sense of humour about his hilarious fuck up from last year. I'm still laughing. 
  • The amount of touching was inappropriate though
  • Glory won for song and when this happened:


  • someone cheered which was fucking hysterical
  • Desplat won for best music, unfortunately for the wrong movie
  • Birdman wins original screenplay
  • The Imitation Game screenplay won in adapted and this happened:
  •  ...
  • ...
  • ...I'm not crying.
  • Moore wins and gives a lovely speech. Not happy about it at all, though. Queen Rosamund is the true winner.
  • Redmayne won. It's so gross. I cannot even talk about it.
  • Inarritu!
  • Sean Penn makes a terrible joke about green card. Why are people surprised? He beat up and rape Madonna and you are outraged he makes an inappropriate joke? Really? Be glad he didn't take off his pants and shit on that stage
  • Birdman won but it's not enough for me not to feel sick about Redmayne and Moore both winning for your usual 'play a sick person, collect awards' shtick when Keaton and Pike gave the performances the quality of which is that of all time great. I'm shocked it managed to win. This movie is way too smart for this bunch
  • Let's wrap it up with my favs of the night:
  • And Oprah appearing to be running away from Lady Gaga

  • 37 comments:

    1. OMG! That closing gif of Oprah is giving me life! You covered every single thing I would have said, I'm probably just going to gloat about #12YearsForShit on my personal post and then link yours. I've been up dealing with vomit all night...I have no time to sit and map out what I want to say.

      Last night was all about the speeches...and even the wins you didn't care for were laced with these incredible speeches...except for Arquette, who can't do anything right.

      Great breakdown. I cried during "stay weird"...like...FUCK!

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      1. Thanks! I cried too, my God that was so emotional

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    2. Nice write up! I thought of you when Ruffalo winked at the camera. lol

      Idris Elba is so hot, and I'm not used to hearing his natural accent because I've been watching The Wire so much lately. That's even hotter.

      I somehow missed Pine and Oyelowo crying after Glory was performed. Wow. The speech Graham Moore gave was incredible. Arquette could've learned something there.



      I wante

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      1. I remember how shocked I was when I watched Luther after the Wire. I was sure he was an American.

        Oleyowo's crying made me laugh the most other for that inappropriate cheer in the middle of Legend's speech :)

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    3. :D:D this is some quality post here! I needed just that!

      Oprah is like a koala bear and that part when she runs away from gaga is gold.

      I watched an interview with Redmayne on Ellen. He mentioned that he is useless way too often. While it might be true he really does look like an attention seeker. And people like that...



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      1. Thank you!

        Haha yeah, she really is!

        He honestly makes Hathaway look laid back about awards.

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    4. Entertaining recap! Lets just say Sean Penn will hopefully never get to present Best Picture again with that kind of remark.
      John Travolta just can't catch a break :) He tries to iron out the error of last year, and makes a new mistake with touching her too much.
      Although it wasn't as awkward as interview with Dakota Johnson and mum Melanie Griffith on the red carpet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VdAUNa-OVg

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      1. I hope so, that was just....awful.

        And there's that creepy pic of him trying to kiss Scarlett too :)

        Jesus, what a freakshow.

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    5. One weird thing I noticed is that Liam Neeson presented early on, but most of the presenters afterwards were really rather young. Like, the show was set up to throw so much attention to everyone who's so hot now (and no Luke Wilson as Hansel!) as opposed to all the other people who make up the SAG.

      A few good lines aside, I was astounded by how unfunny NPH was. The man has the talent, but the writers failed him.

      I didn't have problems with the awards themselves much (much love to Patricia Arquette, particularly for her speech as I still have yet to see Boyhood). But I am quite annoyed that once again Best Actor goes to "that guy who played that handicapped guy." C'mon, already!

      Final note: he might be a good actor, but I despise Sean Penn trying to joke around nearly as much as I despise him when he's all self-serious. Ugh.

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      1. Well Shirley Maclaine and Julie Andrews were there, I felt that the presenters were at least more relevant than they usually are, at least mostly they had something to do with nominated films this year

        I think it's harder to write funny stuff for this type of show - the respectful kind. Gervais, Poehler and Fey are hilarious but they are nowhere near as nice as Harris was or Fry is every year at BAFTA. It's just different styles of doing this thing

        It's really awful seeing how much of Birdman's success lies in Keaton's wonderful performance. Years from now people will look back and wonder how the hell did Academy not award him

        Yep, well said!

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      2. I'd like to think NPH is smart enough to not make a little and unfunny joke two seconds after a woman dedicated her award to her son who committed suicide.

        What kind of smug dumbf--k does that? Who does be think he is, Sean Penn?

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      3. I didn't think it was that bad. Also it was a really ridiculous outfit to wear on a night like this.

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    6. I wasn't too crazy about NPH but I'm glad you mentioned that off-the-cuff exchange with Steve Carrell. I thought that was really funny.

      Loved Arquette's win but I agree, the speech was Fifty shades of BLAH. Reading word-for-word off of a folded piece of paper just didn't feel the slightest bit real.

      Rosamund Pike - yep, pretty stunning!

      I'll say this again (I'm sounding like a broken record) but "Glory" is good when Legend is singing. But the moment Common starts his bit....Arrrggghhhh

      Sean Penn - Bravo Sati! The guy is a sleaze. Tasteless humor from a classless guy. Not a fan at all!

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      1. Carell makes everything funnier :)

        Yeah Common's parts aren't nearly as lovely as Legend's singing

        He's so repulsive, honestly. What the hell does Theron see in him?

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    7. Graham Moore's speech was everything. I adored it. I was really bummed by the lack of Gone Girl references. I mean... it was WIDE open. But no, they had to keep going back to a box of lame "predictions"...?

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      1. The Spencer/Duvall mentions were funny but ultimately it was just so...forgettable.

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    8. Graham Moore, for me, was the winner of the evening. Humble and yet powerful. He truly deserved it, and everybody from The Imitation Game cast standing up like that, I feel like they all love him.. and who wouldn't.. he seems like the nicest guy. Glad he stayed weird!

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      1. I loved the cast standing up, they are really all very lovely people

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    9. I didn't watch it until the end. My old man wasn't happy that Eddie Redmayne won. He wanted Michael Keaton to win though he did laugh at Sean Penn's joke. He's Honduran so any jokes about Mexicans is something he'll laugh at.

      Travolta is just creepy. Don't have him appear at the Oscars ever again unless he's nominated for something (which is bloody unlikely).

      For me, the best dressed are Rosamund, Anna Kendrick, Emma Stone, Scar-Jo, and Margot Robbie w/ honorable mentions for Marion, Julianne, and Felicity Jones. Mark Ruffalo looks cool. BTW, have you seen the trailer for his new film Infinitely Polar Bear or something?

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      1. I haven't seen the trailer yet, I usually binge watch trailers once a month :)

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    10. Great post! I appreciate it even more since I didn't get to watch the awards coverage. Rosamund looks stunning, and I really did want to see NPH in action. But seriously? I thought he'd be ALL OVER the Gone Girl jokes. I mean, talk about having loads of great material handed to you on a silver platter.

      Great news about Ida. I didn't know you lived in Poland.

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      1. Thank you! He played it way too safe....

        Yeah I do, they are showing Pawlikowski's speech non stop :)

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    11. Miss Rosamund was a goddess!! LOVE that she wore the color of blood, as you astutely pointed out on Twitter. She looked positively regal, it’d have been nice to see her on stage :(

      I only liked a few things NPH did last night, overall he was boring. I did laugh at that ‘In Million Ways to die in the west I pooped in a hat’ bit though, ahah.

      WHOA!!! Mark’s seated so close to Idris and right behind Idris is Chris Evans… man how do we get to be a seat filler on these things??! Idris looked so mighty fiiiiiiine, he won Sexiest Man Alive last night, I mean Adam Levine looked like some scraggly 12-yr-old boy, come on!!

      Emma looks soooo cute holding that LEGO Oscar!! I love how chill Norton was all night, and so was Keaton. I sure wish they’d never ever invite Penn again, seriously, I don’t even know why he’s not in jail for what he did to Madonna.

      That last GIF was priceless!! Too funny!! Lady Gaga was sensational though, I had no idea she could sing. I LOVE Sound of Music so seeing Julie Andrews there was a sweet nostalgic moment for me.

      And YAY for Birdman!!

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      1. I liked Norton's attitude too, his moment with Carell was seriously so cute :) NPH did try but I think the writers are too blame :/

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    12. I'm not usually critical of these awards shows, but I was really disappointed with the best actor/actress wins. I felt like they were totally pandering this year. Rosamund acted her tail off in Gone Girl, but it was "Julianne's turn," which ticks me off. I don't know how Eddie won over Micheal Keaton? Seriously, I still can't believe that happened.

      Why were people crying during the Glory song? I missed it. Also, why do they keep inviting Sean Penn to give out or receive awards? I will never forget when the king of weird Mickey Rouke (The Wrestler) was up against Penn for 'Milk.' I remember Rourke talking trash about how Penn was extremely homophobic in his personal life. And yet here Penn was nominated (and winning) an award for playing a gay man. I'm not sure if anyone remembers what Penn said when he accepted the award, but he said something to the effect, "you commie homo-loving sons of guns." Now he says "who gave this guy a green card." I know he's supposedly joking, but part of the issue is his delivery. Penn says it like he means it and he's hoping people don't notice because "he's joking." I think Rourke may be right about Penn. I wouldn't be surprised if we eventually see some sort of Mel Gibson-like video of Penn one day.

      Lastly, on a happy note. I think my jaw dropped when I saw Idris on stage this year. He's just stunning...especially in a tux.

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      1. I remember Penn referring to Rourke as his main man or something when he won instead of him for Milk, I never heard about these comments Penn made but it makes sense, he really appears to be a major asshole :/

        Idris should present at all the ceremonies :)

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    13. So many good lines here, but I'm going with: "Terrence Howard shows up and he is clearly fucked up. He is talking as if he was either climaxing or dying" I had no idea what the Hell was going on there. I thought he was either going to pass the f--k out or just start weeping. Jizzing in his pants never really crossed my mind.

      Jesus Leto. Are there any pictures of him and McConaughey together? That would be a lot of mane.

      I missed Goldblum. Damn it. Though at one point, I was like forty minutes behind and had to zip through some shit to catch up. Some of us can't get by on two hours of sleep (two? TWO? you're a f--king machine!).

      Great post, as always.

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      1. It's just that he really, really, really seemed to liked Imitation Game a whole lot :)

        I didn't see any :(

        I actually ended up being awake on Sun-Mon for 36h :)

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    14. Great recap here! NPH was so flat as a host; the crowd looked visibly bored, awkward and Oprah looked livid every time the camera panned toward her. What a grump. I agree with your comments on Arquette...that's possibly the most overrated performance to date. I can't think of anything in recent past that could trump that pile of shit.

      <333 Emma Stone!! That gif!

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      1. Stone is so adorable, she is like my new Meg Ryan! Oprah was just annoying and looked so irritated, what a diva.

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    15. Great, great breakdown! I am very happy for Birdman, it deserved its awards. Graham Moore gave the best speech of the night by far, loved it so much. I also loved Rosamund's reaction at one point near the beginning of the show, where she was laughing, then got all serious, then started laughing again. Love her.

      By the way, I'm sorry if I haven't been commenting on your site these past few weeks. I just moved houses and the Internet didn't come until a few days ago, so I apologise for that. I'm catching up on reading your posts now though!!

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      1. Thank you! It's all right I had been kinda less active in the blogging world lately myself

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    16. Margot freakin' Robbie man. Jesus. Although Rosamund looked absolutely amazing as well.

      Thought it was a fairly standard show to be honest, no major surprises. Maybe Birdman beating Boyhood. There's been a lot of hate for NPH but I thought he did OK and thought he pushed it as far as he could with the stuffy Academy looking on.

      Great write up!

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      1. Thanks! I thought NPH was brilliant comparing to Macfarlane or Hathaway/Franco combo

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    17. Awesome recap! The Birdman wins were everything, and the Oprah reactions were priceless. Here's hoping we don't have to see Redmayne win again next year!

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      1. I'm still shocked and disgusted he won this year :/

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    18. Excellent recap of this show. I had pretty mixed feelings about it. I LOVED that Birdman won the big prize. But NPH was eh as a host and Redmayne...blech..I can't even rewatch that speech of his. A lot of people thought when he was all gitty, it was cute and charming. But to me, he was like Gollum clutching his Precious. Ugh. I hope he doesn't win again.

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