Friday, December 28, 2018

(370) God bless American moms + links

By sati (harlequinade) Friday, December 28, 2018
  • So I have been watching a lot of movies over Christmas break.
  • Did You Hear About the Morgans? Fucking Netflix and all that trash they have there. Hugh Grant really tried, though.
  • The Stepford Wives (rewatch) - Glenn Close and Nicole Kidman were great but it's such a mediocre movie. But at least Viggo reference was awesome.
  • Secret in their Eyes - awful remake. Watching Julia Roberts do her failed Oscar baiting was embarrassing. It was maximum effort too - awful wig, no make up, ugly crying and jumping into a dumpster.
  • Hellboy 1 and 2 - they are OK but nothing special. But the new one is gonna be so much worse than this. The script was fun but the execution looks unbelievably cheap.
  • Batman Forever - Kidman was so horny in this it was as if I was watching myself.
  • Hot Rod - I think the only person who had as much fun as Ian McShane had in this movie was me watching Aquaman last Friday.
  • Deadpool 2: Super Duper Cut - Matt Damon is still in it but at least this version has more Enya
  • The Big Sick - oh that was delightful! I laughed so hard at the drive thru scene. Kumal should host the Oscars!
  • The Happytime Murders - why do I do those things to myself? This was awful but not as unbearable as Sorry to Bother You or as embarrassing as Cloverfield Paradox. My God, still not a single 10/10 this year and three 1/10s.
  • The Wicker Man (rewatch) - this is one of the funniest movies ever made. Nic Cage in a bear costume punching women left and right is one of the most iconique scenes in history of cinema.
  • Passengers - not the one with abominations starring in it. This one had stupid twists, Anne Hathaway and Patrick Wilson showing his ass again, so it was not a waste of time.
  • You Were Never Really Here - that was decent but what the fuck was the script for this? 5 lines written on a tissue? It's only 90 minutes long and it felt three times longer
  • Collateral Beauty - oh my God. Pena who is a Scientologist, Kate Winslet that Woody Allen defending nasty hag and Edward Norton botoxed so much he doesn't look like a human anymore, clearly he has burnt so many bridges this is the kind of a role he gets these days. There is so much who's who of human crap in this film I half expected Chris Pratt to show up. Even Keira Knightley's charm cannot pierce its way through so much garbage. The script was awful and the fact they used "Way Down We Go" in this trash is criminal.
  • The Hollow Point - this is a shitty western with Ian McShane and Patrick Wilson. I am telling you those screeners better start leaking because I'm trying to watch everything I have here (how did I accumulate so much trash?) and I am going progressively insane.
  • New photos from John Wick 3:
  • Yes, that is Halle Berry but hopefully her Midas Touch of shit won't affect this movie. And for the love of God those dogs better be all right.
  • New Black Mirror dropped on Netflix today. Here's the trailer. I am in the process of watching it. It's 'choose your own adventure' type of thing which is really cool. Also good luck to anyone trying to pirate it, how would one even go about it? It's not like Netflix is expensive, people.
  • This is embarrassing. We need to start locking the youths up and educate them. Or better yet - people just need to stop reproducing.
  • Better safe than sorry.
  • New photos from Hellboy and Hobbs and Shaw:
  • These fools are at it again. You can just seen how relieved Jake is having stopped trying to get an Oscar and just get all that CBM money.
  • What the fuck?
  • New photos from The Crown season 3:
  • Jason went to Hawaii for special Aquman events. A lot of magical things happened (1,2,3,4)
  • The promo tour is still in full swing and we are getting even more of adorable videos.
  • Aquaman already crossed 600 million worldwide. Everyone go say thank you to Mr. Wan!
  • Deadline published a whole article about how WB attracted women to the movie. Why on Earth would you write an entire article when a gif is sufficient?
  • Oh God he's just unreal.
  • This part is pure gold, though - "capitalizing on Momoa’s allure and initializing the social media trend #MOMSFORMOMOA. This was in response to Warners noticing a viral meme that grew among moms online: They yearned to take their kids –or anyone’s kids– to Aquaman as an excuse to see Momoa". 
  • Are there women lined up in front of cinemas with signs "Let me borrow your kids"?
  • I found this picture today and I simply must share it --->
  • There much....going on here.
  • And there is a whole bunch of new videos on his channel. I'm still trying to gather the energy to watch those.
  • And tomorrow I am going to see Aquaman again! YEY!
  • Keith and Gemma review Aquaman
  • Katy writes about Bird Box
  • Sonia reviews A Simple Favor
  • Brittani reviews Mary, Queen of Scots



    1. lol "Batman Forever - Kidman was so horny in this it was as if I was watching myself."

      Kumal would be a great host for the Oscars. I quote that scene from The Big Sick all the time.

      I can't believe I haven't seen Nic's version of The Wicker Man yet. But girl, why do you torture yourself with such horrible movies??

      That picture of him on the bike with the coffee looks like he won an America's Next Top Model challenge. lol His visit to Hawaii was so adorable.

      Thanks for the link! <3

      1. I'm trying to watch everything I have on my shelf in 'unwatched' pile which also has some stuff I already saw but long ago. There appears to be lots of shit in that pile :D

    2. Lmao that tweet at the end.

      I'm glad I'm not the only one watching some shitty movies.

      I actually really like Hellboy 2 but the first one was boring as shit.

      I cannot wait for the new season of The Crown!

      Thanks for the link!

      1. Yeah The Crown 3 cannot get here soon enough! I never binge shows but this one I might

    3. I can identify with Kidman in Batman Forever too

      I'm hating myself so much for watching Bird Box yesterday. It was awful, I wasted 2+ GB with it and now I can't watch the new Black Mirror until god only knows when because my shitty home internet isn't still working 😭

      Thanks for the link!

      1. I heard BM ends up being pretty disappointing :) I'll try to watch both of those today unless a good screener drops

    4. We took my nephew to see Aquaman yesterday and he loved it. He's running around with his toy trident. Of course he wants to be King Orm cause he always loves the bad guys but ask him what was moms favorite part and he goes Jason of the Momona :)

      I have no real feelings for any Hellboy but David Harbour and Ian McShane is enough to get me in a seat. Fingers crossed its better than the trailer!

      1. Haha, that's adorable! :D

        McShane is the reason I'll watch it but the execution looks embarrassingly cheap

    5. I've been too scared to review You Were Never Really Here because it feels like everyone loves it and I feel so 'meh' about it all.
      Just finished watching Bandersnatch! Such a cool concept!

      1. Yeah it's a fine movie but it's nothing exceptional. I need to finish BM I only saw a bit of it :)

    6. Wow, you watched a lot of movies this vacation, which is great, but....why did you choose these ones? They don't seem all that great :) I do admire your will to finish them
      Did you like Bandersnatch. I was really into it and I loved the idea, I was very intrigued, but now that a day has passed, I don't think it's an amazing movie. It just has a great gimmick to it. It works, either way
      LOL at the Tweet of Aquaman topping Mary Poppins, that was funny

      1. That's nothing. Netflix added Freddy vs Jason and I'm definitely going to watch that.

        I haven't even finished it, screeners started leaking so I had to stop whatever I was watching to jump in on new releases :)

    7. Holy shit that was a lot of movies! But the Happytime Murders? Whyyyyyyyyyy????

      Um, "awful wig, no make up, ugly crying and jumping into a dumpster" sounds like something I need to see...but I think in 2019, I'm going to try to watch more 10/10s than be swimming in shit with 1/10s like I've been doing...forever.

      That picture of Momoa is awesome...uh...though we probably have differing reasons why.

      My next post is gonna be my review of, pressure there. Good thing I thought it

      Shit. Gotta run. My kids need...stuff?

    8. Gonna go see Aquaman tomorrow :D I can't stand the Marvel movies, with the exception of Logan, so I wanna see what this one is like. And while I didn't think the Conjuring series was anything special, I did love the original Saw, and he is Aussie. Plus I trust your opinion :)

    9. That pic of Momoa on the pick. How can you not love that dude. I went and saw Aquaman again, this time with the whole family went and everyone loved it. Huge crowd too. My daughter leaned over to me and said "this movie is gonna make a billion dollars". I told her she was actually right!

      1. Your daughter is very smart and perceptive! :D So glad everyone loved it!

    10. Hi Sati, great work as always. Hope you had a great New Year.

    11. oh, what did you think of bandersnatch? I had a lot of fun with it! happy new year, sati!

      1. It was pretty fun but I actually still haven't finished lol

    12. Laughed out loud to your review of Batman Forever. Hilarious. And I'm kind of into the whole choose your own adventure thing. Way more than I thought I'd be. I loved what Soderbergh did with Mosaic, and I got a kick out of Bandersnatch. Did you end up liking it?

      1. I still need to finish it, I'm so rubbish with watching stuff lately I just fall asleep in the middle of it :)