Friday, March 10, 2017

(278) and Logan leads me astray + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, March 10, 2017
  • Hoisted by my own envious tweeting:
  •  Today's RF is just such filth. It begins with filth and it ends with so much filth you are gonna need to take a shower. I cannot function properly after eyefucking Hugh Jackman for 2 hours today. I was imagining such scenarios during this damn movie it's a miracle I was able to follow the plot at all. I would take a shower because I'm drenched in sweat but I would collapse halfway to the bathroom.
  • So last week I talked a little about this movie that suggests there are two guys who look like Ed and one woman gets with both of them and how it is pure sci-fi. I was thinking about that this week, you know as one does in the office on a Tuesday, and it occurred to me that Ed is actually the king of science fiction. This is off the top of my head:
  • he is a super sweet teacher, has a sweet kid, a house and he doesn't care that a woman is a hooker and is probably crawling with herpes (Milk Money)
  • he is a super sweet cop, is protective and will drop numerous hints for you so that when you ask him to spend the night it's his fault and not yours because you are horny (Laura Linney didn't ask him to stay over, the only thing faster than me asking him that would be my underwear falling off) (Absolute Power)
  •  he is a super sweet cop who will cover up you murdering your husband because he is gonna do anything for you even when it is slowly turning out that you are shady as fuck (China Moon)
  •  he is a super sweet cop (intense edition) who marries a hooker because he loves her and he protects kids. Yeah he kinda helps abduct one but it's all good. Oh and good God, the beard (Gone Baby Gone)
  • he is a noble and intense general and he takes you hostage on Alcatraz. That's it. That's all that needs to happen. I would take it from there, General. Oh, do you need help you...with that missile? (The Rock)
  • he is a super sweet cowboy and doesn't care that you banged some dudes you just met and made a pass at his friend (Appaloosa)
  • he is a super sweet whoever he was in this movie (doesn't matter, he wore suits and it's all that matters) and doesn't care that you lose his child after watching him for 5 minutes because you are an incompetent moron, no, he is still gonna propose to you in the best way ever (Stepmom).
  • Are you fucking kidding me with this?
  • (of course there are exceptions to this rule where what happens is not too good to be true like above but stupid as hell like Westworld suggesting any woman married to this would off herself. If I had him I'd straddle him like that ghost girl in Shutter)
  • I saw the ultimate example of the above rule last Saturday. I was supposed to watch Borderline on Friday and finish Walker but my new diet of almost just kale and powdered algae (I bought a leather skirt and I can put it on but when I sit in it it threatens to rip apart. But it's too awesomely slutty to return so nope, diet it is) makes it so that after a drink I kinda pass out so I didn't do that on Friday. On Saturday I decided to go another way and really treat myself because 90s Ed is the best one I saw something else. I have only 3 movies out of this decade left to watch. Well one of those was Running Mates. I had an insanely shitty quality of it which was ripped of VHS and had Polish speaker over the original audio (why, God, why?) so I'm thinking of buying it on Amazon, but I never bought anything there...still that would be worth owning on DVD for the way he looks in that alone, my God.
  • Scenario - you are a divorcee who looks the least feminine a woman can look (I'm not counting other species like Dunham or Schumer) which is to say Diane Keaton plays her. When you were in high school you had a crush on this dude who never noticed you. Can you guess who he turns into when he is grown up?
  • Ding ding ding. 
  • and get this - she bumps into him in the restaurant, crashes a tray like a fool and he...falls in love. And he is rich. And a senator. And he wants to be president. And he shows up to her house with food to cook for her. And he brings her a glass of wine. And he proposes. Then during the course of the movie it turns out he is the most understanding dude ever.
  •  Also there is a scene where he ties a bow tie and I legit almost died.
  •  Mid week I saw Paris Trout which was a really good movie. Ed Harris played a lawyer (yeah cause lawyers look like this. I meet lawyers every day, spoiler alert - they don't look like this. It's the opposite of this.. My. life. is. garbage.) and most importantly a southern gentleman. The drawl. Good God, the drawl. There is this amazing scene he has with main female character right before they sleep together where he steals movie. He admits something shameful and he instantly breaks down in tears with such remorse. Amazing. Also please stop killing his characters in movies, I can barely handle watching this.
  • This week Ed was nominated for his work in a play Buried Child. It's so nice because award bodies that have TV categories have embarrassed themselves so bad this year when they ignored his work in Westworld.
  • The last two movies Ed did he was in them for about 10 minutes - and that's combined - from what I heard (In Dubious Battle + Rules Don't Apply) and are not very good. I still need to see those. But clearly by then I have not suffered enough. Because the trailer for this thing dropped. I knew he was in this but the piece of critical info eluded me before. Gerard Butler plays the lead. And Gerard Butler being in a movie cast list these days is like when at one point during the month I get cramps.
  • It means something horrible is coming.
  • And if you thought the trailer was awful, this is the plot -  "As a man heads into space to prevent climate-controlling satellites from creating a storm of epic proportions, his brother discovers a plot to assassinate the president
  • And here are the mandatory tweets including the mandatory gif of him I made:
  •  Man, after seeing the trailer and even worse reading what Geostorm is about I wish Marvel just made him an offer. Like there is no need for him to do movies this bad every once in a while to get money, he could be in Marvel movie instead. I watch everything he is in and Marvel movies are at least watchable which I'm not sure Geostorm is gonna be. I'll make it through it, sure, that's what the liquor is for, but for fuck's sake to see Ed in a movie this dumb or in a role that is 5 minutes of screen time is just so awful. The man should lead not follow, he should be in movies worthy of him and he should be in them plenty. Look at Jeff Goldblum getting that Marvel money Ed. Just, get it too, please.
  • There must be something in Marvel universe that is suitable for him. Like some sort of king. Or a a god. Or a creature that when it appears before women they just climax simply from looking at him.
  • I just...don't understand. Why is this photoshoot a big deal. No, no - why is this chick a big deal? She is not that talented or that attractive. What, is it because she is a feminist and reads books? A literate actress, what a miracle! Why is her showing that a big deal? If she wants to show it, let her. I see Beyonce's insane fans went after Watson because she once was mildly critical of Beyonce grinding like a hooker in a video or something. How is Watson posing in a photoshoot same as Beyonce swinging her ass so much it may fall off in her videos? No, don't answer, I don't care.
  • But still, the airhead award of the week (almost) goes to Stewart. Ah, and she was doing so well lately. There it goes.
  • It's not the young ones who are the worst this week. I am genuinely embarrassed for Marion Cotillard acting like this.
  • It's like in the week of International Women's Day they swore to embarrass us all.
  • Not one. Not two. But three embarrassing things Tom Hiddleston did this week.
  •  Ridley Scott said he wants to do six Alien prequel movies. I am a huge fan of the franchise so seeing the director of the original masterpiece lose his shit completely and spreading what is not innovative, not interesting and not original story into so many films without actually proposing anything new or thought provoking is saddening. Ridley thinking that the studio will be up for that after Covenant is released is hilarious. The film arrives in 2 months, the disappointing plot of it is online and has been for a long time and the marketing campaign is not only boring but it's also spoiling the movie. I am losing interest in seeing it, to be honest.
  •  Here's Guy Pearce coming up with about 5 different ways to use the word 'rehash' without actually saying the word 'rehash'. Ridley should send hookers holding baskets of cocaine to both Pearce and Fassbender because they both spin his ideas into absolute gold to the press and the interviews with these guys have much more finesse than Covenant indubitably will.
  • Instead of flying everyone from Westworld cast an crew to whatever desert they are shooting it on to start making season 2 already HBO is doing this. Here is the teaser for season 7 of Game of Thrones without actual footage from the show. The teaser is kinda cool but them using Catelyn's dying scream considering what was done to the character afterwards is just disgusting.
  • Couple of weeks ago I sent over some squirrels to traumatize m.brown enough to get him to watch Westworld and he caught them ;( I don't know what to send now.
  • Thor: Ragnarok first images were released. I think they look great. Taika is clearly going on in for the crazy, colorful style. The only two complaints I have is that this was the one movie that could have been really serious entry in Marvel universe and it seems they are going more into Guardians of the Galaxy direction. Also not only is Valkyrie butchered because of the insane desire to always appeal to SJW crowd but she looks so generic. And going by Tessa's mediocre acting in Westworld she won't save the character. But other than this between Goldblum looking insane, Blanchett looking like a goddess and the color palette, I'm psyched.
  • Brie Larson threw even more shade Casey Affleck's way. I think it's nice she still hugged him on stage which was gracious of her. If he went for the hug and she would say no that would not be cool especially since no one knows if Affleck even did those things he was accused of.
  •  Poor Prince William and Duchess of Cambridge are being dispatched to visit Poland as "Brexit ambassadors" After what my country's government has been doing lately I'll be surprised if they don't kick us out of EU let alone do stuff to make us stay (I am only partially kidding). I hope they bring the kids but on the other hand I do not want my role model having to meet with our prime minister or president. Unless he disses them even harder than he dissed Trudeau.
  •  Jessica Chastain was actually just here to promote her movie and she marched along with Polish women on International Women's Day. Don't be fooled by the occasion, we have those marches going on all the time. Women are out there on the streets marching every week or so because it's just horrible here. At that point - not that anyone is volunteering to have a kid with me - I'd be against having a child solely because I think in this country pregnancy is 50/50 death sentence with what is going with medical care, abortion laws and basically everything. Sometimes I handle cases of things going wrong during birth and I really don't think I'd ever risk something like this.
  • Patricia Clarkson is going to play the role of the mother in Sharp Objects. And here is the girl who will play Amma. Both great casting choices. But Adams is playing the lead and having seen lots of her roles if she actually pulls this off I'm gonna be amazed. She has absolutely no charisma and almost no range required here.
  • The most shocking thing that happened this week was the fact that new show from Marvel - Iron Fist - is actually getting bad reviews. What on Earth will DCEU fans say now when their favorite 'critics are paid off to like Marvel's stuff' excuse just died on its ass?
  • New Wonder Woman trailer drops tomorrow.
  •  I really am not sure what Samuel L. Jackson is getting at here. That if someone lived through something they will be better at portraying it? Well then that's not acting, that's just re-enacting. Actors act, they pretend. Personal experiences may help them but it's not right to say we should cast this group of people over this group of people because they lived through something. Also shouldn't he be glad black actors are finally getting high profile roles, regardless of their nationality? It's not like Jackson ain't getting hired. Come on.
  • John Goodman had so much fun when receiving his star on the walk of fame.
  • Feud - the first episode was simply terrific. I love What Ever Happened to Baby Jane so seeing behind the scenes of it was so much fun. And so far Sarandon is just stealing the show from everyone.
  • So apparently Naomi Watts and Liam Neeson may be dating
  • More importantly there is this piece of info.   
  • And before you pervs start tweeting me here it is. When he is running. 
  • and here is Ricky Gervais' laughter replacing studio audience's laughter in The Big Bang Theory clip.
  • And now let's get to the situation I referred to in this RF's title...
  • I'm sure while you are reading my RFs you think - other than "oh my God we need to send for help" - "Sati is such a faithful fan of Ed Harris. It's so admirable how she only fangirls about him". And that is true - I always fangirl about only one actor at a time because as you can see from extent of it, fangirling over more than 1 would probably kill me.
  • Dear readers, I've just seen Logan
  • And I've almost just been killed. 
  • No, no. I think I actually did die. And this is coming to you from Beyond.
  • I am such a bad, bad fangirl.
  • No, but seriously, oh Jesus Christ. I'm gonna review the film because the film - other than some of the CGI and the score which I found jarring - was fantastic. I'm not actually that much into Hugh - I do find him attractive after all I do have working eyes, but I never had an actual reaction to him. Today in the cinema at one point, I shit you not, I swear to God, I stopped breathing.
  • By now the reviewers told you already that the film is great but they failed to mention it's PORN. Apparently these elements combined - grey in the hair, beard, suit or tanktop, throwing 'fuck' all the time, protecting a child, tearing bad guys apart, AT LEAST THREE RANDOM SCENES WHERE HE IS SLEEPING AND ALL YOU COULD HEAR IS HIS BREATHING FOR WHAT FELT LIKE ETERNITY - results in me having a pretty fucking strong reaction to Hugh Jackman.
  • I'm not sure people understand when I say I stopped breathing. I did legit stopped breathing. And then I choked on my own drool.
  • I don't even know how I found my way back home from cinema. Or how I'm still alive. Or how to you know...go on living.
  • I actually have Eddie the Eagle loaded in another bookmark. And if I push play I am falling through a hole...into the tunnel...that ends with me having a heart attack, probably.
  • I finally get my shit together enough to spellcheck this post and I go to my gossip website and this is there. I can't. As God is my witness, I can't.
  • MettelRay and Brittani also loved Logan 
  • Ruth shares Five for Fifth for March
  • Myerla lists best performances of 2016
  • m.brown has no time for Westworld but he not only watches but also reviews that ridiculous Jennifer Lawrence mop movie
  • Dell highlights the work of great Laurence Fishburne
  • OnTheScreenReviews lists three movies based on true crimes


    1. I've learned so much about Ed Harris' filmography here lol.

      Wtf is Marion trying to do there?

      I guess Hiddlestits took a page out of the "Chris Evans lowkey staring at Lizzie Olsen's boobs" book.

      Hugh Jackman can get it lol. Dude is extra gorgeous with facial hair. I'm jealous of his wife.

      Thanks for the link! I'm glad you liked Logan too.

      1. Well people need to know these things! :D

        Marion is just acting so silly lately :/

        His wife is seriously so lucky. and his dogs which he apparently carries around. Ugh so not fair!

    2. Uh-oh...are we going to start seeing Hugh on a regular basis around here? It is a fantastic movie, though. Glad you enjoyed it. And how the hell did I miss those tweets? Great stuff.

      Love your rundown on all those Ed Harris characters. It's kinda ridiculous when you lay them all out in a list like that.

      Cotillard is practically unrecognizable in those pics. I hope the project she's promoting is worth it.

      Thanks for the link love!!!

      1. I think so...I just discovered he has two dogs he dresses up and walks himself. Man it's a shame they did 3 of those Wolverine films and apparently only this one did him justice (I haven't seen the previous two yet)

    3. Now that I'm back from my unexpected hiatus. You have been watching a lot of Ed Harris. I'm saddened that he is now in a movie with someone as untalented and unbearable as Gerard Buttwad.

      1. I think Gerard is ok, I liked him in that PS I Love You movie but he has been doing such awful movies lately

    4. I saw ads for Buried Child when I was on holiday in London in Jan. You really are committed with your Ed Harris appreciation, look forward to career summary post

      1. Yeah only 5 movies left to watch! I'm so excited to highlight his work, maybe someone will actually be encouraged and watch those movies :)

    5. Patricia Clarkson as the mother in Sharp Objects? Yes please. :-)

    6. As always, great fun to read Sati :) I always laugh at your crushes, haha they are not only funny but you turn me onto films I'd never have come across otherwise. So thanks :)

      I too have learned a lot about Ed's filmography! I'll have to check some more stuff out, cos he is pretty goddamned awesome. I only really know him from The Rock and Westworld tho :(

      And Cottilard... wtf?! I don't understand that at all. As for Hiddles... well, I really like him as an actor but he has certainly sabotaged his own career. Sad.

      1. Oh you are gonna have pretty awesome guide soon :) I will write about all of his performances so hopefully people will get curious about some of those movies and check them out. The man did every genre other than musical :)

      2. Cool! Looking forward to that one :D

    7. Thanks for the link Margaret!

      I love it!! So now it's Ed and Hugh… now we just need to see them in a movie together and watch you explode :P

      Mwahahaha!! I saw that abomination that is Geostorm trailer and saw a glimpse of Ed and was like 'noooooooo!!!! what would Margaret think of this????' Seriously, everything Gerry touches these days is a pile of shit.

      Thor: Ragnarok is gonna be so much fun!! And finally, a DC movie to look forward to!! Can't wait for Wonder Woman trailer to drop.

      1. You're welcome!

        I swear to God if Harris showed up in Logan I'd mo longer be in the realm of living. That film was beyond hot as it was.

        Yes I am very sad that I'm gonna have to see this :lol:

        New Wonder Woman trailer is fun but the Comic Con trailer for it is still the best one

    8. That whole Emma Watson thing is nonsense, the way everyone was raving about it I expected her to have the tits clean out but no...they were mostly covered. If she wants to show her tits...she can. I just shrugged and moved on.

      I enjoyed Logan also but not quite as much as you, haha. Thanks for the link!

      1. I doubt anyone enjoyed it as much as me:D You're welcome!

    9. “I bought a leather skirt and I can put it on but when I sit in it it threatens to rip apart. But it's too awesomely slutty to return so nope, diet it is” I’m not sure if we’ve reached new heights or new lows with this detail, but I am sure you have my undying support in your leather-clad efforts.

      “There must be something in Marvel universe that is suitable for him. Like some sort of king. Or a god. Or a creature that when it appears before women they just climax simply from looking at him.” I must have been reading the wrong comics when I was a kid. Totally don’t recall King Orgasmitron and his powers of lubrication.

      “Couple of weeks ago I sent over some squirrels to traumatize m.brown enough to get him to watch Westworld and he caught them ;( I don't know what to send now.” NOT FUNNY. We’re a week in, and this f—king guy is still pulling squirrels out of our house. Unhappy wife = sad times for m.brown.

      “…not that anyone is volunteering to have a kid with me - I'd be against having a child solely because I think in this country pregnancy is 50/50 death sentence with what is going with medical care, abortion laws and basically everything.” Great. Now, I feel worse about what I said (in jest!)

      “John Goodman had so much fun when receiving his star on the walk of fame.” If there is someone on this planet that doesn’t take joy in seeing an ecstatic John Goodman, just know, I’m coming for them.

      Hahahaha…the f—king mop movie. I totally think the marketing department dropped the ball when they allowed it to be called Joy instead.

      Thanks for the link, Tink.

      1. I don't know....I think your wife's mood may improve after you both see Logan. And if she falls asleep....the squirrels will never go away

        That title would at least have some energy which was non-existent in Joy. I'm still impressed with myself i actually finished it

    10. Great RF! Logan was so badass! And I'm glad you liked the first episode of Feud too. I thought it was great.