Saturday, December 22, 2018

(369) Fresh Sultan of Agrabah + links

By sati (harlequinade) Saturday, December 22, 2018
  • First of all we need to talk about this ---->
  • Actually instead of talking about it since a picture says it all, let me share my favorite comments from reddit/movies thread about this mess:
  • Will Smith looks like he gives sensual massages to lonely housewives.
  • I want my money back already.
  • Every day we stray further from the Lord’s light. Jesus Fucking Christ.
  • This picture gets worse the longer you look at it.
  • The trailer "SHOW US THE GENIE YOU FUCKS" shows genie "FUCK NO GO BACK".
  • Jesus Christ what is happening.
  • This shit look ass.
  • Jasmine and Aladdin look like hostages.
  • This is going to hunt down and suck every last dick.
  • Yep. Well said.
  • This is probably gonna make some readers' eyes bleed but I turned Roma off after 10 minutes and watched Fifty Shades Darker instead. 
  • Oh my God. 
  • That helicopter scene is one of the greatest things I've seen in my entire life. It comes from literally nowhere, it features a co-pilot yelling what's going on as they plummet toward the Earth and it has Cyborg Dorman trying to navigate it. Right after that, as his entire family is sitting there being worried we hear the news broadcast where they casually mention how Christian is a great pilot even though he is only 27-years old. Dudes, I was in tears. 
  • I also saw 10 Cloverfield Lane and it was really good but I wish it didn't have that title because then the ending would be even more shocking.
  • Vice embargo was lifted this week and the gates of hell have opened. The film got a lot of passionately negative reviews though a lot of those were by critics clearly incapable of separating their own political views from the actual quality of the movie. There's a lot of 'it should have portrayed Cheney as a bigger monster' and 'it should have been funny' but I bet if McKay have done that the 'critics' would say the film is not nuanced enough and irresponsible for being funny. 
  • Far out, man.
  • They are planning Luther movie again. The ending to season 3 was just perfect yet they keep going.
  • Black Mirror is coming back very soon to depress us all again. 
  • First look at Us and a teaser for the trailer that's coming Christmas Day. This and Midsommar are my most anticipated for next year.
  • Pretty awful poster for new Hellboy movie. Here's the trailer. It looks so bad and cheap. I read the script and it was fun but the execution is just awful. Still Ian McShane is in it and he can elevate anything.
  • Speaking of....
  • ...we finally have pictures from Deadwood movie!:
  • Of course after seeing those I immediately started rewatching the series. God, I just love it so much!
  • Charles Dance is going to be in season 3 of The Crown. I am so looking forward to the new season and now even more. He is awesome. 
  • Here's the first trailer for Men in Black: International and the poster. It's all very meh.
  • AMPAS has been embarrassing itself consistently over the years but this time they have done it, man. 
  •  Shortlists were announced this week and Aquaman was completely snubbed (and unlike some amateurs would tell you - it was submitted for consideration). I'm not gonna rant about snubbing the excellent score or really great make up, instead let's focus on the lack of VFX love here which is truly insane and indefensible. 
  • You can make an argument for a lot of great scores and a lot of great work when it comes to make ups this year but Aquaman is a pioneer in a way Avatar was when it comes to special effects. And it's not even on the goddamn shortlist. There's considerable backlash over this everywhere and James Wan himself even liked this tweet. I's just ridiculous. the fact is that even the negative reviews for Aquaman praise CGI in the movie. If you are not into this whole MCU/DCEU thing let me show you another example - Christopher Robin is on the shortlist. Paddington 2 isn't. 
  • Black Panther has no business being on that list. Are you really going to tell me there is no Disney bias? Imagine Black Panther was DC and Aquaman MCU. Are you going to tell me Black Panther would still be getting nominated and Aquaman would be snubbed? 
  • Other CBMs are getting inflated praise while Aquaman gets snubbed by awards and gets trashed by critics for being *gasps so hard she almost breaks a rib* campy and *looks around in pure and utter horror* goofy. Critics cannot influence other people's opinion, they can only influence if the audience goes to see the movie. And you know what? I don't think that influence is big these days. Just look at Venom. In time things like this backfire and people ask - how come this got so much/little acclaim upon release? 
  • Another thing - AMPAS wonders why people don't watch the ceremony? Why would you watch awards ceremony where the decisions being made are continuously ridiculous and baffling? 
  • And then, of course we have Bohemian Rhapsody on the shortlist for make up. I've been watching Oscars live for 15+ years and if Bohemian Rhapsody somehow manages to get BP nomination I'm pretty sure that's a no from me dawg. I'll tune for main ones but I am not gonna deprive myself of sleep to see shots of Rami "Mr. Robot apparently can't google so he signs up to work for Singer" Malek. 
  • Jason was adorable on both Corden and Graham Norton's show. It's getting to be too much for me to witness all of this and remain alive. I haven't even found the energy to check out the new videos on his youtube channel yet.
  • Yes, he finally saw that movie!
  • Ow!
  • B-Roll for Aquaman and a new TV spot. That B-Roll is really dangerous:
  • Did the scientists run tests on him? Because there is no way this individual is homo sapiens. It's gotta be the higher, grander, hotter form of evolution.
  • Oh how awful for Amber.
  • How awful!
  • And finally today is Winter Solstice and apparently, Global Orgasm Day. So it's perfect that I finally saw Aquaman today. You can read my spoiler thoughts here and review is coming next week. It's now my fav movie in DC and fav movie of 2018 and I cannot wait to rewatch it over and over again.
  • Geekteller reviews First Man
  • Mario saw The Possession of Hannah Grace because of course he did
  • Sonia reviews Eight Grade
  • Katy shares her love for Sarah Paulson
  • Brittani and Keith review Roma


    1. lmao your title, omg. Will Smith looks like Sinbad. Those reddit comments are gold.

      As much as I love Black Panther, I agree that it isn't fair to shortlist that and not Aquaman. I imagine BP's CGI nods are for how Wakanda looks, and if that's the case Atlantis looked pretty damn good from the trailer.

      Ugh, poor Wan, of all the tweets he could've liked he picks Grace "white men are getting short changed in this movie!" Randolph. I wish I would not have clicked that lol.

      I'm surprised by the negativity of some of those Vice reviews, but when I read the positive ones, I feel better. I think I'm going to enjoy that.

      And fuck BR in make up, Mary, Queen of Scots better knock their asses out of the running.

      Thanks for the link, at least one of us made it through Roma. lol

      1. This cover is seriously so embarrassing lol

        Atlantis is stunning. It looks even more incredible in the movie, there is so much happening in the shots when they enter the kingdom i had no idea where to look

        Randolph is so right here, though. She is dumb but this is right on the money

    2. ROFL Cyborg Dornan. SO TRUE. XD

      Shame to hear about Vice. I felt like The Big Short was overshadowed, and I was really interested to see what Adam was going to do with Cheney. It's funny how award recognition picks up before a movie comes out, even if it's mostly for the performances. Yesh.

      Men in Black International looks okay. Not entirely excited or disinterested in it. :/

      I really can't wait for Jordan's next movie!!!

      It wouldn't surprise me if there is Disney bias. There's a movie theater close to Disney World that does not get as many DC showings as it does Marvel. Usually new movies only run a week in Dolby, and MPR is going to be in it for the rest of December, completely skipping Aquaman. It sucks.

      Next summer, Jason might be scheduled to return to the convention I missed this year. *crossing my fingers I can see him this time*

      Thanks for the link! <3

      1. I think Vice may actually be good, most of these critics just has political bias clouding their judgement

        LOL now that MPR flopped in the box office hopefully they change it!

        YEY! You know what to do, lure him to Poland lol

    3. So many things to comment on this week. First off, that poster is horrible! It looks so.. posed, which is ironic because all these covers are always posed, but this one is like posed to suck.

      I'm not sure if you forgot or if you didn't even bother mentioning it because why would anyone, but I'm still going to do it... let us remind everyone that Suicide Squad got an Oscar...........

      Another thing - AMPAS wonders why people don't watch the ceremony? Why would you watch awards ceremony where the decisions being made are continuously ridiculous and baffling? - I don't watch it because it's boring and made by suits. I would much rather watch an online award show hosted by movie bloggers and voted by movie bloggers and movie fans and no official fancy pants critics are allowed to vote.

      I'm looking forward for your Aquaman review!

      1. Suicide Squad did win but there's actually plenty of people who claim the make up was worthy of that win :) In any case Aquaman's omission from VFX may be the most outrageous thing in Academy's history, when you see it you'll understand :)

    4. Those reddit comments are hilarious lol

      I haven't seen Roma yet because I've been living on mobile internet since Monday and I don't have a lot of data for Netflix. But even if I did have home internet, I would have probably put it off as I'm sure it'd bore my ass off.

      I'm happy to hear Aquaman was great. I can't wait to see it!

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I think you'll love Aquaman, it's so much fun and Jason is just amazing <3 This is such bullshit they opened MPR first where you live!

    5. If Netflix wants to drop just a date for The Crown premiere I'd be happy. Charles Dance, Olivia Colman and HBC. The only thing I'm slightly off on is Menzies. I like him okay but I loved Matt Smith in that role.

      Some of the Aquaman stuff is just amazing. I read one article today that was knocking it because it didn't offer any solutions to the ocean/ environmental issue. (I suppose at least they admitted they brought it up.) But seriously a movie has to offer solutions to huge multi-generational problems now? Poor James Wan should have been warned he needed to save the planet to make some people happy.

      Meanwhile those pics of Jason with the muscles and the hair blowing... made me happy :)

      1. I think it's gonna be soon! Last one premiered last spring

        These fuckers are insane. Never mind their bias is transparent they are actually coming off as if they didn't see the movie, the pollution is mentioned at least 5 times, I saw some 'reviews' claiming that it wasn't even brought up. I wonder do they get so deep when they review MCU flicks? No, no they don't.

    6. MY GOSH! That freaking Aladdin cover. I literally stared at that thing for a solid minute. It looks like a big joke instead of an actual production. And "meh" definitely fits that MiB: International trailer. Not...remotely...interested.

      Anyway, thanks again for the link. I appreciate it so much! Merry Christmas!

      1. Yeah next year looks pretty bleak when it comes to movies. Hopefully some of those are so bad it's entertaining at least :)

        Merry Xmas! :)

    7. Will Smith looks hilarious on that cover. But I was more interested in Aladdin and Jasmine, I liked them, so I'm curious to see the movie.

      I also really liked the MIB trailer....Emma Thompson is a silver fox and the Hemsworth-Thompson duo looks smoking hot, I'm digging it

      Thanks for the link :)

      1. Emma Thompson was probably the only thing I enjoyed in that trailer :)

    8. It took me a solid couple of minutes looking at that Aladdin picture to even notice Smith's beard. It looks tacked on and is COMPLETELY terrible. Can't believe it.

      OH LORD FIFTY SHADES DARKER. Roma is definitely a better movie but it's got nothing on Fifty Shades for sheer entertainment value. It's completely ridiculous and I think I watched that helicopter scene slack-jawed due to how utterly dumb it is (AND I READ THE BOOK!). It's kind of amazing. Thank God that trilogy is over and Dakota (who mostly manages to somehow be good in those movies despite the terrible material) can do other things like Suspiria.

      I actually kinda loved the Men In Black trailer, but I even loved the third one which everyone else hated, so...

      Very looking forward to seeing Aquaman VERY soon.

      1. And thank God Dornan is back in cyborg oblivion where he belongs :)

        I think people generally like the third one because of Brolin

        YEY hope you'll like it!

    9. Okay, you usually crack me up anyway, but "I've been watching Oscars live for 15+ years and if Bohemian Rhapsody somehow manages to get BP nomination I'm pretty sure that's a no from me dawg" almost made me piss myself. Hahahahaha....amazing.

      Also amazing, is how scary Will Smith looks as genie. I'm not sure it's his lamp he's demanding me to rub, so I'm going to go ahead and run the f--k away.

      Love your new header by the way. I need US in a bad way. Saw the trailer with VICE, and I think half the theater was. not. ready.

      Thanks for the link!!!!

      1. Of course you would see Vice when you missed A Star is Born :)