Friday, April 20, 2018

(335) Mario's nightmare + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, April 20, 2018
  • I bet for the last few weeks you were thinking "how can I go on living when Sati is no longer doing inappropriate and lengthy livetweets and then featuring them in RF"?
  • My dear readers, your suffering ends today.
  • But first let's start at the bottom before we get to the top. 
  • Time revealed the list of '100 most influential people". Hugh is there and Anne Hathaway had so many nice things to say about him. But what I want to focus on in this portion of RF is that John Krasinski is also there and unfortunately Chris Pratt shared few words and he sounds like a real simpleton.
  • Which we all know he is.
  • Why are fantastic men like Evans and Krasinski friends with that animal abusing loser?
  • And here, for our enjoyment, are these pathetically misguided photos promoting Jurassic World sequel:
  • And here's trailer for that mess. One part horror. One part disaster movie. All of it trash.
  • So remember how last year they made Claudia Cardinale look thinner on official Cannes poster? Now they are allowing Gilliam and Von Trier in there. Well, I suppose since most of French film "elite" has been voicing their disgusting opinions lately it makes sense that their most famous festival is at the same level of pathetic and sexist too.
  • This is terrible as well. We need to start throwing garbage at people who say stuff like that to women. Otherwise how will these fuckers learn? 
  • Oh, Javier, NO.
  • Extremely creepy new trailer for Hereditary. Having read some of the plot it really is shaping up to be pure nightmare.
  • "From the studio that killed Wolverine"?! Too soon, you fucks.
  • I don't know how and when but Emilia Clarke stole my apartment decorations.
  • Hey, I'm not gonna sit here and question why there is Aquaman logo on skaterboad. I'm just enjoying the view.
  • Meanwhile, James Wan revealed this week that the Demon Nun from The Conjuring 2 was actually added during re-shoots. He says he was working on the script even after initially finishing filming. So that is making me optimistic about Aquaman reshoots happening right now. Maybe they even improve on what is already there and what is there, from what I heard, is awesome.
  • And here is the first picture of The Nun herself from her own movie. 
  • With my luck that doesn't mean we are getting the remake of the tub scene...with Cap.
  • I was supposed to rewatch Snowpiercer on Friday but I got caught up with rewatching The Office so I properly rewatched Snowpiercer the next day.
  • What the fuck, I don't remember that being a good movie?! I was sitting there on Saturday utterly captivated and that was thanks to Evans in only 90%. I legitimately enjoyed exploring that train.
  • When that happened:
  • something EXPLODED.
  • Then I saw What's Your Number?
  • I love how it all escalates so quickly in these livetweets and how it's appropriately in all caps.
  •  Also I am outraged that when I tweeted that his ass was out not one of you called the ambulance.
  • How can you not love movies when there are films out there where Chris Evans starts stripping and whenever he misses while shooting hoops he takes off a piece of clothing? 
  • That film was so stupid and Anna Farris and Chris Pratt are just terrible to look at on account of both being reprehensible 'human' beings but seriously at least Pratt, if he wasn't such a garbage person, would be a fine comedy actor. She is just the worst. But this is not important. 
  • THIS is what's important. 
  • Good God.
  • It's huge.
  • I think I may actually be suicidal. Because why else would I watch Gifted.
  • I gotta say I am sorta disappointed I didn't get Pulitzer for these livetweets. These are amazing. You can literally SEE the last shred of my sanity give up and die right in front of your eyes.
  • The most disturbing thing about all those livetweets? I WAS SOBER.
  • Look at that:
  • ...
  • .....
  • .......
  • What the fuck even is that?!
  • And the film was so good and so sweet. Also we all know this, but did you guys know this?
  • This is not fair. 
  • I did not even once shit my pants. 
  • Is that something I need to do?
  • I feel like I should have my movie fan or whatever card revoked. I still haven't seen You Were Never Really Here but I did see Fantastic Four
  • Guess which Fantastic Four. 
  • Guess. 
  • I'll wait. 
  • You're ready to check out that livetweet?
  • I think my mind is really going away. Like this is mild. This is actually surprising amount of thinking and connecting the dots for me. This is cute and very accurate. But everything else on my twitter this week....
  • To be fair I am blameless in all of this:
  • Here is the new clip from Infinity War. Look at him go! And that villain dude going "I can't" when his villain lady is asking him to get up is hysterical. That is pathetic behavior under any circumstances when one is mid-fight, but to do this in front of Steve "I can do this all day" Rogers? Boo has gotta be rolling his eyes so hard at this.
  • This is so moving.
  • Also this. Look at him lean!
  • Seriously, why is Marvel promoting this movie with hardcore porn?
  • And there's this:
  • Are we all on the floor, soaking wet and breathless? Surely, it can't be just me.
  • Something really adorable happened (1,2,3). I mean....I'd comment but I don't even know how. It's beyond adorable.
  • I don't understand how single ladies with either a dog or a child are not surrounding that theater right now. If I was on that continent and had a child or a dog I'd go. Fuck it, I have no dignity. And occasionally I do have good hair days.
  • And clearly atm what I also am having is a drink.
  • Chris has been posting videos from his phone yesterday. Sadly, he didn't post nudes by mistake. Even though I have prayed that he will.
  • God, are you really telling me I need to shit my pants?
  • So this is what Sunshine Boo will look like in his next movie. I cannot wait. I do not need to know what it is about. I will see everything.
  • Look at Dodger. He's like "I get to be \near THAT and you don't".
  • I was at the seminar today which was really boring so I was all over twitter. Posting sophisticated stuff like this
  • We are all getting worse.  During the weekend we perved out longer than ever (1,2) and we did that while Mario was tagged and I'm pretty sure he ain't ever talking to us again.
  • To be fair, It's all Getter's fault. She tagged him. Again, I am blameless.
  • Also can we all appreciate how I'm yet again leading the hype perv parade? Even if your day is shitty you can always count on something fun in your notifications.
  • Unless you're Mario. 
  • Then it's not fun for you.
  • Mettel, Brittani and Daniel share their favorite movie meltdowns
  • Courtney wonders what went wrong with Alien: Resurrection
  • Katy attacks our ovaries with a gorgeous post
  • Alex reviews You Were Never Really Here
  • Sofia celebrates seven years of blogging!
  • Sonia reviews The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  • and finally Mario has his sweet, sweet revenge



    1. I'm actually excited for both von Trier and Gilliam to be at Cannes. The latter for the fact that he's.... finally.... going to release The Man Who Killed Don Quixote after slaving on that film for nearly 20 years. The former of course you know why. It's because von Trier puts asses in seats. Cannes needed him. Yeah, I know you don't like either of them (especially Lars) but I love their films. Don't be mad at me.

      Chris Evans and Michael Chiklis were the only reasons those 2 Fantastic Four films were watchable. Evans just radiates charisma. I'm glad you liked him in Gifted as well as I liked that film.

      1. Hey, you wanna support filmmakers who are sexist and abuse women, that's your right.

    2. I was so pissed about Chris's description about John - surely, he could've done more than "he was in The Office and made a cool movie".

      The trailer for Hereditary played before A Quiet Place, and I honestly thought I had taken drugs and didn't know it. lol It looks super creepy.

      I love how most of our livetweeting is whether or not our boys have clothes on. XD

      I think we can all admit I led the "love him at his moustache" parade before that ass-poster or meme was released. GAWD, now I have to rewatch Gifted and What's Your Number.

      Thanks for linking my Captain America post! Hope you enjoyed reading it! <3

      1. I'm not sure if he could, he seems to have very limited abilities.

        I'm still not OK with that mustache. It's just not right lol I mean i would not kick him out of bed for even while insane I have good taste but this has gotta be against at least some laws somewhere...we need the beard to come back :P

    3. Gosh I'm dying, this Chris porn is not healthy AND YET, I'm getting all those delicious movies as I type 😭

      Ahhhh I'm excited for The Nun, she's so creepy. I want to scroll back up to see what else I can comment on but I can't handle the hot GIFs sorry 😂 Thank you for the link!!

      1. I know, those gifs are distracting as hell. I don't know how anyone gets any work done around that man

    4. Ugh Jurassic World 2

      Ugh Pratt

      Ugh Javier.

      But yaaasss to all that Evans goodness.


      I can't believe we're less than a week away from Infinity War. I'll be on your continent, you'll probably hear me moaning.

      1. My apologies for flooding the continent while you are on it lol

    5. I've checked your blog 5 times yesterday for RF, ha! think I need to be more active on twitter, loved that bit: he saved the cat. - HE SAVED THREE CATS! - happy weekend!

      1. It's usually close to midnight my time :) My twitter is....quite a thing :)

    6. Jesus, a five-year-old would have written something better than Pratt.

      Anyway, I was reading this and I all could think was how on earth did I miss What's Your Number? livetweet. Seriously, what was I doing with my life to miss that?! Thank you for RF, I don't know what would I do without it.

      And thanks for the link!

      1. A drunk monkey would have written something better than Pratt :)

        I don't know either, I obnoxiously tag all of you :)

    7. I forgot just how good Snowpiercer and Gifted were! I'd heard a lot of hype for the first so that was expected but I got SO sucked in to Gifted and did all the ugly crying. I ca't even remember if I can blame that on pregnancy.
      Infinity War is so close now!!!

      1. Gifted is just such a sweet movie. Chris was beyond hot and adorable in that one

    8. I'm not saying I didn't tag him in that original tweet but I mean, I didn't mean it to get out of hand! IT'S NOT MY FAULT MARIO!!!! I hope he sees this, I hope he forgives us...

      I'm glad you liked Snowpiercer the second time around, I loved it the first time, so I mean, it would be torture to see it again.. with this obsession getting out of hand. I wouldn't want another Gifted live tweeting... man, that was a wild Saturday night for me! :D

      Have you seen The Losers?!!? He wears a really small shirt, and pulls down his pants in an elevator (we don't get to see it - not that kind of a movie, yet!) but I mean.. yeah. Then he delivers one of my favourite lines. :D :D OH AND PERFECT SCORE has baby Chris!!! (with baby Black Widow by the way). Anyway, yeah, there's so much to watch, I don't know if I can handle it.

      With Infinity War premiering next week, good luck!! Good luck to us all!!

      1. You watch a movie where Evans is practically naked and you didn't think it's gonna get out of hand? :D

        Good God the thoughts I had during Snowpiercer. The stuff I tweet is actually filtered.

        I did. One for JDM and once for Elba, I think lol. Chris doesn't look hot in that though, horribly goofy look. But I will probably rewatch it, fuck it, right? :D

      2. Well, I was hoping I was not going to be able to function during that movie and would have not kept going but...apparently, I function in very stressful situations very well. :D

        I need to rewatch it. I should watch it.

        I mean, he does look weird above the neck, but that white shirt looks good on him! :D :D :D

      3. I am gonna see that movie he directed, at last, tonight and God help us all because there is no telling what I will tweet.

    9. Hahaha, this is beyond fantastic.

      Somehow (not 'somehow' - because we all know whose fault it is [coughcoughGettercough]), I end up on the middle of some epic Captain America dong worship, and now I get a RF dedicated to me? Amazing. I should probably shut it down Fisti-style, immediately. I mean, where do we go from here? I think my ovaries are going to explode...assuming they haven't already.

      I just looked at my local showtimes for IW and it looks like I'm not even going to go opening weekend. Outside of the first two rows, shit's all sold out through the weekend. Apparently hillbillies love the MCU, or it's just Evans' ass that's really packing them in.

      Thanks for the link, Tink. It's always fun for Mario.

      1. When you say Fisti-style, are you referring to his Mountain again?:)

        I am a lady not a hillbilly and yes Evans' ass (and to be fair, his beard) is the thing that is packing me in. Dude, you didn't think to buy tickets in advance? For this?!

    10. Hehehe, another awesome post sati. Love it as always.

      That Hereditary trailer gave me chills!!! You always get me onto movies I'd otherwise never have heard of. And you have done it yet again! I cannot wait to see that.

      Also, on an unrelated point, have you seen one of you boos, Tom Hardy, in Bronson. That is one of the most unnerving films I have ever seen. I love Refn!! And Hardy :D

      Take care =]

      1. Yeah, good performance,not a fan of the film though. Too weird.

      2. Weird indeed!! But oh my god Hardy is just incredible, just transformed. I absolutely loved it, Refn is now my favourite current director along with Wes Anderson and PTA. Pity those three just released films!

        Can't wait to see Gilliam's effort tho, who knows, maybe it'll allll be worth it!

      3. Gilliam is a sexist pig so I couldn't care less about his films.

    11. I'm really looking forward to Infinity War, but for vastly different reasons than you, lol. And yes, Snowpiercer is a solid flick. Glad you enjoyed exploring that train, among other things. If I had a Pulitzer vote for live tweets, if there were such a thing, you'd have it.

      1. Haha, thank you! Well, I'd see IW anyways, it feels like MCU movies these days is just something one will watch, sooner or later

    12. Thanks so much for the link! I'm SO excited for Hereditary. I love a great scary flick. And holy shit, what the hell is The Nun?! That picture is so damn creepy.

      1. You're welcome! I'll drop by when I FINALLY see the film.

        You should check out the Conjuring movies!

    13. Interesting to hear that the Nun was a result of reshoots. That's sorta crazy. What the hell was the movie BEFORE the reshoots then? o.O

      Also, Chris Evans saving all of the cats was definitely the standout moment for me with Gifted. :P

      1. I don't know, just haunted house in England it seems :)

        That was beyond adorable ^^

    14. Fantastic 4 and What's Your Number are terrible horrible no good very bad movies, but Chris Evans is at PEAK youth hotness in them. And that is exactly why I paid good money to see BOTH of them in theaters.

      I still have not seen Gifted, however, because I barely made it through the TRAILER each of the millions of times I was forced to watch it in theaters, and I just don't feel like I would even survive the whole movie.

      He's really just icing on the cake in Snowpiercer, though. LOVE that movie.

      1. What's Your Number is masterpiece comparing to Fantastic 4, damn that was terrible.

        Dude watch it. Risking death is worth it. The film is beyond adorable and he is so gorgeous there.

    15. I love when you do these posts where you are honouring someone. The Evans love is in full swing.