Friday, May 18, 2018

(339) A HAMMER + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, May 18, 2018
  • Caught up with Westworld. The premiere was absolutely terrible - 74 minutes and not a goddamn thing happened - but it got better from there. The last episode was incredible and it was insanely impressive given it was Lisa Joy's first director gig. 
  • And also it is so telling how the best episode of the season doesn't have either Maeve or Dolores in it. Maeve is an interesting character but she is given practically nothing to do this season. Dolores on the other hand is your cliche Terminator badass robot. I hope that this is the intention they have - showing she is not actually liberated and still a pawn, because if this is supposed to be some grand revenge story then holy hell is it bad writing. They should be reminding the audience of the horrors Dolores endured. At least have her see the pictures, like Teddy did. Men who are watching this show need to be constantly reminded of the abuse women go through otherwise they are bored with 'sociopathic stare' Dolores. Unless you keep throwing things in their faces they just forget.
  • Also why bring back Elsie, the single most annoying character in the series, which is in addition played by terrible actress? She comes back and she sets someone she doesn't know is a robot or a human on fire. Just LOL.
  • But man, Ed Harris. Oh, how I love that man. They also gave him opportunities to be funny again which I loved.
  • This really isn't worth anyone's breath but the choice of the directors to show their films there fits this repulsive festival well. As its head of jury, shocking that this time she didn't defend Allen and suggest only vulnerable get assaulted. 
  • Lifelong ban. They gave that misogynistic fucker lifelong ban. Lifelong ban my ass. He is back there with his sick trash and these 'people' are giving him standing ovations. Just awful. Just fucking awful.
  • And what is this shit now. We should be applauding people for not harming animals? What? How backwards is this thinking? You should be throwing 'people' in jail for harming animals. That is the norm. I can't even.
  • What the hell kind of drugs are they taking over there?!
  • Michael Shannon, the only good thing about that mess of a festival.
  • And here's more of Michael. Look at him admiring himself.
  • Excuse me, but where is the information about who directed that film in Bohemian Rhapsody trailer? There's seems to be an oversight. What is it, Fox? Are you scared? For months, no, for years, the allegations are not being brought to light. No matter what happens, no one is talking enough for this to finally blow up. Jessica Chastain tries to talk about it, his name doesn't trend. He gets fired for unrelated reasons, his name doesn't trend. Now the film he in majority directed - no matter what else Fox wants people to believe - is trending and everyone talks about the film and no one pays attention to the pervert behind the curtain. People got Singer's movie to trend on twitter and it wasn't because of who directed it. This trended. This is where we are. Fox successfully buried the issue, yet again.
  • And then of course there is the whole matter of this
  • On to the cheerful matters...
  • Here's Harrison Ford surprising Alden Ehrenreich (1,2) during the interview.
  • Mckenna Grace from Gifted is going to play young Carol Danvers in Captain Marvel
  • Sharp Objects has a premiere date - July 8th.
  • Benedict Cumberbatch has gained so much in my eyes.
  • First trailer for Happytime Murders. This looks absolutely tragic. I wish they made Spy 2 because Melissa's movies this year, other than that dramatic film she has that is out in the fall, look terrible.
  • Thank God for Cavill and Momoa because this one just gave up trying. Completed with picking his nose. Jesus Christ, what a massacre.
  • Finally caught up with The Big Bang Theory. Mark Hamill showed up in finale and married Sheldon and Amy! Their vows made me cry.
  • I am so soft.
  • Rewatched Rush and rewatched The Man from UNCLE. Perved hard. So a weekend like any other.
  • Bad news is that I caved in and saw Deadpool 2. I laughed at Miller's scenes and now I hate myself.
  • But the gods have punished me for caving in and watching that movie. I sit there and guess what?
  • They motherfucking snuck Matt Damon in there. 
  • I'm super serious. Matt Damon is in fucking Deadopol 2.
  • This is actually kinda funny. I specifically avoided watching Unsane NOT to see Damon. I am not going to watch Ocean's 8 NOT to see Damon. And I cave in, even though Miller is there, and that fucker shows up.
  • Where else is he hiding? 
  • Is he floating in my toilet bowl right now? 
  • Is he in my fridge?
  • Is he under my bed?
  • Where else is that little twat lurking?
  • Anyways, about the movie. I liked the first one which I incidentally rewatched yesterday better but this one still had several laugh out loud moments and the references were great. I didn't think serious moments fit in there and that kid was THE WORST. Thank God I didn't see that Taika Waititi movie you guys keep recommending me because I'd throw my computer out of the window. The WORST.
  • The rest of the cast did a great job. Reynolds clearly loves playing that part and he was terrific and Domino was so badass. I hope we will get her solo flick. 
  • But Jesus, all those Logan references. I had intense flashbacks to watching it in the cinema last year, while I was perving through my tears. 
  • It's a shame Reynolds didn't get Hugh to do a proper a cameo. He appears to be stalking him (1,2) so that would be so easy. Hugh looking so hot in these pictures, goddamn! 
  • Last week in RF I shared breathtaking journalism from TMZ about Jason pumping gas. there are pictures:
  • God bless us everyone.
  • Here's Jason with the creator of The Crow. And here he is having lots of fun with a fan. 
  • And here he is just the most adorable person ever.
  • Now let's move on to Sunshine boo. We are just going from boo to boo today, aren't we? But don't we always?
  • Chris has a new project and it's awful. This dude is the most overrated director. I thought District 9 was dumb as hell glorified video game so there is literally 0 good movies this dude has made.
  • I don't even know what is happening here
  • The mustache is gone!
  • We don't have a picture yet so let's ease our pain with new promo stills from Infinity War:
  • So there is this new meme based on Cap's PSAs from Homecoming. Here are my proud contributions:
  • Ah, yes. 
  • Now we reached that point of RF where we discuss the single most important thing that happened in the last 7 days.
  • That  new Mission Impossible trailer
  • AKA Hardcore porn fest.
  • AKA I feel tingling.
  • AKA Where is my dignity?
  • AKA Cover your face, sir
  • AKA I should have peed on the stick after watching that.
  • AKA why is there ONE comment on my post about this and me dissolving my office chair?
  • I felt that:
  • I thought it was going to drop 3 PM my time but it dropped at 10 AM. 
  • While I was in my OFFICE.
  • Surrounded by FUNCTIONAL ADULTS.
  • I was sitting there in the office, watching it and I just felt my dignity and sanity slip away while I was trying not to giggle and moan.
  • Still, when Angela Bassett referred to him as a 'a hammer' I made a noise that sounded like a dolphin in heat. 
  • If that dolphin was also on LSD.
  • And it was Christmas Day and it was excited for presents.
  • Then I coughed to mask it.
  • I don't think I was very successful. 
  • I legit felt like a rush of warmth when he was throwing those punches. 
  • It's like he telekinetically made me climax.
  • I couldn't do anything else on Wednesday. I just kept pervtweeting gifs. 
  • Went to bathroom several times to splash water on my face.
  • Drank like 2L of water in one hour.
  • I am either getting worse or these dudes are getting hotter. Or both. Let's just say it's both.
  • There's also this as a foreplay they released before the trailer. It is now my desktop picture.
  • And that's "only" Cavill.
  • Can you imagine what is going to happen when Aquaman trailer drops? 
  • Earthquakes.
  • Floods.
  • Apocalypse.
  • We are all doomed.
  • Jordan and Sonia review Deadpool 2
  • Katy writes about that dope Mission Impossible trailer
  • Brittani reviews Tully
  • Allie reviews Game Night
  • and finally, the wait is over. After 3 weeks m.brown finally published his Infinity War review. And it doesn't have a separate bullet point for bearded Cap sliding in mud in Wakanda. What?!


    1. The hypocrisy of Cannes would be laughable if it wasn't so awful. To be honest, all of Hollywood needs to do better. There were so many trailers before Deadpool 2 of people killing people for the hell of it, the violence was sickening. Hollywood gets their dough from violence, but they like to claim they're above it all or "it's art". So hypocritical. *sigh*

      As a huge Queen fan, I can't believe the mess this movie has become. I've seen a few great documentaries about Mercury and will probably just stick to those. I love Bryan Fuller calling stuff out on twitter.

      Harrison looked truly touched by Alden's performance, so I hope it does well for both of them.

      I actually went to the restroom before The Happytime Murders trailer started...I saw enough of Avenue Q in college, and that **** stays with you. lol I don't need to lose all hope in humanity just yet.

      Michael Shannon is the best. I never expected him to say he found himself attracted in that photo and to feel so genuine about it. lol

      I gave Deadpool 2 a pretty high review, but the plot went sideways for me after Vanessa (which almost ruined the movie for me tbh). It took me almost until the end to care about Cable and Firefist. And that's mostly because of how they affect Deadpool and that Reynolds was freakin' awesome. Still, I was impressed. I liked it a lot more than the first one actually.

      I'm excited about Cumberbatch's new movie and vying for equality. We need more men to stand up with women, and we need more women in Hollywood acknowledging that there are male stars trying to help. :)

      OMG, the mustache is gone?!?! I can't say I'm not excited, but also, if the mustache made him happy, like he could've kept it. I just want Space Muffin to be happy. *insert Mean Girls speech about baking a cake with rainbows and smiles*

      When I show pictures of my Sunshine Boo and Hammer Boo to my sister on tumblr, I've inadvertently started clapping and making noises like a dolphin. Your legacy lives on. :D

      Thanks for linking my post! <3

      1. I didn't care about Firefist at all in fact I was actively rooting against him throughout the movie lol Reynolds is so insanely dedicated to this character, you can just tell he lives and breathes the role. I am glad they still managed to find a way to have Vanessa throughout the film as much as these scenes didn't really fit the tone of the movie and were quite cliche

        I think Chris really wanted to shave them off, he seemed to really want to do that during Meyers' talk show :)

        Yeah that's what they do. Cavill in that trailer is just ridiculous. Like it's seriously indecent and filthy how hot he is in that. I don't know what's gonna happen to me while I will be watching actual movie

    2. I had a lot of fun with Deadpool 2. I thought it tried less hard with the fourth wall/meta stuff without ditching it entirely, and a lot of it was pure dark comedy - the bit about him wanting to use a guys skin to make as drum had me cackling like a retard. But no one else was laughing...

      Reynolds looks so different with those glasses! I didn't recognise him at all!! I assume you saw the postr credit scenes? What did you make of that?

      Also, I love that you called Daaaaymon a 'little twat'. That is just gold. Tho I can't believe you didn't see Unsane just cos of a cameo! I know you hate him, and I do too tbh, but I was really bummed I missed that movie, it barely played here

      And you say your country sucks! I spose tho if we were to have a competition, you'd just fall back on the argument that Hugh Jackman is from here so you win in terms of crappy countries. :P

      Also, I know this is your blog and you are/(were?) massively into Westworld... but, I don't spose could you write 'spoilers for babies' or something above where you talk about the story? You didn't ruin anything for me at all cos I have forgotten it all and need to watch it from the start, it'd just be cool. Of course though, write about it as you watch it. =]

      1. Mid-credits scenes were fun but a bit overhyped. A shame they didn't get Hugh beyond that archive footage. I liked the first one's end credits scene better.

        If I KNOW he has a cameo I won't pay to see it. I just won't. And that's enough of a reason.

        No, not gonna do that. Westworld is out and if you see me discussing it you are free to skip the paragraph not to get spoiled.

      2. Hehe that's what I did, just skipped ahead of it. As long as you keep it in your intro!! :P

        I need to catch up badly with that one! I'll have to keep an eye on you writing about it!

        It was cool to see Hugh mid-credits. But hell knows what it means!

        I must admit, I don't understand not seeing a movie because of a cameo, or appearance. I have disliked Daaaaaaaaaymon for as long as I can remember but I still see flicks he is in, such as The Martian, which I unsurprisingly hated. Thing is, he will get his cash, whether we go see it or not. It is filth that this is how it works, but Hollywood will make sure his pockets get filled, even for a stupid cameo in Deadpool that I missed as well.

        I admit tho, I like seeing shitty movies as much as good ones.

        Speaking of which, have you seen Tully yet? You got me onto that one, yet again :P I didn't mind it, writing about it now.

        Oh and I saw a poster for Heritage!!!! June 7 here apparently, I think cos there is an Aussie in it it is getting more hype than it would have otherwise.

      3. Matt Damon's words about the sex predators and ignorance he showed were abhorrent. Why on Earth would you think just because it wont make a big dent in box office for ne to boycott him would be enough for me to change my mind is beyond me. Damon contributes to the world being awful to women and so do people who hire him and yes so do people who dont loudly condemn his dumbass comments and act as if he never voiced them.

        I have not seen Tully.

      4. I agree with you completely re- him as person. After the Weinstein thing it was bizarre how he kept making comments, and how fucked they were. I just gotta admit I don't understand boycotting any movie he is in. Doesn't seem to me that it'll make a difference money-wise, unless half the population was to do do the same thing.

        BUT, I can certainly see why you'd not wanna see him in anything after all that. I guess I'm easily able to separate the person from the actor, for whatever reason - whether that is a good or bad thing, I dunno tbh

      5. It is a bad thing. People keep doing that and they are keeping nasty individuals relevant and succsesful.

    3. Aww I loved Elsie. She's not the strongest actress but I was glad to have her back.

      Since you watched something with Damon, I think you should give Unsane a go, it's so good and he's only in it for 2 minutes tops. lol

      God, i hate Amy Farrah Fowler....

      Praise be for Chris shaving his beard.

      Is Cavill's only purpose in MI to wreck people/things? Not that there's anything wrong with that..

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Eh I'll see it when it's out on DVD and just skip that monstrosity

        It seems to be the case. He is gonna wreck the female/gay audience too but in a different way lol

    4. WTF is 2018 the year of moustaches?

      I did not notice Damon in Deadpool. Anyway what's up with him? Doing all this unrecognisable cameos in movies? Like when he played fake Loki in Thor: Ragnarok and nobody noticed.

      Thanks for the link!

      1. To be fair Henry's mustache is actually improving his looks which is insane :D

        I recognize him and I suffer. He needs to go away. FOREVER lol

    5. I like that the balance of this post is 1/5 shit that happens in Hollywood, 1/5 of good stuff that happens in Hollywood and then 3/5 OF BOO TO BOO PERVING! I love the last 3/5 of course, those are my favourite parts. Though I'm still not on the Jason train (I'm pretty sure I will be after Aquaman), I'm all for Cap and Cavill. Mmmm... Cap and Cavill sandwitch, I can just imagine being snug between those two.. mmm...... *goes to the hole for a quick moment*

      And I'm back, where was I? Oh yeah, Cavill in Mission is going to be so hot, I just can't. I don't agree with a lot Cruise does, but his MI franchise is hitting all the right spots! He seems so nice to his costars, and his Graham couch interviews are always interesting. And he isn't afraid to be next to Cavill! I hope Cavill/Hammer would bless us with another movie like Fergusons character. I bet he would make a could enemy turned coworker. Like, he will hunt you down, but when justice needs to be aimed elsewhere, he will team up with you. I don't know what I'm saying, it's been a long week.

      Anyway, thanks for keeping me perving on Twitter all week, I needed it a lot, and thanks for this 3/5 boo to boo action! It's giving me energy to start the new week off with a bang! *(ha, I said bang, hihi))

      1. Good lord, woman :) We are all just in such a bad shape lol

        oh my God dude you need to stop working so much your brain is about to get as fried as mine :) Yes, Cruise may have some serious problems but he is very professional and appears civil and decent. Hammer is the worst though. The attention seeking is just awful. I'd suffer through his film only for Henry as I did during UNCLE rewatch recently

    6. As I already told you, I didn't see Deadpool 2 this weekend...because of my wife. She was game but she hasn't seen the first one. F--k me, I respect that. Instead we ended up at Life of the Party and I shit you not, Wolves was 900x more entertaining than that shit-show. MM should not be allowed to make any more movies with her husband, because they simply aren't funny..outside of a few bits.

      Holy shit, these boos are coming fast and furiously. Ed's here, Evans, Momoa, and now Superman? Did I leave somebody out....Jackman, perhaps? I'm not sure I can keep up. Oh, wait. Good thing my phone (occasionally) jumps out of my pocket during instruction with tweets about dongs and beards, and bearded dongs.

      As for the LvT 'film', who the f--k applauds that kind of shit? Before I knew what it was about, I thought f--k it, I'll suffer through one more of his nightmares. Then I did a little research. F--k. That.

      1. A comment? From you? on a Monday? What is happening?

        Oh my God this is just terrible. You need to see Deadpool 2. Dude it's just no possible for Wolves to be even 10x more entertaining than something. There is no way my girl Melissa did something so awful. If there is anything 900x worse than Wolves than that shit should be melting the eyes and the ears of the audience.

        Yes it has got some variety this week. It helps that Westworld is back on (Ed) and Jason travels the country taking pics with fans. I always have content at times like these :P

      2. I swear I almost went to that WizardCon thing just to send you a pic of me and JM. But then I saw the cost...and I instead made a rational, adult decision.


      3. Dude if u sent me a pic of you breathing the same air he breathes instead of sonehow getting him to come visit me and marry me you and me would be, as Christian Bale once shouted, done professionally

    7. Thank you for calling out Bryan Singer (when seemingly no one else will). Seriously, why the hell does that guy repeatedly get a pass? I just don't understand it. And all hail Michael Shannon. That man can brighten damn near any setting.

      1. I think the studio must be protecting him or something.

    8. Haven't seen TBBT in years. So they finally went through with the Sheldon and Amy thing, huh? So is that the end of the show then?

      It's okay that you caved for Deadpool 2. It's hands down the best film this year so far, after all. ;)

      1. Oh yeah they've been together for a while :) I think there's one or two seasons more

        Nah, it has Damon in it :/ Nothing should have Damon in it