Friday, September 1, 2017

(303) I am the FBI + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, September 1, 2017
  • Seriously no Game of Thrones fan during this entire season has felt the joy us Twin Peaks fans felt when Cooper said the above words. I legit stood up and smiled like an idiot.
  • But more on that in a moment.
  • This happened:
  • Dali is so embarrassed. Jesus Christ, cross your legs you animal!
  • Boo boo's unveiled the lovely poster for The Greatest Showman this week. 
  • I just hope this poster won't end up being better than the actual movie.
  • Whose ass is it there? Because it's not boo boo's. I know it by heart from seeing that amazing Days of Future Past scene so many times and that is not it. I can close my eyes and just envision it in all of it's glory at any moment I choose.
  • Just give me a moment to do that.
  • ...
  • ...
  • .....
  • [it's been 15 minutes now]
  • What the fuck with not putting Hugh's name there on the poster? If boo kangaroo is in your damn movie you announce it everywhere. Your poster should be him shirtless. Just that. The title and the DEVINE. Fuck the tagline and everything else, this is how you market that thing.
  • Yes, I do realize this is a safe, Chrismassy, blockbuster musical family-friendly movie. This is the opposite of what this man is starring in in my head on daily basis. 
  • What a waste you are committing, Hollywood. 
  • What. a. waste. 
  • You sit there in the office on Tuesday, you do your shitty job, you worry about your dog (he is doing a bit better, thank you for all the kind words, guys!) and then boo boo tweets this
  • We don't deserve this beautiful kangaroo. 
  • Magical. 
  • Pure. 
  • Oh God.
  • And here we have a beautiful picture from the film. Yes, this Christmas we are truly going to be blessed by an angel. I don't give a shit if this movie is a trainwreck look at that lock of hair over his forehead. 
  • Oh my God.
  • Twin Peaks's last episode was wonderful. I cannot remember the last time I was cheering this much during something than when Cooper was finally back. 
  • Lynch is a genius - he pulled off a show where for the 15 and a bit of 16th episode out of 18 the protagonist was almost completely absent when it comes to how we remember him and acting like a child in the fog. And after all of this build up when he was finally back it was magical. Then the iconic theme music played and you seriously felt like you were floating watching this happen. 
  • This is one of the many reasons why the newest season of Thrones is such a failure - nothing breathes. It's all done at such a breakneck pace the scenes don't have the room to marinate, there is just too much happening. There are no simple scenes between the characters simply talking, interacting, getting to know each other. It all feels like the show is just a selection of scenes in a massive recap episode.
  • Meanwhile one of my favorite things about Twin Peaks season 3 is the music. Every episode ends with a song and there are terrific tracks sprinkled throughout and I'm just dying to get my hands on the soundtrack that is getting released next week. 
  • Look at those basic bitches at TVLine. It's just sad when 16,5 million people watch Dabid and Dan's shitshow and so few are witnessing the most amazing thing on television in a very long time. I honestly love the third season of Twin Peaks much more than the first two - the style is so surreal, it's one big puzzle like Mulholland Drive and it's set in this universe where we already know and root for so many characters.
  • New poster for mother! which is infinitely better than the Rosemary's Baby rip-off one. Also above Javier's head there is a baby being lifted. 
  • And new TV spot. Apparently new trailer is going to be attached to IT.
  • Here's French TV spot with new footage.
  • And new promo pics:
  • Funny tweet situation. I'm not sharing any exact details but those who said it shows the most extreme stuff in Aronofsky's films yet were right. It sounds insanely disturbing. I can easily imagine people fainting during this movie. 
  • Mind you what I read can be fake synopsis but it lines up with everything perfectly. And man it's sick stuff. I have to say the following - the whole secrecy around the film may be dangerous. I cannot imagine a pregnant woman wanting to simply see new JLaw film and accidentally seeing this.
  • Some people already got to see the film. I'm so happy Anthony Bourdain liked it because he hated Baby Driver so that bodes well for me. The film is being compared to Clockwork Orange and apparently has 'insane' ending. I'd call the entire third act insane.
  • Game of Thrones aka EpicBoatSexxx finale happened on Sunday and there are several words to describe it but I'm just gonna go with 'meh'. They made a massive mistake in doing just seven episodes this season. It feels like it came, shat the bed and went. It's not the budget thing - they could easily spread all those events over 10 episodes and fill the rest with actual character interaction. Nothing had proper weight - years ago so many of those characters sharing the screen would be exciting but now? Say what you want about Martin but he is a good writer, certainly comparing to Benioff, Weiss and whoever else writes it. Their writing is abhorrent, it's filled with holes, there is absolutely no attention to details. 
  • Execution fails massively too. I'm not talking about CGI and the 'epic' factor but it's all just so poorly shot like Jon staying behind to fight in penultimate episode which was apparently buying time for others to get on the dragon but it didn't translate at all.
  • Speaking of horrid execution that Jonerys sex scene has gotta be the worst and most unintentionally hilarious sex scene since Eric Bana banged his heavily pregnant wife while experiencing flashbacks in Munich
  • That was just...distasteful. Clarke and Harington who had nice chemistry in the previous episode were so wooden in the finale. That scene would have trouble being good just because of that but they decided to pour so much awful on top of it. So not only was the scene not convincing at all but they decided to have Bran do the voice over it, informing people that Jon is currently banging his aunt. It was hilarious - Bran: "he is the heir to the iron throne" Jon: *cum face*. And they also included shots of worried Tyrion, who seemed to be encouraging the match in the episode prior to finale. It's all such a mess.
  • Also...poor Jorah.
  • Gwendoline Christie smoking like a boss on the set and being adorable with Bella Ramsey.
  • Hardy's hairline is receding...but his beard is starting to have grey in it. So...YEAH!
  • Speaking of Hardy, my ovaries hit the ceiling
  • First trailer for The Nun is going to be attached to IT
  • Another week, another horrible idea from WB. While this is dumb as hell what is equally dumb are SJWs on social media saying stuff like "oh, if women were on the island they would work together and build paradise because they are so much better than men!". A whole bunch of tweets like that had screenshots attached to them from Wonder Woman. Good lord. I really don't know what world people live in. Women hate other women too. In fact I'd say there is far more of that between women than between guys. The gossip, the judgment, all of that. Guys aren't like that.
  • The only argument you need to use here is that yes, women would indeed do better on desert island because they are better at solving problems, which doesn't make them better than men but different than men. Women have to deal with awful stuff every day just because they are women. The very fact we have a vagina comes with issues. We have to deal with periods, gynecologists, pressure to marry someone because we are supposed to get married and have babies, stress that comes with being pregnant, the fact men have it so much easier in every field, fear of getting raped, getting groped just because men think they can do this. We have to constantly wonder about things men do not need to worry about. Unless your dick has a disease you don't have any problems because you have it. So there. Tweet that instead of 'girls work together!' nonsense.
  • WB wants DiCaprio to star as The Joker in that ridiculous origin movie they are making. Well I want Hugh Jackman to bang me. Neither is happening and they are just as likely.
  • Actually I think my chances of landing on Jackman are higher than them landing DiCaprio. Hey, just for my epic Logan posts I think I'd, at the very least, get some nice flowers. Or you know, a restraining order. But still I'd get something, WB ain't getting shit from Leo.
  • Also THR mentions Leto is upset over this. I am not surprised at all. WB has already shown insane amount of disrespect towards Leto - cutting his scenes, not telling him about it and still focusing the marketing on him. And now this? This is seriously unprofessional of them.
  • Speaking of Jared here he is looking like a hip Christmas tree on meth at VMA this week.
  • Jared paid a lovely tribute to Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell
  • Luke Scott is making a career of filling holes in stories of films that his father is involved in. Weird his daddy cannot get him better jobs. Here is his short prequel film for Blade Runner 2049
  • The run time of the actual movie is without the end credits over 2,5h long. Thank God for J-boo and that glorious beard of his because I cannot take this much Gosling.
  • Dario Number 1 made SJWs happy this week. I hope he enjoys unemployment. So him playing a character of Asian descent is awful but Sasha Lane playing an Irish ginger is OK? This is just disgusting hypocrisy and incredible shortsighted plan of action. This is on the levels of 'I will shove  my agenda down your throat until you shit progressive and super-liberal!' thinking that Ghostbusters reboot had behind it. Keep pushing. You'll break it. With Valkyrie and Alice it's just disrespectful to the fans. 
  • Over the weekend I rewatched About Time. It's such a lovely film. Why isn't Richard Curtis writing and directing more?
  • Also I rewatched In the Loop because I need funny movies right now. I just love it so much. My #4 fav of all time.
  • On Sunday I saw Hitman's Bodyguard. I thought it was pretty good, Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds had great chemistry and Salma Hayek was amazing. The funniest bit with Reynolds flying through the car window and Jackson's hysterical reaction was in the trailer but it still made me laugh so hard in the actual movie.
  • I'm turning 28 on Monday. It's horribly depressing. Nothing good happened to me since my last birthday and everything just progressively turns worse. But at least, so far the movies in 2017 are better than those in 2016. And Hugh posts pictures of himself sitting like an animal so that's...well at least that's something.
  • Brittani praises Wind River
  • MettelRay and Jordan review The Beguiled
  • Sonia didn't enjoy Baywatch
  • Nick shared a lovely post about turning 40 this weekend.
  • m.brown reviews Detroit



    1. I haven't been catching up on the new Twin Peaks. I've only watched the first season and about six-seven episodes of the second season and what was supposed to be a break ended up being a long hiatus. I don't know if I'll come back to it as I really want to see the new series.

      A female Lord of the Flies.... NO!!!! That is horrible.

      BTW, happy 28th birthday.

      1. Thanks! I think I'm just gonna get wasted tonight, since it's Saturday and I cannot do that on Monday :)

        I gave up with most of season 2 of Twin Peaks, it was just so mediocre. Jumped right into season 3 and wasn't all that lost

    2. I'm pretty that's Hugh's ass...after it's been airbrushed to fucking death.

      Love the tweet exchange, by the way.

      Yeah, I wouldn't be holding my breath waiting on DiCaprio if I worked for the WB.

      What the hell is Leto wearing?

      1. Yes! They airbrushed it! How dare they mess with the divine?!

        My tweet exchanges go like this 90% of the time.

        That's Gucci. They dress Jared in all sorts of insane, ugly crap like that. I'm still laughing about that green coat he wore to Suicide Squad premiere last year.

    3. I didn't see that at the end of the Rick and Morty episode! Is that for real??

      Either way, good riddance, I tried the first season of GoT and jesus it was a slog.

      Which is awesome, cos HELL YES COOP!!
      I totally agree, Lynch is a genius. Evil Coop is so goddamned awesome, but the way Good Coop returned really was perfect. Fucking perfect. I was also smiling like an idiot. And that music! I'll also be getting my mits on that soundtrack, all the music is great!!

      Who the hell needs GoT when you have Twin Peaks?! Its an 18 hour movie that you could easily watch at least five times minimum.

      I love that you can tell (immediately I am guessing) that the poster isn't actually Hugh. Ahh shit, you crack me up. =)

      Happy Friday!!

      1. I don't watch it, but apparently it is :)

        First season of GoT is wonderful. The show only started losing its grip near the end of season 4

        That is Hugh there it's just they airbrushed his ass which is absolutely criminal thing to do :P

      2. LOL!!!!!! They airbrushed his arse?? WTF!! Even I don't get that!

        And you gotta watch Rick and Morty. Seriously. It is the best cartoon ever made by a massive margin, it is so well written. Makes stuff like American Dad seem seriously immature and just plain dumb by comparison.

        But yeah, GoT didn't grab me. I guess I saw certain characters and instantly knew that they'd be used for emotional fodder and would probably die or be gravely hurt at some point. It aint for me I guess! =P

      3. I have it on the background on Comedy Central but I never paid enough attention. My favorite animated show is Archer but I have so much to catch up with there

    4. And hey, 28 is better than 31! At least you're, you know, working and being a productive person. Can't say the same about myself right now!

      1. Eh, that's like literally the one thing I have going for me :P

    5. Ooooh, Hugh. I can't wait for Showman in December just for him.

      If you've got secrets over mother!, can you DM me on twitter? I have a shit heart that gives me palpitations, and the claims over how wild it is making me second guess whether to see it or not. :/

      1. Same here. Even if the film is awful I will enjoy it so much :P

        I'll do that tonight!

    6. I cried with happiness when Cooper said those words. I just couldn't believe it was happening. The songs are one of my favourite things too. I'm obsessed with Wild West, I just listen to that song all day long. It's so freaking good!

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Right?! The music is amazing! I love how every episode ends with musical performance, it really is so lovely and adds to the show's amazing atmosphere

    7. I've never seen Twin Peaks and don't get the channel so I probably never will :( Hopefully Netflix streams it eventually.

      Lord of the Flies sucked without the gender swapping.

      I came across a "Mother spoiler" the other day, but now after reading what you said here it probably was true and not just weird like I thought. lol

      Thanks for the link!

      1. You really should see it! There are few shows that are iconic and deserve it but Twin Peaks does. The first two seasons are kinda like a soap opera and the latter part of season 2 other than finale is awful but it's really worth seeing just to experience season 3

        Aronofsky really will push some buttons with this. I think they may get booed in Venice on Tuesday

    8. I'm not going to read any Mother spoilers as I want it to be a surprise. Just from the trailers though, it looks very intense. Will be interesting to see what it turns out like.

      1. I think the trailers for this one are actually misleading :)

    9. the fact that you can tell it's not jackman's behind is astounding. thank you for bringing smiles every week! I just missed your birthday yesterday, I wish you a happy belated one. btw: early congrats are bad luck here in austria!

    10. I noticed that about this season of Thrones. They tossed the deliberate pacing right out the window, and filled each episode with about two or three episode's worth of material at least with its suddenly rushed pace. It just feels really bizarre, and by the end of it, I honestly see no reason why the season couldn't have gone a full 10 episodes like the rest have been to now, other than being too lazy to actually write the necessary extra scenes to get it there. I can't imagine how especially ridiculous this should feel to anyone who maybe watches these seasons back to back at some point. Talk about inconsistency...

      Also that Joker idea just sounds horrible all around. Don't blame Leto for feeling disrespected. It's really bullshit how they've treated him this whole time. :\

      1. Yeah they are ruining that show so bad. It's sad how evident it is that the creators just lost interest and they are rushing towards the end. They are soiling the show's earlier seasons with it because why would anyone ever rewatch it knowing that the closer to end the less effort goes into making it