Friday, September 9, 2016

(252) We are about to get those Ford/Leto pictures... + links

By Sati. Friday, September 9, 2016
  • I love this man with entirety of my black heart and dark, dark soul but the only thing I could think of when I saw the second gif was this:
  • To give you a bit of a perspective on how drunk I was on Saturday (well, actually it was Sunday) after getting home from celebrating my birthday and then celebrating some more? At around 4 AM I was like hey, I haven't seen Requiem for a Dream in a long time! Let's watch it!
  • I actually did watch most of it but when a moment came when Leto's character started pimping out his girlfriend for drugs I noped the fuck out of there and opted for Lord of War instead which I also had to nope out of before the end when they, you know, shoot his character to death.
  • Seriously Jared, how about a romantic comedy every once in a while? We, your fans would be much more sane if you gave us a role like that. Or you know, just say hey girl during one of those Snapchat videos of yours. Or hold a flower. Hug a puppy. Blow us a kiss.
  • Maybe sane is not the word...
  • (He actually did go to some thing in Malibu with his friends and his friends' children on Sunday and rode a rollercoaster so that was super cute and he snapchated so much of it and the fans are so grateful for it. We're never in danger of not having something new to swoon over.)
  • I'm so excited I may vomit.
  • He snapchats everything every single day!
  • I'm not taking any of this well
  • Germany was probably where he was changing flights because:
  • YAAS BUDAPEST
  • Denis Villeneuve revealed he hasn't shot any scenes with Harrison yet....WE ARE SO CLOSE TO BOTH OF THEM TOGETHER!!!
  • I live in fear they will make him shave that beard. But if they don't can he still be a replicant? Harrison has a gigantic beard now too. It's beard heaven. Goddamn, I'm gonna die during this
  • DO NOT DO A FACE TATTOO!!!. Also the audacity. First he wrecks them for all other men, then he uses their make up.
  • Jared's next role, in The Outsider, is actually a prisoner of war who then goes on to fight Yakuza. 
  • So again, cheery as fuck.
  • But when he looks like this what do I care? ---->
  • There's so much room under that blouse. 
  • One could fit under it with him....
  • I'll stop now. 
  • Will there be prison cell scenes with him doing push ups shirtless?
  • Will he have a gun? Or like a fucking katana or something? Oh my God. I wanna see boo kill people while looking this intense. And imagine how intense he is gonna be when he loses that juvenile, several sizes too big Gucci crap he is unnecessarily wearing.
  • (I can't stop, evidently.)
  • Before I dove into the horrific of Requiem I watched Sunset Strip which may as well have had no plot and probably didn't because I was there for the obvious:
  •  To quote Nikki Glaser (I'll talk about Lowe's Roast in a moment) - he is so fucking hot I can barely take it.
  • He was in it for like 10 minutes but goddamn was that 10 minutes well boobootilized (yes, I made a word out of boo boo and utilized). He was either shirtless or sitting on a horse, wearing a cowboy hat, begging a woman to make out with him and then banging her up against the wall while moaning (which he is excellent in, by the way).
  • At one point he said "I may not be a big man...but I'll make it worth your while" and while shirtless he started making out with this girl.
  • I think in that moment I did leave this Earthly realm for a second.
  • What a great birthday movie choice.
  • Apparently, I live-tweeted some of it.
  • That I forgot/never registered I did that was sponsored by gin and tonic. Don't drink it, it's awful.
  • What did I get? Well, more booze, earrings, the cute box for my stuff (my earrings and make up are everywhere in my house, it's madness) etc.I was apparently going to get something with The Joker but my friend accurately predicted it would give me PTSD and just got me a dragonfly mug (I like dragonflies) instead. I also got so many birthday wishes via text and on multiple boards and social media platforms so thank you!
  • On the evening of my actual birthday and while sober...ing up I saw Florence Foster Jenkins and Love & Friendship which were both good but not great.
  • The first one - Hugh Grant easily stole the show there. Simon Helberg is getting lots of love for his performance and I do adore him in The Big Bang Theory and his Nic Cage impressions are amazing but I didn't exactly buy what he was selling here. His character was so awkward around men I kept waiting for the reveal that he was gay. He was also so delicate and naive in some scenes but in other scenes not so much, so the characterization was all over the place. Still, it was nice to see him in a big, potentially Oscar buzzed movie since he is a very funny guy and I hope he has a good career. Streep was good as usual but it was really Grant's show who finally had more to do than he did in most of his roles. His character was absolutely wonderful too and already entered my favorite movie husbands hall of fame.
  • Love and Friendship was better than FFJ in that it was funnier (Florence made me shed a tear during the Carnagie Hall scene) and I was looking for a comedy. The whole movie had a very witty script but Tom Bennett in the role of idiotic wealthy Lord won the movie - he was so funny! I was shocked this guy didn't star in anything well known so far, I was sure he was in some famous British comedy or TV series before. Kate Beckinsale was decent but her performance and looks (so plastic!) are both overrated. If anything I thought the ensemble, together, was outstanding.
  • Shia LaBeouf was almost in Suicide Squad (in Scott Eastwood's role). I know lots of people are like "he would team up with Jared" but I think boo boo would be scared of this dude. Boo may be a whore and an eccentric but he is not violent, out of control drunk. He sends condoms, not throws them at people. Also Hardy was supposed to be to be in Squad at some point. Between Shia and Hardy beating up on each other (Lawless set, anyone?) Jared would be the studio's dreamy gentle flower to work with.
  • Can this sow (no offense to pigs) just go away? I'm so thankful she didn't sit next to boo boo. The thought of that being in the proximity of the divine is chilling and disgusting. Also you gotta love how the guy she was talking about only said this. He probably has no idea who she is and wants nothing to do with her attention seeking antics.
  • This is how badly Sony doesn't want to have to hire Hiddletits for Bond gig.
  • Jesus Christ, Craig must be laughing his ass off. Daniel take that money. Turning down $100 mil is having big balls. Turning down $150 mil is fucking mad.
  • Get that money and crush Hiddelston's dreams. Make him realize he stunt bearded with Taylor for nothing. Or don't take that money and by god let Idris Elba get the role and have the most GQ mother fucker alive take the role and demolish it with his fine ass. Anyone else as Bond in this moment would be such a colossal waste of Idris Elba's fine ass looks and voice made to be Bond.
  • So first he poses in that I love TS shirt like a whore and now he bitches about feeling like a whore? There is literally no way to spin this mess in his favor. Hiddleston, no matter what he does will just come out of it as a lame famewhore who couldn't even pull off publicity stunt and it backfired hilariously. I mean it's embarrassing to do publicity stunts to begin with but when they go wrong? He is like a child who wanted to impress fellow classmates with his breakdance skills and in the middle of them he fell on his ass, broke his tail bone, started crying and then when he was being carried off by paramedics, his pants fell off and it turned out that he has a small dick..
  • He can always say or pretend he is gay or something. And that this was his desperate attempt to hide it. I even have the perfect guy for him - Bloom. He has zero shame too. 
  • Between no balls and tiny dick (Yes, Brit, it is tiny!), it's like it's written in the stars, you guys!
  • Then this happened.
  • “She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship. Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn’t listen to her concerns when she brought them up. [Tom is] embarrassed that the relationship fizzled out."
  • If Johnny Depp has the best PR team in the world, Hiddles has the worst one. He is coming off as a fame whore even in a press release about the relationship that made him into fame whore in the first place!
  • The frightened cats are alone with her again. Where is Peta when you need them?
  • Good God, man. This is so much worse than that time Kaley Cuoco and Henry it came from the deep and it can go back Cavill pretended to date by going out for grocery shopping ONCE. Three months Hiddleswift lasted and nothing came out of it then further alienating the public and delivering fizzling out instead of a spectacular blow out. Couldn't they pretend to beat each other up? Since it's clear Tay has the upper-hand here couldn't she like smack him, publicly? At least that would be exciting. Say what you want about Lindsey Lohan but at least she puts some energy in her fame whoring.
  • Here is his PR team trying to spin different, more Bond-friendly story 
  • And here's Idris and Chris Hemsworth trolling this bitch.
  • Because the one thing missing from the whole Johnny Nine Digits saga was Marilyn Manson's endorsement.
  • That article on Celebitchy is a mess, tho. Manson is not saying Heard crucified Johnny Lost My Mind on Ibiza Depp. He is just saying the media did.  
  • The Roast of Rob Lowe was fantastic. While none of it was as funny as Ross and Hader during Franco's it made me laugh so much and I actually watched it twice already. Rob was a fantastic sport and his closing rebuttal was hysterical. I also liked that he was so polite to Ann Coulter - yeah she deserved all those jokes at her expense but Rob laughed politely at her jokes (I actually didn't think she was that bad and it was clear she was nervous as fuck, she was stammering so bad) and was very encouraging. I loved Spade as the master of ceremony and lost it when Spade said "look how hot he is...there is no dry pussy in this place!". They really went hard after some stuff - Spade made a quip about Charlie Sheen having AIDS and few people made jokes about the fact Pete Davidson's dad (firefighter) died in 9/11. Jimmy Carr delivered the most outrageous one - "I'm appalled that people would come here and make fun of the sacrifice Pete's dad made on 9/11. This is not the Roast of Pete Davidson's father. That happened in 2001". I also had no idea Lowe, back when he was very young, made a sex tape with sixteen year old girl. LOTS of jokes about that too. Here are some of the best:
  • Rob has been clean and sober for 26 years. To put it in perspective if sobriety was a baby he would have fucked it 10 years ago - David Spade
  •  People call Rob a bad actor but it's only because they never saw him tell his wife he didn't fuck that nanny - Pete Davidson
  •  Rob in both of your sex tapes you appeared with two other people. Good God, man, you can't even carry a sex tape - Rob Riggle
  • Rob you're so fucking hot I can barely take it. Rob truly defies age....restrictions. Look at you, you're a fucking Adonis. You're like sculpted...you put the "statue" in "statutory rape" - Nikki Glaser>
  • Jeff Ross was dressed as Prince and remarked "I'm dressed like Prince to roast a queen!". He was the funniest - "Rob it's not easy for actresses in their 50s but you keep swinging baby.", "When Comedy Central called me and asked me if I participate in your roast I said "I'm with her!", "Prince is gone but not forgotten...as opposed to Rob Lowe who is forgotten but not gone".
  • Just so fucking funny!
  • ManJello is Deathstroke
  • God is real!
  • I really hope Villeneuve won't say that shit about the lighter to boo boo. Jesus, the set would burn down because you know he would probably take it literally.
  • Here's JDM talking erotically of Lucille.
  • Leo is still out in the open and not hiding from feds
  • Kanye's fashion show was a hysterical mess 
  • Here's trailer for Gold with McConaughey. Looks pretty good! 
  • So Suicide Squad is not the worst thing Will Smith did this year...
  • Mel Gibson hates BvS. Also his newest movie got a roaring 10 minute long standing ovation in Venice.
  • Here are the pictures from London premiere of Bridget Jones' Baby which apparently doesn't suck. 
  • Gustav's surgery was on Wednesday and it went well. His trachea is now completely fine but he needs to take medication for the next 30 days. He is also seriously pissed off at us - yesterday when we got him he was too high to care so he ignored us in the car, but today he is seriously mad and throwing dirty looks all the time. But he is healthy and can breathe normally now so it's all good!
  • Alex features Ed Harris in his In Character series
  • Brittani killed boo boo in that game. It's an outrage. 
  • Stephanie lists her favorite book adaptations
  • Fisti gives his awards for 2000. The real story here, though is the amount of comments he gets. I bare my fucked up brain every week and you cannot move your ass to drop 'shall we call for help?". Dudes, come on.
  • Ruth shares Five for Fifth for this month 
  • Kevin and Dan feature awesome Rules of Attraction in their picks for College movies
  • m.brown reviews the pretentious misfire that is The Lobster
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    25 comments:

    1. Hiddles.... boy did he lose a lot of his dignity in being with that succubus. He's going to have to work overtime to win us over again.

      I'm really disgusted by Lena Dunham as I'm now even more disturbed about that story that she molested her own sister.

      Yeah, I saw that trailer for that new Will Smith movie. Ugh..... it looks awful.

      If you're looking for endorsements to help you, maybe getting a has-been shock-rock junkie isn't the best one to get even if you're innocent.

      Amy Schumer's book flopped!!!! YAY!!!!! I'm sick of bitches using feminism as a marketing tool.

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      1. Dunham is just a piece of shit. Literally.

        I am delighted about things going terribly for Schumer lately :P

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    2. LOL are you link shaming me?

      Those Hiddleswift posters are hilarious, omg please don't let him be Bond. Take that $150M Craig, it's worth it. I'd do worse things for that much money.

      I need to see this roast. I absolutely can't stand Ann Coulter so those jokes would make me happy. Pete Davidson is always hilarious at these things.

      I forgot Hardy was supposed to be in Suicide Squad. He dodged a bullet. Now being stuck in the wilderness with Inarritu is worth it.

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      1. I also call you out when talking about Bloom with your 'big dick' delusion there :lol:

        I'd do worse for much less lol!

        Watch it, it's so funny!

        Hardy and Leto both being ridiculously wasted in Squad would probably give me an aneurysm

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    3. I am so glad Gustav's surgery went well and he's on the mend. <3

      "Boo may be a whore and an eccentric but he is not violent, out of control drunk. He sends condoms, not throws them at people." Too funny! The fact that stuff like this is on the internet makes me ridiculously happy.

      Thanks for the link!

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      1. Thank you! Gustav is a brave little patient :)

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    4. As usual, entertaining read sati :) I have a bit of a man-crush on Leto myself, ever since Requiem. Cheery as fuck, haha!

      Oh and good to hear you dug Love and Friendship. I also thought that the script was sharp as hell, and that guy playing the buffoon was great. But Beckinsale, man, I'm one who thought she did great. Not award-worthy or anything, but funny and convincing. The costumes looked great too

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      1. Beckinsale was very good but I find all that Oscar buzz for her to be way more than she deserves for her work there

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    5. I would call for help for you as requested, but I'm starting to need it myself! I kid you not, I went to bed last night thinking of the glorious fact that today is Friday, and I dream about getting chased by Jared's Joker. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME SATI. And where's that gif this week?
      - Allie

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      1. Oooh did he catch you?:D

        We all need a bit of rest from Jaredconda :P Or we will go blind...

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    6. "It's beard heaven." It's funny...cause in my version of heaven...everyone is shaved. Hmm.

      I promised my wife Florence Foster Jenkins and delivered Don't Breathe. I'm an awful husband...but a better movie-chooser...uh, guy. I'll still see FFJ because I love Hugh Grant. If only he had played the Blind Man in Don't Breathe...

      "He is like a child who wanted to impress fellow classmates with his breakdance skills and in the middle of them he fell on his ass, broke his tail bone, started crying and then when he was being carried off by paramedics, his pants fell off and it turned out that he has a small dick.." Man...this is is a rough series of events. And f--king hysterical. I'll make sure to read this aloud when we study analogies later this year. (and then I'll look for a new job)

      I have to check out that roast of Rob Lowe, even though that stuff about PD's dad seems waaaaay harsh. Damn.

      Thanks for the link, Sati. And love to your pup, too!

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      1. Yeah those 9/11 jokes completely shocked me but they did make me laugh, it would be worse if the jokes were terrible at least that gave me facepalm and a laugh all at the same time :D

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    7. First...I wouldn't be too jealous of my comments...I really only generate any interest when I post about recent movie years. My music posts or awards from older years are far less generous.

      Also...see my email.

      I watched Love & Friendship TOO! I loved it, especially Bennett, who was HILARIOUS, but I really dug Beckinsale, too. She felt like the period piece answer to Charlize Theron in Young Adult. Her line delivery was delicious.

      "I'd never talk to a stranger like that."

      CRYING!

      Daniel Craig IS James Bond. He really should NEVER give up the gig. I want a film in 20 years of an aged James Bond coming out of hiding and kicking everyone's ass, and I expect Craig to be in the role.

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      1. You need to get back on twitter, I really don't check my e-mails and even when I do I totally forget responding to them :)

        Eh, beckinsale wasn't even near the same league as Theron for me. She was funny buy she ruined her face to Kidman levels and looked too modern to be in the movie

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    8. Thank you for the link! Sorry I've been absent for a bit - life and such. Loving your posts as always. The Lowe roast was great, that Spade joke you highlighted was so so good. And I loved Mel Gibson's comments about BvS and big movies like that in general. Dude has no filter.

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      1. Gibson is also so right about that budget thing, WB spends ridiculous amount of money on these flicks and then they just fuck them up in post-production

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    9. Thanks for the link to FFTF, LOVE your answers too!

      Can't wait to see the Ford/Leto pics from BR2!! Crazy how Leto hasn't aged at all over the years, he could still practically play a college student!

      I've been fangirling all day as well as FREE FIRE trailer is out… my dahling Sam didn't even get a mention in the trailer, but no matter, some ppl are saying he stole scenes in the movie, well of course he would!! :D

      Tom Bennett is soooo funny in L&F, he's such a hoot! Y'know I really like Kate in it, it's such a different performance from a bunch of her subpar roles, but I think it's the script that's really made her shine.

      I got my review of Florence Foster Jenkins done for next week, it was good not great, and Grant was excellent.

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      1. I really hope Jared takes a photo with Harrison, so far he is just photographing the city, but I think since it's weekend he hasn't shot any scenes yet

        It's crazy that Bennett hasn't been in any high profile comedies till now, the guy totally stole the movie!

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    10. Can't wait for Blade Runner sequel! The cast is shaping up pretty well-Ford, Gosling, Wright, Leto. I'm excited for Mackenzie Davis as well, but I'm not so sure about that Knock-Knock actress. Still, I trust Denis.

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      1. Ana de Amas was just awful in Knock Knock, haven't seen her in anything else but damn that was the performance in 2015 imho

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    11. will you do a cinematic parallels for the neon demon with suspiria or black swan?

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    12. Finally, the whole Hiddleswift shit is done, but never forgotten though. He has ruined his career big time, and he isn't that good of an actor to pull himself out of this shit.

      I heard Bridget Jones was funny and better than some people expected so I'm definitely going to see it at some point.

      Also, since I've been so absent from the Internet for two weeks, I'm glad that your Friday posts sum up the weeks so well. Like, all the important stuff, right here, each week, that's so great!

      PS: Glad to hear that Gustav is doing well!!

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      1. I think I will see Bridget on Monday, really looking forward to it!

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