Friday, February 17, 2017

(275) God bless blind 80's MPAA + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, February 17, 2017
  • Oh my God you guys. I was almost killed by imdb trivia page and google search this week.
  • I was checking out trivia on some of the Ed's movies I have left to watch. I was reading about Swing Shift and this is what I read "In an early scene, Ed Harris, clad only in a towel wrapped around his waist, plops down on a chair. For a split second his genitals are fully exposed. This scene somehow evaded the censors (and in a PG rated film) and in the first video release, the scene is intact. The scene has now disappeared from later releases."
  • After I regained consciousness I did the only thing I could do.
  • A google image search.
  • ..
  • .... 
  • .....
  • ......
  • I love movies so damn much.
  • God bless that pervy person who took frame by frame screenshots.
  • and God bless you blind 80's MPAA because that is one MASSIVE thing to overlook.
  • so anyways...
  • (no, hold on I still need to compose myself)
  • OK, OK I can do this.
  • No, no I can't stop thinking about this!
  • Because oh my God imagine back in the 80's you're sitting there in the cinema during Goldie Hawn's comedy and this happens. This is like Fight Club only better. And bigger. 
  • I'm fine. I'm so fine. It's all good.
  • (also we all know what I'm watching tonight, don't we?)
  • I saw Code Name: Emerald. I didn't live tweet that one because it was actually engrossing enough for me to be super interested in the plot. Also my only thought was 'my God, he is so beautiful' and that's just a fact so it's redundant to tweet. 
  • Also this is the second movie in which he was in Nazi uniform looking so handsome I almost wept. I'm so going to hell because of this one and Enemy at the Gates. 
  • And the perving during Third Miracle where he was a priest ensured that I will be in the worst circle where Lucifer shits on me or something. In my defense he has some serious moves in this too - he makes out with Anne Heche and does this thing where he grabs her thigh and wraps her leg around his back.
  • ....
  • I need to calm the fuck down. At least long enough to bring you guys new Battfleck, Gibson and Hiddles news. That's right, we had a truly golden week of rumors, news and ridiculous tweets.
  • On Sunday I rewatched History of Violence. I just...don't understand so much about this movie. How did William Hurt get nominated for an Oscar? How did Ed only had 10 minutes of screen time? How dared they to mess up half of his gorgeous face (OK it was justified by the story but still that is just so wrong!)? How did people around him in this movie didn't pass out when he was wearying the hell out of that suit?
  • I also saw Under Fire. Ed was in it for like 10 minutes but he was the best thing about the movie. He played a mercenary. He had a gun. Oh my sweet Jesus.
  • James Franco's new movie In Dubious Battle premiered today. Ed is in it.
  •  According to RT it's trash but Ed steals the show. He is only in it for few minutes so I'm not gonna waste my weekly Friday drinking and viewing evening of fun on this, it's gonna have to wait for a worse day. 
  • Also this happened ---> 
  • It has dawned on me as I took the annual day off after Oscars today that it's fucking February. My sole New Year's Resolution was to be less of a mess and it is 17th February and It's worse than ever. What is worse is that my pride and joy of this 'website' my end of the year epic list's draft is an embarrassment. You know the one, the one with about 70 categories? The draft's state today is just The Handmaiden as the win in 60% of categories and a big ass gif of Ed Harris in Westworld captioned 'so hot my panties flew off to the moon'. Help me, I'm dumb and unorganized.
  • I saw that dick trivia on Monday and that's when my brain died therefore all the other stuff that happened this week I was reading while being even dumber than usual (I prove weekly in these posts that it is in fact possible to become far more stupid in just a matter of days). But even at height of my abilities everything that happened since Monday would be too insane to process.
  • First Hiddles tweeted this. Is he OK? Did someone kick him in a vagina? This is more pathetic than me getting wasted while rewatching The Rock on Valentine's Day. He is a celebrity and his pathetic tweets reach far more people than my pathetic tweets, therefore he does more damage to the general image of the human race than I do.
  • Then Harrison was in the news and that was surreal. I just cannot believe so many things about this whole situation - Calista letting him out of the house on Valentine's Day of all days, him confusing the lanes and him actually saying the words: Was that airliner meant to be underneath me? It's hysterical. People are probably telling Calista to take away his keys and give him a toy plane instead.
  • And then there was news about Robert Downey Jr.'s next film. I don't even know what to say here.
  • Last week in RF there was a moratorium on any Batfleck news (because all of them are bad lately) on occasion of me yet again rewatching Gone Baby Gone as a thank you to Ben for giving me this:
  • (a pause for me to 1. enjoy those gifs which I made 2. wipe the drool off my desk 3 change my underwear 4. sacrifice a goat so that I can somehow get with this)
  • (hold on, I looked at the third gif again I need to repeat steps 2-4)
  • During this time the rumors started building up and now we have the websites everywhere reporting that Ben doesn't want to be Batman anymore. It's the case of a snowball creating media 'news' avalanche again but in this case that snowball actually came from separate people in WB. Also it does make sense. The person who was hurt by their involvement with DCEU the most was J-boo and who knows if his career ever recovers (he is slowly recovering from the lesbian haircut so at least this is something I can be thankful for) but Ben is right after him. While Ben was good in the role and from what I recall he didn't get that bad reviews for it, the hatred for the movie (which comparing to Suicide Squad was nowhere near being a mess) created the kind of climate in which it was OK or even popular to laugh at Ben.  So it's only natural he wants out (especially now that Jennifer Garner is apparently divorcing him). The thing is if he does, it could probably cause the shutdown of the violent dumpster fire that is DCEU and end all of our suffering in witnessing that relentless shitshow of drama. 
  • That was my impression when I read all the rumors. But then Thursday's news came...
  • Mel Gibson is 'familiarizing himself with the material' and is in talks to direct Suicide Squad sequel. 
  • I just....where are we? What the hell is going on?
  • Every single time the radio station played 30 Seconds to Mars yesterday and today in my office I burst out laughing because I was imagining Gibson yelling at Leto in his Joker make up "I deserve to be blown first, Sugar Tits!"
  • But this is yet another thing that shows hypocrisy and I hate hypocrisy - we have Gibson getting the "we don't care what you did, you make profitable movies" treatment and getting a pass. Gibson is abusive towards women. No one denies that. There's also alcoholism and antisemitism but as a woman his treatment of women is what really bothers me. We have Hollywood awarding Polanski the highest honors, we have people praise Meryl Streep while turning the blind eye to her applauding him and now we have the studios say, still, that you can be a horrible person but if you can make them money it's OK. This is not right in any profession. I think Gibson's involvement there would bring a good movie and probably tons of legendary set stories but this is not right.  
  • And again it goes back to the Academy choosing to nominate his film. There's a point where you cannot be an influential awards body and a studio and say 'let's separate the work from person' and I think that point is violence and abuse. Stop giving these people praise and opportunities to make money. It's enabling them. If a human being is being beaten up or abused you don't have the right to excuse it with 'but the person who did that made amazing art'. Art is not more important than human being's dignity, just get the fuck outta here with this reasoning.
  • All of that said I am sure 'familiarizing himself with material' is Gibson asking Affleck about his experiences. I imagine Affleck is sobbing hysterically and tells Gibson to get in there and avenge him while they are both in the basement of a church where Affleck has his AA meetings. It must be like a scene from Face/Off complete with white doves flying in slow mo in the background. 
  • And there is no way WB people would fuck with Mel on this. Ayer is a pussy so they walked all over him, Affleck is exhausted so when they tried to mess with him he bailed but I don't think anyone in WB has the balls to go against Mad Mel. He would drown them in that jacuzzi.
  • Scarlett Johansson has said some really stupid stuff last week but she topped herself this week. Yes, Scarlett if you are a weak and think if a person needs to 'work' on something it's not natural while you are about to be divorced for second time before you are forty then the marriage is not in your nature. But don't tell other people it's not natural.
  • But on the subject of white male being able to do whatever you want - hey, why is Scarlett getting hit with whitewashing accusations when there is a movie starring Matt Damon being released right now where he saves Chinese people from dragon or something?
  • Here's Robert Pattinson cosplaying as one of the nihilists from The Big Lebowski.
  • Carlos Santana has said truth about Beyonce and then he back paddled after her ridiculous fans went after him. Gee, what  a tragedy that this overrated chick who uses pregnancy like fashion accessory didn't win awards for an album where she sings about her cheating husband whom she didn't even leave. I am so sad about this you guys. what an justice. And yes it should be about music. I don't care if Beyonce wraps herself in gold and pretends to be Virgin Mary, puts highlighter on her tits and shakes her ass on stage. 
  • Barely alive Rooney Mara and dead eyed Ryan Gosling star together in new Terrence Mallick's movie (first trailer here). Unless Fassbender, who is also in this, whips his dick out, I will slip into a coma if I ever dare to watch this.
  • Ryan Murphy has decided that the America has not been traumatized enough as it is and he is centering the 7th season of AHS on 2016 presidential election. This is actually quite inspired. I wonder what he suggests is the source of the awfulness of Trump. My God, what a total hick. For a President of any country to rant for 77 minutes and spew lies would be undignified, let alone the President of USA. What he does in the office is one thing but the lack of total class is just truly embarrassing to watch.
  • And here is the first trailer for Feud.
  • Caught up with Margot Robbie SNL sketches. This one slayed me. Also Melissa McCarthy again killed it in the newest episode. McKinnon was just brilliant as Conway in Fatal Attraction sketch.
  • and finally, something that will make you happy - we are getting a short Love Actually cast reunion!
  • Brittani reviews Code Unknown
  • Alex writes about Best Actor Oscar nominees
  • MettelRay reviews Sing Street 
  • Keith reviews The Edge of Seventeen 
  • Another brave piece on overrated La La Land on OnTheScreenReviews
  • Flixchatter and Mark review Nocturnal Animals
  • and finally m.brown reviews The Handmaiden


    1. Wait, you describe this towel shot of Harris and you don't even SHARE it? The fuck is this? lol

      I literally lol'd at Hiddleston being kicked in the vagina.

      I have to disagree with Carlos Santana though. Beyonce is absolutely a singer. I think he's forgetting that Lemonade was a visual album and it absolutely makes sense for Beyonce to have these elaborate productions. I'm glad Adele won record of the year, but Lemonade should've won album. I get why people dislike her, but I can't fault her for bringing visuals to the table while performing her visual album.

      *goes to listen to Sandcastles*

      Scarlett, I love you but wtf?

      McCartney is amazing as Spicer. I still lol at "Spicy needs a big boy nap"

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I can't just post a dick shot here. I mean I could but this is like the only standard this website has left :lol:

        It's just that she always has those elaborate productions. I never see her just standing there and singing there is always some shit happening in the background, same with Gaga but at least Gaga has catchy songs

    2. I'll admit, I haven't been a fan of Carlos Santana's recent work since Supernatural but he is right about Beyonce. Besides, I don't want to see your naked pregnant belly! I'm so glad I no longer watch the Grammys as I heard it was a fucking shit-storm.

      Did you know there's a director's cut of Swing Shift that has never been seen? Since Goldie Hawn was the producer of that film, she wanted it to be a certain way but Jonathan Demme had other ideas. She didn't like his cut and hired someone to re-cut the film w/o Demme's consent though he still has the director's cut of that film somewhere in his vault.

      I love Scar-Jo and yeah, she's saying some dumb things. It's all because she hasn't met the right guy. And that man is me...

      They better have a toy of Dolores. The one in the Man in Black is awesome.

      Poor Ben.... he's having a really rough year. I think he needs some time off and then make a smaller movie with Matt Damon.

      1. Someone needs to get that cut from that vault :D i bet it has more Ed Harris in it, seeing how Russell really didn't do well in comparison to him.

        That's very possible, you should go do something about that! :)

        Yep there is one of Dolores. 7 Westworld dolls altogether.

    3. Thanks for the link Margaret! I'm so out of it w/ Hollywood news these days so thanks for filing me in! I did hear about the a short Love Actually cast reunion, that'll be fun but hopefully Emma Thompson will join also. I'll be sad there won't be Alan Rickman in it though.

      Ahahahaha, you lusting over Ed Harris is quite um, entertaining to read… again I can relate, though I don't think I care to see such a scene. For me, less is more and I don't need to see everything to think a man is sexually attractive :P

      1. Yeah me neither but it's nice it's...there on the footage :) I think we can all agree the world is a better place for what Fassbender did in Shame too... :D

    4. i am so disappointed that you didn't discover this Ed Harris flashing on The Film Experience when we featured it just months ago when we revisited Swing Shift. It is in fact a glorious sight (as most Ed Harris sightings are)

      1. A glorious sight indeed :) and a glorious podcast which made me rewatch Places in the Heart!

    5. Thanks for sharing Malick trailer! My favorite Ed Harris film is The Abyss. Maybe I should say The Hours but his role is so small in that. His moment at History of Violence press conference is more memorable to me than the actual movie

      1. Ha, I love how everyone always talks of meltdown with that video but he was actually just illustrating what violence is. You'd think after the reactions to this video he threw that glass at Viggo :D

    6. Oh boy, at least your weeks seem to be filled with heightened emotions towards Ed, I have nothing.. I have a very short attention span for fangirling.. like, one day it's Jake Gylllenhaal, the other day it's Riz Ahmed and then it's nothing for weeks.

      BUT next week, I'll get my shit together and I'll watch Hell or High Water and write about John Wick 2 and Fifty Shades Darker! But I'll also try to fangirl a little. And maybe, just because I'm now curious, google Ed's dick.. (never thought I'd write that sentence)

      Thanks for the link!! And I hope next Friday you'll write about The Accountant.. I hope you don't hate it and like it a little.. it's gotten some bad criticism and it's a shame because for the life of me, I can't see what's so wrong with it. :/

      1. I legit think my insane fangirling is the one thing that is keeping me alive, not food, not water but this. And yes I go all in I think I saw 40 of his movies so far which is some sort of record for me

        Google it :D never enough of dicks. This should be the tagline of this site btw

        I was supposed to watch it last night but I remembered Big Little Lies premiered so saw it instead, hopefully I will watch it tonight

    7. That Feud trailer is something else. I still really want to see the show, but that has got to be one of the most poorly edited trailers I've ever seen. But anyyyway, thanks again for the link!

      1. Haha, yeah TV shows that are not on HBO don't have the best trailers :)

    8. I agree with Brittani. You clearly had a moral obligation to SHARE that towel scene. :-)

      1. You guys are so cool for wanting to see that :D But really google it!

    9. *Scrolls to find Ed Harris peen* IT'S NOT ON HERE!??!?!!

      Also, Code Name: Emerald...I had no idea Ed Harris was once such a total hottie...holy balls. Okay, since you've been doing a lot of Harris research...what are your top 3 movies of his...or should you turn this question into an actual post!??!?? I love him...he's fantastic.


        He could come in here and be 200 years old and I would die

        I'm doing two separate Ed Harris themed posts but as for the movies of his...

        1. Glengarry Glen Ross
        2.The Hours
        3. Apollo 13


        The Rock
        China Moon
        State of Grace