cinematic corner.: March 2017

Today's RF is just such filth. It begins with filth and it ends with so much filth you are gonna need to take a shower. I cannot function properly after eyefucking Hugh Jackman for 2 hours today. I was imagining such scenarios during this damn movie it's a miracle I was able to follow the plot at all. I would take a shower because I'm drenched in sweat but I would collapse halfway to the bathroom.

I just...don't understand. Why is this photoshoot a big deal. No, no - why is this chick a big deal? She is not that talented or that attractive. What, is it because she is a feminist and reads books? A literate actress, what a miracle! Why is her showing that a big deal? If she wants to show it, let her. I see Beyonce's insane fans went after Watson because she once was mildly critical of Beyonce grinding like a hooker in a video or something. How is Watson posing in a photoshoot same as Beyonce swinging her ass so much it may fall off in her videos? No, don't answer, I don't care.

But still, the airhead award of the week (almost) goes to Stewart. Ah, and she was doing so well lately. There it goes.

It's not the young ones who are the worst this week. I am genuinely embarrassed for Marion Cotillard acting like this.

It's like in the week of International Women's Day they swore to embarrass us all.

Not one. Not two. But three embarrassing things Tom Hiddleston did this week.

Ridley Scott said he wants to do six Alien prequel movies. I am a huge fan of the franchise so seeing the director of the original masterpiece lose his shit completely and spreading what is not innovative, not interesting and not original story into so many films without actually proposing anything new or thought provoking is saddening. Ridley thinking that the studio will be up for that after Covenant is released is hilarious. The film arrives in 2 months, the disappointing plot of it is online and has been for a long time and the marketing campaign is not only boring but it's also spoiling the movie. I am losing interest in seeing it, to be honest.

Here's Guy Pearce coming up with about 5 different ways to use the word 'rehash' without actually saying the word 'rehash'. Ridley should send hookers holding baskets of cocaine to both Pearce and Fassbender because they both spin his ideas into absolute gold to the press and the interviews with these guys have much more finesse than Covenant indubitably will.

Instead of flying everyone from Westworld cast an crew to whatever desert they are shooting it on to start making season 2 already HBO is doing this. Here is the teaser for season 7 of Game of Thrones without actual footage from the show. The teaser is kinda cool but them using Catelyn's dying scream considering what was done to the character afterwards is just disgusting.

Couple of weeks ago I sent over some squirrels to traumatize m.brown enough to get him to watch Westworld and he caught them ;( I don't know what to send now.

Thor: Ragnarok first images were released. I think they look great. Taika is clearly going on in for the crazy, colorful style. The only two complaints I have is that this was the one movie that could have been really serious entry in Marvel universe and it seems they are going more into Guardians of the Galaxy direction. Also not only is Valkyrie butchered because of the insane desire to always appeal to SJW crowd but she looks so generic. And going by Tessa's mediocre acting in Westworld she won't save the character. But other than this between Goldblum looking insane, Blanchett looking like a goddess and the color palette, I'm psyched.

Brie Larson threw even more shade Casey Affleck's way. I think it's nice she still hugged him on stage which was gracious of her. If he went for the hug and she would say no that would not be cool especially since no one knows if Affleck even did those things he was accused of.

Poor Prince William and Duchess of Cambridge are being dispatched to visit Poland as "Brexit ambassadors" After what my country's government has been doing lately I'll be surprised if they don't kick us out of EU let alone do stuff to make us stay (I am only partially kidding). I hope they bring the kids but on the other hand I do not want my role model having to meet with our prime minister or president. Unless he disses them even harder than he dissed Trudeau.

Jessica Chastain was actually just here to promote her movie and she marched along with Polish women on International Women's Day. Don't be fooled by the occasion, we have those marches going on all the time. Women are out there on the streets marching every week or so because it's just horrible here. At that point - not that anyone is volunteering to have a kid with me - I'd be against having a child solely because I think in this country pregnancy is 50/50 death sentence with what is going with medical care, abortion laws and basically everything. Sometimes I handle cases of things going wrong during birth and I really don't think I'd ever risk something like this.

Patricia Clarkson is going to play the role of the mother in Sharp Objects. And here is the girl who will play Amma. Both great casting choices. But Adams is playing the lead and having seen lots of her roles if she actually pulls this off I'm gonna be amazed. She has absolutely no charisma and almost no range required here.

The most shocking thing that happened this week was the fact that new show from Marvel - Iron Fist - is actually getting bad reviews. What on Earth will DCEU fans say now when their favorite 'critics are paid off to like Marvel's stuff' excuse just died on its ass?

New Wonder Woman trailer drops tomorrow.

I really am not sure what Samuel L. Jackson is getting at here. That if someone lived through something they will be better at portraying it? Well then that's not acting, that's just re-enacting. Actors act, they pretend. Personal experiences may help them but it's not right to say we should cast this group of people over this group of people because they lived through something. Also shouldn't he be glad black actors are finally getting high profile roles, regardless of their nationality? It's not like Jackson ain't getting hired. Come on.

John Goodman had so much fun when receiving his star on the walk of fame.

Feud - the first episode was simply terrific. I love What Ever Happened to Baby Jane so seeing behind the scenes of it was so much fun. And so far Sarandon is just stealing the show from everyone.

So apparently Naomi Watts and Liam Neeson may be dating.

More importantly there is this piece of info.

And before you pervs start tweeting me here it is. When he is running.

and here is Ricky Gervais' laughter replacing studio audience's laughter in The Big Bang Theory clip.

And now let's get to the situation I referred to in this RF's title...

I'm sure while you are reading my RFs you think - other than "oh my God we need to send for help" - "Sati is such a faithful fan of Ed Harris. It's so admirable how she only fangirls about him". And that is true - I always fangirl about only one actor at a time because as you can see from extent of it, fangirling over more than 1 would probably kill me.

Dear readers, I've just seen Logan.

And I've almost just been killed.

No, no. I think I actually did die. And this is coming to you from Beyond.

I am such a bad, bad fangirl.

No, but seriously, oh Jesus Christ. I'm gonna review the film because the film - other than some of the CGI and the score which I found jarring - was fantastic. I'm not actually that much into Hugh - I do find him attractive after all I do have working eyes, but I never had an actual reaction to him. Today in the cinema at one point, I shit you not, I swear to God, I stopped breathing.

By now the reviewers told you already that the film is great but they failed to mention it's PORN. Apparently these elements combined - grey in the hair, beard, suit or tanktop, throwing 'fuck' all the time, protecting a child, tearing bad guys apart, AT LEAST THREE RANDOM SCENES WHERE HE IS SLEEPING AND ALL YOU COULD HEAR IS HIS BREATHING FOR WHAT FELT LIKE ETERNITY - results in me having a pretty fucking strong reaction to Hugh Jackman.

I'm not sure people understand when I say I stopped breathing. I did legit stopped breathing. And then I choked on my own drool.

I don't even know how I found my way back home from cinema. Or how I'm still alive. Or how to you know...go on living.

I actually have Eddie the Eagle loaded in another bookmark. And if I push play I am falling through a hole...into the tunnel...that ends with me having a heart attack, probably.

I finally get my shit together enough to spellcheck this post and I go to my gossip website and this is there. I can't. As God is my witness, I can't.