Friday, December 29, 2017

(319) It's Oscar season! + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, December 29, 2017
  • Yes, I am very proud of the filth I tweeted on Christmas Eve.
  • This has truly been an Oscar season week. And I mean two things by this - first I caught up with whole lot of Oscar season films and I will include my short thoughts about them here.
  • But the more entertaining part of the week was of course fangirling over this beautiful angel. 
  • *sighs* 
  • He is so pretty, you guys.
  • I am gonna watch that Coen brothers movie where he is holding a cat tonight since I did the twitter poll and you guys told me this is what I'm supposed to watch so for your sake I am hoping he is shirtless in it.
  • Also he is apparently singing there, so what I'm saying is.....goodbye, my friends. Cause this is definitely going to kill me.
  • So I actually had to watch In Secret twice because the first time I was waaaay too tipsy to retain the memory of shirtless Oscar as well as I should. Here's the entire livetweet. And here...well, the highlights:
  • I love the fact that according to dates there first I was like there is no God but on Christmas Eve I was congratulating him. Christmas miracle, everyone!
  • No, seriously:
  • *let me just pause for a moment*
  • *and just stare at that second gif*
  • *and now I'm crying*
  • The question here is why would Brittani recommend me porn? Does she want me dead?
  • *cries for 15 minutes* 
  • *his hair is angel's*
  • *though his hair is not where I'm looking at there*
  • Then, entirely because Anna told me you could see his ass in it, I rewatched Robin Hood:
  • It was just as boring as I remember it to be. Will we ever see a truly great Ridley Scott movie again? And really this whole story...honestly Oscar's ass being on the screen for like 3 seconds was legitimately the most exciting thing there. 
  • Then for really Merry Xmas I rewatched A Most Violent Year:
  • I don't think I actually finished it when I was watching it for the first time years ago because honestly if you don't have something to hold on to - which for me was him - it's very slow paced movie. But this time the viewing was very nice (*giggling*). Also I don't know why I thought he slapped Chastain the first time I watched it. He didn't. He just suggested that the guns like the one she has are carried by whores which is admittedly not a great thing to say but at least he didn't slap her. 
  • The film was so well acted. Chastain certainly deserved that Golden Globe nomination but I think the reason in my head I thought he slapped her was because he was so intense. Why didn't you nominate him HFPA? 
  • Why do I even ask when the same people nominated Ansel fucking Elgort this year?
  • Also, if this is not irresponsible, I don't know what is --->
  • And then he goes, and he actually puts this moment in the movie? On top of all the other moments with him looking like that? That's just....reckless endangerment.
  • After all the nightmare of The Killing of a Sacred Deer, mother! and Battle of the Sexes on Monday I rewatched W.E.:
  • At one point he wore a kilt (and flashed his ass on camera to another security guard and this was where I stopped breathing) and took her to this secluded part of museum and this happened:
  • ....this is the longest I didn't breathe in my entire life.
  • I'm good people. I'm polite. I'm kind. I'm helpful. When people at work need help I actually stop what I'm doing and I'm helping. I carry groceries for my mom. I'm funny. I'm not terrible looking. What I'm getting at here is WHY can't we have a security guard like this at work? Why can't someone wear a kilt for me and dance with me? And rescue me from my shitty life and take me to their surprisingly big - for a security guard - apartment and let me stay there? And play piano for me?
  • Why does the security guard at my office have to be a senior citizen who plays MOTHERFUCKING CANDY CRUSH ON HIS PHONE ALL DAY?!
  • Oh yeah, Oscar also plays a piano in this movie. Because you know, I wasn't on the verge of death enough as it was.
  • At one point of it he became so dreamy I was fully expecting he will just take his shirt off and start rescuing puppies.
  • ?!?!?!?!?!??!
  • I just...I....
  • *hold on, I'm having an aneurysm*
  • I just have one question about this - why is this man allowed to walk around, being this adorable?!
  • No, wait this isn't my question.
  • My question is - is he real? And if so, then HOW is he real?
  • Yep.
  • I'm definitely getting worse.
  • I don't know what is happening here but this picture is hilarious
  • Even the box office results for The Last Jedi aren't that great in the end. 
  • Behold Rian Johnson's explanation for why Kylo Ren was shirtless. I mean....first you put that in the movie which is fine, apparently there are girls out there who would let this guy kill them and eat them. But why do you have to go and insult every one's intelligence and make some bullshit excuse. After years of Hollywood objectifying women at least they are leveling the field now and having all those dudes shirtless in every superhero film. Why should SW be different? 
  • And more importantly - why has Oscar been fully clothed for TWO movies now? 
  • I paid you money, Disney. 
  • Earn that shit.
  • I spent a lot of time wondering what Jon Bernthal's tattoos mean as I'm sure you all do. This is very helpful. I think we all need this kind of knowledge in our lives. 
  • And here he is fingering his beard, because let's just finish me off:
  • On Monday I saw The Killing of a sacred Deer (livetweet). It was surreal. I mean it has Colin Farrell: causally telling a guy from work his daughter just got her first period, getting his hands liked by Alicia Silverstone while they are watching Groundhog Day, telling his son his secret - that he once jerked his father off when he was asleep -  and then telling his son that he will make him shave his head and eat his hair and then there is a scene where he is running around the kitchen in his house looking for the pubes of a virgin. And then he just looks and Kidman and says "do you have any pubes I can use? Oh, I forgot. You have none left!"
  • I can't even...
  • I finally saw mother! (livetweet). I already reviewed it. I need to change the blog's header now because I cannot have one for a movie I only rated 6/10.
  • Then I saw Battle of the Sexes which was entirely forgettable and lifeless. What a waste of talented cast. The big tennis game near the end is very well done but up until that point the film is just such a waste opportunity. It's shocking such a  good story lacks heart.
  • On Tuesday I saw I, Tonya which I loved. It's a bit clanky in execution but it's very entertaining. It's like a mix of Black Swan, Wolf of Wall Street and To Die For - it's not as great as any of these movies but it's very fun to watch. The cast is amazing. Robbie's courthouse scene near the end made me tear up and Janney was just terrific. I don't get the "one note" complaints - there is this one scene where she is in the diner and her boss is telling her to work but she says "I wanna see her face!" while watching Tonya skate. The guy playing Tonya's bodyguard nearly steals the show, he is so hilarious.
  • Then I watched Lady Bird. What the hell is all that acclaim for? I liked the parts of the film dealing with the family dynamic and the scenes with Lois Smith but all those scenes with this girl and her friends? Not only did we see that countless times before and done much better but the way the young people in this talk...Greta Gerwig is catering to all the hipsters again. It's so artificial, so hollow. I don't even nominate Ronan who does....something but she was much better in the past. Also her character was insufferable. Not nearly as insufferable as this movie's obnoxious teenage fanbase, though.
  • And then I finally saw Blade Runner 2049 which I really liked. I thought it kept the spirit of the original. Everything in this movie was great, Ford was even better here than in Force Awakens and the film is easily my win for cinematography and visual effects. 
  • But who cares what are my thoughts here is Ridley Scott kinda trashing it. I mean Ridley Scott talking about a movie being too long is like me talking about someone inappropriately fangirling. We are both guilty and we should shut up. 
  • And on Wednesday I saw Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. That was fantastic. Harrelson and Rockwell were just incredible. McDormand was great but Robbie is still my win. This and I, Tonya I liked so much I watched them twice. Incredibly entertaining films. Also Sam Rockwell needs to win an Oscar this year. It's a fucking travesty he only got his first Golden Globe nomination this year. What the fuck?! This guy is next level amazing even in something like Charlie's Angels. I teared up multiple times but the line and this is a spoiler so don't read it "I know he is not her rapist...but he is A rapist" spoken by someone as racist and homophobic who still wants to deliver justice for something like this was the most moving scene there. It needs to be his Oscar clip, though he has multiple in the movie. 
  • Also is there anyone better than Harrelson when it comes to hilarious line deliveries? "The lady...with the funny fucking eye?! Jesus Christ..."
  • I don't have much news for you this week. But let's check with the idiots - Downsizing, Matt Damon's latest movie, bombed. Good. And Ben? He is hanging with his family. But, why? Did he grope someone again?
  • New Savage boo still from Aquaman
  • Mark Hamill is out there apologizing and explaining himself after presenting his honest take on what Rian Johnson did with Luke Skywalker. You just know the Mouse sent snipers and lawyers to his house.
  • In between threatening Hamill Disney vomited this up. Oh God, this is just gonna suck.
  • Can't they just make a separate movie about Poe and BB-8 and their adventures? 
  • And the movie is porn? 
  • And I'm in it? 
  • And yet again - hopefully BB-8 is not watching? 
  • And me and Poe are banging and BB-8 is spending his time playing with porgs?
  • And I'm like running my fingers through his hair while I'm ferociously riding him?
  • And the frog-nuns are scandalized by all the moaning?
  • I should stop typing, right?
  • Yes, I should definitely stop typing....
  • ...
  • .....
  • ..........
  • Happy New Year, everyone!
  • Look what MettelRay did on Christmas. The perving is strong in that one!
  • Brittani reviews The Disaster Artist
  • Alex lists 65 things he loves Eyes Wide Shut
  • Across the Universe podcast featuring talk about Wind River and mother! and these awesome gals plugging our great and entirely sane twitter conversations about Jon
  • Katy pays tribute to Carrie Fisher
  • Sonia and m.brown review The Greatest Showman


    1. Love those Oscar Isaac posts and I'm glad you liked Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as I'm hoping for an Oscar for Sam Rockwell.

      1. Rockwell not having an Oscar yet is a fucking outrage. He is one of the best actors working right now

    2. I feel like I should get a co-writing credit on that last part. Or at least be on set for the shoot. To see Bb-8 and the Porgs, know, the other stuff. I don't think I'm old enough for this 'ferociously riding' business.

      Rockwell and Harrelson in anything is a must see. I live in a place where it's perpetually 1987, so it might be awhile before I catch that flick they're in.

      Girl, we need way more objectification of men in EVERYTHING, honestly. Not only are you ladies long overdue for some random dong shots, but maybe it'll bring back unnecessary boobage, which seems to have gone the way of the tiger. Those are extinct, right? Right? And that's why WE HAVE TO USE CGI FOR THEM????

      Sorry, I'm way off the rails. Again. It's those damn frog-nuns, I swear.

      1. Someone needs to hold the camera, I guess lol. God Disney is wasting their resources so bad, seriously.

        I am honestly way more excited to see the terrible CGI now than I am for Jackman, as he is clothed, in that movie

        Don't worry in my scenario they cannot take it anymore and commit suicide by jumping into the ocean

    3. OMG, Margaret. XD You put my fangirling over Ryan to shame, and I say that with a hint of jealousy. I've got to get on top a lot of Oscar's movies. I'm surprised by how little I've seen.

      As hard as I tried, the original Blade Runner bores me to tears. 2049 actually made me appreciate it more. I'd respect Ridley's thoughts more, if he didn't also make Exodus, The Counselor, Prometheus, Convenant, lol. -.-

      I have so many movies to see in 3 days before 2018, or I have nothing for my best of list. :P

      Lady Bird is one of the biggest movies I've been waiting for. I like Greta's quirkiness, but there's only so much of it "I can take" before it becomes repetitive. I'm holding onto my last hope that I'll like it. :/

      Thanks for the link! <3

      1. Yes, I am getting worse and worse it's scary to think where we will be at next year :)

        Seriously Scott really shouldn't criticize movies for anything, really. Covenant is just such trash.

        I just can't stand Gerwig's style. This is just too much quirk for me. But apparently I'm in minority on this one just like I was with La La Land :)

    4. Oh, your Oscar Isaac-related tweets have quickly become a highlight whenever I'm online. And I know I'm just fanning the flames of your lust with various links but guess what? I REGRET NOTHING. [runs away cackling like the maniac that I am]

      1. *can't chase you cause I'm crying over him being so pretty*

    5. Man, I still need to see those Oscar-type movies from this year. Really looking forward to watching Three Billboards.

      That last part about your idea for a Poe I get the feeling you typed that with one hand.

    6. My skin crawled while reading about The Killing of a Sacred Deer and I'm planning on watching it tomorrow.

      I loved I, Tonya. It's entertaining, it has a good balance of comedy and drama, the performances are great and the soundtracks is so addictive!

      I'm with you on Lady Bird. I loved the family dynamic, I could really relate to that and it occasionally moved me, but the friends and boyfriends parts didn't really work for me. And it isn't that funny as everyone says.

      Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is perfect. Easily the best film I've seen this year. It made me laugh, it made me cry. It's entertaining and gripping, the performances, especially McDormand and Rockwell's, are fantastic and that quote, said by such a character, is so powerful.

      1. It's just an absolutely insane movie

        People say Lady Bird is funny? Jesus, what is happening around this movie? It's overrated in every possible way. I laughed once when she jumped out of the car near the beginning

        So glad you liked Three Billboards so much!

    7. First of all, that final image, hahahahaha, I can't. That is just, funny as hell.

      Secondly, thank you for the link, I love that my perving has reached heights worth sharing. :D I should just remain my CB posts to PM Perving-Mondays or something, though I definitely wouldn't have the skill and level of your perving down. Actually, you should rename Fridays into Pervdays, which would be like our religious day off to perv and pray to our men throughout the entire day, and then in the evening we lay down the plastic, and watch their movies on repeat until Sunday rolls in. It sounds like a plan, we'll spread the news via tweets,

      I haven't seen Oscar in much but his dance sequence in Ex Machina has always been one of my favourites and he saved the Star Wars movie for me this year. But I'm sure I'll watch more of his films next year, if I ever get back on track with reviews. :D

      1. But...every day shall be Pervday :)

        In Secret is worth a watch, it's....just so visually lovely :P Also I just saw Inside Llewyn Davis and his performance there is wonderful also he sings <3

    8. Hehehe, I am glad we share a crush on Isaac =P

      Also super glad you liked Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Can't wait for that one, Frances McDormand is soo good!!!!! Released here on new years day

      1. I think you'll love it, it's a great movie! It's less comedy than I expected, though but there are still few laughs here and there. It's more drama with some funny lines thrown in

    9. I recommended porn because I knew that was what you were looking for! lol

      I'm excited for I, Tonya. I hope it comes out here soon.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I think you will like I, Tonya, it's so entertaining and the acting is just amazing. I wish Robbie won an Oscar for it.

    10. I need to catch up with so many movies for the year retrospective, it's ridiculous.

      Ahhhh Oscar Isaac looked so fine in A Most Violent Year. And it was a great performance. He's both delicate and masculine which is not easy but it really works for him. Guess I must watch W.E now !

      1. W.E. is actually surprisingly good for Madonna's movie :)

    11. I do think Oscar Isaac is a fine actor who chooses some excellent roles. I can see that you definitely love him.

    12. Sigh. Oscar Issac. Here's my story for you regarding that beautiful man: He has a beautiful doppleganger in New Orleans, whom I indirectly reached out to to get drinks with and flat out got DENIED. The world is a cruel, cruel place.

      I love your live tweeting...I should start doing it.


        There's...more of him? Out there?

        Also if you had no shot then I shouldn't even try :P

    13. We're in complete disagreement on Battle of the Sexes. Thought that film had lots of heart, and felt the weakest part was actually the match at the end. Heh, whoops. Agreed on Lady Bird, though. It was fine at most, but possibly the most overrated movie of the year for me. :P

      1. Lady Bird and CMBYN are both insanely overrated which makes that kid there the most overrated actor in years for me. And now he is working with Allen. Oh, Jesus...

    14. Looking forward to Avengers: Infinity War?

      1. Not at all. Report that to your overloads.

    15. Are you actually trying to kill me? I come back after 3 months to find all these amazing Oscar Isaac GIFs? I don't need any more excuses to perv over this guy! :D

      1. Yeah it's Oscar time around here lately :)

    16. He isn't shirtless, but he sings and plays guitar in ILD. And his voice is... incredible Like, really really good. It almost made me faint!!!

      Loving that you now have a crush on my man crush! =P

      Happy New Year =]

      1. Dude since it almost made you faint can you imagine what I've been through here watching this thing?:D

    17. Great post! Thanks for the link! LOVE Oscar Isaac and I’m so happy you watched A Most Violent Year, a movie that was criminally ignored.

      Love your Oscar-movie wrap ups. I agree with damn near everything you wrote, especially about Battle of the Sexes, and, to a somewhat less critical degree, Lady Bird.

      Also agree that I, Tonya is a bit clanky (great description), but I loved it too. And Rockwell in Three Billboards… yes, give the man an Oscar.

      1. Yeah it was so underrated in that Oscar season! The way I see it they snubbed him twice - for Llewyn Davis and for this. What the hell his screen presence in AMV is INSANE.

        People say that Rockwell is 'just starting' so Dafoe should win but it's only in terms of recognition. It ain't Rockwell fault these idiots ignored him for 20 years. And he is honestly so much better than Dafoe in his movie, it's insane