Friday, June 23, 2017

(293) Can God photoshop my life? + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, June 23, 2017
  • Oh my God. Oh my God this whole video.
  • Well. since you're in good mood now after watching it, I hereby announce that the website and my charming presence in the blogosphere is going on semi-hiatus. I have been running this shit show for 6 years or so and never did this happen in the whole history of this website, but adulting sucks and comes with consequences. That means I'm unfortunately going to be on your websites MUCH less with my wise and super appropriate comments and the only posts here for the next couple of weeks are going to be RFs. I just have too much going on now, the work is insane lately - keep in mind I have a full time job that has nothing to do with movies and is emotionally and - clearly - mentally draining. I wish I could say that this is because I'm hardcore dating (lol) or I'm pregnant (double lol) but no, it's really just because of work. If it slows down, I'll have the time but it's not slowing down at all and it's been like that for several months now. I am exhausted and I really can't keep going like this.
  • I have so many posts in draft but I cannot find the energy to finish them. So this sophisticated content is probably all that is going to be happening on this website in July. RF posts happen easily (but they still require a lot of work) - it's basically just a selection of what I tweeted about any given week - so Hugh and bitching about movie news. Fortunately, I always ramble on so there's always enough to at least have a post here every Friday and not less often. 
  • So last weekend I did the epic marathon of X-Men. X2 and The Last Stand. Yet again I was outraged about the pants thing. And the cat who licks his claws is the official MVP on the relatable scale in the franchise, even winning with the girl in the limo from Logan and all the ladies eyefucking him in The all the ladies in The Wolverine.
  • This is the dumbest thing ever. Unless...his dick creates some sort of force field that is impenetrable by telekinetic energy....holy shit, did I just provide a reasonable explanation for one of the cinema's most embarrassing and dumb plot holes?
  • I couldn't stop so I also saw his scenes in Scoop again:
  • Are you ready to laugh? Because what I'm about to tell you is hilarious.
  • I don't know if you guys are aware of this but along with asinine twitter update that made stuff round - and it took me 15 minutes to choose a profile pic that doesn't look awful in this format - they flagged whole bunch of things as sensitive material. So if you don't have it checked that you want to view such material in your settings before you see my twitter profile you see a warning that it may contain "sensitive material and language". Yep. Twitter put a warning because of me posting shirtless pictures of Jackman and excessively using the words "penis","fuck" and "boo boo", probably. 
  • I might have just as well post a picture of my tits (though nobody wants to see that) and get the same treatment. Have they gone insane? 
  • I look forward to whenever Google adopts such policy and this place gets shut down. 
  • (though I agree that pictures of that man should come with a warning.)
  • However keep going like that, social media. Shutting down imdb message boards. Trigger warnings on tumblr. Sensitive content warnings on twitter. I'm not a well adjusted person but if I were as sheltered as today's The youth today is mostly gutless, stupid, lazy, sheltered and every day they becoming more so. By all means hold their hand and make them believe things in life also happen with a warning.
  • But back to what actually matters...
  • The never-ending saga of Taron looking at Hugh like I look at Hugh continues with this moment I discovered this week:
  • He actually invaded the dog magazine I read.
  • (yes I do read a dog magazine. Because I'm a super awesome dog owner. Also they added a yellow scarf to it this month and Gustav didn't have a yellow one yet. So he is fashionable as fuck this summer)
  • (they totally didn't mention Allegra there but she seems to be less sassy than Dali. Also I thought Dali was a he? So she is a she...God they are so lucky). 
  • Adorable larger version of the photo of Dafne and Hugh from Logan Noir premiere. 
  • At some point last week in London Margot Robbie (who is not in the movie) was dressed up as Marilyn Monroe and Hugh was in a tux. There are rumors flying around Hugh was filming a music video for The Greatest Showman. I don't know what's going on anymore. I can't keep up. 
  • After leaving London Hugh headed to Barcelona to look divine and promote The Greatest Showman 6 months ahead of the release. 
  • This is horrible quality image but Jesus Christ Alive -> 
  • There were vivid comments about this among fangirls. Vivid. Again I just thought something but I did not tweet that. 
  • I don't even wanna know what is gonna happen in December when it's actual promo tour time.
  • I truly hate my life
  • I had this whole rant written about Henry Cavill reportedly earning so much more than Gal Gadot and then that was debunked. Oh, come on.
  • Patty Jenkins retweeted the most adorable stuff this week. 
  • Gal and Chris adorably meeting with aspiring young women filmmakers on the set
  • Jon Berg, one of the guys overseeing DCEU, says the 'tone' was the problem with BvS. To say the tone is the reason for people disliking this movie is like saying "oh God, there is a dog poop in this burning building! People won't go inside!"
  • But surprisingly it's Disney and not DCEU with biggest trashfire on their hands this week - the directors of Han Solo spin off movie were fired 3 weeks before the filming ended. This was a bad idea from the start, then they hired Khaleesi and now this. This is really unprecedented. I read this week that Matthew Vaughn was supposed to direct The Last Stand but left 2 weeks before filming began. Mind you, began. This is 5 months into the shoot, 3 weeks before the filming ends. The Last Stand, you guys. Pants resistant to telekinetic energy. The whole plot of the movie revolving around the cure for mutants that's not really a cure as revealed in a dumb ending scene. A woman not even trying to pretend she is sane so that Hugh Jackman would at least bang her before going "Oh Jean, there is something wrong with you". Vinnie Jones dropping one liners like an asshole. Ben Foster with angel wings appearing in three scenes in the movie. 
  • Ron Howard is stepping in to direct the movie now. Howard is a very fine director and he made Frost/Nixon, which is my top 20 of all time so you won't hear me complain about him. But couldn't they just hire him from the start? How do you let something go on for five months when there is so much money to lose and the whole world is watching? 
  • Ryan Reynolds is making fun of that Spiderman poster and trolling us again. He also likes tweets where people tell him they want Deadpool/Wolverine movie. Come on Ryan. Make us happy.
  • In news that almost made me have a stroke and punch a wall:
  • I really can’t with this dude wanting to play Wolverine. First of how can one even say that when we have Laura. He sounds not only sexist but also so ignorant, Also what man in their right mind would like to be compared to Hugh who is literally perfect in every way. He is an angel who fell on this Earth and made it better. And no one, no one is ever going to top what he did as Wolverine and especially in Logan. 
  • James Howlett, that hero, that miracle, that beautiful man, that perfect angel did not die on this motherfucking tree for some shite fucking reboot to happen. For the love of God NO. 
  • It's OK
  • I'm calm.
  • I'm chill.
  • It's all good.
  • So Twin Peaks season 3. I saw the first three episodes so far and i absolutely love it. It's bizarre but it's so fascinating. I like the style far more than original series and it reminds me so much of my favorite from Lynch's Mulholland Drive. Hopefully I'll see the 4 other episodes released so far this weekend. But it's truly a fantastic thing so far, if it keeps going like this then Lynch has given us another masterpiece to adore and cherish. 
  • China said NO to Ridley Scott's ridiculous inter-Fassbender erotica.
  • J-boo spreading that Wonder Woman girl power. He still seems to be genuinely enthusiastic about playing The Joker. They asked him if he'd like to share the screen with Gal and he seemed to be psyched but the truth is the only acceptable scene here would be for Wondy to smash his dick with her shield or something. 
  • I don't understand what is the big deal about Carrie Fisher having drugs in her system. It's her business. If you check my system during weekend you'd probably be surprised I'm still alive. Life is hard and no one knows what other people are going through. The truth is we all just try to stay afloat. To hell with judgmental people. 
  • Daniel Day-Lewis is retiring from acting...again.
  • Johnny 9 Digits figured his life isn't enough of a mess and joked about killing Trump. My thinking is that he was just wasted and tried to make a joke but you need to have good sense of humour to pull off good inappropriate jokes that don't go TOO far when you are drunk. I posses that skill, clearly. He does not.
  • First photos from American Crime Story Versace season
  • Poster for Xavier Dolan's next pretentious mess featuring Chastain looking like she is about to hunt dalmatians. 
  • There's a rumour that we may be getting Phoebe from Friends spin-off. It's a terrible idea. Just leave that show alone, the perfect time to do this which was about 10 years after it ended passed.
  • Jenny Slate and Jon Hamm may be doing it. I want a man out of my league too. What sort of ritual do I have to do?
  • Jesus Christ. This is why Hugh Jackman is a gift. He reminds me that there are still men who are masculine, dignified and still have some fucking shame. I don't know where those men are in my proximity but good God please send one my way,
  • The director of the Mummy is using David Ayer's "We made it for the audience" defense. Trouble is the audience loathed it too at least with Suicide Squad we got Margot Robbie being impossibly awesome.
  • Scarlett Johansson says Infinity War has 63 Marvel characters, 32 in one scene together. Yeah...I only need one and he is not the part of your universe so still not interested.
  • Prince George was even more adorable than usual during Queen's birthday last Saturday. As soon as he got out on the balcony he was just done with everything.
  • And finally for the very first time ever Veep reached the greatness of the Thick of It. Yes, for about 3 minutes during season 6 penultimate episode it was as funny as the entirety of my all time favorite show. And that was all thanks to Peter MacNicol, who if you may recall from me saying so here few times, created one of my favorite performances ever as John Cage in the awesome Ally McBeal. 
  • MacNicol showed up in 6 episodes so far - 5 in season 5 and finally last week in season 6 -  and I just adored his character so much I even made an edit to honor him.
  • Here's an awesome article about his work and the awful thing last year when he was disqualified from the Emmys because of a truly bullshit rule. His hospital scene was just amazing and you could really see how the actors playing Jonah and his fiancée were barely keeping it together which really was the case according to the showrunner. I must have watched that scene at least 5 times by now. 
  • I really hope we see a lot more of his uncle Jeff and Sally Phillips' Minna next season. Next to Kent and Ben they are my favorite characters. And of course Richard but how can you not love Richard.
  • And I still can't stop laughing about Kent's outfit.
  • Sonia reviews Blade Runner
  • Brittani and Dan share their 3 picks for movies set in the woods
  • Katy shared a wonderful post to celebrate Nicole Kidman's birthday
  • MettelRay, Allie and Jade review Wonder Woman
  • Vern looks at the films of Sofia Coppola just in time for The Beguiled
  • Dell shares a great guest post by KG about the characters dying in films
  • Alex wrote about the work of Ingmar Bergman. It's possibly the longest blogpost I've ever seen in our movie blogosphere but that also makes it the most comprehensive one because Alex knows things, genuinely loves cinema and he doesn't half-ass his posts. So if you want to know something about any given Bergman movie, now you know where to go.
  • And finally let me tell you a story. As you may recall a bit over 3 months ago the world as we knew it ended when I saw Logan. Since then it was just a parade of pervy tweets and me watching pretty much only the films starring the precious boo kangaroo. And since I 1. love when m.brown rips the movie apart 2. what I love even more is recommending people a movie they will love, I have been harassing him relentlessly to watch Les Mis and Prisoners (so that he tears it apart) and Eddie the Eagle (because it's so awesome). It's been 3 months since I started my mission. I think it was Monday when he told me he will publish it the next day. So like a nerd with no life - so me - I waited and nothing. And of course today, when I had so much work he dropped that gem. My focus was shot to shit (1, 2, 3) But it is worth it because finally it is here. And you absolutely must read it because otherwise the title of this RF's won't make sense to you. And you absolutely must watch this movie which I may or may not - but totally did - watched two times this week alone.



    1. Talk about going out in a blaze of glory! Great post.

      On the whole Carrie Fisher thing, I personally don't judge her. It was just a bit disheartening to hear because I knew she had been dealing with those demons for a long time and hoped she had gotten pass them. It doesn't change her place in my heart, though.

      But yeah, that Han Solo movie is proving to be a mess.

      Love that tweet by Ryan Reynolds. Hilarious.

      Thanks for the link!!!

      1. Thank you! Honestly she made it pretty far considering how many problems she had.

        I think Howard is gonna need to reshoot the whole thing. It seems that the tone of what they shot is so far out there they just won't be able to reconcile that with anything else, it's such a mess and it's really just embarrassing considering how far it went

    2. I can understand if you're going into semi-hiatus which is fine. You got other things to do. It's cool. Lately, I haven't been posting things every day and I'm fine with that. I'm just scaling back at the moment as I'm now dealing with this pain in my neck.

      1. I don't think I'd ever have enough content for daily posts I see one new to me movie per week and that's on a good week so I admire your ability to watch this much

    3. Thanks for linking my Nicole Kidman post! I wrote it and thought it was crap, just wanted to post something for her birthday. So the comments have been surprising. lol

      After seeing Wonder Woman again, I'm ready for Wolverine and to see what Logan is all about. I may be joining you in tweeting Hugh, and starting to think I should tweet about him in Les Mis. :P

      Sorry to hear you're going on a hiatus. Everyone does it at some point though. I'm thinking about easing back too, though I don't do a lot on my blog. Looking forward to your RFs!!

      1. It's an awesome post!

        Oh God Logan is so amazing. But it's the opposite of Wondy - Wondy is optimistic and Logan can make one depressed. But God damn the visual side :D

    4. Haha, love your tweets, your commentaries are so much fun to read. I think the Hugh Jackman love might be contagious! And I totally understand how it can be difficult to find a balance with work taking up half of our days. But I'll be here reading whenever you find time to post! :)

      1. Thank you! :P I think Jackman won't stop with his adorable adventures and those damn tweets of his until we are all enslaved by his charm

    5. I was looking forward for the Han Solo movie partly because of the directors, but the people who hired them should have already known how they worked before getting them. It's not like they're new in the business and have no credit to their names. One less reason to be excited about the movie.

      1. I did hear that what they made was kinda like Ace Ventura Han Solo thing so maybe it's not such a bad thing they left...

    6. I totally understand about taking it easy. We all need some time to ourselves and all of us that follow you get that.

    7. That's awful news! I'll miss reading your posts :( but I'll make sure to check out every single RF post.

      That new Twitter update, argh! I'm still trying to get used to it! I'm glad you are liking Twin Peaks season 3. I had a rough time with season 2 and wasn't sure if watching the new one, but I'm glad I did. I love it even more than the first one.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Ow, thank you!

        That twitter update is the worst. They just keep changing things for the worse everywhere :/ Same here, the original TP was mostly about small town residents with occasional weirdness thrown in but that new one is just full on Lynch craziness

    8. I wish Disney would fire Colin Trevorrow from IX while they're at it. That asshole should not be touching Star Wars.

      I love the first two X-Men films so much, but Last Stand (Logan shirtless aside) pisses me off soooooooooooooooo much. Making Rogue give up her powers. hahjaksjdhaksjhdaskjdh Still not over it.

      I never knew about MacNicol getting disqualified from the Emmys until this week. His scenes are always golden.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Same, that guy screams asshole and he is mediocre filmmaker at best. It's just not looking good especially since Rian is directing the next one. Shouldn't the big finale have someone at least as skilled as him or better not freaking JW director?

        That whole Rogue subplot was sexist as fuck with her basically considering it because her boyfriend was losing interest

        Yeah it's such bullshit! I really hope we see more of him and Minna next season they are so funny

    9. I hope work calms down for you soon and the hiatus is totally understandable.

      I still need to see Logan (insert sad face here).

      I have no desire to see Spiderman or Han Solo (Dany...nope) but it sounds Ron Howard was brought in to bring the movie back down to Earth and back down to the Han Solo they want. Supposedly the actor expressed his concerns about the characterization of Solo to the producers and that's what made all the dominos fall. The directors were relying heavily on improvisation...which I am sure some of the cast could do well and others couldn't...but it doesn't help with keeping to the script and characterization.
      No to the Life and Death of John Donovan. I have no desire to watch Kit Harington on screen for two hours or another pretentious Dolan mess.
      Pablo S. is putting his name out there for any franchise. No way is Daredevil being made into a movie by Marvel with the TV show out and if Wolverine is rebooted, I think it's going to be a couple of years. That person is not going to top Hugh.

      1. Thank you! It's a bit better this week.

        Oh I envy you! It's such an amazing experience and a terrific movie

        Yeah I read about Alden saying something but it looks like the whole thing was a mess and only when they started putting the footage together it really showed what a chaotic situation they are in. Hopefully Howard manages to do something good here it would be a shame to waste the fine actors' time, specifically Harrelson

    10. Thanks for linking my article on Sofia Coppola, I really do appreciate it. Yeah adulting does kind of suck, but I hope your hiatus doesn't last long. I agree rebooting Wolverine is a bad idea now. Let's wait a few more years before we do anything with X-men. Yes what Carrie Fisher does with her body is none of our damn business. She will always be a great and wonderful human being. Pheobe was my favorite character from friends. I had such a huge crush on that character

      1. You're welcome! Pheoebe was my favorite girl friend, but my favorite character there was Chandler. They did wait too long for any sort of reunion, though and the idea for her to break up from Mike is just awful

    11. Glad you love the revival so far. I prefer the sense of community of the old Twin Peaks, but S3 goes for something bigger with many intriguing threads. I’m sad the old Twin Peaks characters don’t have much to do. The best thing about S3 is Kyle MacLachlan’s performance and how funny he is, maybe a career-best performance.

      1. Maclachlan is wonderful, honestly I admire all those actors for even making enough sense of this at this stage to be able to act but perhaps Lynch lays the whole thing for them before they begin filming and they already know everything there is to know before they shoot the scenes

    12. I just want you to know that when I finally finished my Eddie the Eagle post, I had the same feeling of completing a final exam. It was f--king awesome.

      Girl, if you truly take some time away, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I'll probably just stumble around all summer asking people about Hugh Jackman's wiener, proposing to strangers with rings and strings, and then inevitably sending boxes full of used condoms to my friends. Seems like the only logical way to deal...

      Thank you so much for the link, and the insane level of support you have always provided Two Dollar Cinema. I'm not gonna put on a date on shit, but I vow to conquer Prisoners and Les Mis this summer. Maybe In the Loop, too.

      Oh, and a whole bunch of shitty movies, too. Although according to you...I'm being redundant.

      1. That is so sweet! I'm so sorry I was so annoying about this. I just knew you'd love this movie. It's just the sweetest film and it's so much fun.

        Oh my God that is even sweeter. Don't worry there are still Friday posts and I routinely write stupid shit on twitter. If I ever stop tweeting I have either been apprehended or I died. So...happy thoughts.

        Used condoms huh? Well, you're on holiday.

        In the Loop is amazing and my #4 of all time. The other two will make for epic reviews of yours and hopefully you will find their awfulness hilarious or God forbid like Prisoners which apparently happens a lot.

    13. That sucks that work is getting to that point for you. Hopefully things clear up soon, 'cause that just sounds needlessly stressful. But yeah, I've been there, and I've had to leave jobs before for not leaving me enough free time and energy to work on other things outside of work. :\

      As for the twitter thing, yeah, that seems ridiculous that they'd flag your tweets. Honestly, they're pretty tame compared to some of the things I've stumbled upon at times, and certainly don't seem like anything worth censoring.

      As to Infinity War, yeah, when I heard about how many character they wanna cram into that thing, all I could think was "... why?" I mean, are there even that many characters in the MCU to date? That just sounds like a mess in the making.

      1. Well i don't have that much other than work and frankly even if I had all the time in the world I probably wouldn't put it to good use. But I started feeling pressure on myself to blog and that's not right. It's supposed to be fun.

        Well they keep getting worse and worse :D

        They should have killed off some of those earlier but they only killed Quicksilver and now they are in this mess

    14. work suuuucks, hope you had a great weekend though. watched prestige yesterday in your honour and oh my, what a revelation!

      1. oh yeah I rewatched Hugh stuff again. I may never see a movie without him again if I keep going like this. So glad you liked The Prestige! It's my favorite movie of his, even higher on my top 10 fav films than Logan

    15. I also watched the first three episode of Twin Peaks Season 3 last week and yeah, that show is insane. I’m digging the style so much.

      That fucking MacNicol scene from Veep was hysterical. That damn laugh of his.

      Thank you SO MUCH for the kind words and link to my post. That thing is so damn long but I felt it was necessary to dive all the way in. Thanks again!

      1. I cannot believe he wasn't in finale! What a waste. Hopefully uncle Jeff returns next season

        You're very welcome! I am almost done reading it, going further bit by bit every day :)