Tuesday, August 16, 2016

(249) My brakes are broken lately, baby + links

By sati (harlequinade) Tuesday, August 16, 2016
  • Welcome to RF, or as we should start calling it the unholy union of my two friends - perversion and insanity as I take my readers through the journey so disturbing the only way out is to drive off the fucking cliff as I so eloquently illustrated above.
  • As you will be reading this you will probably think oh my God, she went nuts. Let me at least show you this. This is my job. I did 80 cases in 5 days. I think everything I carried today was around 70 pounds. People who worked in this courthouse for years literally came by my office today to see the stacks of files.  They couldn't believe I did this much in one week, let alone during holidays.
  • I came home exhausted.
  • (these 5 next bullet points were written last, after everything else was ready because something major happened:)
  • So here I sit, 15 minutes ago sipping my drink. And then I see this
  • Get on my twitter to see all the madness but here is selfie of me reacting to this.
  • There has been quite a bit of shitstorm between Jared and WB lately. But him being signed on their precious baby means this is probably them making a peace offering and wanting to bribe him this way. Don't care what the reasons are because JARED LETO IS GONNA BE IN ONE FUCKING MOVIE WITH HARRISON FORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • I am just....I am just....just don't shave your eyebrows! And don't think you are a robot in your method acting!
  • Again though because let's just think of this - Jared Leto. Harrison Ford. Two men I'd die for, probably. In one fucking movie. Can you imagine the press tour? Both of them there? OH GOD.
  •  (now let's back up to what was written before this happened, as I sit here and try to calm myself and remember if I die now I won't live to see the movie)
  • So on last Friday I made 4 decisions...  
  • 1. Rewatch Alexander.
  • 2. Choose 210 min long edition.
  • 3. Get mad drunk. 
  • 4. Livetweet it. 
  • Not sure which one of those was the worst decision.
  • However bad you remember that movie to be, it is worse. Poor boo unicorn God had to say shit like this:
  • Also my crazy - firing up on all cylinders lately. The Alexander livetweet started innocent:
  • and then 10 minutes in took a predictable turn:
  • I have absolutely zero idea what the hell I was on about here:
  • Still my wit brought it.
  •  Then it's gotten close to marriage proposals. Again:
  • People were straight up worried
  • the time to worry was during Urban Legend watch the next day. I am not shitting you this is one of the less crazy tweets:
  • Just....too far gone.
  • I of course passed out during Alexander and didn't finish it so far - just an awful movie. Urban Legend I had to stop an hour in because apparently a certain TV actor who shall remain nameless because fuck him I ain't giving him clicks disrespected Jared on his twitter. Naturally I had to deal with that and tell him exactly where his career will be soon. 
  • I also called him a glorified extra. 
  • And a bitch.
  • I finished the movie the next day and it was pretty good! And Jared's character didn't die! Usually in those horror flicks only the main chick lives to the end but I'd like to think people realized he is literally too gorgeous to kill off.
  • Then I saw Jared's documentary Artifact which was about the legal battle between record label EMI and Jared's band. It was such a cool documentary and it was really informative on how unfair to the artists the music business and record labels are. I mean I had respect for the guy before but this? Him putting such a fight and risking everything and then releasing the documentary? Amazing. Also he is so funny. And there are bits like him getting a Christmas tree and literally finding the ugliest one out there.
  • This entire paragraph post is just me drawing hearts, isn't it?
  •  On Moday I rewatched Panic Room. I forgot what's gonna happen to his character so the denial was strong.
  • What is up with Fincher messing up Jared's face in his movies?!
  • By Tuesday things started getting legit weird:
  • I took a selfie of myself when 30 Seconds to Mars song started playing on the radio in the office. This is truly the face of madness
  • So Courtney linked me this and what followed in my apartment was just loud squealing and screaming. DO THIS JARED!!!!
  • Here's Jared attempting to dance during Camp Mars last weekend. 
  • He twerked! Mother of God he twerked!
  • Every time I see this picture I just shout the iconic phrase from Aliens (and can people stop sending/linking me this shit by the way? Don't you people wanna live?). There was allegedly Miley, Lindsay and Paris but this would somehow be worse. 
  •  Don't ask me what I was googling there but I found this: “I’ve been a porn actress for three years and Jared was the most I ever had to work with. There’s definitely a second career available for him if he ever runs out of mainstream work.” – Corina Taylor on having sex with Jared Leto.
  • Porn actress? Jesus Christ, what else did he put it in? The wood chipper?
  • On the other hand, could a normal girl handle Jaredconda? Maybe these are the only ones who you know, are not at the risk of....you know? Bone Tomahawk?
  • I know, I should have stopped before writing that movie reference which now given you vivid mental images had you seen the film, but my brakes are broken lately, baby. 
  • I mean if this series of posts was always a bit like a drunk driver behind the wheel but lucid enough to care if the car doesn't crash ever since I looked into Jared's eyes during Conan show and heard him speak and was astonished this quirky guy I remembered from 2014 Oscar season was so calm and collected, and he did that cute laugh it was no longer just "oh, this guy is an eccentric, I wonder what he will say!", it's as if I just let go of the wheel and yelled "fuck it!".
  • I can't explain it. I mean usually someone I just start obsessing over is just an actor. But Leto is  great vocalist too. It's everywhere. My music I listen, the movies I watch. And I love defending people who were mistreated and just look what WB did. This whole thing is totally taking my mind off shit in RL and it gives me opportunity to watch movie again - I was so depressed lately and thanks to Jared I've seen what? 3 movies in a week? That's more than I saw whole last month. I actually fucking feel stuff other than fear these days. it probably sounds crazy to people who don't really know what has been going on with me lately but this? This distraction helps. That is one hell of a distraction.
  • He is inspiring too. He literally does and says what he wants and doesn't care. So I'm trying that one myself *she wrote surrounded by 80 legal acts she worked on in just last week*. Well accordingly, at least.
  •  SlayLeto strikes again.
  • And finally, no mercy.
  • You've probably seen the headlines Jared said F you to WB. A few days back someone on SHH forum quoted a post from tumblr that Jared said during Camp Mars that he feels tricked etc. about Squad. I follow the person on tumblr who wrote that. It turned out that someone who has relatively big website - Batman News - posts there too and saw our posts about it and that tumblr account of a fan ended up being the subject of their "news" article - the first posted on that "story". So basically the guy used the tumblr story of a fan using her impression of what Jared meant when he was saying things and posted it. Then of course all the other outlets posted it, sites like cinemablend and ign. In the attached video when asked about what his thoughts are that WB doesn't allow him to do any rock-climbing (Jared loves that) he said "fuck them". Jared throws F word around a lot so it was a joke, a harmless one but it was of course used as clickbait "Jared says F u to WB!". 
  • What the hell is journalism even? People taking impressions of someone from tumblr as news and just massively spreading it around. So stupid.
  • OK so Depp is no longer just Ibiza off the wagon into the dumpster drunk. 
  • He is now writing messages in blood and paint while cutting off pieces of himself, literally drunk, which I seriously didn't even know was the phase that existed.
  • And it's time to abandon any team because these people are legit fucking insane. It's like trailer trash documentary this week. I am half expecting to see the video of Depp raping a goat while killing a hobo when I wake up. I mean they settled, but come on. She probably has many videos as insurance. 
  • Also - worst lawyers ever
  • First we had the video of Depp treating kitchen cabinets horribly and pouring himself the biggest fucking glass of wine I've seen in my entire life.
  • But then it got worse.
  • So you are telling me there are worse things to do while drunk than to livetweet ultimate cut of Alexander (and sit through it)?
  •  If that is true then what the hell is he drinking? Gasoline? I had wine and shots on Friday and yet I hurt only my brain, liver, ovaries and heart which broke every single time the beauty boo unicorn was on the screen...but my fingers are FINE.
  • Seriously how fucked up and on what does one have to be to do this?
  • Billy Bob Thornton is freaked out. I'd be too. You run Billy, you run from this shit.
  • Also can people stop insulting the good conniving name of Amy Dunne and comparing Heard to her?
  • So remember how I suggested Idris Elba was the one who made sure Hiddles hooks up with TayTay to wreck his chances of being Bond? Now Idris is attempting to show the world he is fearless and saying stuff like that, in phase 2 of his plan to become Bond. This is overplaying your hand, man. This is straight up Tony Stark giving the terrorists his home address in Iron Man 3 levels of no-no. You run too, man. Follow Billy Bob on his bitches be crazy trail.
  • Tom Hiddleston looks like he aged 10 years in 2 months. When asked about Swift he gave a nonsensical answer. Who the hell talks like this of a parner?
  • Another bitch. Also after his dick pics leaked there are now comments about it under every post about this guy and I sit here like, why? Seriously? Why? Why would anyone notice something so small in the world where this exists?:
  • Just any excuse to post this footage, really.
  • Tay donated $1 mil to help people of Louisiana who are now facing this horrible flood. Normally I'd be like yes, that's great! Louisiana is magical protect it! and that would be it but not now. Because you people keep sending me that pic of her and Jared the only thing I can think of is that this is a ploy because Jared IS from Louisiana.
  • This whole Birth of no Nation situation is just gross.
  • Not only does Amy Schumer exists, now she has written a book entitled Chipmunk with a tramp stamp. Bitch if that sex tape leaked, no one would watch it. Unless some truly sick fuck would use it to torture people with.
  • Brittani, Keith and FlickChicks review Suicide Squad
  • OntheScreenReviews lists Best Soundtracks of All Time 
  • Dell features amazing Killer Joe in the picks for Crime Gone Wrong movies
  • Flixchatter ranks Bourne villains
  • Jordan reviews Bad Moms
  • I know I kinda linked it already last week but m.brown's review of Squad is something to behold. He is the only one smart enough in our entire blogosphere to act like he is being taken hostage (by me) when talking about Leto. The day of judgment will come for the rest of y'all.


    1. Thanks for the link!

      Ahah I was reacting the same as you when two of my crushes are gonna be in a BBC miniseries together, I'll spontaneously combust for sure! Which movie is Jared & Harrison gonna be in? Sorry I must've missed it as I started looking at your Alexander tweets, ahah. I haven't seen that movie but now you actually make me want to check it out!

      No Idris noooooo!!!! Ah well, at least he classed up Tay by dancing w/ her [shrug]

    2. Lots of good stuff here. I laughed quite a bit at this. Great post.

      To be honest, I'm not all that excited about a Blade Runner sequel. I know, I know, blasphemy. However, Leto as Lestat? I'd be all about that! That said, my big takeaway from this post is he has a band. I had no idea.

      Depp? Definitely cuckoo for Coco Puffs.

      Thanks for the link!!!

      1. 30 Seconds to Mars, yeah. It's actually his primary focus these days and they are pretty awesome.

    3. OK, this whole thing Jared Leto is getting a little crazy. Calm yourself. I guess you didn't watch The Thin Red Line for the brief role he was in. Alexander, I don't remember which cut of the film that I saw but all I know was that it was just fucking awful and it was the worst thing Oliver Stone has done until W..

    4. I'm surprised you talked about something other than Jared lol.

      I'm pumped for this Blade Runner sequel and SO happy for you that two of your favs are in it.

      I didn't realize the woman in that Birth of a Nation case had comitted suicide. That's just sad all around.

      Thanks for linking me even though I hated the Joker <3

      1. Depp cutting off his own finger merits a mention :lol:

        Yes the whole blogosphere but that guy above you is so happy for me :D

    5. GOD I'm so jealous but happy for you that your 2 faves are gonna be in Blade Runner together! I think you're gonna need some of us to escourt you to the cinema when that comes out, ha!
      Aaaaaaand this is another Friday where no work will get done, thanks to THAT gif!
      Thanks for the link too :)
      - Allie

      1. Jaredconda will stop any work from getting done. Seriously, talking out of experience here :)

        And yes I will need some company and medical attention :lol:

    6. Again, if you post that Leto gif again, my eyeballs are going to fall the fuck out. I literally cannot handle it. What's the situation on his personal life? Who has/is he dating? I tried to find dirt, but I'm not a good Leto-researcher like you. Keep me posted...a girl would love to know.

      1. I really don't know how anyone can HANDLE it. It's mesmerizing. It's as big as his fucking lower arm! I don't think he actually dates just...shares that gift with the world :P

        He has banged a lot of people :lol:

    7. Ha ha, your Leto tweets are hilarious. I don't think I've ever seen you so obsessed!

      I'm so glad the Nate Parker rape case came out. I was wondering why the media had fallen asleep at the wheel on this? This stuff had been out for years. The fact that the poor girl committed suicide should make people think twice about seeing anything with Nate Parker in it. The rape was terrible enough, but the stalking and harassment that followed is just awful. I will not be watching or supporting 'Birth of Nation.'

      1. Yeah I really lost it, didn't I? :lol:

        Seriously that whole thing is awful. The production company not even checking who they are dealing with and paying all that money will really backfire on them

    8. Welcome to Jareds Leto fandom. He is a drug, i swear.. i cant stop it!! Haha! He is weird, maverick and mystery. He is cute, sexy and ageless. His fans are really crazy. Echelons, True Believers, simple fans, fans of Jared the actor, fans of Jared the rock star. Oooh.. and farrelleto fans... yeap.. the fans who believ that Jareds love of his life is Colin... And he has a lot of fans aka groupies aka trolls aka haters... i dont know how do i call them. Those kind of fans/haters make theories, stories(good and really really bad), rumours.. are obsessed with him, they believe they know anything or say and do things for his(and his fans) attention. That kind of fan is the girl who post the f-em and caught the chaos all over the internet(she is also farelleto fan-i mean she always said to her blog that he is gay). She did a lot of things in the past. But this time, she did something really awful, she misleaded jareds fans, comics fans and his haters.

      Like everybody, Jared isnt perfect. When he was kid he had a lot of drama. He worked hard to be that he is. And he doesnt care what the others say about him. (Except this time.. i feel he is disappointed with his fan tumblr post)

      I am happy for that he will be at blade runner and i cant wait for his leading role of the outsider movie.

      Ps: " I hate when the people read something and without any proof they make conclusions and after they harass the person they hate"

      1. Jesus Christ "farrelleto fans"? Really that is a thing that exists? :lol:

        This whole story with tumblr was bad enough that Batman News picked up from me and other Jared fans talking about it on a message board, we were even pointing out that this is just a fan account and that F em quote is about rock climbing. Batman News was repeatedly asked to take down the story by me and from what I've seen others in multiple places still didn't take it down. The guy who runs is an absolutely pathetic he was even telling me that this title was not a clickbait! I won't ever be posting any links on that message board again because I do not feel safe there.

        As for that chick, I only recently followed her on tumblr because I was looking for Jared's tumblr to follow and she was posting all those Camp Mars videos. Had no idea about all that drama!

        I saw Jared's reaction to this - I think WB treating him and his work like it did, this whole climate when it's suddenly hip (read: pathetic) to hate on him and his words now being twisted really depressed him. On one hand he is a grown up man who has been in business for so long this shouldn't affect him but I think all of that happening at the same time rightfully frustrated him. He should take it down a notch though and hopefully he won't do anything insane for that new movie he is doing in Japan and BR2. Harrison Ford would not be silent if Jared did something insane :)

    9. I have been waiting for this...because shit got REAL this week.

      That Depp mess is scary as f*ck. That guy has LOST HIS MIND. BUT...the Nate Parker stuff has my stomach turning. I won't be seeing that movie. I don't care if it wins all the Oscars (but, honestly, I have a strong feeling all Oscar chances are DEAD now) because I won't support that pig. WON'T DO IT!

      Alexander...shame...I wanted that to be the best movie ever and it was...far less entertaining than the string of drunk tweets you posted above!

      1. You know what else? Armie Hammer is in that. He just cannot catch a break, can't he?

    10. I wish I saw the live tweet live - it may seem crazy but crazy brilliant. It also makes me think I should do this too but not with Alexander (not seen it) as I tend to yell at the TV quite a bit.

      But the fact you're a lawyer (stressful) you've earned the right to de-stress in anyway you wish and if its gushing over Leto - so be it.

      1. Livetweeting is awesome! but it makes the viewing much longer, livetweeting American Psycho this week took me about 3h

        Thanks, I think so too :)