Thursday, August 11, 2016

(248) Protect the glorious unicorn* at all costs + links

By sati (harlequinade) Thursday, August 11, 2016
  •  *yes that's my new nickname for him
  • PUSH PLAY PUSH PLAY PUSH PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • trust me you need to see the above video. If you don't you won't understand the insanity that is about to follow here.
  • he's a pretty fucking great vocalist this point I'm just so glad that RF was almost completely done before I found this video. I have been spending A LOT of time watching it. 
  • Don't ask me how much. A lot.
  • This is him performing that song in my city last year. It's a thing, apparently. He grabs his dick every time he sings that verse. Had I went to that concert I'd be dead or arrested by now.
  • Here he is doing that in Brazil, half naked and straight up molesting himself.
  • Also - am I the only one loving that song? Man, what a good song!
  • OK wanna butcher a movie? 
  • You wanna false advertise it? 
  • You wanna make it embarrassing to be a DC fan these days? 
  • You wanna bring Batfleck to, seemingly, the brink of death with pressure as Snyder is, probably, running around doing stuff like this?
  • Fine.
  • But you made Jared sad. 
  • Shit is personal now.
  • It just makes my heart break. He spent 6 months developing his character and working on the movie. He had fun. He loved playing the part. Then he gets involved in promoting the movie being led to believe his scenes are in and he still has very much a supporting part. Then the movie is out and it turns out in spite of shamelessly advertising the Joker, WB cut Jared's scenes and reduced him, the Oscar winning actor, to a cameo. I mean this is just fucking criminal.
  • He shaved his eyebrows and waxed his pubes for the role. 
  • He waxed his pubes, WB. That shit hurts! I feel like the execs should have their pubes waxed now as some sort of karmic justice. And it'd still just be the beginning of what they deserve.
  • He comes back after 2 years of not acting, literally doing them a favor because he doesn't need this shit and that is what they do to him?! Also apparently Jared's part in some other movie also got cut years ago and he was so hurt he was acting less. And now this happens. 
  • WB if you deprived me of him in any future movies...
  • (fortunately he is shooting his next movie in September in Japan. Japan so lucky!)
  • Jared is slaying them. It's beautiful to witness. The fucking cave comment is hysterical. If I were David Ayer or WB execs I'd be very worried as to what will arrive in my mail.
  • He apparently is under 4 picture contract.
  • I'm not that familiar with contract law but it seems to me the actions of WB and leading Jared to believe he is promoting supporting part when he was in fact promoting cameo which put him at the risk of ridicule are unethical enough for him to be able to get out of whatever contract he has with these people if he wants too. I wouldn't blame him if he told them to fuck off and didn't return but I really want him to return. For my selfish reasons because the way things are I think we can all agree he is too good for this shit.
  • There is novelization out along with rumored deleted scenes list. Jared's Joker sounds insanely intense and the material they's unbelievable they cut it. For example there is a moment where Batman tells Harley Joker took something from him (Robin) so now he is taking something important from the Joker. The electroshock scene is completely different and the Joker fries Harley brain until the machine is dead. The Batman/Joker chase is longer.  Jared has about 100x more lines. Here are his henchmen, a great design you kinda saw in trailers and didn't see in the movie.
  • To give you more perspective on this mess, other than the fact the novelization follows original cut and we saw cut footage in the trailers, the original score has lines from original cut as track titles ("You make my teeth hurt") and the promo stills out are from scenes altered in theatrical cut - eg. Joker on his knees in the club scene with Harley sitting on the couch behind him.
  • And now instead of shutting down everything but the Savior Batfleck's project they are announcing that Man of Steel sequel is probably happening. Who the fuck wants to see that?! Also - so you couldn't just do MoS 2 and Batman solo instead of spraying diarrhea all over DC fans not once but twice in 2016? 
  • Why do I ask sane questions when it comes to insanity?
  • I really don't like the things Margot Robbie is saying. She is getting out of this unscathed and Harley solo film is coming in 2019 so she can do what she wants now. She called scenes with Joker snippets and said that his scenes were cut because they confuse the story. First of all, what story? Second of all, a whole bunch of scenes Joker has in the movie was not cut but shortened so her reasoning doesn't apply here at all. Third of all, by her own admission Jared did "half the work for her". It's shitty not to back him up now. Don't go on like this Margot or we will have a big problem.
  • Meanwhile, David Ayer is out there saying that he may have scribbled some notes about sequel to Squad on a napkin (so that to him is the whole script, probably). 
  • He also said that Batman knocked out Joker's teeth after Joker killed Robin so that is why he has that grill. Problem here is, Ayer, that in your own movie Joker has that grill before Harleen becomes Harley. And in your own movie, Ayer, Harley is named an accomplice in the murder of Robin. Not to mention that Joker has that fucking tattoo of arrow going through a robin in Arkham before Harley is given electroshocks. 
  • Can Ayer distinguish his elbow from his ass? I think we all know the answer here...
  • Then he said all of that shit - there’s a linear version we did where it opens up with June in the cave and tells the story in sequence with the arrests and Batman, and then we go to Belle Reve. Honestly, there may be six or seven different versions of the film. In that version, [test] audiences were left with a lot of questions and a little disoriented as to who to watch and why. So we came up with what we call the ‘dossier’ version which has Amanda presenting the backstories and origins of the various members.
  • Six or seven cuts! Dossier version! Fuck me!
  • And yeah the audience is not confused at all now, huh?! 
  • He just keeps talking. He calls the movie "journey of the soul" too. Here he is saying that he is the captain of his own vessel. Are you, David? Are you?
  •  On a related note: there are signs that WB/DC have learned a lesson, following what was reportedly a difficult and rushed development process on David Ayer’s newly-released DCEU addition, Suicide Squad. Multiple sources have now reported that studio executives tried to make significant changes to Suicide Squad after Ayer had filmed his vision for the movie. WB/DC now appears to be following Marvel Studios’ lead and working out any such creative differences before a single frame of footage is filmed on its upcoming DCEU movies (as Marvel is known for doing with its MCU films) - from here. Well shit and fuck! Eureka!
  • If Jared gave his fans a signal, we would burn Burbank down. Starting today he is actually on his camp Mars thing where he is hanging out with fans and no doubt all kinds of glorious debauchery are taking place so at least he will be happy.
  • People are really upset - they are trying to get hashtag #moreletojoker to happen. The fans feel used - lots of people wanted to see the film just for Jared. They are sending him all sorts of messages of support (which he saw and was thankful for). Hell, someone even wants to sue WB.
  • My tumblr these days is basically a war zone of just defending Jared and scolding people for giving him a hard time - how can you judge him in the role if all of his scenes are drastically shortened? It's as if you judged Ben's Batman only based on Suicide Squad. Except Ben was given two whole scenes that weren't shortened by the studio. Jared didn't get that much. He doesn't have a single scene in this movie that was not cut short except perhaps the scene where he is lying on the floor surrounded by the knives.
  • I'm having straight up PTSD flashbacks to this movie. That music in acid bath scene like something from Daredevil. That random moment of Rick Flag eating fried chicken next to a motel window in the middle of the night. Enchantress waving her hands around and conjuring up portals of space shit which was like straight from Schumacher movies. Meanwhile, WB is out there saying shit like oh we broke the opening weekend record, what a success! The garbage is on fire, WB. Open your eyes!
  • The music video for that abomination playing during chemical bath scene was released but at least thanks to that I could gif my favorite moment in the movie:
  • I love the way she just freezes there, like in ecstasy, when we also hear Joker calling her infamous Harley Quinn. So good. 
  • Also Jared talking of loins and crotch and following that with "Oh, come to daddy". Yes, WB you TRULY cut out all the filth from that movie (sarcasm sign). 
  • You clueless bastards...look at that shit!
  • Phase 1: Hype the movie and say how much fun you had working on it.
  • Phase 2 (after it turns out the studio screwed you over): act sullen and morbid and talk of death while implying you will go live in a cave
  • Phase 3: KILL his fangirls so they don't suffer through this movie. 
  • There is no other explanation than the above for what Jared is doing in recent reviews: when asked what Harley and Joker wedding song would be the unicorn answered by naming one of my favorites NIN's Closer and actually said those words. Here he is talking of a perfect date using the words that he should never be allowed to use.
  • How am I still alive?
  • This cast is the best!I really hope at the very least Squad will give them more opportunities. They did their best and they are not to be blamed for how the movie turned out to be. At that point I don't want a sequel, though, because we need Batfleck solo as soon as humanly possible. Ben will bring it. He will. He must. He is our hope.
  • Ben you make good Batfleck solo and have Jared in it doing lots of stuff and I owe you. I mean I'd help you bury a hooker on a desert if you pull that movie off.
  • I mean Batfleck can sure direct and act but he apparently cannot wave for shit ----->
  • God, I just hope he isn't out there in the wild, sending Affleck dead bats and robins with video recording of him singing "do you want me?" as he grabs his dick again but everything is possible when it comes to this glorious unicorn. I imagine Batfleck would be watching that like Bateman watched that tape in The Gift.
  • Let's just look at this again:
  • You know what, we need audio too
  • The cooing. 
  • My God, the cooing.
  • Bloom, Bieber, whichever of the celebs is next - put your dicks back in your pants. You don't have anything to brag about. When this one has. You're arriving with cupcakes to a party where there is a massive cake on the table already. Ain't nobody want your cupcakes.
  • Be cool, no one has that kind of strength.
  • It's tough to choose what's a bigger mess - WB or the Olympics
  • ....
  • Nah, still WB.
  • Renee Zellweger had stuff to say. Yeah I'm not sure lying is the way here...I mean please, her following the change in her appearance with saying she didn't do anything to her eyes is like my following that above ridiculously long Justice for Jared manifesto with "No, I wouldn't let him kill me and eat me" or Ben Affleck telling people he is completely fine with where his life is atm. Let's be real here.
  • You thought Batfleck is looking bad these days? Here's Johnny
  • So he fell off the wagon....into a dumpster. Here's him and his new awful haircut getting helped up the stairs by not one, not two, not three but FOUR men:
  • "depp is trying too hard to out-Marlon Brando in the fat, bloated, living in a delusion dept"
  • Still, team Depp. Heard is submitting a picture of herself holding a pill bottle as evidence that he abused her. Your honor, here is the pic of me and my dope! What the fuck, they both must be high and drunk off their minds.
  • At that point I wanna thank Jared, truly from the bottom of my heart, for aging so beautifully and always looking so nice for fangirls. Above is Johnny doing the yachting. Here's how Jared does it.
  • This The Rock's rant is beautiful.  Apparently it's about Vin. Everyone were guessing Scott Eastwood. You know because of genes and that douchebag factor he has. It's probably PR stunt. If it isn't we can only hope both The Rock's and Vin's mothers are named Martha. Otherwise the world may explode.
  • Brad Pitt wants David Fincher to direct World War Z sequel. Pitt go away with that shite. Also Fincher hasn't made anything that people actually got to see since 2014. It's always a waste when Fincher is NOT making movies. But he needs to stay far away from generic CGI crap like this.
  • Meanwhile, Ghostbusters is looking at $70 million loss. WHAAA? How can it be?! The critics say it's such a terrific, funny and awesome movie! The studio was saying it's a success! Could it possibly be that it was a boring, unfunny, unnecessary film that was a waste of everyone's time? Now, come on. Professional critics being wrong? That's impossible, right?! They are so knowledgeable and necessary! 
  • Are tumblr feminists raging yet?
  • Shocking to no one, Barbara Broccoli reportedly doesn't want Hiddles to be Bond. Also RDJ trolled him on instagram. Is this the funniest career move that  backfired in recent memory?
  • Well as much as DC is awful...Marvel just lost its one cool villain. Ain't nobody gonna take Hiddles seriously as Loki anymore.
  • Ruth, MettelRay and Dell review Suicide Squad
  • Brittani reviews Tallulah
  • Keith ranks Marvel movies 
  • FlickChicks share 5 favorite Chris Hemsworth roles
  • Dan features tremendous and underrated Young Adult in his Thursday's movie picks
  • m.brown says his review of Squad will be up very soon so I am holding my breath here. I'm 100% sure it is gonna be more entertaining than the movie. I just hope he won't trash Jared. I don't wanna have to kill him.


    1. Sorry Hiddles but.... NO!!! YOU DON'T GET TO BE BOND!!! Good. Now he'll have to scrape up whatever dignity he has left once the Succubus makes an album about him.

      I'm sorry but I'm on Vin Diesel's side. Besides, I will no longer stand by the words of a has-been bitch who lies to his fans and keep schilling Vince McMahon's bullshit to the world and make them like it.

      1. The Rock seems to have the backing of cast and crew...they all act like a bunch of teenage girls tho

      2. Well, here's the thing. I used to be a fan of the Rock but these past few years had me question some of the things he's doing as I now realized that he's just pretty much coasting on his past glory during the Attitude Era of '97-'01 and just seems to care more about hyping whatever bullshit Vince McMahon wants him to hype as well as try and get his untalented cousin who can't wrestle for shit to be THE GUY. Well, CM Punk a few years ago proved that the Rock can't fucking hang it in the ring and had to bullshit fans with doing 3-second matches in an attempt to prove that he's got it which is bullshit as he's now become John Cena's Samoan bitch. The fucker lied to me and the fans. He broke my fucking heart and I know want to fuck him up.

    2. Ayers can't even keep the continuity of his movie straight? Lawd.

      Renee should've just owned getting work done. The way she worded it was so careful, but it's so obvious surgery is the reason for her new face and not aging.

      Not surprised Ghostbusters will lose money with the marketing campaign they had. I'm sure Tumblr SJWs are angry.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Nope, he can't :lol:

        Tumblr is a sick place atm with all that SJW nonsense in one corner and people wanting Joker to abuse them in another :)

    3. That sucks about Jared. I haven't seen the movie (and have avoided reviews) but with all the hype about his character, I was expecting he'd be a strong presence in the movie. I'm still going to watch it, but I'm kind of disappointed now.

      1. It's absolutely disgusting what the studio did to Jared :/

    4. I actually enjoyed SS, but this whole thing with Jared is turning into a huge mess. I would love for him to come back and do more as Joker, but something telss me he won't be doing that. Thanks of the link!!!

      1. I just want him to have fun and be treated with respect and the latter seems like something WB doesn't wanna do :/

    5. Too bad that dick-grabbing song wasn't apart of the concert I saw years ago.. plus it was an outdoor concert so it didn't feel as dark and intimate .. especially when Finnish guys are literally living on your back through out the concert. Still liked it a lot though.. and saw Jared from like 2m away. WHo would have known I was standing that close to the Joker? And well, that's a messy movie not just the movie itself but the whole stuff surrounding it. 7 cuts!? Seriously. I bet the first version they showed to test audiences was actually interesting, and had a lot of Joker, and the audience was just stupid. Though I have heard people say "they liked it" and when I asked why, they said the Joker and Harley were cool.. now, imagine having more of that?

      Hiddleston made a huge mistake.. I mean, didn't he learn anything from Gyllenhaal?!

      1. If I were ever standing 2m away from Jared I'd be currently saving life sentence in prison :lol:

        Gyllenhaal is still fine, though, I have no idea why he felt he needed those ridiculous Taylor photos anyways. And Hiddles chose the worst possible time with her and that whole Kanye bullshit. I don't think he can recover from this unless he marries her or something

    6. I want to reach through Twitter and just hug you Sati! On the drive home from the cinema after seeing SS I muttered 'Sati is going to be so gutted' and then had to explain to my husband what the hell I was on about, ha.
      The second-hand embarrassment I have right now for Hiddles is just...ugh!!
      Oh and thank you for the link! :D
      - Allie

      1. Was it "oh it's this insane chick who thinks Jared Leto is a God" explanation? :D Cause that would be accurate :)

    7. I don't care what anyone has to say about Leto; the dude is preaching the truth and still doing it in a classy manner. I still am dumbfounded that they decided to focus on Enchantress. Like...what a pointless, bland character. I had NO idea he was contracted for FOUR movies. He's probably regretting that now. Whatever. More Leto on screen makes me happy.

      1. Exactly! Preaching and classy! Jared is awesome and haters are just bitter or jealous of this guy. Like people give him hard time because he bangs his what the fuck? Who can blame either party there?

        I think it's only a rumour about contracts but Robbie signed such contract so it seems extremely likely Jared did too

    8. Thanks for the link Margaret!

      Boy all the DC/Marvel stuff is making my head hurts. Saw that RDJ instagram on Hiddles, too funny!! That RDJ sure has a sense of humor. Nope, not really feelin' Hiddles as Bond either, I've kind of lost interest in him to be honest. "Ain't nobody gonna take Hiddles seriously as Loki anymore." Yep.

      1. You're welcome!

        Really, Hiddles must have made the worst career move in Hollywood in a very long time to do this shit with Tay

    9. 'You're arriving with cupcakes to a party where there is a massive cake on the table already. Ain't nobody want your cupcakes.' I could have picked from at least a dozen lines, but this was my favorite (though the 'Let's be real' segment is f--king hysterical, my goodness).

      Oh my, this whole RF is incredible, as your Leto fever is apparently contagious! much as I would have liked a solid version of Suicide Squad (apparently there's a cut for EVERY SINGLE PERSON WALKING THE PLANET), I might be enjoying the chaotic fallout even more. Is that wrong? Probably.

      Thank you so much for the ridiculous pressure of pre-linkage. I hadn't even started writing yet when I saw this (just cobbling together ransom notes), so hopefully I didn't let the team down.

      I'm glad you have faith in Batfleck, Sati, because everything you have posted featuring this guy screams ABSOLTE F--KING DiSASTER. Pull yourself together, man. Go live at Damon's house for a couple of weeks, ffs.

      1. I'm ridiculously proud of that line and making people aware of just how much of dick Jared has :lol: It's truly one of my biggest accomplishments

        Well at least this movie being an epic fail gave birth to 3 of my rants and I'm sure more is coming because Ayer won't shut the fuck up and Jared's passive aggressiveness is simply beautiful

        You didn't let anyone down! We were literally waiting for your words :P

        Batfleck is a mess but he can hide it when he is acting so there is hope :)

    10. So many good points and a really fun post to read (as usual). And that Johnny photo!!! What the...????

      1. It got even worse with Depp this week :lol:

    11. I hope Ayers goes. He really hasn't directed anything of note before Suicide Squad. He's done and said some questionable things. Then he completely sunk this film. It's so devastating. I was so excited about this film. *Sigh. I just don't have the heart to watch it.

      I feel for Renee. It's really no one's business if she's had work done. I'm not sure why women are asked these types of questions? She's in Holllywood where I'm assuming everyone has work done at some point. They certainly don't ask men about their plastic surgery, or how they balance work and family, or how they age.

      I really enjoyed Ghostbusters, but admittedly the gender swapping Ocean's Eleven is getting a little old. I am tired of remakes in general. I wish Hollywood could come up w/ some original ideas for women. But Ghostbusters was so much fun. It's unfortunate it didn't do better.

      I'm not sure which is worse...Suicide Squad or another Man of Steel sequel. Please no more Cavill as Superman. Please no. The only way it could get worse is if Synder directs again. THe only thing that can redeem this is if we get a standalone Batfleck film w/ heavy emphasis of Harley and Joker.

      1. Ayer said something super dumb lately again but I lost track. People are like he should be back for a sequel because he got decent performances out of the cast but I'm starting to think those good performances were in spite of Ayer. Yeah he gave them creative advice but these are great actors (well most of them) they don't need to be told they are looking at a fetus on a table. Also what the fuck kind of a director tells an actor to just experiment and does nothing? Leto had no direction whatsoever. FFS this isn't 30StM concert where Leto has crowd control as soon as he points at the crowd and grabs his cock. This is a performance in a movie. No matter how talented the actor you just cannot let those people run around, especially when this one runs around with anal beads and condoms. Affleck needs to control all of this