Friday, June 17, 2016

(240) Swift and painful + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, June 17, 2016
  • I liked four things in the recent episode. The above scene. Jaime/Brienne wave. Sandor's lines.And some of the cinematography.
  • It was the worst episode of the show by far. It made Mother's Mercy look...well, MM's is still awful but at least it wasn't this much of 'fuck you' to people. I don't consider Martin to be that good of a writer. But he is so much better than people handling this adaptation. Seeing what they come up with when you know the alternative from the books which is so much better is just...disappointing. 
  • Another thing is that look at that gifset above. It's such a 'yeah!' moment. But it makes no fucking sense. Jaqen is cool with Arya leaving and right before the awesome lines she says he tells her she is no one. What? But the music, the acting and execution is so good in scenes like that you ignore bad writing. It's maddening.
  • Meereen - nope. KL and Tommen's dumb decision. Name dropping Catelyn hundred times just for Dondarrion to show up again and Sandor piss in the very river they take her out of in the books. Jaime rambling about loving Cersei. Edmure betraying his kin for...what? Blackfish dying off screen. Brienne wanting to give up Oathkeeper which is 1. Stark sword at its core 2. Valyrian steel and WW are coming and she was just in the North 3. she also promised to keep Arya safe and she accomplished shit. Sending Brienne to Riverrun where she accomplishes nothing and now without LSH in the area her being there is pointless. Arya, jumping off rooftops with holes in her stomach, getting another innocent and good person killed and then after being no one not for a second in the show going back to Westeros, after 2 seasons of zero plot development with Jaqen being cool with it all.
  • WHAT.
  • My favorite reviewer thought it sucked too.
  • Also remember when the shocking moments were affecting? When we lost people we cared about? Did anyone actually think Arya would die from that stabbing? Oh and just wait for the big arrows moment this Sunday! 
  • There is a light of hope for Dany's storyline in that she probably teams up with Yara and Yara is fucking badass. If they have a good moment there that promisises some aweomse partnership ofYara and Dany I *may* write a recap. Yara has been underused for a long time and for me her, Arya and Lyanna M. are the only strong women left in the series. But Dany can rise to the occasion if paired up with the right character.
  • Here's what the sad state the story lines are in atm. And when I say sad I actually mean retarded (spoilers):
    1. North: After the resurrection the only thing that is different is that Jon has no balls. He needs to be talked into action by Lady Bolton. That's how bad it is. After bringing him back Melisandre is not even in most of the scenes. The North doesn't give a shit about anything. They're like nihilists from The Big Lebowski. And since there will be 7 episodes between ToJ fight and the reveal the momentum is lost.
    2. Littlefinger: poor idiot who was just this dumb about Ramsay. Gonna steal the victory from Jon and then pet his man bun after he tells him who his mommy and daddy are. It's OK, Jon. You're a cobra too.
    3. KL: Tommen bans the trial by combat even though it's clear Cersei will lose any other trial than trial by combat, which will mean Tommen is a bastard born out of incest. The build up for wildfire is Qyburn's cryptic line a lot of people didn't get (I actually saw some people think Qyburn is talking about Gendry). Are D&D prejudiced about water or something? Catelyn dropped in the river - not back. Gendry rowing - not back). I mean we have Cersei swearing vengeance for Myrcella (nothing happened). Cersei asking Qyburn to find out what is being said all over the realm about her (nothing happened). Cersei sending Jaime away for reasons (nothing happened). And now one line and some flashes from Bran's vision pass for a set up?
    4. Olenna and Varys: (probably) forced to team up with Dorne because the writers pray to Gods the amount of sass from these two will conceal Bad pussies' awfulness. It won't.
    5. Meereen: Tyrion being portrayed as completely inept. Not one but two drinking game scenes. Freeing dragons, amounting to nothing. Striking deal with slavers amounting to siege, apparently? Daenerys ex balcony.
    6. Introducing Paddington looking fuck for two scenes in the show. Even though Yara and Theon would be enough if they want Dany to magically obtain some ships.
    7. Benjen showing up for one scene, after no build up, with his "stabbed twice, so dope" story. Bran randomly molesting a tree and having visions. Max Von Sydow in 10 minutes of scenes.
    8. D&D developing a boner so fucking hard for Sandor it could compete with any Cleganebowl's fan. Sandor is so dope. Sandor gets to share scenes with Ian McShane. Sandor gets awesome lines. Sandor gets to kill people with his axe for VENGEANCE. Sandor gets to piss on fans' hopes and dreams. Oh yeah. It would actually all be fine (Rory McCann is singularly amazing and this character is the only hope for Sansa's redemption) if they didn't use him as the means to ruthlessly and senselessly crash people's expectations of BwB storyline.
    9. Brienne going to Riverrun because it's too dangerous to send a raven to get Blackfish to give up his home and go North. OK. Brienne, shockingly fails, THEN SENDS A RAVEN North. Brienne is now stranded in RL, for no reason.
    10. Jaime. I can't even.
    11. Having all the set up for Stoneheart, a plot twist which would bind Sandor, BwB, Freys, Arya, Jaime and Brienne plots together, mentioning Catelyn about 30 times this entire season only to have Beric Dondarrion show up and decide to fight WW out of nowhere.
    12. Oh yeah and Sam is doing...something.
    13. Jorah is looking for a cure for Westerosi leprosy because Dany told him to go forth and find it, even though that disease is considered untreatable. What is logic even?
  • So I did the only thing I could. Started rewatching Deadwood. And I started making Al Swearangen gifs:
  • On the bright side, when it comes to GoT, Ian McShane is gonna do DVD commentary for the previous episode which was awesome. My God. Just imagine him commenting Yara's "fuck the tits of this one" scene in Volantis. Or Jon looking like complete pussy as Lyanna verbally tears him to shreds. It will be so glorious.
  • But getting back to Deadwood, there is no show greater. Well maybe The Thick of It but when asked I just conveniently split them into one is drama, other a comedy category. The actors, the characters, the storylines. And the lines! The fuckin' lines!
  • The quality of recent Game of Thrones episode and the stupidity of the showrunners was straight up the scariest thing I saw this week but The Conjuring 2 came close. Oh my God. I almost shit myself during the study scene. I hope the review follows here soon since it's been ages since I reviewed anything. Unfortunately I had so much work lately and I'm so tired that the very idea of customizing the sidebar this weekend (it's ridiculous, I saw The Witch months ago and it's still in most anticipated there) seems like a lot, let alone writing an actual post. I've had horrible cases lately - from messy divorces to little kids losing their parents and wanting compensation - and all I want to do is just relax and watch Deadwood and Archer.
  • Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson have such a fantastic chemistry. You totally buy that Ed and Lorraine are a couple who love and respect each other immensely. It was just lovely to witness. That ending was simply gorgeous. As for the scares the film was very intense and it had killer opening with Lorraine having some sort of astral projection experience in Amityville. The only two things I didn't like was Ed painting that nun (who the fuck has a dream about a creepy nun and goes 'oh well I better paint that shit asap'?!) and the fact there were three different villains. As much as I liked Crooked Man he did feel a bit out of place in the movie. One villain is scarier than three, because it appears invincible. 
  • And that Nun is getting a sequel. 
  • I have terrible news. Tom Hardy shaved his beard. Along with LSHype those are two things so dear to me that were taken away. I fucking hate this week.
  • Does this mean he will be clean shaven in Dunkirk and we won't get the uniform + beard combo? WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOLAN?!
  • Meanwhile, David Ayer is hyping The Joker's tattoos. And there is a new, awesome TV spot. 
  • Tracklist from the soundtrack. Panic! in the Disco covered Bohemian Rhapsody?! Shouldn't they be...flogged for that?
  • This whole soccer (or is it football?) thing is happening and our team wasn't defeated by Germany yesterday and it was 0-0. People here are so happy and they seriously worship Russell Crowe now
  • AMC is fucking embarrassing. If you follow that link, AMC’s lawyer states that making a correct prediction about the show’s plot would be copyright infringement. The lawyer is not at fault here, they are paid to pull claims out of their asses. When I read appeals I sometimes wonder if they are aware of certain arguments just being a waste of everyone's time and just something they put in there to tell the client 'they tried'. This would be shut down by a half reasonable judge at once. Prediction based on observing who comes and goes to the set etc. is not copyright infringement. Last I checked AMC doesn't own people's minds. That would be like saying me imagining Tom Hardy shirtless is stealing God's intellectual property and I'm committing copyright infringement. Not only is that bogus, them actually making that threat points to the fact that the prediction in question is most likely correct. It's like whenever HBO takes stuff down from youtube - if they did, it's real. And to all of you wondering - yes, the easiest solution is the right solution. It's most likely GN victim. This is just more evidence that this cliffhanger was ludicrous. 
  • Amber Heard may be out of Justice League. Oh my."Stress-induced weight loss"? When it comes to an actress? "Oh, no, she is too skinny for her costume"? Too skinny for a costume for JL when as I recall Gal Gadot was told to actually lose weight for BvS (it's fucking gross but it's not the point I am making here)? I mean...even AMC lawyers are doing better than hers.
  • Nicole Kidman will star in the new film from the director of The Lobster.
  • Helen Mirren is gonna be in the new Fast & Furious movie. It's super cool both her and Theron are gonna be having fun with cars and earn money for it. But I just have one question - is Statham coming back? Because to me this is all that matters.
  • Speaking of great men, in case you forgot how lovely and hot Alexander Skarsgard is, pajiba is here to remind you.
  • ...and Michael Sheen is also lovely and hot so I don't know what the author of this is talking about. I didn't watch the video the content of which from what I gather is...odd but in regards to that photo from 17 years back - Kate Beckinsale is basically unrecognizable right now. It's so obvious she had so much work done but at least she still looks like a human woman.
  • So this happened,
  • See me, naive that I am, legit thought that they have a thing...until today. I was sitting in my office drinking coffee and I read this
  • It's hard not to see the above as valid guess. Swift apparently just broke up with someone (I don't know any of this woman's songs but I know this because I follow EW on twitter...for some reason). And Hiddles is probably the new Bond so they wanna make him a slightly more famous person before they announce it. Also the quality of those pics is very good, like it was an actual photo shoot. And then there is the matter of Swift wearing a sweater and then a blazer and her awesome legs being bare. It's like goddamn GQ spread.
  • It appears to be this chick's modus operandi.
  • That some mousy looking singer is employing such degrading tactics to gain fame doesn't shock me. She is as bland as they come, she clearly needs all the media help she can get. But disappointing
  • Why? Tom, why? I always respected how private he was of his life but stuff like this just screams diva behavior. He's having phony relationships now for publicity. It's very dishonest and it goes against what people love him for - how humble, down to earth and modest he is.  
  • So...which celebrity relationships are actually for real? I don't know anymore.
  • Brittani didn't enjoy new Thrones either
  • Nick writes about the amazing Nice Guys
  • Ruth reviews underseen vampire flick Byzantium
  • For some reason m.brown watched that Ninja Turtles movie
  • FlickChicks review 10 Cloverfield Lane


    1. Panic at the Disco doing "Bohemian Rhapsody"..... FUCK OFF!!!

      I'm so disappointed in Hiddleston. He could have anyone and he goes out with the succubus who will ruin him and make a song about how bad he is. I really don't like Taylor Swift and if I ever get the chance to sleep with her, I'd better have a fucking lawyer in the next room.

      1. Haha yeah, lawyer is a good idea when dealing with her but I'm sure some sort of contract was signed between her and Hiddleston :/ It's just all so...gross, I guess. Why do this? They are already famous and this just reeks of fake

    2. I wouldn't be surprised if the Tom and Taylor thing was staged. If Tom is indeed the next Bond, he doesn't need this publicity to make him more famous. Kind of disappointed in him.

    3. Hey thanks so much for the link love Margaret. Glad you have seen Byzantium and we're in agreement for the most part.

      "Helen Mirren is gonna be in the new Fast & Furious movie." Yaaasss!! I hope she gets to drive!

      I've been watching interviews w/ Kate Beckinsale and I think it's so cool that she and Michael Sheen are still in such good terms. They both seem so adorable!

      Ah yes, I too am so disappointed w/ Hiddles. I normally don't comment about actors' personal life but something about those pics w/ the teen songstress is just ugh!

      1. You're welcome!

        Something wrong is happening with Hiddles and he is rapidly losing the respect among film fans from what I've seen

      2. Wasn't he dating Elizabeth Olsen at one point too? Well I was hoping that fame wouldn't go to the head of these fine British talents, esp someone like Hiddles. But yeah, now I'm not interested in him anymore. This is why I always prefer actors who aren't paparazzi fodders, I really think some people do invite the attention.

      3. Yeah he was, I don't even know what happened there. Maybe he thought Olsen isn't famous enough :facepalm:

    4. Not gonna lie, Hiddleston taking part in that publicity stunt makes me like him less. I don't know why they think he needs a bigger profile, he was Loki ffs. People know who he is.

      I really need to start watching Deadwood.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Yeah I like him less now too :/

        GET ON THAT! Deadwood is the best!

    5. I don't get the Tiddleston thing at all! Nobody does! It's pretty much Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal all over again, and we all know that was for show. They danced at an industry party, got a lot of media coverage, so the publicist thought, hey, let's take this to a new level, and photo-oped this fake looking date for the world to see. The respect I had left for Hiddleston, after I watched High-Rise, is now gone. I just.. this is just stupid.

      Oh and RIP Tom Hardy's beard.

      1. Yeah it's very disappointing of him. Also really is nothing sacred anymore? This is just very iffy.

        I hope he grows it back soon :(

    6. GRRM might not be the best writer but how he handled Jaime, Riverrun, post RW (the North/LSH) is far superior than what this show is giving show watchers. Edmure would NEVER hand the Blackfish over to the Freys. And in the books, the North actually remembered. I am sure fans will rate the next episode as "THE BEST EVER" but it's so predictable as to what's going to go down, that it's kind of sad that it's predictable due to plotting and not because there is a book for a blueprint.

      I am sure there are some celebrity relationships out there that are real, probably the ones we don't hear much about (Hardy and his wife, Richard Madden and Jenna Coleman when they were together, Mc Avoy and his soon to be ex, Cillian Murphy and his wife). But Hiddleston and Swift smacks of PR set up and it makes no sense because neither one of them need the PR that way. And Hiddleston makes a better Bond villain then Bond.

      Skarsgard is forever hot and I love Patrick Wilson. That's what I will close on. Oh, one more thing, watched episode 5 of Peaky Blinders, Hardy was a hoot and the best part of that episode.

      1. The last episode is so overhyped. Yes it was very well executed but the writing was seriously lacking. Sansa is just...there are no words.

        I don't want Hiddleston to be Bond any longer, they would probably get her to do main titles song :P

        Hardy was so fantastic in the last 2 eps. I hope there is much more of him in the future seasons

    7. Hiddleston and Swift make such an adorable....headline lol. This is all staged. Also, if you don't know any of Swift's songs, you're not missing a whole lot. Most of the time, she just sings about her boyfriends, her heartbreak, etc.

      1. Not even that I think he is gonna lose a lot about it. He must be so annoyed how all those headlines say 'who is taylor's new man?' he probably didn't realize he is mostly just tumblr famous :lol:

    8. Sorry to hear Thrones is still deteriorating. It's so sad to watch a show implode. Speaking of imploding shows-- I'm a member of the Spoil the Dead community. I am so furious with AMC! I can't believe this. This is insane. Of course people are going to speculate about this...they trolled fans and ended the show on a freaking cliffhanger. Are these people insane? There are a million reasons for me to stop watching this show. If JDM weren't on this season...

      1. Spoil the dead is such a great read. The pure vitriol targeted at the showrunners there is so beautiful ^^ The stupid thing is that they did that stupid cliffhanger precisely for people to talk about the show and now they act shocked that people figured who the victim is

    9. Omg, that photo at the end killed me.
      I friggin love your Game of Thrones posts. I had 2 episodes to catch up on after the honeymoon and once I had I came straight here to find out what you thought!
      Thank you for the link :)
      - Allie

      1. Well my thoughts are not very favorable lately :) But I do love Lyanna Mormont!

    10. Sati please do a review for GoT episode 9! I love your Game of Thrones posts would love to know what you thought about the last episode! :)

      1. Thank you! I'm done doing recaps, hough even if I wanted to I don't have the time nowadays :/ I'll write some thoughts about the last episode in my Friday post

    11. Look at it this way...Hardy was bound to shave the beard sooner or later. At least it can always grow back! :)

    12. Two things I gotta do: watch Deadwood (I f--king love McShane). And see the Conjuring sequel. (Never saw the first one, though!)

      Oh, and 'date' Taylor Swift.

      I guess that's three. Or four. Shit.

      Thanks for the link!!! (Hey...that. movie was a good time! And not emotionally jarring for the boy)

      1. Jesus! Go see the first Conjuring, then the second and watch Deadwood asap!

        I still haven't read your review fully but hopefully I'll get to that today

    13. I dunno about the F&F movie. Even with Theron and Mirren aboard I'm highly uninterested. Cant wait for Lanthiomos' next film though.

      1. I haven't seen the last F&F, or any other one, but I heard this last one was very good and given that Wan directed it I kinda believe it

    14. It's about time people start worshiping Russell Crowe. I've been saying for years he was God.


      I also hope that Hiddles snags the role of Bond solely to piss off the ex, who loves that Aidan Turner guy also up for it. But isn't every relationship Swift has a PR move? Like...I love her music (guilty) but I take nothing she does in real life seriously.

      1. Yeah he is considered one in Poland they even officially invited him to come here :)

        I am not familiar with her but when it comes to Hiddles' his antics lately are embarassing