Friday, November 20, 2015

(210) Fermez ton bouche, son + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, November 20, 2015
  • I wish I were a dog stranded in Tom Hardy's house.
  • Oh man:
  • Here's the entire video
  • Gustav is also a killer. Should we not accessorize? :(
  •  So Tom is actually building a pub in his garden for his friends to hang out. Read that sentence again. And then just sigh loudly as hearts appear in your eyes.
  • Here is the adorable picture of Tom and his wife taking their baby for a walk. The sex of the baby is still a mystery but apparently there was a blue blanket in the stroller!
  • Tom is currently shooting season 3 of Peaky Blinders and I really hope he has lots of scenes because he was wasted in season 2.
  • That image is here to make you go 'awwww', because here we go, this week we have a long line of atrocities to talk about.
  • Ah, JLaw. There was this Vogue interview with Lawrence and I took a peak in it and she talked about her hymen. I got away as fast as I could from that site. I also saw some other article about her where the journalist praised her as "intelligent". No wonder  children these days are this stupid and vulgar - this is someone the media is considering to be intelligent. During that Actress roundtable she went "What is Hamlet?". I mean...really?
  • Protect the youth, for God's sakes.
  • Can anyone tell me if people responsible for Rotten Tomatoes actually check what sites they are linking to? I know there is this threshold of visits per month a site must get in order be listed there and it's a shocker most of the sites they link to crossed it - I was going through Secrets in their Eyes reviews and out of 8 reviews I've checked out only one could be classified as something barely longer than a snippet. Worse yet, some of these were written in a language so atrocious I could barely call it English. What the hell?
  • Hey speaking of Secrets in their Eyes - can anyone tell me what was the point of making this remake? The studio could at least make a decent campaign for Roberts for that dumpster scene alone. And there is nothing plus the marketing was atrocious. God knows she could get nominated even just for that, Jane Fonda is in the awards conversation and she was in Youth for 4 minutes. Granted those were the most interesting 4 minutes in this film but that really isn't saying much.
  • They are remaking Memento. Yep. 15 years seems to be a crossing line. God don't let me see the day they do this to Black Swan.
  • Metrosexual idol of the many, many women, Ryan Gosling is gonna be in the sequel to Blade Runner. Well, I suppose it could be worse.
  • Behold, Emily Blunt and Jessica Chastain selling their souls for scrap meat. Charlize Theron is getting 7-8 mln dollars for this movie, which I still think is way too little - what did Cruise make for each Mission Impossible? 50 million? - but these suckers are doing this for 1-2 mln dollars. That's just pathetic.
  • Blunt at least doesn't feel horribly miscast. Ah, Jessica. It's so hard to like you when you are this desperate. This is a woman who is miscast in every other movie she makes. But this time? It feels like Chastain., who is nearing 40, started jumping around and acting like a 5 year old upon seeing a tweet from some random person telling her she should play Merida. Remember that Annie Lebovitz picture with Chastain in the role? I don't know if tweet thing happened, but I tell you what - I'm 99,9% sure. JFC there is even the blue fire like in Brave in that gif of Chastain:
  •  Gods bless Charlize, though. She seems to be having a blast and she looks fantastic:
  • You know all those people feel bad for actors involved with Marvel, stuck in a franchise, playing the same character over and over again. But Marvel films, other than the story structure, are at least somewhat different when it comes to their visual style. They are light and charming .But this fairytale recycle crap?
  • This is the same fucking visual effects/color template they've been recycling for YEARS now. It feels charmless. It's ugliness and derivativeness drags everything down. Have some shame if you are gonna recycle all those classics and then make a sequel to them. At least have some creativity, create something new, not fucking teal shades everywhere and monsters who are only scary because of how ridiculously fake looking they are.
  • They seem to be doing a bit better with second Alice and this as those trailers had some visually nice moments, but goddammit...this is still repulsive.
  • Look if Disney/Universal/other studios doing that dealt with some sort of cash grabbing entertainment for adults - I don't know, showed naked Hardy in every movie they made - take my money. But this is children you are using, stuffing that uninspired crap in front of them. How are their imagination supposed to be developing when every single movie you put out there is the same?
  • Also have they ripped off GoT with banging in the cave scene? 
  • So....Oscar talk. The Martian, is apparently comedy according to HFPA, and Rooney Mara and Alicia Vikander's roles, in Carol and the Danish Girl respectively are lead roles. Well this is...all bad. The Martian is even less of a comedy than Birdman. I mean this is just not fucking fair - for years now they have been putting dramas with just a tiny bit of comedy  in them into Best Comedy category and they are snubbing actual real comedies. And this means Spy will get snubbed so I'm gonna be furious, As for Vikander and Mara I don't give a damn about this being a category fraud - put them in fucking supporting so that the rightful winner Furiosa has at least the chance of getting nominated.
  • So to sum up - JLaw - role model, The Martian - comedy, teal everywhere and cheap uninspired CGI - good.
  • We are doomed.
  • OK time for the good news!
  • Scream Queens! You know I've never seen a single episode of Glee so before this show I had absolutely no idea who Lea Michele is but I have to say I am very impressed with her acting. She was especially phenomenal in this last episode in her creepy scene with Chad. The entire episode was just epic and those Japanese ghost stories actually creeped me out a little bit. And how about #5's sparkly furry coat? That was just fabulous. And Emma in that pink bow dress pushing Chanel #6 off the stairs was just downright epic. I think either #5 - who escaped the Red Devil 3 times now even though he could easily killed her - or #6 which is just so creepy - is the other killer. 4 episodes left and they include Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Christmas episodes! So much fun!
  • So I'm really psyched for Krampus otherwise known as that movie which trailer was played before Crimson Peak and confused the shit out of me. There are new TV spots out and they look so awesome. The gingerbread guy thing is just amazing and Berta from Two and Half Men is kicking ass as expected. Also I've recently discovered the Comic Con display for the film and it's so brilliant. Look closely and notice the gingerbread guys. I'm really hoping we are finally gonna have 1. a brilliant horror film, which would raise the tally to 3 this year (along with It Follows and Bone Tomahawk) 2. a new Christmas classic, cause we didn't have any of those since 2003's Love Actually. 
  •  I finally got to see the new episode of Fargo and it was amazing. I think this current season is even better than the previous one. And seriously, Nick Offerman. He shouldn't just be in all movies and TV series, he should be like, our leader. He is just so awesome. That scene were he strolled back into precinct after seeing those armed guys absolutely killed me. And man was that a tense episode, I was so scared they'll kill him!
  • I didn't even know this was something to look forward to but there is a new comedy with Melissa McCarthy on the horizon! It's called The Boss and the first trailer is very funny.
  • m.brown reviews Once which I assume is soul crushing
  • Mark, just like I did, hated the atrocity known as Knock Knock 
  • and MettelRay liked The Final Girls much more than I did
  • VanishedFrontier reviews very charming Man from UNCLE
  • Brittani praises Carey Mulligan's performance in Suffragette 
  • Alex shares 59 things he loves about Quentin Tarantino's magnificent Jackie Brown


    1. Thanks for the linkage Sati. So glad to hear I wasn't the only one offended by Knock Knock. I mean, WTF, right?

      As for a Memento remake... Please, man. Really?

      1. You're welcome! That thing is currently my choice for the worst movie of the year

    2. The Martian a comedy? You got to be kidding? Really? I'm sorry, I can't get past that.. how and why? I'm confused.

      And I need to catch up with Scream Queens but I think I'll wait until I can marathon all the rest of the episodes around Christmas.. that sounds like a great plan!

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I know, it's so fucked up. There are light moments in it but comedy? :/

        I couldn't be this patient, it's literally the only show I cannot wait for every week

    3. I love how many gifs of Tom Hardy holding different dogs are on the internet.

      You know, I'm not even mad that The Martian was submitted as a comedy. If HFPA didn't make weird calls like that, absolute shit would be getting nominated because there would be nothing left since they rarely nominate indie comedies or musicals. *cough* Begin Again* And The Martian was a least very funny, the book even more so. I wasn't upset when Wolf of Wall Street was a comedy either.

      I haven't seen Carol or the Danish Girl so I have no idea wtf they're trying to do with lead vs supporting for Mara and Vikander.

      That Huntsman movie looks terrible and you bring up a great point about Disney franchises all looking the same . This is just screaming "all these people wanted to be in LOTR, but couldn't" to me.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. There are whole pages dedicated to these pictures :)

        I thought Wolf was more of a comedy - parts of that, big parts were downright hysterical and the whole film had so much humour. At no point The Martian came close to being this funny or absurd which makes it more of a drama for me

        I think the only decent live action fairytale we had so far in the last few years was Cinderella

    4. Tom Hardy and dogs.... how can you not love that? Oh, and I like him in those baggy pants.

      I'm sick of J-Law. She's taking away all of the attention of better actors like my Jena aka the BO$$ and Scar-Jo 3:16 bitches!!!!

      Remake of Memento.... FUCK YOU HOLLYWOOD!!!

      1. I just don't know why would anyone think remaking Memento is a good idea

    5. It makes no sense to me that The Martian is being considered a comedy.
      The Huntsmen is not one of Disney''s all Universal. But that is a sequel that seriously did not need to happen. It looks terrible and I love Emily Blunt, but she is not enough to get me to see it. You are right about the Disney color palette, Cinderella was probably the most colorful live action they've released in a while.
      Jennifer Lawrence did not know what Hamlet was? I weep.
      Ryan Gosling in the sequel to Blade Runner. I was born without the gene that finds Gosling and his acting appealing.

      1. Shit you are right, fixed it :)

        I don't have an issue with Gosling's acting but he does absolutely nothing for me :)

    6. I'm glad you're liking Fargo! I'm really loving it too, I think it's better than the first season. Do you watch The Leftovers?

      I don't understand The Martian placement as a comedy… probably so that their awards chances are boosted. I hope the critics rally for Mad Max, it really deserves to be in the Oscar competition.

      Did you hear the praise for The Revenant? Wow, some serious acclaim right there. Hopefully audiences aren't disappointed!

      Also, the GoT teaser poster for Season 6 is SO disappointing!! I mean... I expected something better, especially after how many times D&D messed up in Season 5.

      1. I was planning on watching The Leftovers but I have so much stuff to watch I'm not sure I'll get around to it

        I did, some great things said about Leo and Tom! Only thing is that it is gory so hopefully the Academy is not gonna act like a bunch of pussies about this

        I just can't with that dumb poster.

    7. I love Tom Hardy and his love for dogs. That guy is such a gem.

      I have zero interest in that Secrets in their Eyes remake. The original is pretty much perfect. Thanks so much for the link!!

      1. Hardy's love for dogs is almost as awesome as his talent, though it does seem Leo is walking away with most of the love from those Revenant screenings

    8. Thanks for the link, Sati!

      They should have made an Evil Queen movie instead of an Huntsman one. Everybody knows that Charlize Theron was the real star of the first one (she was amazing and beautiful, not like the movie). Emily Blunt looks cool at least, Jessica Chastain not so much (I have nothing against her, I actually like her but I understand nothing to her weird career choices).

      I thought the Memento remake was a joke at first, but no.That's quite depressing. That's soon and there is no reason to touch that movie. It's perfect as it is.

      1. You're very welcome!

        Oh totally. And Chastain really needs to be more selective when it comes to her projects.

        I fear we are gonna see much more of recent movies getting pointless remakes :/

    9. I'm skipping Krampus and Secrets in Their Eyes for now, but I'll probably check them out later. Particularly interested in Krampus.

      Is it bad that I'm kind of intrigued by the Memento remake, even if I'm also appalled?

      Oh, I rewatched Spy and liked it even more on a second look. Rose Byrne is probably my choice for Best Supporting Actress now, but Rebecca Ferguson is close. And I still haven't seen Cotillard, who could win for Macbeth.

      1. Byrne is very high up in my supporting actress line up. She is absolutely brilliant in the movie - it's such an outrageous character with the outfits and her accent but she makes her so awesome to watch