Friday, February 2, 2018

(324) The Rooster + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, February 2, 2018
  • This is a footage from THR actors roundtable. I'll get to that in a moment, but let's just point out that every week this man is getting more and more adorable. 
  • I think I need to write a will at this point.  
  • This week's RF....oh, it's gonna be bad. 
  • This is gonna be so bad, you guys. 
  • In fact usually I make an effort to clean this up a bit and I ask myself  as I work on the draft "maybe this is too far? Maybe this is beyond funny and into really poor taste territory now?" and there are times when I take something out because it's a bit too risque or personal or just not funny enough to justify such....insane and vivid filth. But this one is just impossible to clean up.
  • But it ain't my fault. 
  • As usual I am completely blameless.
  • Cause this is all...
  • ....because of tattoo.
  • But before I tell you what Sam's tattoo means and you can never turn back time and go back to the state of blissful ignorance (when your lady parts didn't catch on fire whenever you thought of it)....
  • Brace yourselves. Mad Mel Bible Cinematic Universe is happening
  • Speaking of cinematic universes, they already made the fourth Cloverfield movie. It's so impressive they manged to keep something like this a secret this long. 
  • Oh, shut up, Kate. You don't even have the decency to name names. Also Diane Keaton backed Allen. This is the first week we had since October where it appears it was only women who said dumb stuff.  
  • Trailer for Mute. I just hope that the person who detailed what Sam's cameo was was either lying or wrong because if they had that man on their set and didn't use him I'm gonna be livid.
  • I'm really looking forward to this movie, also everything is better when Paul Rudd is in it!
  • We have the first poster ---->
  • And here is the first trailer for Ant-Man and the Wasp. That moment with the Wasp running on the blade was amazing! Sadly no footage of Michelle Pfeiffer
  • Trailer for Hereditary,which got amazing reviews in Sundance. 
  • Here's fugly poster for the next Mission Impossible. The trailer arrives this Sunday.
  • They are putting Nicolas Cage in movies he wasn't in thanks to some app that also allows people to put the faces of celebrities onto porn. Even to me that's creepy.
  • Ridley Scott is getting BAFTA fellowship this year and I think they should get Fassbender with a flute to present.
  • Here's someone using Instagram the right way.
  • Solo is expected to start its marketing during SuperBowl. By now I absolutely believe this film is truly a mess. J.J. should just rework it as Cloverfield movie. 
  • Here's the recent mess around those Harry Potter spin-offs.
  • I'm supposed to finish my best and worst of 2017  list and publish it on Sunday and the only 2017 release I saw this week was Trainspotting 2. It was OK. Very interesting cinematography and all the actors did a great job. But it's nowhere near the first movie but at least it doesn't ruin anything other than the illusion that Renton gets a happy ending. Though I suppose being free of addiction is miraculous enough to count as one.
  • All this is the end of the actual content part. Yep, that's it for this week. 
  • Now let's just...dive...into what follows.
  • So I was rewatching Moon and in the middle of it I realized I don't know what the hell Sam's tattoo is of. 
  • And that curiosity almost killed me.
  • I mean, I am not a cat, I'm just a moron, but it seriously almost did.
  • "Rockwell only has one tattoo but he really made the most of the opportunity and inked a rooster in a noose on his arm. What does this seemingly random work of body art mean? Well, according to Rockwell, he got it so that he could tell girls that he has "a hung c*ck"".
  • I don't even...
  • I can't even...
  • I actually only have one question about all of this. 
  • Just one. 
  • And that question is:
  • HOW am I not in a coma after reading THAT?!
  • I could barely focus for the rest of the movie because his tattoo was visible in so many scenes. My God, he just shoves that rooster in people's faces shamelessly.
  • Can we just take a moment and appreciate how those things somehow navigate their way towards me? The schlongs and the roosters of the boos? I mean, you know, in spirit, not, sadly, actually in the flesh. Here I am innocently sitting (what was on my mind is another story) and rewatching a movie and I simply go "hmm, I don't know what that tattoo means! I should google it!" *giggles innocently* *opens Google* *types* *opens website* *reads* *stops breathing for whole minute* *her soul descending into the gutter*
  • I didn't even think/hope it was gonna be something pervy or awesome. And then I googled it and it's worse than Oscar and his filthy mouth talking about his schlong.
  • Damn, do I know how to pick these guys, right?!
  • It's like I have this inner tracker and it just guides me towards 1. great actors 2. who are hot 3. and super kinky.
  • The boo trifecta.
  • I freaked out all over twitter, naturally. Mettel's and mine idea about love sandwiches and North Pole is so awesome.
  • What is also awesome is me just randomly tweeting Mettel a picture of a rooster.
  • set up Mettel in their podcast by having Nikhat ask her about anal beads moment in Choke. Can we also take a moment and appreciate how ladylike Mettel is? This is her review of Laggies. And in the podcast she referred to - warning, there is seriously hot content here - this as 'fooling around". If it was me my musings about Laggies sequel would just be very descriptive essays, plural, about getting banged on kitchen table or something and as for that Choke scene I'd somehow make it even worse if I were to describe it. I don't know how. But we all know I have skills to achieve that.
  • Hey, remember that time Sam was on Amy Shitumer's show? I did. And sent so much joy to women on twitter by tweeting it. I'm so awesome, aren't I?
  • I truly am the twitter Queen. But Mettel wins the most accurate tweet of the week:
  • The fever is spreading on tumblr. My Laggies gifset is seriously making rounds over there. 
  • So THR Actor Roundtable! You can watch it here. Here's my livetweet. 
  • Man, were these guys lucky Hanks was there - the moderator, who had all the charm and charisma of a brown paper bag by the way, asked them about sexual harassment and framed the question in a truly bizarre way "shall Hollywood explore that?". What?! Sam yet again mirrored everyone's reaction and was so confused. 
  • Unfortunately, he followed this up with his thoughts and I swear I held my breath as he was speaking and thank God he stopped himself.
  • He started saying how it's sad and depressing, how there are so many "talented people" (meaning, I assume, that it's sad and depressing to witness all these guys turn out to be scumbags). I mean this is not the side you wanna focus on here. Franco and Boyega looked at him with "man, don't" stare and I was watching it and just went oh no baby no YOU'RE HEADING FOR A CLIFF TURN AROUND TURN AROUND. I got an impression that he really didn't think it through and it just came off as awkward which he himself clearly realized 
  • - or my panic fueled by love time traveled and appeared as huge stop sign in his brain. Seriously, had I been there I'd tackle him to the ground and sat on his face to stop him from speaking 
  • *yep. I've just written that*
  • *and you've just read that* -
  • while talking because he, thankfully, threw in how predators have to go down and then just added 'fucking sad' and figured out to just shut his beautiful mouth.
  • Then Hanks took over and said a lot of right and valuable things there. Then they asked Franco who just echoed the mess that came out of his mouth during talk shows and that was when THR plastered the blurb on the screen how Franco himself got accused (I think this roundtable was filmed few weeks in advance). 
  • My impressions from this 53-minutes long roundtable: Franco is a very alert and articulate dude, it's such a shame what is happening around him lately. Boyega was there for Detroit, for some reason, but didn't even talk about that he just talked of Star Wars. Still, he started that "Sam just wants that check" thing and that was so funny.
  •  Oldman is such a bore I almost dosed off. The only interesting thing about Oldman was that he is a fan of Spring Breakers. Dafoe didn't really talk much. Hanks talked the most - and it's hilarious he had no idea what The Room is. It was honestly just such pleasure to listen to Hanks. He seemed to be really interested in everything the other guys were saying and he was super friendly and shared a lot of insight and knowledge. I don't think I ever heard him speak for this long and I was very impressed. What a genuinely nice, decent person. And Sam! I had a feeling he wanted to hear the others but not talk about himself. Very, very humble - which is yet another insanely hot thing about him. But I just loved all those bits he had to throw in. "I dated Southern girls". Come on, Sam. Stop making me jealous of all those Southern girls.
  • And then he was shamelessly saying he has no skills. 
  • Right. 
  • SURE. 
  • Because making me moan every single fucking time I see that tattoo now is something anyone can just achieve, huh?
  • I rewatched Confessions of Dangerous Mind which took me two days because in the middle of it I decided I just have to rewatch Laggies which I did and just perved hard. In one tweet because I just marveled at him and couldn't tweet through rest of it. He plays a lawyer. Fucking Hollywood never learns. I am a lawyer. I work with lawyers. Actual lawyer dudes aren't like this. They aren't perfect like this. If they were I would be otherwise engaged right now and not sitting here and writing this garbage. 
  • But back to Confessions, Sam must have been like "I need to show my ass to sell this movie" because he was naked in about 5 scenes there. I ain't complaining, of course.
  • On Saturday I rewatched Charlie's Angels which I didn't watch in almost 2 decades.
  • I laughed so hard at that moment in the first screenshot/tweet. The voice over says he is a brilliant engineer and there he is sitting on a tree for absolutely no reason whatsoever. What the hell was that? 
  • We need the dancing  gifs, don't we? 
  • Yeah we do:
  • Then I rewatched Moon. It's just so brilliant.  And I wanted to hug his character(s) so bad!
  • On Sunday I watched Poltergeist remake he was inexplicably in. It was absolutely awful BUT it made for the week's greatest livetweet.
  • And I also saw most of Better Living Through Chemistry. I didn't see all of it because I had to go to sleep. Well, that worked well. I couldn't sleep after what I witnessed - good God, he banged her in the car - and every time I checked the phone to check the time I also checked twitter where Mettel was perving about Laggies so that was also making me even more awake. 
  • Needless to say I slept about 2h that night.
  • I will finish it tonight. I'm already mid-pervfest on twitter right now.
  • On Monday I rewatched Conviction. I laughed out loud at Sonia's reaction to that one tweet. Yeah. He looked GOOD.
  • And on Tuesday and Wednesday I saw Frost/Nixon again. Yep, two times. I also made gifs because why the hell not:
  • I'm actually on 4-day long 'vacation' because after I saw piles of cases yesterday I was like 'fuck it' and decided I need to 1. sleep 2. eat 3. watch movies and not work for few days or I will go insane. So hopefully I'll actually manage to watch some 2017 movies till Sunday because no matter what that is the day I publish my annual list.
  • Also apparently they are taking nominees picture on Monday so I'm gonna be freaking out all over twitter.
  • Come on, let's do this....
  • ...
  • ....
  • ......
  • *whispers* hung c*ck.
  • Brittani and Allie list their favorites in 2017
  • Keith reviews Paddington 2
  • Chris highlights the great use of music in I, Tonya and Mettel reviews the film
  • Sonia reviews Blade Runner 2049
  • Once again here is the hilarious new episode of Across the Universe podcast
  • Jordan watched Logan again and loved it
  • Alex chooses the best performances among this year's Oscar nominees. When I drop my post about Sam in Jesse James all of you who don't list his performance there as one of his best if not the best are gonna be so embarrassed.
  • We learned two things from The Commuter trailer a while back - one, that Liam Neeson has no shame left. And two, that m.brown will definitely see it. And he did


    1. I'm enjoying your fangirling for Sam Rockwell. I think it's a sign that you need a boyfriend. Now I may not an attractive motherfucker but if you and I meet, let's make it a date.

      The trailers for Mute, Heredity, and Ant-Man & the Wasp are awesome and yes, that Mission: Impossible poster is ugly as fuck.

      1. EVERY RF is a sign that I need a boyfriend.

      2. The way I laugh and identify with all your RFs makes me think I need a girlfriend asap! Its been a loooooong time!

      3. I'm pretty sure if we had them, we'd want to be single again very quickly.

    2. Mad Mel Bible Cinematic Universe lmaooooooooo

      I really hope Hanks went home, watched The Room, then watches his Disaster Artist screener.

      Ffs WATCH LAWN DOGS. Lol

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I will! But his rooster is out in that one and I'm scared

    3. Awesome RF! Hollywood Roundtables is my favorite time of the year after Christmas. lol

      It's nice to hear actors talk about their work or performances, and don't feel too self-conscious or obnoxious about it. I wish John talked more, but the moderator never swung questions around to him. James seems to know that he was a bit of an asshole earlier in his career, not to the extent of what people are accusing him of, but he's making an effort to chill. Tom Hanks was the best. I pray every night he's never been an asshole to anyone.

      1. I only watch the ones with actors I fangirl over :) I could listen to Sam talk for hours :P

    4. What's even the point of a sequel to The Passion of the Christ?

      Honestly though, replacing all those actors with Nic Cage is genius. The Superman one cracked me up.

      I loved Trainspotting but I've heard so many bad things about the sequel that I'll probably never watch it. As for the best and worst list, I still haven't started mine. I tried to but I've seen so many bad movies I don't know how to rate them.

      I still haven't see the roundtable. The hell is wrong with me

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Well Mel is a pretty great director and the Bible is actually filled with good stuff to film, I'm told, so this may be pretty cool

        I work on my list the entire year, updating it after every movie I see. It's exhausting but at least I don't forget anything :)

        GO WATCH IT!

    5. So much gold here. Yes, the other men are lucky Hanks was there to speak articulately about the MeToo movement. And I agree that Sam looked like he was scrambling a bit, but then wisely stopped, which speaks well to his character. We've seen a lot of guys start talking about this issue and talk and talk and talk, hoping to find a valid point. Sometimes it's best to stop yourself and listen.

      And haha! Thanks for the link. I love your passion. I promise Sam's work in Jesse James is one of my favorite performances of his. Still friends?

      1. For the love of God it took Matt Damon more than a month to actually realize he needs to shut his trap. And that was as he was progressively getting backlash, here Rockwell came to the conclusion all on his own within seconds. I'd give him shit for speaking about this the way he did but he was I think the only guy who actually gave shout out to women as he was winning an award on SAG, so clearly he at the very least knows what to say out loud and hopefully he actually supports the cause

        Yeah, still friends. But you guys will still whip yourself in shame when I drop my post I literally have specific screenshots to illustrate how masterful his work there is :P

    6. We already have a full trailer for Ant-Man 2, and yet still nothing from Solo. Serves 'em right if it's really that bad.

      And lol at that tattoo story. XD

      I'm gonna need to watch that rountable now...

      1. Yeah apparently Monday is a big day for Solo

        THAT..TATTOO...STORY....all caps mandatory :)

    7. Thanks for the link. Hereditary trailer is really intriguing -adding it to my watchlist!

      My most anticipated from Sundance is Juliet Naked w/ Ethan Hawke and Rose Byrne, I read and liked the book by Nick Hornby.
      I heard "Eighth Grade" is one of the best directorial debuts from Sundance in a while, about an awkward teenage girl. It’s at 100% on RT with 24 fresh reviews.

      If you have time to watch movies before your best of 2017 on Sunday, I suggest Good Time (2017), a gripping, unpredictable crime movie w/ a great performance by Robert Pattinson.

      1. Yeah I heard Good Time is good but in the end I didn't manage to watch few notable movies before my list was done. I like Hawke and Byrne so I'll probably see that Sundance movie!

    8. I always forget that Sam is in Charlie's Angels; he's so fucking fantastic in it too! Those dancing gifs!!!

      AND THAT TATTOO MEANING. I may have to start fangirling with you over this. I literally cannot.

      1. He is ICONIC in there :P

        He's the best. Like, literally the best! ^^

    9. And now your Sam Rockwell obsession is rubbing off onto me!
      The greatest thing about Maternity Leave is watching the Ellen Show every morning (kill me now) and I got giddy when Sam showed up last week!
      Thanks for the link <3

      1. Dude, your mistake is so funny :P

        You're welcome! :)

    10. The roundtable was.... it was rough for some reason but I think it's because Sam's much better in a comedy setting. Like, he likes to joke, he has a great sense of humour, and the whole roundtable had this very serious undertone. It's also never easy to receive these questions, and we've witnessed so many men saying the wrong thing, AND WOMEN, saying the worst things, so I understand why he stumbled through it. But Hanks, like he is so good with words and after this, I thought about buying his book I've seen in the bookstore a few times. Like, I could probably learn a lot from that guy, and he was my 90's favourite for sure!

      Do I need to see the Poltergeist thing? Like, I don't want to! :D But I will get to Jesse James next week, like I promised.

      You know what I started to think about? All these actors moving from movies to TV.. imagine, seasons worth of Sam Rockwell in a Netflix Breaking Bad, Ozark, The Punisher, Californication mix of a show starring Sam!!! I mean, the story is writing itself, the season 1 cliffhanger is already keeping me awake at night! Ugh... SEASONS WORTH!!!

      Hopefully Mute will have like an interview clip or something, him as a sticker, fml. But Rudd looks good there and I think I'll watch it. Hopefully I'll like it too.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Hanks wrote a book? If I had time to read, I'd definitely read that.

        Yes you do. It has Sam in it so you do. We need to see everything Mettel. Every. Single. Thing. He was in :P

        What cliffhanger? Is it something on the North pole? :D Pitch that shit to Netflix, they make everything!

    11. I continue to enjoy your fangirling over Sam Rockwell.