Friday, July 14, 2017

(296) The Revenge of the Hole + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, July 14, 2017
  • For the second time ever we almost didn't have new RF here this week. I had my PC unhooked for 3 days due to my apartment being renovated. But mostly I just felt shitty and didn't have enough of sense of humor and whimsy to turn my life - which I have in a sense a jellyfish has a life - into jokes like I usually do. Not only was my PC unhooked but it's also summer cleanse time so I literally couldn't do anything I like to do or that distracts me. I need to be distracted. All the time. 
  • When I'm not it's not a pretty picture.
  • Think of a combo between Jack Black in Tropic Thunder after the bat stole his heroin, Renton in Transpotting during detox and RDJ in Zodiac answering "no" with bland expression on his face after Jake Gyllenhaal asks him if he is OK.
  • But I did get a bit of a boost when I discovered, as my PC got set up yesterday (and I legit screamed when I saw my boo boo folder again, how I missed it!), that I actually had something in draft saved up from my weekend perving so I just worked from there.
  • This is shorter than usual. But by no means less filthy.
  • I did rewatch The Prestige on Friday but that livetweet was incomprehensible (Friday is drinks night and after seeing the trashfire that was Baby Driver I got seriously smashed) and not complete and nowhere near the gem that I will actually feature here in a moment. 
  • On Saturday I rewatched Hugh, Patrick Stewart (who turned 77 years old yesterday!) and Ian McKellen on Graham Norton's show which was just delightful.  Ian seriously kept hitting on Hugh relentlessly for 20 minutes there and it was amazing to witness.
  • I also saw 7 Days in Hell for the very first time. That was really funny and Kit Harington did a very good job. The highlight though was Michael Sheen's pervy journalist.
  • On Sunday I saw Tour de Pharmacy which wasn't as funny but the ensemble was insane and Jon Hamm's voice over was about 1000x better than everything he was given to do in Baby Driver (that fucking piece of shit, seriously how is the praise for it unanimous. I think if someone told me they also hated it I'd literally hug them on the spot).
  • I mean we actually got to hear him say the words "he died...with his dick out".
  •  But if you think there was no boo boo lovefest this are wrong:
  • This is legit the chain of sequences here - sex scene with Jackman completed with heavy breathing and him climaxing (I literally left the Earth's stratosphere when this happened), then a scene where another character finds his dog dead on the ground, then a shot of Jackman sleeping like an angel and immediately after that a shot of him lying on the bed with his bare ass. 
  • (oh how was the movie? it was fine. But seriously he played a COP. Like a cocky COP. With a gun and a badge and everything. And he must have been 29 years old when they shot it. I have never ever been attracted to a man younger than 30. Yes it's boo boo so the age thing doesn't really apply, but what is happening to me? Am I gonna become a cougar some day? I DON'T WANNA. I wanna stay a kitten who wants to go with the slightly homeless looking man into his limo.)
  • (Jesus Christ, this is beyond filthy now so I'm just gonna stop).
  • (oh yeah my sense of humour is back, apparently, save yourselves)
  • I hear talk Logan was supposed to have a dog in the movie. With the sadists behind Logan I'm sure the dog would die so I'm just so grateful that this didn't happen. But maybe it would be beneficial for me - before I saw Logan I was relatively fine. But 2h of non-stop perving has broken my brain. If there was a dead dog in Logan at least for one scene I'd stop (I'm not a complete fucking degenerate, come on). And we are:
  • 4 months. It's been 4 months since Hugh Jackman broke that shotgun and what was left of my brain.
  • (I think he really should repay for his sins here.)
  • I am now vividly imagining being a vet Logan brings his dog to.
  • ...
  • ....
  • ....
  • You're as cute as your dog there, sir
  • Can I tend to your wounds now?
  • oh my gosh, did my bra pop open? I'm so sorry that NEVER happened before.
  • ....
  • Just stop. 
  • Just STOP. 
  • Yeah, I'm just gonna keep going.
  • So that is, adding Afraid of the Dark, 3 sex scenes with Hugh in 20 years time. That is an absolute disgrace. We need to remedy this. We need a full movie with those. I think we should have a newcomer actress for this. I really do. And someone 21 years younger than him to battle that gross age difference is bad prejudice.
  • (I'm referring to myself here...but that was clear as soon as you read the word "remedy", wasn't it?)
  • (Hey, I think I'd do a good job. I typed the word stop three times now and this is still gutter territory, clearly I'm relentless in my endeavors. This is seems like a good quality to have while making porn)
  • But anyways...
  • If you're wondering about that and I'm sure you are, boo kangaroo is still terrorizing Italy and via social media all of us with how ridiculously adorable he is.
  • This. Everyone just keeps responding to him with 'great job, sweetie!'
  • And this. Isn't that bike a little small for him? It looks extra cute this way.
  • And this. My God he is such a dork. And Reynolds keeps encouraging him!
  • Here he is, looking like he was startled by the fire alarm.
  • Here's some leg porn.
  • Oh yeah. Because the one and only angel who walks this world needs a name tag
  • Hard to say which country he is terrorizing with his hotness now.
  • Saddening that thanks to later release date a movie far far inferior to Logan -Wonder Woman usurps its place and stuff like this gets published. I really hate 20th Century Fox.
  • Last week on RF I spoke of how several of us talked about holes. The Hole has now manifested itself. And in a truly frightening manner
  • The hole is still there.
  • I am actually typing this while surrounded by boxes containing my stuff. All that is out is bottle of vodka, pack of cigarettes and my bags of algae and milk thistle (I am a Virgo, we are full of contradictions). I threw out my TV set because I am buying a new one so to avoid silence I have Annie Lennox's No More I Love Yous on. Even if David Lynch walked in here, he would be weirded out by this scene.
  • And yes I'm still 4 episodes of Twin Peaks behind.
  • New picture of Julianne Moore in Kingsman 2. “She’s America’s sweetheart gone wrong,” says director Matthew Vaughn of his new villain, a criminal mastermind who runs her organisation from an Americana-heavy secret base called Poppyland; in particular, her 50s-style diner. “I thought it would be fun to see her play this kooky, sweet, Stepford Wives-style villain that, at the same time, is lethal and crazy and intelligent. Julianne is a fascinating actress. She can play wholesome so well, but also pretty crazy and tough. She was in my head as I was writing.”.
  • Game of Thrones comes back this Sunday Oh boy, between Ed Sheeran cameo and the show spitting even more on Catelyn Stark's memory in the cold open of that premiere I just cannot wait.
  • The outfit Sophie Turner wore for GoT premiere suits her. It's so trashy. 
  • This video of the cast talking about Varys is a Merman theory is a must see.
  • A dash of new pictures from Blade Runner 2049
  • Nolan wants to direct that Bond movie more than I want to direct hardcore porn with Hugh Jackman. Well, maybe not more, but close to that level. So VERY.
  • Quentin Tarantino, on the heels of showing up in public again and looking like shit and getting engaged to a woman who is *definitely* not after his money, is doing a movie about Manson murders. Margot Robbie was apparently approached to play Sharon Tate and that would be a great casting. Also rumored to be in the talks are Pacino and Pitt. However Jennifer Lawrence is also supposed to be in it so that's not good. Also what happened there is such a horrific crime and given how Tate was pregnant at the time would require to have at least some sensitivity and that's definitely not Tarantino's strong suit. 
  • Sharon Tate's sister, I love you. She absolutely dragged this casting couch whore's ass here
  • The Polish title for The Beguiled is legitimately so embarrassing I don't know how I am gonna buy a ticket for this and say that shit aloud. It's a play on Our Father prayer. And remember Poland is an extremely Catholic country. The title here is "Into temptation". You can't make that shit up.
  • The first poster for Stranger Things season 2.
  • Malick produced something called "Awaken"? Well, ain't that ironic given how you risk slipping into a coma every single time you watch something of his. 
  • Here's Beyonce treating her babies like accessories. 
  • Because it's too hard to simply say nice to meet you. I should shut up but I can't - the fact a man marries an older woman is not what is strange to me. It's that a woman marries a man so much younger than her let it be 24, 13 or just 4 years younger. No offense, but they are just so much less mature than women are. It takes them more time. I don't get it. I can almost understand it with Hugh's wife (she is 13 years older). Even at 28 years old I bet he was just as funny and charming. But still, it's just strange to me. I once dated a guy who was a YEAR younger than me and I felt like a perv robbing a cradle. 
  • As I mentioned in the beginning it was Patrick Stewart's birthday this week. While on his wiki I found out he is married to a woman 38 years younger than him. I can imagine being 30 and marrying someone who is 60 and looks like Logan (in fact I am imagining it right now as I type this) but this...I just....well carry on and whatever floats your boat, I guess.
  • Nelsan Ellis who delivered an incredible performance on True Blood has passed away.
  • Harry Styles, Tom Hardy and Prince Harry during the London premiere for Dunkirk.
  • Darkest Hour trailer dropped. I think that is an awful trailer. I liked both Imitation Game and The King's Speech but this looks like the obnoxious combination of both. Also Oldman seems to be trying so hard and the way the card 'Gary Oldman is...' appears so early in the trailer is comical and so tacky. But what a nice surprise, I had no idea Stephen Dillane is there!
  • Still, it's Joe Wright directing. Yes, he did Atonement. But he also did Pan. He is responsible for boo boo shaving his hair. He is not to be trusted, ever. 
  • Ian McKellen and Maggie Smith having fun at Wimbledon.
  • No amount of shirtless Idris Elba pics is going to get me to watch The Trash Tower.
  • Ben Affleck just keeps getting classier and classier doesn't he.
  • Disgrace Ayer is no longer doing the Scarface remake because his script was too dark. There is so much stupid and pointless about all of this. 
  • The director of Orphan - but also Non-Stop - may be directing the sequel to Suicide Squad. I just want a decent movie with Margot's Harley. That's all I want.
  • Matt Reeves is no longer working with Affleck's script and is starting over with the story for The Batman
  • Comic Con is next weekend so obviously we are getting so much stuff. Westworld has its panel and Ed Harris is gonna be attending so I'm mega psyched, there is apparently going to be new Ragnarok trailer and of course a panel for Aquaman so I'm really hoping they will show us some footage (and all of that gets released online because otherwise that's just cruel). I also really hope they will announce who plays Catwoman and Poison Ivy and for the love of God let it be anyone but Jessica Chastain.
  • Harris was just snubbed by the Emmys but at least Westworld got incredible 22 nominations. And if this chick can get nominated for playing Barb can I win something for pretending to be normal in real life?
  • MettelRay shares the entries for her My Movie Alphabet blogathon
  • Brittani breaks down Emmy nominations
  • Keith, vinnieh and Cameron review The Beguiled
  • Steven reviews Tour de Pharmacy
  • Allie sat through Song to Song, for some reason
  • Dell shares his toughts on several movies including John Wick 2
  • Chris writes about new show Glow
  • m.brown reviews that new Spiderman movie
  • Alex lists 26 things he loves about the masterful Prestige



    1. Thanks for the link-love. I love that gif of Michael Sheen lusting for Kit Harrington. I love that fucking film.

      There's an early Hugh Jackman movie where he has sex with someone? Does he do full-frontal?

      1. It's so funny! Sheen was just hystrical

        No, unfortunately :/ He never did full frontal. Such a waste.

    2. "I need to be distracted. All the time."

      Tell me about it.

      And I'm with you, all I want is a decent Harley/Joker movie. J did so much work for that character, is it all going to be for nothing??

      Btw, you owe me a hug! Though I can't say i hated it as vehemently as you :P But something about it making everyone cream themselves, and I can't for the life of me work out why. Some good car chases and a good soundtrack?

      1. I really feel so bad for Leto. Yeah he overdid it but he was working with incompetent studio and director

        Haha yeah I do! I just don't know. It's just a movie that so desperately wants to be 'cool' but instead just comes off as annoying and pretentious

    3. And again, loving the Jackman obsession. Gives me a laugh every time :)

    4. I can't believe you just now saw 7 Days in Hell. That was amazing. I lol'd so hard at "going down and high fiving"

      Reevea dropping Affleck's script is kind of funny. That has to be so awkward.

      I'm all for Tarantino's Manson movie.

      Lol at your Polish Beguiled title.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Oh my God that bit :D It was surreal the kind of actors they got there and in Tour de Pharmacy

    5. Wow...your scene at the vet's...I'm pretty sure I've seen that told me about one similar.

      I like Tarantino, but I'm not too sure I want him anywhere near a story about The Manson Murders. As you said, sensitivity is not his strong suit.

      R.I.P. Nelsan Ellis.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. You're welcome! I really hope Tarantino knows what he is doing because this has the potential to go so wrong.

    6. That Malick comment, lol I'm still trying to recover from that! It was pretty clear you were talking about yourself in the movie full of Hugh sex scenes. I was only waiting for you to say it out loud.

      1. Malick seriously makes the most boring trash ever, I don't even come near any of his movies anymore

    7. Thank you so much for the link love. I really enjoyed The Beguiled and hope you get to see it soon.

      1. You're welcome! We are getting it here in two months :/

    8. Alright, you said it was going to be a short one and I have so many things to comment on that I literally just read it, scrolled back to the beginning and TOOK NOTES!!! If this isn't commitment, I don't know what is. :D

      Oh, I love Graham's couches and that one with Hugh, Ian an Patrick was one of my favourites from the last season. (Last season was pretty boring tbh, very few really good couches, and Wahlberg didn't even get drunk this year!)And Ian would be stupid not to flirt with Hugh!
      I will never watch Oklahoma but I appreciated the tweets of it. I feel like musical Hugh is not my thing, we'll see what The Greatest Showman will do.

      What is this 7 Days in Hell and why haven't I seen it!?! Must check it out because it seems great!

      And honestly, the hole thing, I feel like some cosmic powers were at work when it went into a hole and then a hole appeared in your room (and momentarily in my neck the next day), but I also think somebody should take that segment of you describing your surroundings and create a short movie of it, because it sounds like a weird cinematically brilliant scene right there! PS: Speaking of weird, I still have to watch the entire season 2 of Twin Peaks.

      And speaking of watching things, I still haven't watched half of last season of Game of Thrones and now Gendry was at the premier and I need to know if he's done rowing or not!!?!?

      Finally, I think Lawrence has the skill to pull of serious roles and heavy characters in movies, and I'll always respect her work with the first Hunger Games movies because I really truly like those.. but I think her promotion of movies is just.. tacky and lacks class, which means she will end up making a crude comment about the topic which is very sensitive in nature and that's why I don't think anyone should cast her in a Manson related movie.

      And thank you for the link!!

      1. Wow, that's amazing! :)

        I only watch some episodes if there is someone there I really like. I wish I could watch all the episodes because it's such a fun show but I don't have that kind of time :/

        You totally should! And it's only 40 minutes long!

        Yeah Gendry will probably show up. Actually the spoilers for the entire season are out there and it sounds hysterical.

        Lawrence will totally say something moronic. She always does. I am amazed people still give her a pass. After that whole thing where she scratched her ass on sacred rocks? You can tell she is a real hick because even someone like Chris Pratt was uncomfortable listening to her

    9. Glad to see the RF didn't have to get cancelled this week! Doesn't sound like a fun situation at home at all, though. Sorry you're having to deal with that. I recently had to go through a similar situation when I was still living with my previous roommate. They were renovating the whole apartment complex, and during the entire 7 months I lived there, they were constantly working on something, going in and out of the apartment all day working on stuff, or hammering on walls early enough in the morning to where it was impossible to ever even dream of sleeping in if I wanted to. Needless to say, I spent most of that period of time away from the house whenever I was awake. Not fun at all. :P

      I was actually thinking today about how annoying it is seeing articles popping up making those major claims about the likes of Wonder Woman and the new Spider-Man being among the best comic book movies ever, all the while ignoring Logan. It's like, sure, those movies were fine, and I'll even give you that WW was a damn good comic book movie. But, like, come on, do we really have that short term of memories here where we can't even recall Logan from only a few months prior, which is LEGIT one of the best movies in the genre, and really is the only one from this year deserving of such appraisal? I dunno, but it's going to annoy me more and more the closer we get to awards season...

      Also, thanks again for the link, Sati! :)

      1. 7 months?! Oh my God that sounds absolutely terrible.

        It's just so annoying to me. Logan was 4 months ago. and it's such an amazing movie. Wonder Woman is just objectively not on the same movie making level, there is not one mistake in Logan - other than some dodgy sound editing in one short moment - that is on the level of Wonder woman straight up amateurish editing that reeks of studio interference. It's just so not fair to write these sorts of things, yes it's a great movie and a very important one but they are ignoring something far more worthy of praise there

    10. I somehow forgot GoT is even back until this morning. It's not that I'm not excited or anything it really is because I'm not excited anymore. It's a good show but it's time for it to end!
      This weekend's Twitter antics have me terrified (and hyped!) for this week's RF!
      Thanks for the link - but I definitely did not sit through that movie! Squirmed, fidgeted, yawned, died of boredom perhaps! :D

      1. This is all m.brown's fault with his shameless lions gifs.

        Do not watch more Malick. The only decent movie he made is Thin Red Line though I heard good things about Badlands

    11. Thanks for the link (and the encouragement for me to make that post)! I can't wait to hear what you think of episode 8 of Twin Peaks, which is in my Top 10 TV episodes of all time. I agree that Tarantino is not the most sensitive director, but I have a slight theory: that he's going to make a mature film in hopes of finally landing that Best Director Oscar. We'll see. But if he dials back the Tarantino-ness, that could be a damn fine film.

      1. You're welcome and thanks again for making it! Oh God I'm still so behind but I heard how crazy the episode is, cannot wait to watch it at last. I hope your theory is correct because this can easily be a disaster especially if Lawrence is involved.