Friday, January 5, 2018

(320) Cats are shady + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, January 5, 2018
  • (why doesn't this damn cat look more delighted?!)
  • Welcome in 2018. If you hoped that maybe things will get a bit less insane around here, well allow me to kill those hopes. But it's not my fault.
  • It's his fault.
  • Kinky Cutie Pie Boo's.
  • Shall we begin?
  • Even for me Inside Llewyn Davis livetweet has gotta be some sort of a record. 30+ of absolutely no substance tweets filled with me wondering how is Oscar Isaac's face possible and proclaiming I'm getting pregnant. Highlights:
  • In my defense - his hair. his eyes. his beard. AND MOTHER OF GOD THE SINGING.
  • I already bought the soundtrack but I'm legit afraid to listen to it. It's too much. I'm going back to work on Monday, when I listen to it on my way there I will just straight up die.
  • I really liked this movie a lot. The cinematography was gorgeous, the singing was....I'm still hyperventilating and I really liked the story and how the Coens approached it. But Carey Mulligan in that film...what a bitch!
  • Also I am certain after seeing this movie that Oscar Isaac is an angel that for some reason was banished from Heaven and fell on this shitty planet. 
  • I'm guessing he was banished for being too good at sex.
  • That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. 
  • From IMDb trivia - "Oscar Isaac actually strongly dislikes cats; he once received an infection from a cat bite.". Dude, fuck that cat! How dared it?!
  • Here he is telling that story. His timing is just amazing. Can we just put him on stage and he just tells stories and plays guitar and sings? Pretty please?
  • I'm with boo, by the way, I always thought cats are shady.
  • On Friday I watched The Two Faces of January:
  • That was a really good movie! I'm not a big fan of Kristen Dunst and she did nothing here to impress me but Viggo and Oscar were both great. The whole thing kept reminded me of Talented Mr. Ripley if Mr. Ripley was opposite of the shitty asshole that should be ejected into Sun Matt Damon and that opposite is Oscar. It's not weird that I was reminded of that film as this one was based on the novel by the same author. The film looked lovely too and it was very entertaining.
  • On Saturday I saw Mojave which was shit:
  • However at one point of it Oscar was running around in pink speedo. First of all, is the person who made that gifset OK or is he/she still unconscious? Second of all, this thing had absolutely no plot and was so stupid and annoying but just for that speedo moment I gave it 1/5 stars.
  • I also saw The Bourne Legacy:
  • How dare they? They had this guy there and they just nuke him and leave people with Renner. He is a fine actor but this is like....opening with the promise of fine dining and then sending people to Pizza Hut before they even started eating. It's like that sketch Gosling did on SNL where they thought it was a fancy restaurant but it wasn't.
  • that sweater....what a waste.
  • I also watched Ex Machina and that was terrific. I was so into it that I didn't even perv much on twitter but yes, the whole fucking film I was imagining being his slave robot. 
  • Man, do I have issues.
  • To illustrate my issues - near the end when he was walking around and grunting after getting stabbed I almost blacked out. 
  • Oh my God:
  • If Annihilation has a sex scene with him that is as epic as this dance scene..oh sweet death I welcome you.
  • The most coherent and longest livetweet of the week was The Promise:
  • While the film was mediocre and Christian Bale was seriously sleepwalking through it, Oscar was incredible in this film. Also it was pretty standard war epic and since it was the first big film done about the subject - the genocide of the Armenians during the war - it's really odd it's not playing well in Oscar season. I know it premiered in spring and it didn't get greatest reviews but according to imdb trivia it got celebrity support. So how the fuck is the kid from CMBYN getting nominated and Oscar is yet again getting snubbed left and right?
  • Also Tom Hollander was in this for like 3 minutes. He just showed up and then used dynamite to blow himself up. What I'm saying is that he was grossly underused.
  • I said that in livetweet but Chris Cornell recorded a gorgeous song for this movie that is actually eligible for Oscars. You know, the least they could is nominate it.
  • I also watched 10 Years which nearly ended me. He played a rock star and the movie is set during high school reunion he attends among other students played by Justin Long, Channing Tatum, Anthony Mackie, Rosario Dawson and sadly, Chris Pratt. He is hanging out the entire movie with Kate Mara's character who never heard his biggest hit and who is convinced he didn't remember her. And then he gets up on stage and it turns out his biggest hit? Yep, it's written about her.
  • I could attempt to describe the state I was in watching this, but I think there are no words. The word "MESS" doesn't even come close here. I legitimately started crying. It's such a lovely scene and his angel. You guys, he is an angel.
  • I cannot believe he says things like that:
  • Laura Dern and the interviewer lady were just dying there.
  • Meanwhile I was on the floor, breathless, watching this.
  • Also look at this. Damn, Laura is acting like I'd be acting.
  • Let's take a moment to appreciate the way he looked during TLJ promo tour.
  • *sighs*
  • Oh God.
  • I think he may be the only man on the planet that actually looks better without the beard. Of course we are talking about divine levels of being handsome as it is, beard or no beard, but just look at that gifset above. That's just ridiculous.
  • I legit have been looking at that gifset for like 2 minutes here.
  • Why?
  • WHY?
  • WHY?!
  • and one more of him being a cutie.
  • He also wants to have a dance battle with Sam Rockwell (by the way Sam is hosting SNL next week and I'm so psyched).
  • and also he says things like that (which is his comment on how his character dies in Ex Machina and also thank you Anna for just fucking me up further and further and sending this stuff to me):
  • (look at that nod on the last one.)
  • ("Certainly wouldn't hurt"? There are words)
  • He keeps doing stuff like this. Watch this. It's amazing that he doesn't acknowledge that he just made an innuendo that sent women into coma, probably. He doesn't look at the camera. He doesn't chuckle. He just acts like what he said is the most normal thing in the world. And then actually looks around the room, smiling.
  • This is the most ruthless thing I've seen in my entire life.
  • Does this remind you of someone? Someone cute who makes innuendos? Who makes a world a more joyful place with their kinky remarks while being adorable?
  • If there were forces on this world....beyond our comprehension...we would be moaning this world to doom right now. if 2018 is going to be happier for me that scenario would happen. This is all I'm saying. I mean it's not all I'm thinking but it's all I'm saying.
  • But wait...
  • gets worse:
  • *throws hands up in the air*
  • .....
  • .......
  • .........
  • *sighs*
  • Let's just talk about movies...
  • (He is out there talking about that? oh God...have I found my soulmate?)
  • (his...his...Oh. My. God)
  • No, but seriously let's not even attempt locating my underwear and my brain and just talk about movies....
  • (his "schlong"...)
  • The Florida Project. I am absolutely puzzled by all the praise and people saying how moved they were by this movie. Maybe it's because I don't like kids. I'm probably not having any of my own ever so I don't have to. And that film is basically kids running around being kids for 2 hours. Willem Dafoe is also in it, being a nice motel manager. And is that really what they are giving him an Oscar for? Oh, come on.
  • The Disaster Artist. That was fantastic. I loved it so much I actually watched it twice in the row. The film is hilarious but also very heartfelt. I watched The Room just before watching it. What the hell was that thing?! It really is insane how bad it was and also I think the reason it has cult status is that people don't talk or act in real life like they do in that movie. It's like someone trying to do a timeless classic and profound story but what came out is a low budget porn and not even a good one. And the story of someone making this film is just such a good material for a movie and Franco really made a great film here. He is also incredible in the lead role and Dave Franco is great too. I also really enjoyed, as always, Seth Rogen and this is the most I've ever been impressed by Zac Efron who is on the screen for maybe 3 minutes but he is an absolute laugh riot. The sequence where they are watching the movie and the audience is laughing is masterful - there are so many hilarious line deliveries like Rogen's "who doesn't recognize this guy?!" but at the same time Franco portrays the heartbreak of an artist experiencing the audience laughing at his work so well - that sequence is constant mixture of funny and moving. It was outstanding. Also as evidenced in "Smile, it's Friday!" below the line "I need to show my ass to sell this movie!" has real potential to become a famous quote. Seriously if I could, I'd give Franco an Oscar just for this delivery:
  • Also the movie has killer soundtrack - Good Vibrations and Rhythm of the Night are so well used especially with the latter used again in the end credits with Franco as Tommy singing along
  • Call me by Your Name. Yet another boring, pretentious movie starring that kid. Good Lord. Is it all because Brokeback Mountain didn't win BP? So now the Academy and other award bodies are gonna nominate/hand over wins to LGBT films that are mediocre? This was nowhere near Brokeback or Pride levels. So boring and Hammer and the kid shouldn't even get nominations for this. Nobody should, actually.
  • After this I watched 2016 release Miss Sloane. I loved it. The script was terrific and it was so refreshing because it avoided doing so many things you would expect to happen in a movie like this. There's also a great twist that I didn't see coming at all. The cast was amazing and Chastain delivered one of her best performances to date there. This really shows you how bullshit these awards are because I skipped it last year basing that decision solely on the fact it only got 1 Golden Globe nomination. And I watched it and goddamn, it's a spectacular movie.
  • I also saw Stronger. I don't think any fangirls on this world suffer as much as Jake Gyllenhaal's fangirls. This guy is either in creepy movies or he stars as people who are suffering. He was fantastic in the movie and if I were him I'd be insanely pissed off that SAG and HFPA nominated that kid for having sex with a fruit and sniffling in one scene instead of him. 
  • I also watched Geostorm. Why do I do those things to myself? 
  • Bright (livetweet). That wasn't as bad as critics were saying but it's still a mess. For David Ayer's film it's actually one of his better ones - it's not as boring as Fury and not as much of a nightmare as Suicide Squad. The cinematography is really nice, the world building is pretty cool and Smith and Edgerton have great chemistry. 
  • I also saw season 4 of Black Mirror minus Metalhead episode but apparently I am not missing much there. I think it was the weakest season - Hang the DJ was a rip off San Junipero and Black Museum of White Christmas and neither was as good as those. Arkangel was a mess and Crocodile was just all over the place. But I did absolutely love USS Callister and it's definitely one of the greatest episodes of the series for me. Jimmi Simpson is such a gift. His delivery of "oh my fuck!" had me laughing so hard.
  • Margot Robbie and Tonya Harding on the cover of new issue of THR. I really hope Margot wins the Globe this Sunday.
  • Both Gal Gadot and Christina Hendricks are presenting on Sunday. RIP m.brown.
  • I ain't watching live this year again. I will probably see the ceremony on Monday but I'm too old for this crap. I know Hugh would be there but it's not enough for me to stay up all night anymore. I think yet again the only thing I'll watch live is the Oscars.
  • Razzie awards longlist. mother! is there. Aronofsky will be delighted if this actually gets nominated which I'd hate because that film is so mediocre and doesn't deserve all that attention. 
  • Logan got WGA nomination today!
  • Here's Hugh Jackman trying to catch rabies.
  • Jon Bernthal covers this month's issue of Esquire. The article about him is just fascinating. I had no idea he almost killed a guy and faced jail time. Also I had no idea this is how you calm a pit bull down. Man, that is some vivid imagery right there. Such a great read and the photos are gorgeous.
  • Goddamn what is happening with Colin Farrell?!
  • Cate Blanchett was chosen as Cannes jury President so naturally all the movie fans are celebrating today. 
  • So everyone has their resolutions for new year. I'm not having any. I just have wishes. Actually just one. To have someone to go to movies with me. So I don't sit there alone during TLJ eyefucking a married man. If by 2018's end I at least get that? That's a win.
  • *no, but really...*
  • *whispers* schlong.
  • MettelRay, Chris and Katy already shared their best of 2017 lists
  • Brittani shares her Golden Globes predictions
  • Sonia reviews I, Tonya
  • Allie had her baby girl and she is back to blogging!
  • For some reason Jordan saw Downsizing and surprising no one it sucks
  • In the least surprising turn of events ever, m.brown watched and reviewed Pottersville. 


    1. I'm loving these posts about Oscar Isaac as In Secret was on my TV earlier today. Need to DVR that movie as I saw a brief clip of Elizabeth Olsen masturbating to some topless dude early in the film.

      I have no interest in seeing The Promise largely due to the endorsement from the fuckin' Kartrashians who I'm sure didn't even see the film as they just showed up to the premiere.

      1. That they endorsed it because it talks of something important to them is enough not to have an interest to see it?

      2. You know how they are. They'll show up for something and then take the money and run.

      3. Yeah I doubt they took any money from that film :)

    2. I will keep sending you Oscar Isaac-related posts until either you explode, somehow get pregnant from them or find another actor to lust after. And don't think I'm kidding either. [lurks back into the shadows, cackling]

    3. Yassssss the Wind Machine gif! I keep thinking of that line delivery and cracking up randomly throughout the day. I can't wait to see that again.

      I liked season 4 of Black Mirror over all, but it didn't bump any of my top 5 episodes out of place. I feel like Black Museum is the one I disagree with the most it seems. I didn't like all the Easter Eggs, I thought there was too many.

      I love Jimmi's 'oh my fuck'

      God I'm going to miss Willores on Westworld :(

      Thanks for the link!

      1. That was so fucking funny. Especially with Good Vibrations playing over it. His dance to Rhythm of the Night also almost killed me.

        Also his completely not sarcastic "wow, happy birthday!". He is just so good in this role.

    4. I loved Inside Llewyn Davis...not in the same way you loved it, but still. And Ex Machina was my #1 movie of its year.

      I'm with you on Bright. It's not nearly as bad as critics are saying.

    5. Awesome RF! Thanks for linking my TV post! There's so many movies of Oscar I need to see. Have you livetweeted Drive yet? I'm not asking for any reason *cough Ryan Gosling cough*. I laughed for a good five minutes over that last bullet point.

      mother! and The Circle are on my shit list. I hope they get nominated for razzies.

      OMG, Colin Farrell. I guess that's what happens to a guy hen he doesn't get to be in the Fantastic Beasts sequel. lol

      Chastain is like the white-out of acting to me. She's so vanilla. I'll have to give Miss Sloane a chance, maybe her last one. :P

      1. I think I will livetweet Drive tonight :)

        I can believe he said that. And so damn nonchalantly too. Bastard :)

        I am hoping Farrell's look is for the movie but you can never be too sure with this guy.

        Haha :P Mark Strong is also in this, that is always a plus for me.

    6. I'm glad I'm not the only one who watched Mojave just for Oscar Isaac and thought it was shite! What even was that movie?!
      Also you killed me with that last Twitter image 😂
      Thanks for the link!!

      1. I have no idea. I literally have no idea what happened in that movie. Thank God for pink speedos.

    7. Your fangirling/perving puts me in shame, I can never reach your heights!

      Seems like you had a good movie week, minor exceptions with you know, with the one I loved for instance. :D I think we can go for 3 out of 3 for my #1 movie of the year being the one you dislike a lot. We'll make an event of it. :D

      I don't think I will watch any Chastain movies, no matter how good they are, I just.. that's an actress I don't like for some reason. But we'll see, if she gets cast in IT, I have to watch her, though I hope she doesn't

      JON!!!!! My bae... I need to get on the perving spree with that man soon, otherwise my life will be dull and disappointing.

      Can't wait to see The Disaster Artist, I've always liked Franco and it's great to see him get praised for his acting. Might watch it tonight!

      Thanks for the link!

      PS: Did anyone else quietly whisper schlong after they finished reading this post?

      1. I think no one can reach those heights :)

        Chastain got Oscar the part in A Most Violent Year so that's one reason to like her :)

        I think you will love Disaster Artist, it's such a great movie!

        You guys should do that after every single RF lol ^^

    8. So much perving in one post! I'm impressed

      I'm watching The Florida Project tomorrow. I don't like kids so I guess it's gonna be meh. The Disaster Artist is fantastic and I really hope Franco gets nominated. I'm with you on CMBYN. I didn't find it boring but it doesn't bring anything new and it wasn't moving at all. I really wanted to see Miss Sloane when it came out but forgot. I'll give it a try. I didn't like Bright. At all. Worst movie I've seen this year so far but yeah, Smith and Edgerton have a good chemistry and I felt sorry for Edgerton's character.

      I loved all season 4 of Black Mirror but Metalhead. God that one was awful!

      Thanks for the link!

      PS: I also whispered schlong

      1. It's probably gonna be just as bad next week :D

        I hope you have better time with The Florida Project than me, Jesus I was just bored out of my mind. Miss Sloane is definitely worth your time, fast paced, well written and very entertaining

        You guys need to do that every Friday now! :)

    9. You just need to fly over here, because maybe you'll have better like with the New Orleans Oscar lookalike. I'm totally bummed my indirect perving failed miserably on him....maybe in another life.

      YES TO YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE FLORIDA PROJECT! I like kids, and it was shot very nicely (pretty pretty motels), but fuck it was boring. I'm totally cool with a slice of life movie, but give me something to chew on...And Dafoe? He's good, but he's certainly not Oscar-worthy here.

      Franco deserves that Oscar, but he'll lose to Oldman. Watching him act in This is the End...he was such a weirdo! Even on that "i'm being myself" role, he was SO into it. He's such a method actor...I appreciate his artistic nature that's for sure!

      1. Oh man this is very tempting but I'm sure I have no shot there :)

        Yeah the cinematography in TFP was nice but I was really bored. I don't understand all the praise for it.

        Franco is a good actor. He is one of the few who can do comedy and drama well. And he was really amazing in The Disaster Artist, I hope he at least gets nominated for it

    10. lol, hilarious stuff here, Sati. XD

      Razzies nominating Mother! would be a joke. But then again, the Razzies themselves are already a joke, so I suppose that'd be fitting.

      WOO at Logan picking up a WGA nomination! Finally some recognition for that movie. XP

      And as far as New Years Resolutions go, movie-wise at least, my anti-Disney stance will be just that. While most cinephiles either wanna see more movies, or a more variety or something of that order, mine is to no longer bother with all the Marvel, Star Wars, and shitty live action Disney crap. So we'll see how that goes. :P

      Also, thanks for the link!! Happy New Year!

      1. You're welcome and Happy New Year to you too!!!

        I'll obviously see Episode IX for...reasons but yeah Disney live action stuff and Marvel just don't make me excited at all.

    11. happy new schlong!
      schlong is such a great word, even if I couldn't understand the english language, I would immediately KNOW what it means!
      coincidentally, USS Callister is the only episode of black mirror I've ever watched, and it was amazing - almost movie length. really enjoy schlong, ehm long series.

      1. Especially with this merciless bastard saying it.

        Wow, the only one?! You should check out White Christmas, Shut Up and Dance + San Junipero

    12. F--king awesome as always. OI is hysterical, and I'm totally down/up for all his handsome goodness. I'd love to check out that Coen Brothers film with him. Can't believe I've never seen it.



      Gal looked incredible at the Globes, and Hendricks would look sexy stumbling out of a dumpster, but I somehow managed to survive. Barely. I also saw some Dadarrio pics and they almost sent me over the edge. Damn, ladies. Be careful with my heart.

      (And my schlong)

      Thanks for the link! I'll take you to the movies in 2018. It's the least I could do.

      1. You should totally see it! But you will fall in love with him if you hear him sing. He is like...angelic siren. That beautiful bastard.

        Hendricks wore those glasses on stage and looked like a sexy librarian, Jesus, that was something.

        Hey, hey, hey! Be careful or I will actually expect that to happen :)

    13. I knew you'd love ILD =P His voice is incredible, get the soundtrack!!! Its spine-tingling