Friday, January 27, 2017

(272) Take your La La Land too + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, January 27, 2017
  •  I'm just gonna preface this by saying The Handmaiden makes the acting, the technical side, the story and the emotional impact of each and every one of Oscar movies this year look the last Transfomers movie-level of awful.
  • But before we get to the sole 10/10 Tinkerbell approved 2016 movie...
  • Paging Andrew cause I'm about to write something nice about Mommy...while shitting on La La Land, but still. I found it to be in really poor and manipulative fashion that the only thing in the movie to elicit emotional response from me was that what if? ending. Remember how it was done in Mommy? How it was the mother imagining all those things she was giving up while making a decision? Here's Mia having a vision, most of it not even making sense (she remembers even something as precious as their first encounter to be different) just to make for cute images and emotional scene. 
  • Nope.
  • Gosling was cosplaying as wood plank again. Jesus Christ, this guy needs to stick to comedies or just go with bulletproof amazing scripts like Blue Valentine or Lars and the Real Girl. With Magnificent Blue, Hardy, Fassbender, all those great, interesting actors you just see there is something  - so much of that magic something - under the surface. They are like this fizzling ball of energy that makes them so unpredictable and amazing to watch. I never know what the fuck these guys are about to do on screen when I watch a movie with them for the very first time. I know exactly what Gosling will do once I see that he is set comfortably in his stoic pose in a movie. He is gonna blink. And that is it. 
  • The only thing under Gosling's surface are dying termites, probably.
  • Just for the record I do not hate The Gos. For example in a showdown with Gyllenhaal he wins for me. The dude is almost my win for The Big Short last year and I think the Academy committed a shameful snub when he was not nominated for Blue Valentine.
  • And really, Emma Stone? As I was watching her audition scene which everyone is shitting themselves about I was like 'lol, that's it?'.
  • And that was a romance? They had brother/sister chemistry. Romance my ass! 
  • I really don't think the casting was good here. Emma and Ryan are adorable together, but Emma is not someone who is well suited for this 'oh my God her talented mesmerized the world!' part. Also there was no reason for Gosling's character to be so young hence there was no reason to cast Gosling who is arguably the best fit out of young actors in their 30s for a musical. They could have gone with an actress that is truly spectacular like Gugu Mbatha-Raw - this one is so lovely and talented you immediately take notice. The fact Mia achieves success was not believable to me, because there was nothing special about her (nor is there about Stone). And why not cast someone with charisma of Fassbender as Sebastian? The part required him to simply play the piano and dance. Come on.
  • Still, imagine what a clusterfuck this would be with Teller and Watson. Ysh.
  • The only song that stayed in my head was City of Stars. I need to get wasted to the point the part of brain responsible for memory gets drowned tonight because I don't wanna hear Gosling whistling in my head. I hear enough things in my head as it is anyways.
  • You know, maybe my dreams are just so much different that I couldn't relate to people who want to act and make music for a living. I was never like that. I went to college in a field I was never passionate in, then I got a soul sucking job just so I have money and don't end up under the bridge. My dreams on Monday mornings are for it to be Friday evening already. My dreams are to have a stress free job one day and not end up dead and alone after which Gustav would eat my face off. And once I inevitably do die from alcohol poisoning or Ed Harris being too hot on Westworld that someone will take care of Gustav. Fame? Fortune? Making art? Eh, OK... 
  • Here are the facts, though:
  • 1. On the day I saw what is now tied with Titanic and All About Eve (which are both great films) for record 14 Oscar nominations I ate pizza and bought myself a leopard print coat and both of those things made me happier than what is being called 'the most uplifting movie of 2016' 2. Not a single person I know in real world thought it was great 3. I ranked best to worst BP winners since 2000 and if La La Land wins it's gonna be 11th. 
  • I know there are some people claiming there is backlash (there is, but mostly it's just people saying it's 'meh' - that ain't backlash) and that the movie "whitesplains jazz and the black guy in it is a sell out" (I don't give a fuck about those SJW issues so I don't care) but the truth is that this movie is the worst kind of movie - it's forgettable and mediocre. It's not bad enough to hate on and not good enough to praise. It inspires no passion. I won't remember what happened in it in a month.
  • Moving on to another popular thing you guys love....
  • People need to stop with those 'Adams was snubbed' remarks. One of the most overrated actresses ever who stole the nominations from far more deserving women in the past finally doesn't get a nomination and people go oh, poor snowflake. Yeah, it is unfair the movie got in so many times and she didn't. But considering she has no range and yet managed to get 5 nominations during one decade, when the acting legends have less in several decades it's laughable when people whine about her snub. Anyone could wander onto the set of Arrival and do what she did. And the same goes for most of her roles. Fuck this shit. The Academy made her insufferable by overrating her and now the fans (and this hick) are making her even more insufferable by pitying her whilst overlooking all those times better actresses were ignored for her sake. It has gotten to the point I almost don't want Sharp Objects to get made at all because it's one of my favorite books and Adams will annoy the shit out of me on the screen. 
  • They are re-releasing Arrival with additional 8 minutes of footage because apparently it wasn't long and boring enough yet. Oh gee. Is it more of Adams wandering and gazing into the horizon? 
  • Also Villeneuve, you is stupid. Upon getting his first director nomination for a movie that got a total of 8 he chose to go 'oh but...'. Academy is pettier than I am. And you just shat the bed, Denis.
  • Jackie. It's a great movie and once you get used to Portman's accent she is terrific. But that is if you put aside those "archive footage" sequences of her showing people around the White House. All I could think of was that episode of Modern Family where Gloria is mad that people laugh at her English and starts to overenunciate every word.
  • I more admired it than loved it. I gave it 9/10 because it genuinely deserved that for being a well made movie that respected the audience, for the score and for Portman. She had shockingly few potential Oscar clip moments but the one moment that I thought was the most affecting was the close up of her face as she was washing off her husband's blood. The back and forth between the glimpses of assassination and the funeral was also extremely well made.
  • Make no mistake though, Portman, as good as she is, isn't even half as good as the winner of last year for me, Theron for Fury Road. But Stone's performance in Whistling and Dancing isn't even in the same league.
  • Still, as great as Jackie was I didn't love it either. 
  • Oh, but then Wednesday came! That's when I saw The Handmaiden and it's my first and only 10/10 for 2016 movie. I'll review this one next week. I was thinking of titling the review 'pussy bells' but let's face it, it's bad enough a perv runs this place, let's not attract more with Google search.
  • Yesterday I made this:
  • I wonder what the non-pathetic people were doing at that time.
  • Last Friday I was supposed to finish Sweet Dreams. Of course I passed out before I did. But before that happened I saw the rest of Pain and Gain and this ended up being surprisingly not awful for Michael Bay flick. Of course it helped that Ed was there. This also helped. Also I noticed that sometime in 00's he started talking with Southern drawl. Has he woken up one morning, decided he is not deadly hot enough as it is and just started talking like this? 
  • Sir, enough. I cannot possibly get more turned on.
  • Also during the end credits this happened. Jesus Christ, how irresponsible are these people? You cannot just put up gigantic 'and Ed Harris' and follow it up by the close up of him as Gangsta's Paradise is playing in the background. That's just too cool. I legit let out a sigh.
  • So tonight Sweet Dreams.
  • Throughout the week bit by bit I saw HBO mini series Empire Falls where Ed played the main character but the cast also included - Paul Newman (his last performance before he died), Joanne Woodward (she hasn't been in any movie since), Philip Seymour Hoffman, Aidan Quinn and Helen Hunt. It wasn't as sensational as other HBO mini series but it was beautifully acted and the cast was a joy to watch. Paul Newman played Ed's dad so that's a great casting right there. All. The. Blue.
  • This week I found out that not only Brittani has never heard of Glengarry Glen Ross (how is this possible?) but also that she hasn't seen The Hours. And m.brown saw Perfect Sense and made no connection between Stephen Dillane appearing in it and me adoring him so much. Also do check out the comment section in his post - is he being intentionally provoking? Does he want to die?
  • I have failed in life. Y'all claim you read this website, well, the second you see Dillane your immediate thought should be 'oh hey that's this guy Sati likes! I bet she saw that film!'. And how do you go on without seeing 2 performances out of top 10 performances by Ed Harris? Always Be Closing and Julianne Moore's performance as Laura? Ed Harris's rant in GGR and beautiful performance in TH? What is going on?!  I am gonna teach you all about important stuff. I decided to make a gigantic post where I rank all the Ed Harris movies I saw (which very soon will be close to 75% of everything he has done) and I'm gonna post it with screencaps and everything.
  • Next step is me locking you up in a basement because unacceptable!
  • I tweet a lot of stuff but this one may be my most popular tweet ever. 
  • This gossip site I visit always says Sebastian Stan looks like a pervert so they must be so happy with those pics.
  • Again let me just say how psyched I am Michael Shannon is nominated. I cannot wait to see what he wears to Oscars. Also imagine his speech if he won! The guy is incredible. I loved his reaction to being nominated. 
  • Kristen Stewart is gonna host SNL. I hope it goes well, she is a very cool person and she faced so much unwarranted crap in her life.  
  • Just what the fuck is going on in Sundance?! 
  • However this Thoroughbred movie with Anya-Taylor Joy sounds really promising
  • Constance Wu is throwing a lot of shit at Academy for nominating Casey Affleck. Help me out here - why is there not more of this? And yet everyone is trashing Gibson? 
  • Yet another look at Feud and Sarandon looking even more like Bette Davis here ---> 
  • Stop the presses. Tom Hardy and Michael Fassbender went to the same drama school at the same time. Now we just need to build a time machine, get Ed Harris to teach in that school, transport me there and we got ourselves 'Tinkerbell goes to school" movie. 
  • Go ahead. 
  • Guess the genre of it.
  • The Vanity Fair cover with chicks out of Oscar season (and Lupita who is there for some reason along with Fifty Shades chick they keep pushing on us until we all puke all over ourselves) is just awful. They all look like they were photoshopped in from separate pictures and Emma Stone and Greta Gerwig look drunker than I'm about to be.
  • I guess when Shia Labeouf is the face of the resistance, things must be really bad in America. 
  • Spoilers for Split - there is talk about this being the (highlight to read:) sequel to Unbreakable and how they will do joint sequel and someone on imdb wrote "Bruce Willis is pushing 65 and can barely walk." and I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair.
  • Idris Elba is offering a date on Valentine's Day. Oh my God.
  • This is a tricky one. On one hand, good for Ewan. On another - great comeback, Piers.
  • The more stuff they release from The Wood and the Beast the worse it looks
  • Batfleck continues to win in 'who had the worst week?' contest. Live by Night will most likely lose $75 million.  Now, I haven't seen the movie but I cannot imagine it being truly bad. The only Affleck's movie I disliked was, in spite of Ed Harris being in it, Gone Baby Gone but that was on account of one of the dumbest scripts ever, the directing itself was fantastic. I really hope things start looking up for Ben soon, it's just rough to watch his bad luck.
  • Flixchatter, MettelRay and m.brown review Split
  • Allie includes Westworld in her science fiction shows picks
  • I was going to see American Honey but after reading about the dog thing in Brittani's review I'm not gonna
  • OnTheScreenReviews has a write up on Jackie
  • Kevin and Keith react to Oscar nominations


    1. Slight OT rant: Trumpkins have ruined the insult "snowflake." Nearly every single one of them uses it incorrectly and I cringe every time I see it now. I always saw it the most on TWoP or Free Jinger in regards to posts about the Duggars and fundamentalist Christians but now Trumpkins use it for anything that relates to liberals or Hollywood even though by definition the snowflake thing is about being "special and singled out" which makes no sense when you're using it about people who want equality. /end rant


      I'm really glad you liked The Handmaiden and Jackie. If Natalie Portman loses that Oscar, I'm going to be so pissed. Granted, I haven't and won't see Elle, but the looking at the rest of the competition it should be hers.

      I did put the Hours in my Netflix queue after you mentioned Dillane in it, thank you very much. lol

      Sign me up for Thoroughbred too.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Oh man, I had no idea, my use was just that people treat Adams like she was a hurt little girl but she is a movie star in her 40s, get a grip people :P

        Portman is good but I thought the main girl, the heiress in The Handmaiden was so much better


      2. Lol I thought you were using it ironically because someone actually said that.

        Both Handmaiden actresses were wonderful. I can't believe South Korea didn't even submit that movie. Ugh

      3. Nah, it's my expression summing up this whole 'but Amy?! Where is she?' reaction to the Oscars, I mean really it's all everyone talked about right after and then Adams attended some SAG event with a sad face, this is all just laughable to me

        It's dumb as hell that it got no love in technical categories, the film was so well made :/

    2. "Gosling was cosplaying as wood plank again." Thank you. I thought the exact same thing. He needs to go back to the Blue Valentine/Half Nelson Gosling, because those roles are more suited for him and are much more profound.

      I liked Jackie too, but probably not nearly as much as Alex (on my site) and you did. I thought Portman's performance was stunning. I find it much harder for actors to deliver a performance like that when there is so much source material...and she's a well-known figure like Jackie O. If Portman doesn't win the Oscar, I'll be shitting myself. Isabelle Huppart was good, not great. Emma Stone is still a total rookie...she's good, but not Oscar-worthy.

      1. Stone just is. There aren't many charming actresses out there but it's not like she is the only one who could do that, it's also true for Portman but at least she had stuff to actually act out there, Stone smiled, pranced around and cried a little. I didn't think I was watching character just Emma Stone being in a movie

    3. Hey Margaret, thanks for the link!

      Ahah, I love how you ripped La La Land, which I totally agree is incredulously overrated. “Gosling was cosplaying as wood plank again” Yep exactly!! And he & Emma have no romantic, let alone sexual chemistry, at all. I saw them in Gangster Squad and that’s pretty much how I felt. Heck, the two lead actors at my script reading have way more chemistry together and they’re not even in an actual film shoot!!

      But hey, I’m thrilled to see you love Gugu Mbatha-Raw, who’s been my muse ever since I saw her in BELLE. Oh man, her & Fassy together would’ve been scorching!!

      Good for Constance Wu for speaking her minds about Casey Affleck, it really speaks volumes about Hollywood how he somehow gets a pass with THAT kind of sexual allegations. WOW.

      1. Hey you have script readings already? That's awesome!

        I really don't get how there is not more heat on Affleck :/

    4. I just downloaded The Handmaiden yesterday. I haven't seen it yet but I hopefully will within the year. Most likely in May for my annual Cannes marathon.

      Since you're having this obsession with Ed Harris, I'm sure you haven't seen Swing Shift that he's in as Goldie Hawn's husband. Jonathan Demme directed it and the production was horrendous because of Hawn who had final cut yet Demme still has a cut of the film that no one has seen which is more dramatic.

      1. It's so good, I am sure you'll like it!

        I have this on my watchlist but I think Ed disappears for most of the movie in that :/

    5. Damn it! I so wish I'd caught The Handmaiden in a theater. It played at my arthouse place for like a month, and I just never got to it. Ugh!

      As for La La Land, I loved it more and more as I thought about it to the point that I went back and saw it again and fell even more in love. I love Gosling! I love Stone! They are true Hollywood movies stars, which is what this required. The ending, it's funny, I read it totally from the Sebastian character's perspective, as the what if? starts with a regret that he didn't just grab her and kiss her that night, or it's a simultaneous remembrance of what could have been, culminating with that knowing look. Such a beauty! So many memorable emotional scenes for me, even apart from that. It deserves Best Picture. Nothing like it will be made again for a long long time, if nothing more than a great cinematic experience.

      So glad you loved Jackie! Portman was amazing and is my easy favorite for Best Actress. I loved the way that movie was structured, and the score is the best of the year. It's haunting me right now actually. She nailed Jackie Kennedy's voice. Go watch the actual White House tour and compare. It's unreal.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Oh I'm sure the tour scenes were done very well and it is exactly how Jackie spoken but it just felt grating to me, I didn't think this meshed well with the rest of her performance. As for La La Land I just didn't feel it. And I thought that the chemistry, romantic kind, was just truly lacking between the two. It's an interesting point if it's from Sebastian's POV but it's not something I got from the movie and it should have been clear to me as a viewer. Whiplash all in all was much better written and directed imho

    6. Still haven't seen La La Land and Jackie. Do want to see The Handmaiden though but who knows when I'll do that.

      Shannon deserved than nomination, and he deserves a win too!!

      1. It would be one of the greatest things ever if Shannon won!

    7. I'm with on Adams now the more I think about it. I obviously liked Arrival quite a bit, but I totally agree with what you said - anyone could have walked on that set and pulled that performance. There was fuck-all energy in her performance.

      And YAY for the Handmaiden!! I never ended up reviewing it but if I did it'd be in my top whatever films of last year. Incredible, looking forward to reading your reaction.

      And a DOUBLE yay, someone else didn't fucking fall in love with La La Land!! I'm not alone!!

      1. Exactly...she didn't move me. Keira Knightley played a number of 'natural' roles that still had passion and energy

        So glad you liked Handmaiden!

        Seriously lots of people out there found it to be La La Bleh

    8. Hi Sati. May I just say that your posts are always entertaining. Digging the Ed Harris love. If you want another recommendation, I'd say Absolute Power. It is directed by and stars Clint Eastwood, Harris has an eye catching supporting part.

      1. Oh I love Absolute Power! just saw it recently, Ed was great in that, I love when he plays a cop :)

    9. I agree with you on La La Land, couldn't have said it better myself. I liked the Emma Stone from Birdman (that was a stellar performance for me) and I get some of your points about Gosling. The problem is that his role was so dull to me... But I disagree a little about Gyllenhaal. I couldn't claim Gyllenhaal's terrific performance in Nightcrawler is worse than any other performance from any other actor, to me it was flawless, and he was quite great in Brokeback Mountain and Prisoners where he built an interesting character from nothing. And my Gosling's favorite performance must be The Believer along with Half Nelson and Blue Valentine.

      1. Oh I think Gyllenhaal is amazing in those movies you mentioned. But Gosling wins with him for me in that he has great dramatic roles and comedy roles in his resume and I never saw Jake give good comedy performance, so I'd say Gosling is a bit more versatile