Friday, September 2, 2016

(251) Gucci NO + links

By Sati. Friday, September 2, 2016
  •  *makes kitten noises*
  • *claws walls*
  • *cries*
  • We started on a high note with Jared's Snapchat where he looks divine. 
  • Now follow me into a rapid dive into a shitter:
  • If you think Suicide Squad is the worst thing Jared has been in this year....you need to see this shit
  • I mean here's Jared looking ill-lit and depressed in the dumbest perfume ad ever. And that ad cost 6 million! 6 million!
  • Who shoots Jared in dim light and shadows? Light the unicorn, you idiots! Tell him to look at the camera! Don't give him a lady blouse to wear! Don't give him anything to wear because what the fuck!
  • Yes, Jared. This is certainly getting me to ask questions. For example:
  • What are you doing with that shoe? 
  • Again - what is up with those eyelashes in the glass? 
  • Why are you channeling a sad gigolo? 
  • Why aren't these girls all over you? 
  • Why is this chick, while being in a bath tub with you naked, choosing to GRAB the perfume bottle of all things? 
  • Why when you are kissing her cheek doesn't she turn her head and shove her tongue into your throat?
  • Why would anyone near you allow you to get dressed and go outside? 
  • Why does God hate you this year?
  • Why can't I be a model in Venice instead of being a depressed lawyer in Poland?
  • ...why?
  • That snapchat video Jared took of himself at the beginning of the post should be the ad. The hair, the beard, all of it. 
  • Still tho....
  •  ...
  • I am such a shallow whore. 
  • No, but seriously, how high were the people over at Gucci? What the hell is this picture?:
  •  or this one?:
  • This looks like a cover art for pretentious synth pop band called "EMOTION" started by a narcissist with two chicks to play guitar and drums. It's fucking awful.
  • I mean isn't the point of getting a famous actor to advertise a product getting people to think they will be like him/her if they purchase that product? All that ad is asking is "do you want to look sullen and do pointless crap and not even bang two anemic chicks that hang out with you?"
  • Not that anyone could be like Jared. The only way to be like Jared is to go back in time, not to the birth or conception, but to the very beginning of motherfucking time when God took that particle that was born out of some insane godly beings orgy and shaped it, throughout all this time, into that angel and unleashed him on us in 1971.
  • A whiff of perfume will not do that.
  • Why the hell couldn't they just let Jared make this ad? When his creative ideas venture to the subject of sex shit is so hot it gets banned!
  • There's an interview about this too. "I like stop signs and libraries and schools.". Good Lord, he sounds like Steve Carell's character in Anchorman.
  • Between this and Suicide Squad boo boo has been in some horrendous shit this year, man
  • Jared did another video chat on his/his band's streaming site (I do not have an account there - in my last shred of sanity I decided it's safer for everyone this way - it's like that horror movie trope where someone is possessed by a demon but manages to regain a hold of their body for just long enough to kill themselves and not kill the others) and he did this. Also when he thought people cannot see him on webcams anymore he proceeded to take the hat and the sunglasses off following up with this--->
  • I don't even have a comment here because my brain just shredded itself.
  • Nanny from the Omen? I feel ya, gurl. I feel each day we are getting closer to me reaching into my chest and taking out my beating heart while yelling "Jared, look at me! I'm over here! Jared, I love you. Look at me, Jared. It's all for you!" during 30 Seconds to Mars concert.
  • Probably. 
  • Yep, livetweeted again. Switchback this time. To my shock that was actually a good movie!
  • Pair my livetweets with the fact that I watched that video of a guy fucking a McChicken...all in all I really think Internet access should be taken away from me.
  • In my defense same can be said about Jared and his Snapchat.
  • No seriously, I truly need Jesus after seeing that McChicken thing.
  • AMEN.
  • Look at that bitch. She is thirstier than I am.
  • Well not really, but still that's a funny video.
  • Here's Jared performing End of All Days on Fallon's show. Turns out when he is performing on talk shows, there is no horn grab. Also he brings in the choir. Makes sense, since there are no feverish fangirls to sing for him.
  • I have some Jared videos for you to watch and remember if you don't hit play something terrible happens. Angel dies, puppy becomes sad, the rest of my brain cells fight to the death....whatever, just hit fucking play.
  • This may be the most adorable/awkward thing I've seen. He is so absolutely terrible at this:
  • Awww:
  • And finally, yet another live version of Save Me so you can all cry before my upcoming Batfleck rant:
  • So on Monday Batfleck thought it would be cool to throw a grenade at the nerdosphere.
  • The blast from it is still making us climax all over the place.
  • I don't really give a shit about Deathstroke (and should probably be mad because there's possibility that this dude is the main villain in Batfleck solo and that means that boo boo got screwed out of yet another movie) but how do you not get turned on watching this?
  • Rumor has it that the armor in the footage Ben tweeted is hiding Joe Magic Chest Mangianello. Us nerds, while quivering, took to twitter to discover Joe is 1. now in London (where they are shooting the majority of Justice League) 2. following Hail Snydra 3. and most disturbingly - following David Ayer. It takes some dedication to WB to follow that one and see the dumb shit he tweets.
  • (Begone Ayer, you incompetent fuck)
  • And Sofia Vergara, Joe's wife, just followed Batfleck.
  • (during my investigation I noticed that even though Batfleck follows Snydra, Snydra doesn't follow Batfleck back. First you put him in a crappy film and now this? What an asshole!)
  • I'm confused about locations - last I've seen Batfleck he was doing shots with Cavill in Miami. Gal Gadot and the rest of JL guys just arrived there few days back. Since Mangianello is in London, did they just leave him with Snyder and Hail Snydra is sending Batfleck footage? 
  • Is Batfleck wasted and tweeting shit instead of attaching it to the e-mail?
  • Here's my epic idea for Batfleck solo.
  • *stands in the shame corner. Again*
  • ...
  • *stands there some more*
  • ...
  • We're good?
  • OK, let's continue.
  • Have you seen recent pics of Cavill?! OH MY GOD!: 
  •  It came from the deep ....... and it can go back.
  • Jayzus. He looks like my car did after I got T-boned in an intersection and my wonk-eyed headlights were smushed together but staring in opposite directions.
  • Westworld trailer is kinda cool but I think HBO marketing dept thinks that ending is cooler than it really is. Yeah, that was not an impactful enough scene to end on. But I'm so glad Evan is back to doing something worthwhile! And maybe we will finally have something good in steampunk subgenre, because man, does that it appear cursed so far. On the left you can see the poster for the show.
  • Yet again there is a mess. There is a movie in the works. There is a role of a transgender person in it. Matt Bomer gets cast. Cue in the backlash
  • Can you give me at least 2 popular, acclaimed transgender actors right now? There's Laverne Cox. Got any more? Matt Bomer is popular, acclaimed and is gonna get people to watch this story. Do transgender people want their stories to be heard? Do they want more representation? Well, then we need to see transgender characters in the things people will actually see and I guarantee you the casting of Bomer means more people will see this than if an unknown transgender person was cast. And the vicious attacks against Bomer and Ruffalo give the transgender people bad name. Couldn't really care less about your plight seeing this mess. And that is on you, not on Hollywood.
  • Another thing - Jeffrey Tambor plays a transgender person on Transparent. Where is the backlash there?
  • And another thing - Bomer has it hard as it is. He is an openly gay actor. Any role he lands is a big deal. Yes, I think because he is gay he is not a bigger star. That's wrong and honestly LGBT community should just be happy for the guy instead of attacking him on twitter.
  • You cannot have it all at once. You need to have the environment for that first. People will be interested in stories about transgender people but first they have to become aware of the issues they have. How else to do that than to make popular movies? 
  • Wanting too much all at once is OscarsSoWhite thing too. Screaming that the Academy is racist when there were maybe 2 or 3 actors who had a shot to get nominated will backfire so hard. You know what is gonna happen? IF a black actor wins an Oscar this year, even if he/she deserves it, people will say he/she only won because of last year's backlash. And if Stone wins with Negga (oh, good luck to presenters saying that one! Please get Travolta to do this!) or Davis the poor girl won't have a chance to enjoy that one, because SJW won't let her.
  • Because it's all Bomer's fault that transgender actors don't get cast. Because it's all Stone's fault if the black actress won't win.
  • If you fight for something and clearly are an idiot you make people roll your eyes not just at you ("Matt Bomer's casting will cause violence towards transgender people!") but at the whole issue you are "fighting" for. 
  • Good God! Jared Leto accepted his Oscar with full beard! THE HORROR!
  • If I were a writer or a director and was planning on doing a story involving transgender person I'd drop it now simply not do deal with the hysterics.
  • In other news, here is the rapist fame whore - does this asshole have an off switch?!
  • You guys, we have a new sighting of  Johnny 9 Digits in the wild!:
  • Apparently Johnny is still getting helped off the boat in Spain. It's hot as fuck in Spain yet he feels the need to wear shirt, hat, necklaces, vest....is he trying to create a shack out of his clothes so he can just put his face under his shirt and inhale booze fumes?
  • Speaking of the fug, it is rampart here
  • I understand very little of this whole Chris Brown mess but the fact this dude threw a bag filled with drugs and guns at the cops is just golden. 
  • Also can anyone explain this to me - how come when he did that, the cops didn't instantly go inside the house? How come he had hours to re-enact Goodfellas
  • You know what I hate? When skinny bitches like this one and Sophie Turner are being called curvy. Curvy is me. Curvy is Christina Hendricks. Curvy is Adele. You've got nothing.
  • Here are the first pictures from Beauty and the Beast. And here's the first look at Dan Stevens in the movie. 
  • Pamela Anderson wants you to stop watching porn because it kills souls. Has she been inhaling Depp shirt fumes?
  • Here's Britney Spears on the cover of Marie Claire. Or shall I say someone whose DNA is the result of splicing Kristen Bell, Britney Spears and some random botoxed Hollywood housewife.  
  • Last I checked was right after embargo for Light Between the Oceans just lifted and it was flopping all over the place. I heard it's rising on RT score but I don't care enough to check. Anyhow, Alicia Vikander and Michael Fassbender are in Venice right now (and this is what she is wearing. She looks like a Bavarian farm girl who is about to milk Fassbender.) and here is what Fassbender said about them dating each other - "Yeah, we met on that job and have been seeing each other since. She’s such a fierce performer. She’s so brave. She’s not afraid to bring ugly personality traits to the forefront in characters. So I was really impressed by her immediately". Those are like, Hiddletits levels of romanticism right there. Ooh "ugly personality traits in the forefront in characters", baby.
  • This bitch complaining about nepotism is like me complaining about insane people having Internet access and a platform to express themselves.
  • All I know about Drake is 1. he is a singer (right?) 2. He played this with Jared over at Ellen's show and I watch this clip A LOT. Apparently he is into Rihanna and everyone is excited. What I am getting from this is that Drake is Jorah Mormont of R'n'B world. He seems like a  nice person. And she was with DiCaprio. It's probably a zoo down there. Run, man.
  • My VMA viewing was strictly of this madness. Didn't see Britney, didn't see Beyonce, don't really care. 
  • Haven't seen Lemonade once, just leave me alone in my liar with my Sisters of Mercy.
  • DiCaprio had dinner with Inarittu. Lord help us, is there gonna be more moaning in the wild?
  • Also he is in trouble.
  • I can picture it now. A panicked Leonardo DiCaprio runs down into the lower deck of the S.S. Snatch Catcher and throws his Oscar at his forever life intern Lukas Haas. “HIDE THIS! They can come for my money, they can come for my panty models, but they can never take my precious!!
  • I'm loving how all of this is actually channeling The Wolf of Wall Street.
  • "Carlos Danger is thinking with his dick and his dick needs a lobotomy."
  • La La Land screened in Venice and it's getting great reviews.
  • Ann Coulter, who I am told is an awful person, participated in The Roast of Rob Lowe and got roasted the most. I'm very much looking forward to that one. I rewatched the one for Franco this week and it is golden. Bill Hader as the president of Hollywood going "I worry about you. I really fucking worry about you. You know when people talk of John Wilkes Booth they go "you know he used to be an actor?" I feel like you're going down the same road. You’re going to start a forest fire that kills 20 people while making an experimental Vine video." is one of the funniest things I've heard in my entire life. Jeff Ross saying "Franco is half Italian and half asleep" and "does Ryan Gosling ever call you, starts laughing and hangs up?" is as well. So psyched Ross will be there for Lowe's too. Anyways, here is some stuff from Lowe's roast:
  • Here's Jeff Ross on Conan show talking about it. It airs on Monday!
  • Speaking of the Gos I finally watched his SNlL gig and this is unreal. Especially the pervy elves one.
  • I also rewatched The Nice Guys which was just as funny as the first time.
  • I saw Sausage Party on Saturday. 
  • You know....this is exactly why God has left us.
  • Like, OK. The movie was very clever. Cera and Hayek were both excellent. But the problem is it was just not very funny. There was shocked laughter (I lost it when that condom showed up) but none 'it's so damn funny laughter. And I hold these guys to higher standard considering they are responsible for the funniest movie since Tropic Thunder.
  • Also that bagel was Edward Norton?!
  • Seriously, people in the cinema laughed more during Suicide Squad than they did during this. Hell, Leto's second billing drew more laughs than the entire Sausage Party.
  • #NeverForget #BurnDownBurbank #SaveBooBoo #BatfleckSmuggleBooOntheSet #NoDeathstrokeYesJoker #Jared4Life #BooBoo4Eva #WhatisaBrain
  • Finally saw The Neon Demon. Honest to God you'll see something else on the corner than you did for weeks now which is Jared perving. I've reviewed that shit! I think I will have the post ready on Monday.
  • Yep, it was that good. It's shocking given that it's from the man who gave us this. I was looking forward to the movie, just not forward enough to go see it in the evening in the cinema when it played here for 2 weeks (you've seen my pile of work, that I am posting this is an superhuman effort, let alone me ever having enough energy to see 120 min movie sans boo boo in it). The film was so hypnotic and engaging, I may actually rewatch it soon. So glad to see Abbey Lee continuing to deliver such a great work. What the hell is going on with that Luckiest Girl Alive adaptation? She would be perfect as lead.
  • Here is my mini Visual Parallels gifset for The Neon Demon and Black Swan  
  • My 27th birthday is 2 days away. Here's me today, still looking relatively good. I imagine on Sunday my face will just melt off or something. I'm celebrating a little today before the party tomorrow (because we cannot - no, we shouldn't - drink on Sunday) and I wonder what movie to watch Gone Girl or Wolf of Wall Street since I wanted to see something out of my favorites. I will follow up with something with Jared in it too. Gonna be a hardcore party weekend because for the rest of September I'm doing a cleanse.
  • But don't worry - in the most shocking news ever RF is actually always written when I'm sober so the cleanse won't affect all this delightful content.
  • So in honor of my birthday, let us celebrate with my favorite thing:
  • All hail.
  • m.brown answers my Sunshine blogger questions
  • Mariah reviews Don't Breathe 
  • epileptic.moondancer didn't like The Shallows
  • Ruth lists her favorite movies of the year so far
  • Brittani finally saw BvS
  • Courtney's awesome website has a brand new look!
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    16 comments:

    1. OMGOMGOMG

      I watched The Nice Guys last night! Finally!!!! Laughed my ASS OFF!!! Movie of the year for me right now, which isn't saying a lot since it's, like, the first non-cartoon I've seen, but OMG!!! LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!

      And stuff.

      ;-)

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      Replies
      1. So glad you loved it! It's fucking hysterical isn't it? I almost lost it completely when Gosling found that body next to a tree :lol:

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    2. I'm just hoping that Chris Brown goes to Chino where he will become someone's bitch and get the ass-kicking he deserves.

      I don't mind skinny women but I like curvier women more.

      What is wrong with porn? I don't think it's a big deal. It's funny considering that the person who is speaking out against it is someone who made her own porno films.

      The stuff said about Ann Coulter is hilarious. I hate that bitch.

      I'm eager for your full review of The Neon Demon as I will see it next month for my horror-month in October. I'm also eager for Westworld. BULLET CLUB MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

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      Replies
      1. I really hope you'll like Neon Demon! I was so pleasantly surprised with it especially after reading those dreadful reviews from Cannes.

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    3. Well, gucci ad had 5 good things 1.Jared 2.Leto 3.Jared Leto 4.Half naked Jared Leto 5.Venice :) And i dont care what is the meaning behind this fashion art. But anyway, who buys perfume bc of the ad or bc of the star of the ad? I have to smell it first, to see if it matches in my skin and if i like it i will buy it.

      Happy Birthday!! I wish you the best and your smile never leaves your face!!! Kisses

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      Replies
      1. I'm sure there are some who will buy it because Jared is i n it :lol: not me....cause that one is for men :D but judging by that ad it probably smells as awful as that ad wasted Jared

        Thank you!

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      2. Actually this ad is for both men and women and i smelled it, it isnt bad. Its my friend's perfume. I dont know about guilty men.. but the woman's perfume is great. I just have another favourite for me. haha!

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      3. Really? I may need to get that one then :)

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    4. Hey thanks for the link Margaret! Happy almost birthday girl, glad you're celebrating already you youngun you! [oh to be 27 again…]

      WOW that Gucci Guilty video is awful, funny that Chris Evans is also another actor in that campaign. Well at least Jared still looks good though.

      "Why can't I be a model in Venice instead of being a depressed lawyer in Poland?" Ahah I ask myself everyday, wish I could be some casting agent or manager in the UK instead of whatever it is I do now.

      Good gracious, Cavill's body is so awful, he can't be more unattractive than after Snyder messed w/ him w/ the crazy fitness regimen, ugh.

      I can't wait for the live-action Beauty and the Beast!! But man we have about a year to wait on that.

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      Replies
      1. Thank you!

        Yes without Jared in it this pretentious bullshit would be unwatchable :)

        I hear Cavill is a big drunk. Then you add steroids and whole body weight gain/loss between Superman movies and it just looks tragic

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    5. Replies
      1. It is! funniest of the year so far!

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    6. happy belated birthday! very much looking forward to your review on neon demon.

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      Replies
      1. Thank you! I hope I will finish it for tomorrow

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    7. Hi Sati! Happy belated birthday! I hope it was a great one! 27 is a good year and still very young. The 30s have been the best years of my life and you're still 3 years away!

      I look forward to your Neon Demon review. I've heard mixed reviews, but I figure it's one of those films you either love or hate. I have a feeling I will really like Neon Demon.

      Ha ha, I would be so afraid to do a roast of myself. I would end up in tears by the end of the night. Idk why people sign up for this!

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      Replies
      1. Thank you! Yeah let's hope I make it to the 30s :)

        It's a very atmospheric movie, not much plot but it's ok given the story. The acting and the execution is top notch

        Yeah kudos to these guys! Lowe was a very good sport about all of this

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