Friday, January 19, 2018

(322) "Little pig boy comes from the dirt" + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, January 19, 2018
  • I'm gonna stick with RF format I introduced last week. First we talk about everything else and at the end it's time to fangirl hard. That way we always end on a joyful note before the weekend. And if someone accidentally stumbles on this website and just sees the front page, there is gonna be much less disturbing stuff right there for everyone to see and my boos to find out and inevitably sue me.
  • So here we go. Have a drink, smoke some weed or just....brace yourselves. This is a wild one, guys.
  • Just when I thought I cannot possibly love Sam Rockwell more he dropped an F bomb on live television.
  • I liked this guy A LOT before. 
  • But now? 
  • I would kill for this man.
  • It was hilarious how I found out. Remember I live in the butthole of Europe, so for me when the show airs it's 5 AM. I woke up in the afternoon and as usual on weekend when I don't have to get up and go to my shitty job, I was just lying in my bed and I grabbed my phone and went on twitter. And I see he is trending. I got scared he molested someone over there - you know how it is when a guy is trending these days - and I go to my DMs and I got this from Brittani - "Your boy has been on SNL for 10 mins and has already said the F word". I laughed so hard. Brittani <3
  • *also Mettel is SEETHING right now that Brittani called him MY boy*
  • *haha, not yours, Mettel! MINE!*
  • anyways.... 
  • He was literally so into playing the character that the poor thing forgot where he was. It's also so funny that it happened on his first appearance, literally in his first sketch ever.
  • Here's the montage of all the times someone said F word on SNL. Samuel L Jackson's is just the best. Especially with "that costs money" remark from Keenan - that is some insanely quick wit there!
  • I think it's ridiculous that this is such a big deal. Apparently the showrunner hates whenever this happens and never asks those who did it back which would suck, because while the writing wasn't the best Sam really saved that episode.
  • Leslie Jones just had to kiss him. Also the dancing!
  • "Well, I guess I'm getting a divorce".
  • That song is so catchy and I had no idea Stanley Tucci is married to Emily Blunt's sister!
  • I almost died laughing when the dog started eating the sandwich, Right before they do the close up of the dog, as Mikey is already cracking up, you can tell Sam almost did too.
  • While we are on Sam's subject (and boy are we coming back to that subject again later), you gotta love that Three Billboards backlash. I mentioned it last week but it's still happening. The film is not perfect. It barely makes my top 5 of the year. But it's literally the only thing that they can award BP. Hollywood deemed Wind River too tainted because it was distributed for 2 months by Weinstein. But there was good narrative with Taylor Sheridan getting the movie back because he didn't want it distributed by this abhorrent scum. But still either this is not enough or the campaign is too small. This is the movie that should be winning BP. In any case, there is literally nothing that can win for the year that was 2017 than Three Billboards now. Women and men are finally coming forward about all sorts of sexual misconduct that they endured and some want the movie about 20s/17 guys banging or sexual relationship between a woman and a creature who communicates 10 words tops to win? 
  • But, yes. It's nominating Franco for his poor judgment, gross ways and lousy taste in women that would be problematic and in bad form. 
  • Sarcasm sign.
  • This whole backlash thing, man. Also what the hell is "unapologetically racist"?! Are there racists that apologize? What, they use racial slur and go "oh, sorry!"?
  • This time it's the writing that is yet another kick at the credibility of #MeToo movement. Look at the part about the wine. This excerpt is being ridiculed left and right by stupid men who focus on that and think Aziz is acting like "typical guy" and there is no problem. Just because something is seen as a norm doesn't make it right. 
  • Seeing a lot of "men" - sorry, most "men" - say this is "typical behavior" made me never ever want to go out on a date again. Ever. It's better being alone than being assaulted and having a bunch of "men" think that it is your fault and proudly voice their bullshit, hick, garbage opinion everywhere online, from reddit through twitter to message boards. 
  • Also Ansari's defense mob are the kind of people who say "ugh, white women". Vile. Absolutely vile. I hope they are proud of themselves
  • This Woody Allen situation is such a mess I'm not even going to write about here. 
  • But Alec Baldwin was like "you know what this needs? Me weighing in".
  • The kid donated his salary from Allen's most recent film he is starring in to TimesUp. In case you didn't know, his stans are the worst
  • Oh snap. The stans are about to shit themselves. To be fair though, I don't know what this reporter guy is doing. He did some amazing work with sharing the stories and news about #MeToo movement but Chalamet did nothing wrong here. I'm a lawyer, as you know and are horrified about - what the fuck, this mess is a lawyer?! you must think whenever I remind you of this fact - and this clause in his contract is so vague, in truth even him donating money to this particular fund right now could be seen as him breaking it. So I really cannot blame the guy for being afraid to speak up. This reporter guy found two lawyers who say that clause is not an obstacle? I work with judges with 30+ years of experience on daily basis and they still have trouble interpreting legal language used in contracts. This is not a proof of him lying or being shady at all. 
  • Meanwhile, Colin Firth declared he won't work with Allen again. I was going to point out that nothing new resurfaced so what is he doing saying that now, but at the time of Firth signing up for that movie Dylan Farrow's letter wasn't published yet. 
  • Franco is calling his ex-girlfriends. This is probably most definitely going to backfire. 
  • Given the shit I talked about in RF last week and this a question must be asked - what the hell is happening in France?!
  • "Now especially, I have daughters". Just shut the fuck up, James.
  • This is Sharon Stone's reaction to being asked if she was ever harassed. First of all, you see - this is the problem right here. We are still being treated like we are inferior. What the fuck with this reporter even asking her that? Hey, asshole why don't you ask male celebrity if he ever harassed anyone instead and watch him stumble over his words? Oh right, because it's easier to ask a woman a difficult question than a man. Secondly, I love her answer. She just laughed and gave a great response that really says it all. She doesn't need to say anything more. In this world if you are a woman and you weren't harassed - that is the exception, not the rule. And if you look like her? Back then, 40 years ago? In Hollywood? I cannot even imagine what she must have been through. Well, I can, but I rather not.
  • What a goddess.
  • This is what strength looks like.
  • Oh man. Liam Neeson talking about harassment accusations in Hollywood is one of the funniest things you will watch this week. 
  • "Discussing the allegations against Hoffman, Neeson said, “when you’re doing a play and you’re with your family – other actors, technicians – you do silly things ... and it becomes kind of superstitious, if you don’t do it every night you think it’s going to jinx the show".
  • It's like he is having an aneurysm. He was making a good point for the first minute of that video and then all of the sudden, stupidity exploded.
  • You will not believe who decided to shut up
  • Here's a heartwarming story about a shithead killing animals again
  • Here's an excerpt from an article Sean Penn wrote, while being on drugs or something. It's surreal. 
  • Here's Hugh Grant talking about his hilarious experiences at Golden Globes and twitter afterwards. 
  • David Harbour is doing pretty incredible things on twitter. It started like this and now people keep asking him to do stuff and he will. 
  • The visuals in new Tomb Raider trailer look terrible but that's a pretty cool cover of Survivor. Also thank God for this trailer. I'm about to start my cleanse and this is just the motivation I need to exercise again. 
  • Yes, Mute is arriving next month. February 23rd. Rumour has it Sam's character from Moon is gonna be in that. 
  • More bad news for Marky Mark
  • Ellen Pompeo is now the highest-paid actress on TV - yep, Grey's Anatomy is still airing - and she also shares a tale of Patrick Dempsey being kind of a dick. Newseeek run this story with headline "Ellen Pompeo defends her salary". Defends. DEFENDS. That is the word used in a headline of this story by a major newspaper. This is where we are at. In 2018.  But please tell me more of poor Aziz and his career being ruined by "grey area" accusation. 
  • Congratulations to Boyd Holbrook and his wife on the birth of their first baby! (1,2)
  • Rumor has it JakeyG is the new Batman. Jake must be like "fuck you, Academy!" because every year he suffers in his roles, every year he campaigns and they always snub his ass. Yeah, Jake, I'm not sure Warner Bros. is gonna treat you any better....
  • Here's Sebastian Stan showing how petty he is.
  • Fucking mustache.
  • After watching Sam's SNL episode I realized that I didn't see the one Franco hosted in December and watching that was the best decision I made all week because these two sketches....:
  • ...were so fucking funny I literally started suffocating I laughed so hard. I must have watched each at least 10 times already. The fact he managed to keep straight face while saying "little pig boy comes from the dirt" is one of the most impressive things I've ever seen on the show. If Gosling had to say that he would be pissing himself laughing and falling over that desk, which admittedly would be pretty funny too.
  • Also Leslie Jones barely made it through that sketch.
  • Work is getting worse and worse with each week. I am exhausted. On Wednesday I legit got into the wrong streetcar and it took me two stops to notice even though it was going the opposite direction. One day I will just collapse on the street and if Inside Llewyn Davis soundtrack starts playing on my phone and I hear it in my headphones (which I always have on when I'm outside so not only am I dumb, I am also deaf to my surroundings) than that is it for me.
  • This is me at work today trying to look cute. Also tomorrow I'm starting my annual spring cleanse. It's just gonna be lots of kale, cabbage juice, working out and crying for two months. Oh God this is gonna be the worst. Two months. I have to do it, though. I have to stay alive. To keep writing this trash. Also Aquaman is 11 months away. So that's my motivation to maybe try and not live like I'm a rockstar (I'm referring to % consumption on weekends) because I'm not, though at least I'm funny. Let's face it, RF is like really awesome stand up that never fails to make about 20 people laugh. So that is...something?
  •  I'm down to only few films a week. On Tuesday I saw Molly's Game, which I kind of reviewed this week. I liked it but that script should have been so much better. 
  • On Saturday I rewatched Laggies which I freaking love and if you thought Sam dances well, look at this shit:
  • I might have watched that scene five times. Which is to say I did watch it about fifteen times, in succession while going exactly like this:
  • If you stay very very quiet you can actually hear a sound. That sound I made as I now stare at that gif of the coat move. A sound that sounds like a squirrel being murdered. 
  • And loving every second of it. 
  • You can probably see where this is going. 
  • Yep, there's a new boo wormhole. And I fell through it. And I didn't fall through it alone
  • For the love of God this wasn't even supposed to be the pervy part of RF. I blame that move in Laggies. Because this was supposed to be coherent, not disturbing, few bullet points. I was just supposed to write my "thoughts" about a bunch of Sam Rockwell movies I watched this week. This was supposed to be fucking mature, dammit. This was supposed to be like my more normal letterboxed short reviews. I was supposed to watch that Jesus movie with Oscar this week and perv about that, awaiting the lightning from Heavens to kill me. But nope. Nope. He just had to grab her fucking coat like that.
  • *falls on her knees*
  • *looks around in panic*
  • *in faint voice*: It's happening. Again.
  • Also there was this shit --->
  • Good lord, it's like a guy drops F bomb on live TV, I see him having really great moves and that's it. Show me a goat to slaughter so he wins that Oscar. 
  • Let's just hope the cleanse also helps with my brain. Because we have now reached the point where there are so many boos you guys literally open RF and you have no idea who will this perving session be about. It's also kinda fun, right? Such suspense, so many twists!
  • On Monday I rewatched Matchstick Men and Galaxy Quest. It's been 15 years since Nicolas Cage played a good role in a decent movie, you guys. 
  • On Thursday I rewatched The Way Way Back. I still think it's insanely mediocre movie but Rockwell makes it worth seeing. Also:
  • I wish they just shot that, because it would make for a far better movie.
  • On Wednesday I rewatched Choke. Anal beads. Blow jobs. "Poodle". That scene where he bangs that chick on the desk. The whole action in the barn. Mettel saw that movie for the first time yesterday. And she actually managed to watch two more movies with him after that. After I saw this on Wednesday I just had to lie down, but not her. Two more. I am so impressed with this girl!
  • This whole week was the week of synchronizing perving (again) Yep. I have a disciple now. Mettel. I can just picture the scenario where Sam sues us, walks into the courtroom dancing and we are using my maneuver - this is my plan if this ever happens - we are both wearing pink dresses, try to look innocent and just go "Your Honor, we are stupid. Please help us".
  • We went deep.
  • Then deeper.
  • And then we went full fangirl.
  • I am so super psyched that Mettel just saw Frost/Nixon (my #15 fav of all time) and is gonna see Jesse James (my #12 of all time). She is one of my favorite people and she is watching some of my favorite movies and experiencing them for the very first time. And for the most noble reason there is - perving about an actor. She is so awesome!!!
  • Seriously, you guys, let's just agree that when Sam wins that Oscar it's because of me and Mettel rooting very very very very very hard for him. In a very appropriate and not at all disturbing fashion
  • And if he, God forbid, loses, we are going to Hollywood and we will burn it to the motherfucking ground.
  • So as I said this is not even the pervy part of RF yet. It's still 6 bullet points away.
  • Oh yeah, it can get worse.
  • But since we are already in the gutter I will just link this and say absolutely nothing about it. 
  • Last week I forgot to write about literally the only thing about The Shape of Water that is worth talking about because of how fascinating and insane it is.
  • What the hell was that with her masturbating in the bath tub every morning BEFORE she goes to work? I am so confused. Most of the days I don't even have the time to brush my hair before heading to my shit office, let alone doing THAT. 
  • Who on earth does that BEFORE going to work?! Who has the time for that? In the morning?! literally need to get up earlier to do that. I sat there watching that movie and I was like....what?
  • While we are on that subject of...that...
  • ....
  • So Oscar....
  • ....
  • .......
  • ..........
  • (that was not at all inappropriate segue there. Not in the slightest.)
  • He is filming the movie called Operation Finale and a photo emerged of him wearing crocs.
  •  Yep, crocs.
  • There's an explanation, but a whole bunch of people are pulling their hair out and screaming no!!! and acting like he shat on the street and I'm like are you're kidding?
  • This is boo boo..
  • He is an angel.
  • If he wants to wear crocks, he can.
  • If he wants to wear socks with that, fuck it, do it, angel.
  • If he wants to wear pink speedos, God bless.
  • If he wants to walk around in drag dressed up like Cher, godspeed.
  • If he wants to wear flayed human skin HE SHOULD.
  • If he wants to wear MY flayed human skin I'll rip it off me myself and hand it to him.
  • He can wear whatever the hell he wants.
  • Just leave him and his crocs alone, Jesus Christ.
  • Comparing to what the other actors in Hollywood are doing even if he takes those crocs off and starts throwing them at people he is still the best person in Hollywood.
  • Like, it's not even close.
  • Also WHO THE HELL looks at what his shoes are when his face is right there on that picture?!
  • You're supposed to look at IT. 
  • Pray to it. 
  • And just mediate about HOW is that even possible.
  • and of course....
  • whisper "schlong"..
  • So anyways....
  • Did you know Disney sneaked porn in The Force Awakens?:
  • And again in The Last Jedi?
  • I'm looking forward to the....explosive finale in Episode IX.
  • All puns intended.
  • Look at these:
  • Aren't these the most beautiful drawings you've ever seen?
  • And finally in true spirit of  the schlong, this is Mr. Angel Boo during reddit AMA:
  • Allie reviews Focus
  • Keith chooses best Actresses in 2017
  • Alex lists 20 top male performances in 2017
  • Brittani reviews Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
  • MettelRay reviews Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
  • Dell reviews Dunkirk
  • Katy enjoyed Battle of the Sexes way more than I did
  • Sonia reviews Bright
  • m.brown reviews The Mountains Between Us


    1. I've been anticipating Mute, mainly because I liked Moon and Source Code. Nice to hear it's out next month!

    2. Oh god, I can never watch that scene in The Force Awakens innocently again!
      The crocs though! I can't...I just can't...!
      Please excuse me whilst I hunt down a copy of Laggies, that GIF is hot.
      Thanks for the link matey! :D

      1. Stop crocs shaming him! :P

        Yes, watch Laggies!

    3. Everyone is going apeshit over #MeToo, #TimesUp, and all of that shit. I don't know who to side with anymore. This has become a mess.

      I love Sam Rockwell. There's this great story I have about a guy I used to know at an old used record store I used to go to in my 20s. He went to see Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and that scene of Rockwell opening the fridge where meets Drew Barrymore for the first time as he's shown butt-naked. There were a couple of women that were screaming with glee and going "Ooohh-wee, that's a nice ass on that white boy" and he's was like "oh man, I don't want see that". And it is a very fine ass.

      1. oh my God :P I need to rewatch that movie, I barely remember it

    4. I am totally in lockstep with you ladies on Sam Rockwell. I fucking love the guy. Re-watched Confessions of a Dangerous Mind last night for the first time in forever. He's great! Great! Totally missed him on SNL.

      I'm so over the revisionist cracks on Three Billboards. I found it to be the perfect sort of mess to reconcile the fucking crazy in my head these day. America is a shit show. This movie captures that. And, your right, racists are not apologetic because they are ignorant. Rockwell portrays ignorance and co-dependence above all in that film. The racism is just a by-product of that, and the fact that Ebbing is a rural shit town in America. Just like the one I live in, where being racist is still part of the fabric for many people, whether they know it or admit to themselves or not. One day I'll escape this place or change it. For now, I'll find comfort in movie made by an Irish guy that just GETS IT.

      I won't comment much on the Aziz story. Men need to change how they initiate and engage in sex and be more receptive to what women want. And women need to talk more freely about what they do and don't want and that's it. The things people are too timid to talk about are why things like this happen. Miscommunication is the downfall of all relationships. I hope things get better.

      Great stuff. Peace.

      1. I am gonna see Confessions this weekend, it's been years since I saw it for the first time!

        This whole backlash against Billboards is ridiculous. I have no idea why people are so sensitive and daft all of the sudden. Dixon is still a racist in the end but it's hard to categorize him as he also shows such empathy for Mildred and he wants to do the right thing. It's a brave movie, unlike something like Lady Bird which has such obnoxious stans

    5. Awesome RF as always! I love that he cursed on SNL. Honestly, it was a mistake, but it wouldn't surprise me if Lorne Michaels is uptight about those sort of things. He's a weasel. Sam was great in all of his skits. I wished Kennan's Whats Up With That would come back. It's one of the few funny talk show parodies that's consistently funny. I don't think I'll be perving over Sam as much as Oscar or Jon, so God speed on your journey. :D

      I can't even with the Ansari stuff. *sigh*

      lol *reading nodding reading* OMG RYAN GIF TIME. Excluding and including Ryan, your use of gifs is art. *pets Ryan*

      Thank God Oscar has the face of an angel and a personality BECAUSE CROCS. JUST NO. I just - they're wrong on so many levels.

      Stone is a goddess. Her answer was perfection.

      Omg, that interview of Hugh after the Golden Globes. Poor Hugh and how he thought he was having a nice time until he went on twitter. People are why we can't have nice things.

      I've never seen Frost/Nixon.... *hides*

      Franco's SNL was hysterical. Yeah, him calling his girlfriends is going to backfire like crazy.

      Thanks for linking my Battle of the Sexes review!

      1. I am seriously worried about Mettel. By tomorrow she will have seen 10 movies with him in one week, that is...serious stuff :P


        I love Hugh Grant, he is such a nice guy and his private life is something that they should really make a movie about. He has two girlfriends, he has kids with both of them and they all live in separate houses on the same street along with Elizabeth Hurley and he is the godfather of her kid.It's madness :)

    6. I scrolled past Oscar in crocs because I refuse to believe that exists lol.

      There was a critic on Twitter today who made a really great thread about 3 Billboards and how it handles racsim that I loved and agreed with.

      I'm so glad you watches Franco's SNL. Little Pig Boy cracks me up so much. He needs an Emmy for keeping a straight face.

      Considering how drunk I was when I DM'd you about Sam, I'm surprised everything is spelled correctly.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. LOL Globes DMs were the best - "he just won and YOU ARE SLEEPING" :D

    7. We went full fangirl.. that's so right, I think I've never been a bigger fangirl in my grownup life (I mean I had pretty strong moments in my teenage years) and I love it. I like have something to look forward to every day. Like today, going to watch Mr. Right. Don't really have time for it but gonna do it anyway. I hope my next week's posting schedule won't suffer because of it. It might.. but then again, I will feel motivated because I have a Sam Rockwell post going up next Saturday!

      There are so many good movies his in. They're not the best of the best but I mean, most comedies are pretty good and the dramas, those are great! I'm glad I finally watched Frost/Nixon, and I'm gladI watched it for Rockwell because it sort of made the whole experience a lot more special.

      Have you watched Welcome to Collinwood yet? I thought he was great in that, that's the no coat pull-in scene.. man, my gif really looks bad, I'm waiting for your version. :D

      Thank you for mentioning me so many times in this.. makes me feel as if I've finally passed the rite of passage.. and become indeed as you said a disciple (I laughed out loud at that one, because it feels so true :D) and now I can't never look back. I doubt my CB will ever be as good as your RF's but I do tweet dangerous stuff now so I guess I'm going to have to start looking for that pink dress.

      Thank you for the link as well! And here's to next week, may it be as Sam filled as this one!

      PS: I know I said Sam is mine... but I'm also willing to share.. a little.

      1. Oh my God cannot wait for that post! It's gonna be so glorious!

        So glad you liked Frost/Nixon! He was so hilarious in that movie. I love all his scenes especially when he shakes Nixon's hand and says "Mr. President...' so timidly.

        I will watch it tonight unless I die watching Mr. Right. I will definitely make gifs from that :)

        You need to tweet more! Fangirl hard, my young disciple!

        We are gonna fight over him. Fight, I say!

    8. Wait, what? Matt Damon had an epiphany?!

      I watched Molly's Game a couple of days ago and I was pretty happy with the script.

      Good luck with the cleanse! I'm trying to stay away from gluten (I may have a gluten intolerance, I have to get tested) but the struggle is real.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Gluten? That's in the pasta and bread right? oh man, I hope there are good alternatives and they won't taste awful

        I cannot believe it only took this dumb ass a month to realize he needs to shut his trap

    9. Ahhh Franco was great on SNL.

      Oh the Three Billboards backlash is still going?? How fun. And now Time's Up backlash "poor boys won't ask girls on dates anymore" - I don't even know how to respond anymore.

      1. I just stopped responding to stupid men on this subject. I'm done explaining. Fuck them. And not in the way they'd like.

    10. This is so good. I just sit back and read away. By the way I’m afraid The Shape of Water is going to be tough to beat on Oscar night. I think it’s nuts but...

      1. I hope it doesn't mean. It just shouldn't, they already snubbed Wind River this season and they didn't even nominate Wonder Woman. Both important movies. Shape of Water is fine but it has nothing to say. There are excellent movies from 2017 that also make a strong statement

    11. I just can't see Gyllenhaal in that role, not playing the same Batman Affleck played at least. He's too boyish to fill those shoes I'd think. I could perhaps buy him in a reboot, though.

      You aren't kidding about that Molly's Game script. I've never felt more embarassed for Sorkin than I was watching that movie. He's more in love with his own writing than Tarantino.

      As for Nic Cage playing well in a decent movie, have you seen The Frozen Ground from 2013? Pretty damn solid performance in a surprisingly good film that went way under the radar. It was one of my favorites from that year, and I'd say it's worth checking out.

      1. Before WB gets their shit together and we actually see Batman on the screen again it's gonna be some time :)

        Yeah that was...soooo beneath Chastain and Elba's talents. Without these two that film would be very annoying.

        I haven't seen that one, it seems that any decent work he is doing lately is in very obscure indies

    12. As a fan of Sam Rockwell, it's wonderful to see your fangirling.

      1. Yes, there's gonna be more of that next week :)

    13. Hasn't Ben Affleck's final appearance as Batman in Justice League 2 been confirmed?

    14. Sam is everything. Loved his reaction after he dropped the f-bomb on live TV. Thank you so much for the link!!!

      1. You're welcome! It was so cute how horrified he was :D

    15. Hahahaha, Rockwell is indeed awesome. You're writing really cracks me up, do you write fiction at all? If not I think you should try =]

      1. I barely have time to write this as it is :)