Friday, February 9, 2018

(325) Christopher, you must! + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, February 9, 2018
  • Oh yeah. I REALLY liked that Mission Impossible 6 promo. Henry Cavill straight up stole that trailer from Cruise. That said, I was watching that trailer on my phone when it dropped at like 2 AM and I laughed out loud at the ending of it. How sure are we Tom Cruise didn't die during one of those crazy ass stunts and the wackos didn't bring him back, Chef in South Park style?
  • I mean, my God!
  • That trailer is so dope. The editing is amazing and I've been listening to that Imagine Dragons' song the whole week. With the exception of that awful Murder on the Orient Express promo their music is always so well used in trailers.
  • Also I finally caught up with Graham Norton's episode with Cruise, Cavill, Rebecca Ferguson and Simon Pegg. That ankle injury story is insane. Also there is so much gold thanks to Simon Pegg being there. But Cruise seems like such a nice and polite person. 
  • What an honor for Cavill to be featured in one of my perv conversations
  • Lovely new trailer for Westworld. But only one shot of Ed Harris?! That's outrageous. I'm so happy the show is coming back in April, it's gonna be a year and the half since it premiered, it's horrific how fast the time flies!
  • Now, we all know my mind is pretty much gone, but that Solo SuperBowl tease was fun! The actual trailer was a bit worse but it still looks much better than I expected. Why did they give Emilia Clarke bangs, though? In this shot she looks so pretty with her normal hairstyle:
  • I have no idea how they got Harrison to do this
  • As for Infinity War tell me when Justin Hammer shows up, then I'll start caring.
  • This is Marvel class photo. Have I gone blind or did they actually not feature Sam?! Are you fucking kidding me? WHERE IS SAM YOU BASTARDS?! 
  • Taika and Jeff, though.
  • We are seriously lucky J.J. Abrams didn't single-handedly invent the Matrix yet and enslaved us because that dude is legit brilliant.
  • What do you do when you have (apparently, since I haven't seen it yet) a shitty movie that luckily happens to be connected to somewhat popular mystery series (and I'm not 100% sure they didn't just take a shitty movie and connected it to this series in the last minute)? You sell that shit to Netflix, which then drops the trailer during Super Bowl and in unprecedented move drops the actual movie few hours later.
  • That was ingenious because 1. there was no time for critics to bitch in their "reviews" 2. there was no time for anyone to bitch on twitter because it dropped at the same time for everyone 3. even if someone viewed it at later time they were still in the dark because due to fear of spoilers they avoided tweets and reviews.
  • Still, it was not so amazing that it warrants tweet like that. That woman is so annoying. When her next movie inevitably flops due to looking like uninteresting mess she will no doubt shout racism and misogyny.
  • New trailer for Deadpool 2. That dig at DCEU was beyond brilliant!
  • First poster for Venom + trailer. Sony should have just released the poster for now. It's pathetic they didn't even tease the creature. They are so lucky they have Hardy in this because he is legitimately the only interesting thing there. Also no shirtless shot?! It's a tradition and great marketing technique to feature at least one shirtless shot of hot guy in CBM trailer. This is an outrage.
  • I haven't been in London in 12 years. Time to visit again
  • Here's horrific piece about what happened to Uma Thurman. So Tarantino - 1. talked her into a stunt that ended up costing her her health 2. likes to be the one who chokes and spits on actresses when a scene requires that. 
  • I cannot believe how many people are defending him. This is the guy you are defending.
  • And then there is the outrage that he is getting confused with 'sexual predators'. He endangered woman's life - fact. He caused her to lose her health - fact. He was actively trying to silence her - fact. And one can assume that on top of all of this he did know about Weinstein and did nothing. And these "people" go 'oh well at least he didn't rape anyone'. The larger point is that women live in the world where they are continuously abused. It doesn't matter what is being abused - their dignity, their health, their safety. Tarantino wouldn't dare to pull this shit with male actor. He didn't apologize to Uma but he did to her husband.  That woman is gonna have problems with her health for the rest of her life and "people" say at least she wasn't raped? This is all sick.
  • What is he gonna do now? Put out a statement saying "I choose now not to live as a stunt coordinator"?
  • Ah, no. He had this defensive shit to say. Also what is up with Deadline? Any time a man wants to defend himself, Deadline is posting their shit. Tarantino is doing apology tour. I love the "fifteen years later I realize how wrong I was" part. Fifteen years. This is the time you need to figure out, if you are Quentin Tarantino, that a thirteen year old cannot consent to anal sex with a middle aged man.
  • This Sharon Tate movie seemed like an exploitative idea even before but now that we know for sure this is a guy who takes pleasure in choking and spitting on women this is even worse. He is supposed to make a movie about a murder of a pregnant woman? Cancel that trash.
  • And in another bad news, Dumb and Dumber are gonna write Star Wars movies now. Remember when Star Wars film being released used to be a big event? Well, that's gone now because there is gonna be one every year. Also with these morons writing it....The Last Jedi will look like a masterpiece in comparison.
  • First poster for Tully with Charlize Theron.
  • Jessica Chastain who was prominently featured in marketing campaign for Xavier Dolan's next movie was cut from it. Yeah this doesn't seem like a good move.
  • In good news, The Disaster Artist Blu-Ray will feature commentary from James, Dave, Tommy and Greg.
  • Here's hilarious photo from nominees luncheon where it looks like Margot is plotting to kill Saoirse:
  • Joaquin Phoenix has ended the "where are my awards? phase and went straight to "bitch better have my money" phase.
  • Have some pride woman, for the love of God.
  • Andrew Garfield is out there again saying stupid stuff no one cares about.
  • Jared Leto showed up on Ellen's show. I love beards but Jesus, this is way too much. Is it sentient?
  • I managed to watch several movies during the weekend that didn't have Sam in them so that was a big accomplishment. I saw Ingrid Goes West which was really good and Aubrey Plaza managed to sneak into my awards last minute. I also watched one hour of Darkest Hour because I couldn't watch anymore. Oldman deserves that Oscar for managing to stay awake and film his scenes. 
  • Paddington was super cute! I promised m.brown that I will watch it and since I always keep my word I did. 
  • I also saw Jason Momoa's latest Braven. That was surprisingly well made for what I assumed would be another Jason kicks so much ass movie. 
  • Before we get onto my favorite subject my new dress arrived and it is so pretty. BUT when I sit down in it the time stops and suspense fills the air and I wonder if it will actually tear apart on my ass. So I'm cleansing even harder now. There's so much kale in my fridge. Also the work has been insane this week.  I kept bringing it home and work till 10 PM. Ugh, the worst.
  • We haven't checked in with Mr. Schlong in a while on account of my rooster fever but we have some actual news this week as on Monday Oscar attended the party for the opening of Hangmen.
  • That is a play by Martin McDonagh.
  • Monday was also the Nominees Luncheon day.
  • So if it wasn't for Luncheon Sam would probably be there which means him and Oscar would occupy the same space at the same time.
  • What I'm getting at here is that I, apparently, NARROWLY ESCAPED DEATH THIS WEEK.
  • Oh, Oscar.
  • September 21 is gonna be a holy day. 
  • Annihilation is getting some amazing reactions. So you are telling me there is an actual good movie with Oscar in it, and he is shirtless there too, and it won't open theatrically here when fucking Suburbicon did?!
  • Meanwhile, Martin McDonagh defends Three Billboards from the ridiculous backlash. McDonagh admits that the backlash did hurt for a little, but he realizes he’s “not making films for six year olds” and he’s not making “The Avengers,” and therefore a more polarizing response is always a risk.
  • Savage as fuck.
  • And now for the most fun part of RF:
  • ...and to mine and Mettel's ovaries.
  • Yeah we are both still majorly at it
  • On the left we have Sam during DGA last Saturday.
  • Why am I stanning for a nearly 50 year old man who looks like he was startled by fire alarm that went off because he himself started it - I'm sure he would in this scenario - and here he is explaining himself to mister fireman?
  • Monday was of course the Nominees Luncheon and for the first time in my history of watching the Oscars and following Oscar season I saw the livestream of that. Yep. I was willing to watch more than 100 people arrive and pose just to see Sam. Luckily I didn't have to wait long for him to show up and my God was that hilarious. CMBYN kid was posing all gracefully, hugging PTA and smiling. Then few minutes later Sam walks in, walks awkwardly around Greta Gerwig, hugs the President of the Academy the most enthusiastically out of all the people there and starts posing. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to die. He was looking ABOVE the photographers and they kept shouting at him so he did look at them few times and about 30 seconds later he went into the main room not to deal with that bullshit anymore.
  • Here's my extensive coverage of that thrilling minute - 1,2,3,4,5,6
  • ...and he got big applause when he got on stage!
  • During the photo Sam was standing next to Chris Nolan. Come on Nolan, cast him! Because him and Hardy together - that would be insane! CHRISTOPHER, YOU MUST!
  • Here's high res pic (the happier one, they take several) so you guys can play "Where is Waldo?" nominees-style.
  • Then there was "nominees night" whatever that is and Sam got interviewed
  • And that's not all! Because the next day he was on Kimmel's show. I did a double feature with his appearance on Corden's show in November. Sam was adorable during both and he even taught people how to act drunk. Him laughing and saying "that was awesome!" about Dinklage's SuperBowl commercial almost killed me it's so adorable.
  • And there's gonna be more soon!
  • Sam also got an award at Santa Barbara festival and talked about his work and there are videos of that: 123456, 7, 8, 9, 1011
  • 33 minutes of him talking about his movies, his career and his experiences. I love listening to this guy. I love his voice and he is like the world's greatest person to interview - he is funny, he is polite and he has all those amazing stories. And he is so articulate but also down to earth. I actually have nearly 2 hour long interview with him to watch but after seeing those 33 minutes I can't handle anymore today.
  • Also I had no idea he didn't want to play Charley in Jesse James and Brad Pitt had to convince him. I am so glad he did!
  • Big news - that movie where Christian Bale plays Dick Cheney and Sam plays George W. Bush is gonna be released on December 14th. Sam actually talked about it on Kimmel's show and did a little Bush voice and it was UNCANNY. Good lord are we getting another Oscar season with him? PLEASE GAWD MAKE IT SO.
  • As I was publishing last RF I was actually mid rewatch of The Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford. Sam is just mind-blowing in that. It's definitely his best work. I was going to have a post about that this week but I wrote around 100 pages of stuff at work this week and I just cannot write anymore. At that point that post would just be a bunch of gifs and the word "AMAZING" written in huge font. Seriously, what he does in this film, just with his expressions, without any lines, in every single scene he has is incredible. Just the way he lowers his head and leans on the door-frame just before the titular scene, in such shame and's incredible.
  • Then I watched Joshua which was surprisingly great. Also it might have been the only time in cinematic history when I was actually rooting for the husband to have an affair. That film made me feel less unhappy that I'm a childless mess. I may be a childless mess but at least I don't have a kid who takes internal organs out of guinea pigs and records me on camera while I sleep.
  • Then I started The Winning Season which I finished on Saturday. My God that movie was so cute and Sam was ADORABLE in it. And it was so weird seeing Rooney Mara play a high school girl. Also there is  a scene where Sam is wearing blue thighs and....just check that livetweet, guys.
  • Oh, how I laughed at the above moment.
  • I also saw Lawn Dogs. This movie was so stressful! Sam was excellent in it. I highly recommend watching it, it's kinda like a fairytale and the acting is outstanding. 
  • And I saw A Single Shot. That was so depressing. I kept rooting for him to be left in peace and bang that farmer's daughter. I might have had elaborate fantasies about what I'd do if I were in her place.
  • Might have.
  • Fine, I totally did.
  • At least he had awesome beard here:
  • If he brings back the beard for Oscars....oh, man.
  • ...and also I saw Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He is so incredible in that movie. I don't love the film as much as many do, but it's very clever and charming. But clearly Sam is the best part of it, even though it's always a delight when Bill Nighy shows up.
  • I also watched Actors on Actors. That was fantastic. Again, I could listen to him for hours. Also it turns out he likes Spy! He asked Allison what was it like working with Melissa. Spy sequel with Sam and Jason Statham please!
  • Obviously I did rewatch Laggies again last week. I can't stop. 
  • Mother of God, I can't stop.
  • I'll probably watch it again tonight. and livetweet it till you all will want to blind yourselves just to escape the horror of my tweets.
  • Yep, after watching all of that, yet again I was wide awake on Sunday and tweeting vividly. I even managed to pinpoint the exact moment where my sanity shat itself. I finally fell asleep a bit before 3 AM. Then I awoke at 3:55, then at 4:53 and then again at 5:08 and fell asleep again until my alarm clock notified me it's time to start another shit week at 5.40.
  • I'm gonna go ahead and say that's not good.
  • Then later this week I found this 
  • ....
  • .....
  • ......
  • I'm never sleeping again.
  • Can we...get him to read the entire thing? Because these books aren't sexy but when he reads them....
  • ....
  • .....
  • ......
  • oh hell, something just exploded.
  • And finally first we all whispered schlongs. Now we are seeing the word "rooster" everywhere. 
  • Dell includes one of my favorites, Thirst in his romance picks for Valentines
  • Allie, Brittani and Keith reviews Cloverfield Paradox
  • Katy chooses the best and worst of 2017
  • Alex breaks down Roger Deakins' 14 Oscar nominations
  • Sonia reviews The Shape of Water
  • Mettel pervs about Sam and praises me so this is the most important post of the week
  • and finally there are so many movies with Sam m.brown didn't see yet and could watch them. He definitely didn't see the ultimate porn that is Laggies. I'm pretty sure he didn't see the masterpieces from my top 20 that are Jesse James and Frost/Nixon. I mean I sat through a movie about cute bear in the time I could have perved and cried over Sam in something. But he was like no. You know what I'm gonna watch? Jigsaw. And he did.
  • Also I wanna point out that his review index is awesome. He actually updates it all the time. He even writes which reviews are coming soon. I love his writing and cannot wait for his new reviews so I'm always thrilled to check that part of his site even if what's coming is motherfucking Jigsaw.
  • Good God, man.


    1. I'm still not sold on Solo. I'll go see it, obviously because it's Star Wars but....meh.


      Why is everything such a mess?

      The Cloverfield Paradox is nowhere near as bad as some people are making it, IMO. It's fun.


      Thanks for the link!

      1. I'm about to watch it, then Phantom Thread and then I'll fall into Sam vortex again :P

        Yeah thanks for recommending it to me!

    2. I better be in the top f--king five this week, for f--k's sake. I'm on a mission. That badass helicopter stunt video slowed me down tremendously. But I'm psyched to know exactly how Tom Cruise will die someday.

      I read that shit about QT earlier in the week and all I can say is f--k this guy and all the guys like him. Be an artist, sure, be a f--king great one, but if you are ruining peoples lives along the way you can eat shit and die. There are plenty of people who are talented and awesome and decent.

      What the f--k is this Joshua movie? I don't terrify easily, but I'm not sure I can handle whatever the Hell this is. So...yeah. Maybe I can trick my wife into watching it with me.

      SPEAKING OF....girl, you know what week it is? It's motherf--king 50 shades week. I have to complete that unholy trilogy as soon as possible. I'm pretty f--king stoked for that shitshow. Like, I'm waiting off to the side of the screen Margot Robbie style..just plotting my review already.

      Great RF as always, Sati. Such f--king kindness at the end, too. You are the best.

      Oh, uh...I actually own Frost/Nixon. I just don't know where it is...

      1. Yeah get your wife to watch that one. Valentine's Day is on Wednesday after all, seems like a perfect day for this horrific movie :)

        Oh that's right you actually watch those movies :D I only saw the first time and just cannot watch the sequels. What I saw was enough. That Dornan dude or whatever the fuck he is called makes Baby Driver almost look like a good actor. Almost.

        Just go and watch Frost/Nixon, man!

    3. I am legit scared to comment this week in case I make myself look like an utter fool again. You should know I didn't sleep that night - I started questioning everything I thought I knew!
      That said, I'm glad you feel that way about the Solo trailer, I'm still uneasy about how it'll be but I liked the trailer!

    4. Imagine Dragons.... UGH!!!!!! Gag me with a spoon.

      Cutting Jessica Chastain in a key role in Dolan's new film has me worried as I do like Xavier Dolan.

      So you liked The Winning Season? Cool. I liked that movie. It's underrated and it's why I love Sam Rockwell.

      1. Yeah it's an adorable film! Sam said in those interviews I linked that he is proud of it and he really should be

    5. Tom has a death wish, and sadly no one can do action movies like him. I lol'd so hard when one of the supervisors said that they discuss very thoroughly how the scene is going to be shot, and then cut to Tom playing with tiny helicopter toys. But talk about a series that was never really crappy but has only gotten better and better. Cavill had an American accent as Superman, but I was surprised to hear it again in the trailer. That mustache is going to slay 2018.

      "Why am I stanning for a nearly 50 year old man who looks like he was startled by fire alarm that went off because he himself started" - I laughed so hard coffee came out of my nose.

      *Sam reading Fifty Shades* NO, THE FLASHBACKS, THE HORROR.

      I had no idea they livestreamed the Oscars luncheon....

      I liked the Solo teaser but not necessarily the trailer. At this point, I'm seeing Infinity War for Chris's Beard, and will probably see Solo for Emilia. :/

      Thanks for linking my post! Awesome RF as always!

      1. Yeah the toys! That was so absurd and funny. That is some serious mustache. And physique, wow he is huge, I dig that :D

        I mean really on that picture he looks like he just did something wrong and is trying to explain himself adorably :D

        I didn't know either but I accidentally found a link at awards watch forum so I just had to watch it for Sam :)

    6. Also, I like to think I'm an authority on beards and Jared's is YUCK to the extreme. Maybe he's getting ready for a Jesus's biopic Denis is inevitably going to make.

      1. I don't know what that beard even is. It looks like it's glued on. Horrific.

    7. So much to process this week. Great post. Just wow on the whole Uma/QT saga. Insanity.

      Not sure how I feel about Solo.

      Wait, Christian Bale is playing Dick Cheney? How much make-up does that take?

      I still need to watch The Assassination of Jesse James.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. A shitload of make up. Also Bale gained a lot of weight. He looks terrible these days.

        Everyone should be required to watch Jesse James :)

    8. I don't care about Cavill. The whole Mission Impossible 6 trailer I was too busy watching Tom Cruise the badass

      I haven't seen the trailer for Westworld yet but I can't wait for season 2 to start. I think I'll rewatch season 1 in the meantime

      I love Marvel but come on!

      That's excacly what they did with The Cloverfield Paradox. They made a shitty movie and they created some sort of connection so they could put Cloverfield in the title

      I love Tarantino's movies but he is an ass

      I'm not sure how I'd feel about Phoenix playing The Joker

      I've been meaning to watch Braven for days. Maybe I'll watch it this weekend

      Annihilation won't play here either :(

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Oh, you heretic! :P dare they now have Sam in this picture?!

        That movie was impossibly stupid. What a waste of all these actors! Also that whole 'dimensions' stuff is just such lazy writing.

    9. I dunno, I thought that Solo trailer was pretty boring. Doesn't do anything to sway my decision to skip it. *shrug*

      That Venom trailer was so bizarre, yet so very Sony. I think they may also be giving way too much credit to general audiences to know what a single V means, rather than just saying the name of the movie. I can see general audiences being confused as hell seeing this nothing trailer in a theater. :\

      "Remember when Star Wars film being released used to be a big event?" Yeah, the days of Star Wars being special are long gone I'm afraid. :(

      1. Yeah literally all that trailer has going for it is that it features Tom Hardy. I know Venom is a popular character but general audiences who just go see movies and don't follow the news won't have any idea what the hell that V means

    10. HOLY SHIT I've never been this excited for a Mission Impossible movie. I've never been excited for one, actually, but HO-LY SHIIIT. Too hot, too damn cool. For all the crap surrounding Cruise, I gotta admit the guy has massive balls and works like maniac. Can't wait.

      1. Yeah Cruise is a very professional and dedicated person. He seems like he is really a good dude to work with

    11. That Mission Impossible trailer looks super fine.

    12. Thanks for the link! I agree, that new Mission Impossible trailer rocks. I’m excited to see the movie now. OMG I had no idea about that Disaster Artist commentary. I cannot wait to hear that.

      And on yeah, a Nolan/Rockwell movie needs to happen now!

      1. You're welcome!

        I really hope so. Him and Nolan were standing next to each other for like 40 minutes, surely they didn't talk about weather :P

    13. Tarantino needs to GTFO. He used to be one of my favorite directors, albeit his last few films have fallen flat. But, when I read about his Sharon Tate plot synopsis, I just couldn't fathom. Tasteless and classless. I'll be surprised if this movie doesn't get canned.

      ALSO, I THINK TULLY WILL BE A BIG FAV OF MINE THIS YEAR. Getting massive Young Adult vibes...maybe it's the secret sequel to young adult??

      1. I hope not, Mavis must remain a childless mess for me to relate to her :)