Game of Thrones 5x07 The Gift

This week on Thrones we got honest to God consensual sex scene. And that's not even the most shocking development in the episode. Two fan favorites finally meet, Sansa starts doing something other than being miserable - though there is still plenty of that and King Stannis makes me both turned on and incredibly worried.

Here we go:
At the Wall Jon is leaving with Tormund and the rest of the expedition for Hardhome. Thorne yet again informs him what a bad idea it is. Jon and Sam have a heartfelt goodbye moment and Sam gives him Dragonglass in case Jon needs to fight Walkers. Hey you know what happens to people who hug on this show? Bad shit.

Back in Winterhell, Theon brings Sansa food. She is laying on the bed, sobbing and we see she is covered in horrific bruises. She pleads for Theon to help her. She tells him that she is locked all the time and Ramsay rapes her every night. She tries to remind Theon who he is. She tells him her family still has friends in the North and tells him to light a candle in the tower as the distress signal.
We see Theon nod and then walk slowly upstairs. We are led to believe he will help Sansa but it turns out he went to see Ramsay instead. Meanwhile - and I shit you not - we get 8 seconds long shot of Brienne standing in the snow storm, watching that goddamn tower. That moron is outside, in the snowstorm, looking at the tower waiting for the candlelight. Pod is freezing his ass off in the background. This we get. THIS WE GET AND YOU DON'T FEATURE MY LADY?!

Ramsay takes Sansa for a walk, in a scene mirroring Joffrey forcing her to look at her father's decapitated head. Sansa grabs some agency in the form of a corkscrew. Ramsay keeps talking about how good of a commander Stannis is but his army is stuck in the snow. He tells Sansa that one day Winterfell will be Ramsay's. Sansa sasses him about being a bastard being legitimized by another bastard.
Ramsay tells her of how bastards can rise in the world and mentions Jon to her - Sansa, who probably thought Jon is long dead is surprised. I'm sure she also thinks that there is one place she can escape to now. The Wall. Of course Jon has just left to fight a bunch of crap. Good luck, everybody.

Ramsay then shows her the purpose of the walk - the old woman who was helping Sansa is flayed, except for her face and nailed to the cross in the yard. Ramsay tells her that Reek told him everything. We see Reek looking miserable. Sansa cannot hold back tears and is being taken to her chamber again, but only after Ramsay tells her to save the candles because "the nights are long". I almost puked.
I actually guessed a development in the show which is not easy given how the show is no longer following the books, closely, or you know - at all. When I saw crying Sansa in the promo for the episode I figured Ramsay probably flayed gradma ex machina. And it happened! So Reeek's blabbering got the one person who was on Sansa's side killed. Oh excuse me there is still Brienne.

Standing in a snowstorm.
This can still go terribly - because you know, it's Brienne. Also Sansa being locked up plot reminded me of Ramsay locking up his wife in the books, Lady Hornwood, which resulted in her first eating her own fingers and then starving to death.

As you can see, this all can be much, much worse.
On the bright side Sophie and Alfie remain the best thing in this season. And you gotta love Sansa's repeated "Promise me". It echoes something of crucial importance from the books which I imagine we will see on the show. There was another lady in the tower once, begging for someone to make her a promise...

Back in hero's camp Davos is telling Stannis of his worries - the men and horses are dying due of cold and Davos tells Stannis they should turn around. Stannis tells Davos that winter can last for years and they need to strike now. Davos is displeased and Stannis remains stubborn. He also looks very tired and miserable. Like seriously, he looks like he is about to collapse. I was so confused watching this because I was both turned on and disturbed.
Stannis puts his hand on Melisandre's back suggestively. I would die. Melisandre is yet again not only the craziest but the dumbest person on the show and refuses him also telling him how they should burn Shireen as sacrifice. Stannis tells her she is his daughter and violently jerks away from her telling her to get out.

I really hope this bitch dies soon.
Unfortunately, the more I think about the more I'm convinced Stannis dies this season and Melisandre burns Shireen to bring him back. Too many things point to this - mainly van Houten and Cunningham, being very unprofessional again and talking about 'shocking event that feels like conclusion' being in the last episodes. I hate it whenever cast says things like that. Nothing good comes from it. Also I cannot imagine Stannis living and Shireen burning. There is no way he agrees to it. The only other solution is for him simply being away when it happens. But would HBO really allow a scene like that? Adorable child burning alive? I don't know anything anymore.

This is the worst.
Back at Castle Black, beloved Master Aemon dies. Sam gives the eulogy and then Thorne tells him his friends keeps dying. What a prick.

And then! The almost rape! Because of course - Gilly is assaulted by two Watchmen and Sam is fighting them off. He gets beaten pretty bad and just as everything looks horrific Ghost shows up and scares them off. I was so relieved there wasn't another rape, I'm not even gonna wonder why the fuck did Jon leave Ghost behind.
And then Gilly is taking care of Sam and they have sex. Sam lets out "oh my" giving the episode the much needed lighter moment.

In Meereen Jorah is sold to one of the slavers. Tyrion beats up a guy to prove that they are a team and a slaver buys him too. Tyrion then tries talking to him and gets bitchslapped.
Meanwhile, Daenerys is shagging Daario who advices her to kill all the powerful masters in the city. Dany says that she is the Queen not a butcher.

Queen of Thorns speaks to High Sparrow and tries to bribe him and threaten him into letting Margaery and Loras go but he is not impressed with her efforts. She gets a message from Littlefinger and goes to his demolished brothel where they have a talk. Littlefinger tells her he has a gift for her - a handsome, young man. I have no idea who the fuck Batman is talking about.
In King's Landing Tommen is throwing a massive hissy fit because he no longer gets lovin' now that Margaery is imprisoned in black cells. Cersei is manipulating him again saying she will do everything in her power to free Margaery and Loras. Then she holds him and tells him how much she loves Tommen and Myrcella and for once she is sincere. She tells him she would do anything for him. That will be echoed in finale episode in Cersei's most powerful moment yet.

Sweet Jesus, they are making Cersei sympathetic again.
Meanwhile, in Dorne, Jaime tries talking to Myrcella and it goes terribly. What a waste of time that scene was. In the cells Bronn is singing and Sand Snakes listen. Tyene really likes his voice and wants Bronn to tell her she is beautiful.

Enter Sand Snake's boobs. Bronn is getting all lightheaded - also because her knife was poisoned. After she gets him to call her most beautiful she gives him the antidote. It was probably the most fun Sand Snakes scene yet but don't expect me to forget that we are getting this while there is still no sign of Stoneheart.
In Meereen, Dany and her soon to be husband are watching slaves fighting. Jorah and Tyrion are in the same place and as soon as Jorah sees her he wants to fight to impress the Queen . Dany doesn't want to watch the spectacle but before she leaves Jorah, wearing a helmet, comes out and defeats everyone.

Jorah finally takes off the helmet and Daenerys tell the guards to get him out of her sight. Jorah yells that he brought her a gift and Tyrion emerges, having been freed out of chains by some dude (what the hell?).
In the monumental event, one that has not happened in the books (yet) - the two meet. Tyrion tells Daenerys that he is her gift and it's very nice to meet her. He introduces himself and Daenerys looks stunned. It was so awesome seeing that scene.

I'm sure Tyrion is gonna make Daenerys' storyline fun again. Also how delightful that we haven't seen Missandai and Grey Worm for a while now.
Back in King's Landing, Cersei brings Margaery a soup. Margaery is not buying any of her shit and tells her she knows she is behind all of this. She kicks the bowl of soup and calls Cersei a bitch. Cersei is all smug and as she leaves and she tells Margaery to sleep well and calls her "sister"

Cersei stops by to talk with High Sparrow. He starts telling her of religion and history and starts wondering what does Cersei true self looks like. Cersei starts being alarmed but pretends she doesn't know what he is talking about.
High Sparrow proceeds to tell her that a young man came to them a while back, someone who was very troubled. Someone who had a lot to say about Cersei. Lancel emerges from the shadows and Cersei begins to flee but she is apprehended by septas.

Cersei is thrown into the black cell herself and tells septa to look at her face because this is gonna be the last thing that septa sees before she dies. Septa locks her in the cell and the episode ends.
I have really no idea where the hell it's all going. Sansa's escape from Winterfell looks inevitable, but where will she go? To Stannis or to Jon? Also they are both in such shitty situations - one has a fanatic and soon Ramsay chasing him, the other has, well, you'll see in next episodes. And Brienne is fucking useless. I have no idea where it's all going but I'm sure it's nothing good.

Also can someone please maybe learn about Sansa's predicament? Jon knows nothing, Stannis knows nothing and yet Littlefinger and Brienne are running around the realm telling where Sansa is to whoever will listen. 
The episode itself other than some scenes that wasted time was very well paced - it was a long episode but you weren't bored for a second and they didn't waste a lot of time on set up scenes - Jon leaving Castle Black was very brief, which I appreciated.

Sansa's storyline finally has Sansa doing something other than being stupid and going along with Littlefinger's plan. Yes, it's a corkscrew, but it's still something. I just hope she kills someone important not Myranda.
Next week it's the biggest battle event of the season in Hardhome - Jon leads the battle, Cersei is subjected to torture in black cells, Sansa tries to get Theon to help her and we see more of Arya's training.
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