Like in any toxic relationship me and so many others are back for more abuse in this season of Game of Thrones. Because again it's Stoneheart watch this year. For 4th fucking time. So as usual I'm looking for clues and feeding my hype.But this year my goodwill is over. I used to give them benefit of the doubt. When I witnessed Sansa first agreeing to marry Bolton and then getting raped I kept thinking all right maybe the writers have some purpose or at least good reasoning for it. Maybe there will be some pay off. There was none. So, now I'm just gonna call it as I see it.
Still with all that went wrong and with the flashbacks of the awfulness that was season 5 this was one of the better premieres.
The episode opens in a very chilling way, with Jon's body lying on the snow in the puddle of blood. Ghost is howling and Davos goes outside to see what is going on. He finds Jon's body and alongside the few in Night's Watch loyal to Jon, among them Edd, brings Jon's body inside the chamber. Melisandre comes in and is visibly shaken by the fact that Jon is dead. She tells Davos she saw Jon fighting in Winterfell. She then leaves, resigned. Edd rides off to tell the wildlings what happened and ask them for help
Elsewhere Thorne is convincing other members of The Night's Watch that killing Jon was the right thing to do because he brought wildlings in.
In Winterfell Ramsay is mourning Myranda, you know that stock psycho hooker he was banging. Why are we seeing this, I have no idea. Ramsay does however end his unnecessary monologue with instructing the servant to throw Myranda's remains to the hounds because she was good meat. Later Roose praises him for defeating "false King Stannis" but then scolds him for playing his games with Sansa and Theon. Roose informs Ramsay that they took a risk in Ramsay marrying Sansa and now Lannisters have the cause to fight Boltons. Roose also says he hopes Walda is carrying a boy and Ramsay has this look on his face suggesting that Walda's days are numbered.
Meanwhile, Sansa and Theon are escaping in horrible weather and they are both close to freezing, especially Sansa. Theon holds her to keep her warm. They hear Ramsay's men and their hounds approaching and Theon tells Sansa to go to Castle Black and find Jon. Theon then walks out trying to lure the men away fro, Sansa but it doesn't work and they find her.
In the biggest fuck yeah moment of the episode Brienne and Pod show up and fight off Bolton men. Theon kills one of the Bolton men and saves Podrick. Sansa gets up and Brienne immediately lies her sword at Catelyn's daughter feet and once again offers her protection and fealty. Sansa this time accepts Brienne and pledges her oath too, with official words, with a little help from Podrick.
It was a lovely scene and definite highlight of the episode. After Sansa and Brienne exchange wows Sansa tells Brienne to rise and two of them exchange a smile. Still, that should have happened season ago and the terrible writing of both Sansa and Brienne storyline in season 5 is not something I can forget. Also in last season finale Brienne abandoned her post and chose her thirst for revenge over the oath to protect Sansa. Clearly there was absolutely no consequence to this whatsoever. From the minds that brought you "bad pussy".
Either way hopefully Theon, Sansa, Brienne and Podrick share at least few scenes together. It would also be nice if someone mentioned Catelyn to feed my hype.
In King's Landing Cersei is informed a ship from Dorne is coming. She runs to the dock, happy to see Myrcella, her daughter. And then she sees that the boat is only carrying Jaime and she realizes the second of her three children is dead. She then talks about body decomposing and how awful it is that is happening to her daughter who was pure good. Jaime tries to console her. Cersei mentions the prophecy and tells him that the witch told her all of her children will die. Jaime tells her that it's not true and they will take back everything that is theirs.
Margaery is still having Bible class in the dungeon.
And Dorne. The shitshow. A huge waste of screentime and just an embarrassment to behold. Nobody really liked it in season 4 mostly because of awful Sand Snakes and Ellaria. So what do Weiss and Benioff, in their infinite Emmy award winning genius, do?
They kill off Doran, Trystane and Aero. Ellaria and Sand Snakes slaughter them while Ellaria delivers monologue about how Doran is weak and weak men cannot rule Dorne. Two of Sand Snakes, whatever their names are, teleport onto the ship where Trystane is (he wasn't on the same ship as Jaime and Myrcella because of reasons unknown) and kill him hilariously. This is most likely in writers' minds a way to deal with the claims that show is misogynistic. Witness them turn these female characters even more idiotic as they slaughter their entire family. Not even hardcore show apologists are attempting to justify or even comprehend this decision. It's the peak of the show's stupidity.
At the moment this is what we got. THIS and not Stoneheart.
Back in Meereen, Tyrion and Varys are having a little stroll around the city, discussing current affairs. Then suddenly it turns out someone torched Daenerys' fleet opening the gateway for D&D to throw in Greyjoys in that storyline.
Jorah and Daario are having a discussion about Jorah being friendzoned while looking for Daenerys. Jorah finds the ring Dany dropped as bread crumbs for them. He finds it in the middle of a big fucking field because Emmy award winning writing.
Meanwhile, Dany is being a prisoner to the horde of Dothraki. She obviously understands what they are saying but doesn't let them know. Thy are total pigs and Dany throws them ugly looks with each comment. She is brought before Khal who wants to "lie with her" but then she speaks in Dothraki informing him who she is and that she is also a widow to Khal Drogo. Khal seems apologetic. Dany tells him to get her back to Meereen and she will reward them. Khal then tells her since she is a widow of Khal she must go to Vaes Dothrak and live with other widows there. Clearly that concept sucks.
Back in Braavos Arya is still blind and is getting beaten down by that mean girl.
And back to Castle Black. Thorne comes over to parlay with Davos and gives him and others one day to give themselves up. One of the guys inside the room makes remark how it's a sad sate of affairs if their only hope is Edd. Then Davos says that they still have the Red Woman. When they ask what can one woman do against 40 armed men Davos says they didn't see what she can do - he did.
In the episode's shocker of ending and definitely the strongest ending any of Game of Thrones premieres had so far we see sad Melisandre sitting on the bed, alone in her room. She gets up and slowly walks towards the mirror. She takes off her ruby necklace and switch back to the view in mirror that's a bit distorted, but clearly something changed. Then we switch back to Melisandre and camera reveals a naked, old woman. It's startling. Melisandre looks like frail, weak old lady and lies on the bed and covers herself with the blanket.
I'm not sure what the purpose of showing this is. If anything it makes me confused - Melisandre has been around for a long long time, clearly, yet hen she saw Thoros' powers back in season 3 she was astonished. That means that Thoros is extremely powerful and clearly that is not just gonna be used to bring Beric back. Stoneheat hype? Either that writers or that's a glaring plot hole. Another one.
It adds to character of Melisandre - showing that given how long she was around it only adds to her experiences, it explains her seeming lack of care for lives of individuals. And my God. Good thing Stannis never saw the true form of what he banged.
Overall the strongest aspects of the premiere were the cinematography and as usual incredible music. The acting was also very strong particularly Gwendoline Christie and Carice van Houten. The little bits of humor were also very welcomed. If only the episode didn't have pointless Ramsay rambling about Myranda and Dorne scenes....
This Sunday it's time for "Home". After 11 episodes, Bran returns. Brienne and Sansa discuss Arya. Jaime faces High Sparrow and Tyrion visits the dragons.