Friday, March 23, 2018

(331) Attack of the Phoenix + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, March 23, 2018
  • Sicario: Day of the Soldado new trailer is out and it looks really Loganesque therefore I'm so in.
  • Also Sony just keeps Sony-ing, ain't it? I read rest screening reactions to this one a while back and they were very positive. So what does Sony do? Changes the title to something more obvious, includes a bunch of plot points in the second trailer and releases this poster
  • And while we are on the subject of embarrassing tings Sony is doing...
  • That would be Venom. And you know what allegedly happens in Venom? The actual Venom is in it for 5-10 minutes.
  • Hardy is disputing the rumors but you's Sony. 
  • Last week we focused, as we all should, on Oscar Isaac being shirtless in Hawaii. The reason he is in Hawaii is because he is shooting a new movie. 
  • And guess who else in the movie.
  • Ben fucking Affleck.
  • That's right. I'd like to think God is punishing Affleck for being an asshole so first he had to stand next to Momoa and now he is gonna stand next to Isaac and in both cases he is looking and coming off even worse than he normally would.
  • It's like a turd lying under a beautiful painting. 
  • Not only does it not fit there, it also ruins the surroundings.
  • And it fucking reeks.
  • But the real news here is that the gigantic tramp stamp of his? That he said years back was fake?
  • Oh, it's real.
  • And so are his tits.
  • Oh it gets worse because of course TrashDamon had to say something. "It’s not one man’s job to tell another man what he can do to his back". So he has the audacity to lecture women about the abuse, harassment and rape THEY endured but here he draws the line? What a disgrace.
  • Just the heads up - he is in new Soderbergh movie Unsane in uncredited cameo. Personally I ain't paying to see that movie. I was going to, I am not going to now. I am not gonna pay for anything starring someone who said such profoundly insulting, hurtful things that contribute to this horrid environment. 
  • Back to the tattoo situation, not that you need more to laugh but this comment section is absolute gold. 
  • That bit where someone called Harrison Ford "The Terror From Above" is the hardest I laughed this week.
  • Right, sure. That's what we need right now. This groping mess with the Order of Trash Phoenix on his back as Batman again. Not to worry because there is no way this is happening. 
  • Meanwhile, for you to treat your eyes with something nice after witnessing this mess, Mr. Schlong went to the gym
  • Just what the fuck is happening? Are we in alternate universe? And if so can we please be in the one that doesn't suck?
  • Look what Disney wants to do. Classy, huh?
  • Ellen Barkin slayed
  • Meanwhile, Cate Blanchett shouldn't have said anything at all. Stop with "I didn't know". Stop it. We are not stupid. We knew and you didn't? Stop it.
  • Oh, while on the subject of despicable - Deadpool 2 trailer is here.Let's put aside the fact that this is starring a known abuser Josh Brolin, cause that is also true for Infinity War and Sicario 2. Let's even put aside the fact that, and I trust the sources on this, a prominent female character is thrown out of this franchise like garbage and killed off after one scene. You kept TJ Miller in that movie? You ain't getting my money.
  • I don't know what Chris Evans wanted to say but he ended up saying not much of anything. I'd like to think this is TrashDamon shade, though. 
  • Evans is also out there rambling about how Infinity War is his last time as Captain America. Yeah, sure. 
  • Hugh Jackman and Dafne Keen both won at Empire awards and there's an adorable photo
  • On Sunday I watched Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle. m.brown hated it but I thought it was quite enjoyable. 
  • Of course, I'm exhausted. 
  • And insane. 
  • And stupid. 
  • So my opinion doesn't carry much weight.
  • But seriously, Dwayne is amazing. He can sell the most ridiculous lines. And Jack Black was so hilarious, we don't see enough of him these days!
  • Another thing that made me laugh was Bill Hader hosting SNL. This was my favorite sketch. His impression of Pacino was hilarious. 
  • So early this week the rumor dropped that on Wondercon tomorrow, where we were supposed to be getting the first trailer for the only movie that matters, Aquaman, they are gonna devote the whole panel to that Spielberg Gaming Circle Jerk Nostalgia movie. So with all likelihood the trailer for Aquaman is not dropping tomorrow.
  • Everything sucks.
  • And everything is darkness.
  • However back when I was somewhat happy in the beginning of the week and I believed that the end of yet another nightmare week I'll be getting a gift from Heavens - which is new footage of Jason - I captured my excitement with Little Mermaid gifs on twitter and tumblr and since otherwise this is gonna be a very short RF, let's share that now.
  •  So this is what will happen to me when that trailer finally drops:
  • Also I'm gonna get pregnant.
  • And I will fall off my chair.
  • Into the basement.
  • Which I have had flooded.
  • ....
  • .....
  • .......
  • I'm gonna fucking drown, you guys.
  • But yesterday and today there was yet another photo leak from Justice League so we got this:
  • The first one....I was eating when I saw it. I spat out pasta everywhere.
  • I am so angry they cut that scene where he is wearing the coat. Who the hell cuts something like that from the movie?!
  • Now the rumour has it the trailer will drop at Comic Con. That is FOUR months away. FOUR months. Shazam! which is the next DC movie already started its marketing so there are already people saying it's suspicious and Aquaman probably sucks. Meanwhile, James Wan liked a tweet where someone said Wan is in control and is trying something new with the movie. Well, that's all very well but every single day we don't have any promo stuff that cloud of doom and gloom is growing. And now it's possible it will have four months to grow? The first trailer is gonna need to be Logan/Hurt trailer levels of awesome.
  • Those idiots over at WB uploaded that trash on twitter for THE THIRD TIME.They deleted that twice already because of the backlash in replies. Check the replies to that tweet. It's a slaughter.
  • I am losing the little that is left of my mind.
  • So what's new....I started working out again so everything hurts. My cleanse is going pretty well though why I bother I don't know. I guess because you know, it's 9 months till Aquaman so I wanna be alive for that. Work is awful but 5 more days - sorry - 7 since I took it home with me to write about divorces and accidents over the weekend - and I'll have Easter break so maybe I will actually watch something and manage to write a post. 
  • m.brown reviews You Sent Me to Whore School Red Sparrow
  • Jordan writes about Annihilation
  • Katy is still throwing caution to the wind and continues to watch The Walking Dead
  • Mettel and Courtney reviews Black Panther
  • Brittani reviews The Seventh Seal
  • Nkhat lists her favorite performances in 2017
  • Sonia writes about Stronger



    1. Holy hell that Affleck eyes cannot unsee that monstrosity.

      Also, I'm totally here for Sicario2! I LOVED the last movie.

      1. I really hope this one is at least half as good

    2. That is an ugly-ass tattoo. I think Ben is going through a mid-life crisis.

      I don't trust test screenings no matter how positive they are. Besides, I'd rather just wait till the final cut unless there's reports of studio interference. I want Aquaman to be good but I don't trust Warner Brothers. Right now, I'm working on a piece to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the MCU.

      Shia LaBeouf as Luca Hedges' dad? Ugh.... Plus, I think his idea of method acting is bullshit. Fuck method acting.

      1. He is a pig, so it serves him well.

        But what about DDL? I think he is overrated and it's ridiculous he gets a pass for his juvenile antics. Ain't nothing worth praising in someone being unpleasant to the crew just because he is playing an asshole.

      2. I'm not fond of what Daniel Day-Lewis does in order to be the charcter but he often delivers which is why I liked him in Phantom Thread. I remember I think a week or 2 ago, Thomas F. Wilson was talking about Back to the Future where he and many had problems working with Eric Stoltz. Largely because Stoltz was too into the character as he didn't bring the right tone in what everyone was expecting for Marty McFly. The scene where Marty confronts Biff at the diner is where the shit hit the fan as far as Wilson, Robert Zemeckis and co-writer Bob Gale were concerned. Stoltz actually hit Wilson way too hard and Wilson got PISSED off. Wilson admitted he was trying to do method as did every other actor at the time but he said "I can't do this" and Zemeckis realized this was all wrong. It forced the producers to try to get Michael J. Fox on board as he was their first choice but was unavailable due to his work on Family Ties. Eventually, Stoltz got fired and they got Fox though it wasn't easy to manage his schedule.

      3. Wow that sounds intense! Actually hitting another actor is a complete asshole move unless the two of them would work out the agreement and the person getting hit was prepared. It's just so silly and the people who do that really come off as jerks

    3. I wasn't very interested in Venom...but if Hardy's in it for five minutes, BOY BYE. LOL

      "It's like a turd lying under a beautiful painting." LOL I spit out my coffee. I can never watch a Ben Affleck movie again and not think about the atrocity on his back. It's haunted me forever.

      The NYT's piece on Chris Evans was so disappointing, especially since they didn't cover anything about his character or the play. I was eating breakfast, making coffee, all excited to read something about my boy and then - nothing. It was terribly written. Funny enough, the CE fandom on tumblr are losing their shit about it. They're acting like he killed someone because he says he's done with Avengers after IW: Part2. I mean, we'll see but everyone knew his contract is up so.....

      Bill Hader was hysterical as expected on SNL. I won't be able to get it out my mind for the year. SNL could do a whole episode on audition skits alone.

      *anne hathaway it's not fair gif* Those Justice League photo leaks are just so unfair.

      Thanks for linking my post! I can't believe there's a whole other month left until this season is over.

      1. Hardy is in the whole movie, just the creature isn't in it much, apparently :)

        What the hell is wrong with this dude? This is really a terrible tattoo.

        LOL, he may be saying it just to hype up the movie. Also he was playing the part for so long he really deserves to rest I cannot imagine having to maintain this physique for years, it must be absolutely exhausting

        Those audition skits are amazing, all the impressions were terrific but Hader's Alda and Pacino were uncanny

    4. Wait they're still doing Shazam? Lol

      Affleck...*heavy sigh* as someone who supports all tattoos, tramp stamps included, that's fucking tragic. Like someone said on twitter, it's like Ayers directed that tattoo.

      I'm not sure which rumors I hate more, Venom or Deadpool 2.

      Soldado's new title and poster are almost as tragic as that back tattoo.

      God damn it I'm seeing Unsane on Mon. Hopefully I miss the cameo.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Yep, there's logo and tons of filming pictures because that's WB and their awesome security team protecting stuff from leaking lol

        NOTHING is as tragic as that tattoo.

        Hopefully his cameo is when you will go to pee :P

    5. I thought that Affleck tattoo was fake at first but now I see its the real deal.

    6. You are telling me Venom is in Venom for 5-10 minutes? I really hope it's only a rumor.

      Oh god, not that Affleck pic again! I just had dinner!

      I'm glad you enjoyed the new Jumanji. It was pretty enjoyable and I liked it better than the original.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Yep. That's what I read. Hardy is trying to deny it but who knows. In any case that movie does not look good, that trailer was so bad

    7. Your use of The Little Mermaid gifs is outstanding. Well done. Batfleck's back't unsee that.

      1. I know I should get a hug from Jason for such brilliance :D LOL jk that would kill me

    8. I'm with Dell. That Little Mermaid stuff is pure gold. First Tink and now Ariel??? Madness!

      Of course you liked Jumanji!!! Goodness. I will never be able to predict what you're into, but liking that one doesn't make you insane in the least. The whole world LOVED it (at least I got Brittani on my team...I think).

      I'm still not sure that tattoo is real. Unless he's now a low-level member of the Boston chapter of the Yakuza, I ain't buying it. No mid-life crisis can be that...crisis-y...can it? What's next, a teenage girlfriend? A forced sequel to Dazed and Confused where he's still in high school? Say it ain't so...

      Thanks for the link!!! I hope to attend Whore School this fall myself.

      1. Brittani doesn't find Jason hot, so that's not much credibility for your team there :P

        Tattoo completed with falling off motorcycle really says it all here

        I cannot wait to see that mess of a movie lol

    9. Yeah, I'm down for a Logan-esque Sicario. B)

      That would be so sad, yet so hilariously typical if those rumors about Venom came true. Yeesh.

      Nah, you're not wrong. The new Jumanji WAS legitimately enjoyable. I thought it was lots of fun, helluva lot better than it had any right to be. ;)

      Also, those comments to that JL trailer are pure gold. Good work, WB. :P

      1. WB needs to learn at last. What the hell is that commercial even. I never saw a backlash this fierce in twitter replies absolutely everyone there hates it and they just keep reuploading it like lunatics

    10. I LOVE tattoos on a man, but that Backffleck one... that is just objectively NOT GOOD.

      I have a somewhat irrational love for the first Deadpool movie because it was exactly the snarky, foul-mouthed movie I needed to see when it came out (like, DESPERATELY needed), but I am worried about the sequel, especially if the rumors are true (not that that would surprise me).

      1. That is objectively TRAGIQUE :D

        I like the first Deadpool movie but it's hugely overrated. It was funny but it's not nearly as unique and clever as the people behind it think it is