Friday, February 10, 2017

(274) ...what dog? + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, February 10, 2017
  •  The Beguiled trailer dropped and it is magic. I really hope it is good. It's such a hot premise, I told my mother about this one because she is so in love with Colin Farrell and she so wants to see it.
  •  Seriously my mother's love for this dude is a thing of beauty. She hasn't actually seen a single movie with him. She just sees his pictures in tabloids because he knocked up one of our actresses few years ago. She keeps telling me how amazingly she played that, baby trapping him like that. I find it a bit contradictory to her telling me my entire life I should study and have a good profession. Why the fuck did I become a lawyer if my mother admires a woman who baby trapped Farrell more? That seems way more fun than my shitty job for sure.
  • Also clearly I should have been in that movie. I have braids like Dunst's character all the time and half my wardrobe consists of lace blouses and long skirts (on a side note, man, do I look puffy today and I didn't even get hammered last nigt).
  • Also, my God if they have done that movie with Ed in the 90s it would be my favorite movie ever.
  • Tinkerbell in this school finds an injured soldier...I'll stop typing abut this now.
  • Imdb is shutting down its message boards. I think it's absolutely disgusting. I've been a member there for 11 years and I visited those boards daily. Yeah there were trolls but the trolls are everywhere - it's just a question of hiring moderators. Yet instead of doing that imdb is choosing to nuke the entire place. Not only were the message boards for the individual movies often times source of very good info but also there were plenty of really cool people there that I talked to over the years. 
  • Someone just posted on Ed Harris' board the other day how hot he was in The Hours even though he played a man dying of AIDS. Clearly there are my kindred spirits on those boards!
  • It's been suggested that it may be the studios putting the pressure on the website to lock the message boards because of some of the movies being trashed. So this is effectively the limitation of the free speech. What's next? What if they take away our twitter? Our tumblr? The comment sections of many websites are getting closed. So they are choosing to just take away the option to leave comments instead of getting people to moderate them. The cost of that would not be high, but apparently it's better to take away the freedom of expression from people. It's also such a stupid marketing move. Without the message boards I imagine instead of visiting imdb daily I will do so weekly, if that.
  • I really do not understand what the girls see in that 50 Shits dude. Look at him. Why is it enough for some women when all there is is 'pretty' face and the fit body? What about charisma? The magnetism? The dude can be handsome but do absolutely nothing for me like Henry Cavill who has reached the sub zero levels of charisma in his Superman performance. Why are these guys considered hot? (Kevin asked me today if I'm seeing the sequel and reviewing it. Oh yeah I am. Here's my review of the first one if you need a laugh and learn about my sex habits, apparently. I re-read it today and I was like, shit, I wrote that?)
  • And then there is this bitch...
  • Hiddleston sinks even lower. 
  • No, no. Don't go 'ah, sensitive'. No self respecting man would wear that tank top. How is that we never know stuff about many celebrities' private lives or see them everywhere but we saw Swift and Hiddles every time they walked out on the street? This was staged and even if it wasn't to whine pathetically in a magazine and to go back to the reporter's room to 'explain' is not romantic or sweet, it's just needy and pathetic. 
  • The only explanation is that he is gay for his inept manager. And if it is the case then I feel sorry for this guy but if it's not, then just NO.
  • This is like the most embarrassing thing I saw a man do since Ronaldo sat on the grass in the middle of the game, cried and a moth sat on his fucking face.
  • God, where are all the men?!
  • Oh, there HE is.
  • In Tony's Soprano's voice: THE STRONG, SILENT TYPE.
  • (I'll write about this Earth shattering performance in a moment and yes, this is my gifset). 
  • I saw 6 movies with Ed this week. I saw nothing else. We're through the looking glass here, people. It's like whole new dimension of crazy right here. I feel you either need to stage an intervention or just let him know there is a youngish, not unattractive chick in Eastern Europe praying to him and worshiping every single thing he did and does.
  • I finally saw entire Pollock on Friday. My God, that was a heavy movie. Ed played a vicious alcoholic in that and at one point he called his wife a "fucking c*nt whore". I was that shocked kitten gif I post a lot when that happened.
  • Also the primary concern for me was the dog. I was like, dude, he died, his wife is away who is taking care of the dog? What is going on with him? Is he OK?
  • The film was very well done but there were several scenes that really puzzled me like the one that was about 15 second long where he stopped his car and found an injured dog and pet him and then the scene cut to something else. What the hell was that?
  • Still I powered through all of this and managed to perv hard:
  • Also do check out Ed's reaction when Marcia Gay Harden won an Oscar for this movie. Magic.
  • After that I saw Run All Night which was just awful. Ed's performance was the best thing about this film. It was fairly recent so he was in 'so hot but he looks 100 years old' mode (seriously, what the hell happened between A History of Violence and Appaloosa? It's like he aged a decade between those. Was he in the sun too long? Was it just the lightning in the movie? Is he too skinny? Can I feed him? Shall I stop typing this while I'm still ahead of the perv curve? Yes, I should). Neeson wasn't even trying in this movie. Also this is the second time when Ed was shot next to the railways.
  • I now get nervous whenever he is anywhere near railways.
  • On Saturday I saw Needful Things. As soon as I googled the pics and it turned out that Ed, at 43 years old here, played a sheriff I obviously chose to watch the extended 3 hour long version. The film was mediocre at best but my God that was fangirl heaven. He proposed in the diner. He made out with a woman on a boat. He cooked for her. He played with a dog. He was so noble. He literally fought the Devil. It was so delightful to watch that I can even let go of the fact that poor dog in this movie was skinned (it was a horror film). 
  • And frighteningly this was not the most traumatic scene involving a dog in a movie with Ed Harris I saw this week.
  • On Sunday I saw Man on a Ledge which was so forgettable. At least he was handcuffed in one scene so I had something to enjoy there.
  • On Monday I rewatched Gone Baby Gone again. Jesus, that is such a stupid movie and somehow by now I've seen it more times than some of my favs.
  •  That was the year when Bardem won an Oscar in supporting category. But for the life of me I do not understand how Ed was not nominated. That scene I shared in the gif above was just too powerful. Why, Academy? 
  • The man hasn't been nominated in 14 years now! 
  • 14! 
  • For the love of God! That is a loooong time. That is as long as Arrival seemed to last for. That is half as long as I've been alive. Get your shit together, Academy, this is a disgrace.
  • I'm torn here because I'm sitting on so many embarrassing and funny stuff about Batfleck to tell you guys this week but he had Ed say the words 'lay the fuck down' as he was sporting that facial hair and playing a cop protecting kids. 
  • Ugghhhhhh Batfleck I owe you. You get a pass this week.
  • On Tuesday I finally saw To Kill a Priest. It's so freaking cool that he was in a movie about Polish history. And he made that around the time of The Abyss. How weird is this? On one hand there is a huge James Cameron blockbuster and on another there is a movie about something no one except Polish people know about. 
  • I actually did google search to find out how he ended up in that movie which I didn't find, but I did find a Polish article about him where they called him 'thinking women's sex symbol'. I think the RF of last 3 months contradicts the 'thinking' part of that statement. Also that article was written by a woman, it was from 3 years ago and it was so clear she was smitten by him. He met her in his house in Malibu and she witnessed him cutting down a tree. There was like an entire paragraph about that. Holy shit, I'd have written a novel about that.
  • But back to the movie...
  • Now, I could tell you about the story in it to teach you all something about my country. You know, like a responsible, mature person would. But I ain't those things so instead I'm gonna give you the rundown of the most memorable moments in this movie and in cursive I'm gonna share my exact thoughts during them:
  • Ed is holding a puppy. Oh my God it's so cute! The world is so beautiful and so pure!
  • People who resented Ed's character for his profession (he was part of the militia, essentially the people who kept the Polish people oppressed until 89') threw poison into the apartment and puppy ate it and died. Oh my God the world is so horrible! Why did it happen? There is no way a puppy would ever die next to him cause he is so wonderful and he would prevent all the puppy deaths in the world!
  • As he was escaping a dog jumped into Ed's character's car. At that point his character was seriously losing it. The dog's head was outside the car window and he kept pulling it up UNTIL IT ALMOST SUFFOCATED THE DOG and the dog was whimpering. He finally let the dog out. WHY WHY WHY IS THIS HAPPENING OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE OH MY GOD THIS POOR DOG OH NO THAT WAS SO TERRIBLE! How did they shoot this scene? Is the dog OK? IS THE DOG OK?!
  • He was shirtless. Yes, but the poor dog! I
  • He walked shirtless into the bedroom. 
  • Then he put his wife's legs on his shoulders (on. his. shoulders.)... 
  • ...and started fucking her.
  • ...
  • ....
  • ......
  • ........
  • ...........
  • ...what dog?
  •  You know, Gustav is chilling in the kitchen right now and I can actually FEEL him judging me.
  • So apparently for some reason Ed did the second movie with James Franco. It's called "In Dubious Battle" and that is gonna be released on VOD next weekend. With my luck Ed is gonna be in it for 5 minutes, but I'm still gonna see it.
  • 8 months until actual new Ed movie. I will even suffer through Lawrence on the big screen. I just hope he has a big role in this. If I go see it and he is in there for 10 minutes then I fucking hope Aronofsky got herpes from her.
  • Oscar nominees picture is hilarious as always. Viggo is seriously stoned. I cannot find Michael Shannon, was he not there? I was excited to see what he might wear.
  • Scarlett Johansson has said a lot of dumb stuff this week. First there was this. Obviously she is playing a person of another race comparing to the original film and instead of admitting to it and going with very easy "I play a robot and they have no race" excuse, she just lies. And then there is this. I just hate it when rich celebrities bitch about this sort of thing. You can hire people to help you, woman.
  • Kick Ass wants you to believe he is OK with not being Oscar nominated for Trashy Animals. Sure. He is as believable as if I claimed I was sane and not horny.
  • George Clooney and his wife are expecting twins. But that's not the biggest baby story this week. The biggest baby story is that the lucky Rosie has been blessed with the seed of Jason Statham. What the hell is this line in this gossip rag news about the age difference not being great? Hell, it's only 20 years! Also I need Jason to do Spy sequel asap.
  • That Vogue stuck the only not super skinny model in black shorts is hardly surprising because that whole model culture is still gross but the ridiculous photoshop is the thing of such astounding unprofessionalism it needs to be seen to be believed.
  • Kristen Stewart hosted SNL last weekend and apparently did very well. I'm glad, she is very talented and she seems like a cool person. It's not fair she is getting all the hate while this hick Lawrence gets almost none of it.
  • Yet it is Melissa McCarthy who totally stole the show with her parody of Trump's press secretary dude. I just love it when Melissa is in her angry mode. I still don't understand why they had her in such a subdued role in Ghosbusters. That is such a waste.
  • And finally I'm sure as you guys are reading this and it is so clear that I'm falling deeper into a hole of lonely, pervy madness you are thinking (hopefully) 'shall we do something?". Don't be alarmed. I could be worse. Exhibit - Johnny 9 Digits Went Broke Depp wants to buy sixth house. Why you may ask? Well, dear readers, Johnny already has 5 but he needs 6th because he wants to connect them all via a system of tunnels. He needs his own fucking Hogwarts. Even to me that is crazy. So it's definitely crazy.
  • Mark didn't love Moonlight as much as most seem to
  • Brittani writes about Christine. I'm still wondering about whether I should review it because RF makes you guys laugh but my frighteningly personal thoughts about this movie would depress you all so bad
  • Flixchatter reviews Rings which seems like a total crapfest
  • Alex chooses the best 'rotten' movies of 2016
  • Keith reviews Florence Foster Jenkins
  • Dan writes about insanely entertaining Hell or High Water 
  • Mariah shares epic Best and Worst of 2016 post
  • Dell reviews lovely Hidden Figures
  • Allie shares her BAFTA predictions and wishes
  • MettelRay reviews The Accountant
  • and m.brown is making us wait for his Handmaiden review and reviews Deepwater Horizon instead.


    1. Hi Sati, I hope you're doing well. Your mom is so funny. It's rare to see someone who loves Colin Farrel that much. So many people hate him. You may want to watch the original Beguiled. I'm not a Clint Eastwood fan, but I remember the original Beguiled was a decent film.

      I couldn't agree with you more on Donrnan and Cavill. They may be good looking but they are not attractive to me in the slightest. I just wrote on Dornan coming across as an emotionless automaton in the Fall season 3. I finally wrote my best/worst list for 2016. Donan is terrible. If he comes across as an emotionless robot in the television series he's in and in the films he's in...perhaps he cannot act?

      Oh Scarlett, what is she thinking? As much as I like her I won't be seeing Ghost in the Shell for reasons I've noted before. I still wish her the best, but comments like this do not help her.

      1. Yeah I heard it's a good movie! Hopefully I'll find the time to see it before the new one

        I heard he is good in that series but i find it hard to believe considering one has to be a really wooden actor to begin with to reach such levels of awful as he did in first Fifty Shades movie

    2. Thank you for the link by the way! It's been a long time coming.

    3. Your mom should've clearly pushed you to get knocked up by a hot actor lol.

      You know I'm with you on thinking IMDb shutting down their forums is bullshit. I don't believe it's studios though. I think they're losing it because they don't make money off of them.

      I still hate you Hiddles.

      Loool all this Ed perving. I want to see that sex scene now.

      I actually think Ed should've gotten the Oscar nom over William Hurt in History of Violence.

      You know what, good for Rosie and Statham. I didn't think they'd be together for as long as they have been.

      I definitely think you should review Christine.

      Thanks for the link.

      1. That was one good sex scene, man...I really hope Westworld uses his talents like that in second season...I need to stop thinking about this

        I rewatched HoV 2 days ago and I don't get Hurt's nomination at all

        My review of Christine would seriously depress everyone most of all me

    4. Through this blog, I'm learning more about Ed Harris than I thought was possible, lol. Perv on.

      I'm a little sad you don't like Gone Baby Gone. I actually love that one.

      McCarthy totally stole the show on SNL last weekend. And yes, she was way too subdued in Ghostbusters.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I know right? It's such an educational read my blog :P

        I just hate the story and the last twist and the ending. It makes no sense to me. but the cast and the execution was great

    5. Jamie Dornan is not sexy. He still looks like he's got a dildo shoved-up his ass. Tom Hiddleston, what a buffoon.

      I'm glad you're excited for The Beguiled as well as I have the original film in my DVR as I hope to see it before the remake.

      That impression of Sean Spicer by Melissa McCarthy was gold and probably the funniest thing I saw on SNL in a very long time. I haven't laughed that hard for a skit in years.

      1. Melissa reprised this last episode and I think she was even funnier :P The whole Ivanka products thing was hysterical

      2. I saw that. I was laughing just as harder and the way she used a blower to blow that woman's skirt and stuff. Goddamn.... I'm also loving what Kate McKinnon is doing right now playing Elizabeth Warren, Jeff Sessions, and Kellyanne Conway. Get Rosie O'Donnell as..... Melania.

      3. McKinnon was incredible in that Fatal Attraction bit!

    6. Oh. My. Sweet. Jesus. The Beguiled looks so good!! I wonder if he literally has a thing with every woman there.. is that like a beehive trap? Man, it looks like something I would enjoy and I mean, not gonna lie, Colin Farrell has a right amount of hotness and bad guyness to make me swoon.

      And honestly, I don't know how they made Dornan look so ugly in the Fifty movie, he looked way hotter in The Fall. And that's about the only times I've seen him, so I'm still a little confused which one he is.. but nobody can trump the Hiddleston.. he is the most unattractive brit out there at the moment. Jake at least did his fake relationship with Swift with some sort of dignity, and he has worked so hard not to talk about it.. like pretend it was real. My god, Hiddleston is so stupid!

      Thank you for the link! Looking forward for your thoughts on The Accountant.. hopefully you don't think it's rotten like the critics, because poor Ben needs some love too!

      1. Hiddleston has killed his career, I'm not sure I can even buy him as a bad guy in comic book movie anymore seeing how much of a disaster he is outside of the films. Literally every single thing he does PR wise is worse than the one he did before.

    7. Hey Margaret, thanks for the link!

      Ooooh The Beguiled trailer well, beguiled me. Intriguing concept indeed and what a great mostly-female cast. Colin also looks pretty good and actually has decent hair in this movie, ahah.

      "Imdb is shutting down its message boards" Wait what?? Heh that's too bad though I haven't been there in ages. I was dismayed when they shut down the external links from non-IMDb sites as every time I got linked there the traffic spiked up like crazy. Oh well.

      1. You're welcome!

        Yeah it's really awful. So many people talked about TV series and movies there on regular basis, it's such a shitty thing to do particularly because imdb is user created and that's how it repays people who spent their time there

      2. Yeah I think ever since Amazon bought IMDb it sort of forgot about the users :(

        Btw, all your commentary on Ed's movies and the spontaneous combustion bit… I can totally relate!! I'm crushing on a local actor now so I have to be real careful about showing it online as his wife might read it!! ;-) But yeah there was a sexy scene at the scifi movie he's in that I saw last Wednesday, let's just say it was excruciating to watch as he sat a couple rows behind me!! #ohthesenewandstrangesensations

      3. Oh man. That seems like a dangerous situation. If I were ever near my crushes I'd be in a jail right now. Try to control yourself :D

      4. Well it'll be interesting as he's actually going to be working on my short film :P Again, this is all very new, strange, discombobulating sensations for me… but hey I'm enjoying every moment of it!

    8. The Beguiled trailer really impressed me. There was something so eerie about it, especially the end when he's shouting and all the ladies are at the dinner table.

      1. Yes! That ending was very creepy, the way the stoic way in which they are sitting clashed with Farrell's screaming. Very good trailer!

      2. It was extremely atmospheric.

      3. Very much so, in a very sensual and claustrophobic way. Certainly hoping it's gonna be good!

    9. Shutting down the IMDB boards is just crazy. To be honest a lot of the posts there are by trolls, but it can't be that difficult to get some moderators? Most do it as a hobby I thought anyway?
      Maybe in some weird way it'll give more power to us bloggers?
      I don't know WHY Jamie Dornan thinks this current look of his is good, but it's yuk. Coming from someone who normally thinks he's quite hot!
      I don't think I've read your 50 Shades review yet but I know what I'm doing next!
      Thank you for the link my lovely :)

      1. You're welcome! The imdb thing is so annoying, I always go there after watching a movie to read what people wrote on the board :/

    10. Thanks for the link! That Beguiled trailer is insane and I can't wait for it. And again, SO happy you liked Pollock. What an emotionally brutal film.

      1. Yes! It took me a while to get through entire film, good lord it was so heavy and so well directed by Ed.