I'm not gonna sit here and bitch about critics (which I preemptively did in RF last week) or about WB simply deserving to be burned to the motherfucking ground (which I did in RF yesterday) by Batfleck and then Jared having the right to piss on scorched earth.
You guys know how each year I have one hyped movie I wait for, like Black Swan and Gone Girl. Suicide Squad was this year's movie. For the first time the movie I wanted to be awesome wasn't. As I sat there in the theater yesterday and watched Enchantress looking like a hobo woman engage Squad in hand to hand combat for no reason at all I was like this:
David Ayer, the director of the movie did stuff like Training Day and Harsh Times and wanted to show us something dark and different. We wanted villains. Darker tone. Abusive relationships. Violence. Adult stuff. And perhaps Ayer delivered that but at that time there is no way of knowing. Because WB wanted GotG in DC universe set to please and be accessible by teenagers and went in there and raped that movie.
WB owns DC. They own all those amazing stories. They have rights to characters. They have these fantastic actors. And the best they can do is give us awesome version of one character per movie that doesn't feel underutilized.
The film has some of the best things in CBM genre - Margot Robbie's performance which I would rank right after Ledger and Pfeiffer and the club scene with Harley and Joker is my single favorite scene in the genre. And then there is so much bad and downright horrible - I cannot believe how Jared Leto and his fans were treated. His people should go to WB and demand Leto has a big role in Affleck's solo film or he walks. I mean seriously this is just not worth his time and talent.
(fortunately Jared has not seen the movie. He heard about all the cuts, though. It's just saddening to see how disappointed he is in recent interviews)
As for the jokes - the film is very funny which along with Robbie is a major saving grace. I saw the film in a packed theater (long time since I seen such a crowd) in Poland and I think US and UK critics are brainwashed with political correctness. Here the stuff that offended them had audience roaring - the biggest laugh was Deadshot telling Flag to smack his lady's ass. Like go home critics you are dunk, this was funny. Also the film is IN NO WAY deserving of 27% score (heard it's even lower now). That is 3x less than Ghostbusters have. That is laughable. This year professional critics did the one thing that Kirk Lazarus warned people not to do.
The film is not a disaster it is however a mess.
- WB. Just all of it. When I think of this company I just imagine crazed monkeys running around and Ben Affleck standing there, weeping.
- these people just met and yet Deadshot doesn't shoot Harley to be with his daughter and Harley stands up for her 'friends' instead of getting Enchantress to resurrect Joker. WHAT?
- Enchantress being like you are the ones that deserve a chance. That thing is 6000 years old and these people are special to her?
THE STUFF YOU MISSED BECAUSE OF GODAWFUL EDITING
- when we see Harley's rap sheet it is mentioned she was the accomplice in the murder of Robin. In BvS we see that jokerized suit. I'm hoping this all means Joker and Harley will be in Batfleck solo because the characters need it. Save them Batfleck. This:
is what HOPE looks like.
- what I find worse than WB editing this movie (via trailer production company) is how WB was marketing
the movie. It was probably the most dishonest marketing I've ever seen
and again that goes back to Leto. My biggest laugh here came when he was
second billed in the end credits. People around me in theater were
stunned how little of him there was.
- honestly I've never seen so many moments in trailers not making it into the movie - Harley reloading the bat, Joker's show you my toys line, Harley's bite in Lamborghini, Enchantress saying "let's do something fun" etc. - there is so much that was cut it's absolutely mesmerizing.
- It's inexcusable to feature the Joker and give him what really felt like 5
minutes of screentime. The worst part is that all his scenes were
terrific but they were horridly short. Jared waxed his pubes for this. I demand justice for fuck's sake!
- it really says something that Jared was better Joker here.
- people who compare Ledger to Leto are dicks. You cannot compare supporting role with a cameo. He had no time to even attempt to compete here.
- the editing! Fuck me!
- The Harley backstory. Oh good
lord. This was the worst thing possible because they gave us glimpses
of greatness but because of that script and the villains they chose they
didn't have the time to show us more. The therapy scene was terrific
and instead of having it as some quick flashback we should have seen
more. You can make an entire movie out of Mad Love. They reduced Harley falling in love to a single shot and her being crazy to electroshock moment which lasted seconds. I'm speechless.
- the whole third act. Didn't know what was happening with Croc going underwater or Diablo's transformation and at that point in the movie I didn't really care.
- that Diablo/Incubus fight had me like:
- the purple lens or something used when the scene was changing in the flashback. It was horrid.
- everything about Enchantress and Incubus was fucking shit except that hand-holding beginning of her transformation
- Diablo conjuring that BYE out of fire. Cringe city!!!!
- Enchantress dancing, conjuring some portals, making out with dudes and turning their heads into some stuff with eyeballs... I just cannot, I cannot.
- Cara Delevingne:
- I am not sure deleting all that heavier stuff was such a mistake after all. There was way too much crammed in that movie already and the whole story they went with was unfortunate:
1. The squad should have some simple task, no magic, no weird lights in the sky, no gods. Have Joker as main villain and seriously half the problems and half of that ridiculous budget is gone
2. Katana was utterly pointless - why have her when they have those bombs injected?
3. That whole Flag/Moone subplot - I sit here in disbelief that Cara Delevigne got more screentime than Jared freaking Oscar winning Leto
4. Slipknot was pointless too, yeah it made for one joke but really, what's the point
- the whole acid bath here is problematic for numerous reasons:
1. we didn't see enough of Harley and Joker relationship for it to make sense
2. I was never a fan of this whole falls into acid, changes thing. It was a mistake to show us this scene before we saw it happen to Joker which would probably be given more time - and I hope Batfleck solo has him as a villain and somewhat explains it - the way it's with Harley it doesn't really serve any purpose than to explain her pale skin which I honestly don't think the people would have issue with not knowing reason for atm
3. Holy Batfleck, what was that music? They inserted some dying cat parade pop song monstrosity obviously to appeal to teenage girls. You have Leto in unbuttoned shirt, jumping after the woman and kissing her to wake her up. And these people thought they needed more to appeal to women?! WB chill. Ladies are already happy there. I was grabbing the chair like I was about to fall.
- the dark and ugly cinematography of MoS and BvS is back :/
- the grill. I feared Jared is gonna drown in his own drool.
- I cannot believe the entire Batman chases Joker and Harley scene was in the trailer. Just cannot believe that.
- Price's score was so overbearing in the first part of the movie
- I think for the second time in a decade Jared Leto definitely wrecked young women everywhere and introduced them to some disturbing kink (it's not his fault and I appreciate it more than being concerned about repercussions because I'm a shallow whore). First the Hurricane music video, now this. Imagine being a teenage girl and having your first introduction to Mad Love in this. Joker here is practically a romantic hero. He loves Harley. He doesn't abuse Harley. He even has baby clothes lying in his place so people could technically go 'aw do they want kids?' (Leto gave a cheeky smile talking about this one then suggested Joker murders babies, so we as usual with him, we know nothing.). I don't have an issue with the change. I think Joker acting like he loves her, doesn't mean he actually necessarily loves her. He created her (even though in this version she jumped), his accomplice, his toy. That he treats her as a partner and misses her doesn't rule out the fact that he is a psychopath and narcissist. He sees her as extension of himself. I was completely fine with that. My problem is that I assume my above analysis is much more thoughtful then studio's reasoning or what most young girls will get from this movie. The studio wanted to appeal to the crowd who loved Fifty shades of shit and created some sort of kinky romance angle here. Trouble is now teenage girls will get interested in Harley stories and pick up the comics, see all the abuse and I assure you they will think this is just some kinky game between the two whereas in reality this is a toxic, tragic relationship. I'm not talking out of nowhere here as I do have tumblr and track Harley tag. Shit is already horrific there. I can just imagine what sick fanfics are being written at this very moment. Isn't it interesting that WB cuts stuff out of the movie because it's too intense, wants Joker and Harley relationship to be more "accessible" and yet there are fanfics written about them right now by teenage girls that would make their skin crawl?
- The growls and moans from the Joker. Just a bit too much. Also I was like Jared have mercy. That was wicked hot.
- the bit in the beginning with Harley being fed via some tubes and
that guard taking a selfie with her - that was so nasty and upsetting, I
felt like this made it through their let's make it less controversial
edit by mistake
- I did like the short intros for characters. I liked the choice of songs, it didn't bug me that it felt like music videos
- the opening with House of the Rising Sun playing in the background
- the shot of Batfleck landing behind Deadshot was epic
- the ending was fantastic. I was gasping in awe at the execution and Harley being so very happy to see her man
- the mid credit scene was great and Ben looked so good I was wondering if it was CGI considering how awful he looked at Wednesday's premiere
- the running gag of Flag being in need of rescue was very funny
- The most annoying thing for me is always when the humour doesn't
land. Here everything landed. I found the ratio of successful jokes that
made me laugh better than in Deadpool
- What little I saw of
Leto's Joker I loved. That moment when he made that guy kiss his ring
was fantastic. That moment where he looked totally drugged and unhinged
asking where Harley was also great. So much potential there.
- the shot of The Joker placing his hand with mouth tattoo over Harley's mouth
- "Oh, I can take it".
- pink unicorn running gag
- Will Smith was terrific. Really liked him in this role, really liked
the character too, he also had most impressive action scenes. Audience
adored him too, laughed at all of his lines.
- Jai Courtney was amazing in this
- "Dr Quinzel....I live for these moments, you know."
- the whole therapy scene was amazing. Her bringing him that puppet. Awesome.
- the homage to original jester outfit Harley has and the evil dance flashback
- Harley being informed by the guard who abused her that Joker got to him and her laughing and saying he is so screwed
- Margot Robbie was sensational. She had me in tears at one point when she is sitting on that car and crying after Joker then sees the Squad approaching and does this gleeful pose and greeting and then her and Deadshot exchange that look of 'I'm sorry you lost someone". She completely got the character right - from her voice, to her mannerisms to understanding Harley. She was so cute as Harleen and so passionate as Harley. And that scene in the bar? I think it's a good thing they took out 'watcha drinking?' funny part because it was a serious scene in the movie with Harley's most vicious moment of telling Diablo to own up to what he did. Cannot praise her enough, her performance alone makes this movie worth watching.
- the little moment of Harley being genuinely happy to see June being alive and Flag holding her.
- "He married me!"
- the helicopter scene with Joker rescuing her and yelling Come on baby and her taking off her jacket and Price's score finally starting to fit the scenes was my second favorite scene. Chills. It was epic to behold. Her slowing walking up, jumping and then him just pulling her in and kissing her.
- and that bit where she faked them out by pretending she was dead and then did that pose!
- my favorite scene and had the whole movie been like that I'd give it 10/10 was the club scene. Leto and Robbie played their parts like Mickey and Mallory Knox there and I sat there in awe. The mind games with their victims, the way Joker announced Harley, it was all so good. My single favorite scene this year and favorite out of all CBM movies.
- also the crazed way Joker looked at her when she was dancing
- I LOOOOVED the vision Harley had. Showed how tragic it is - she wants something she can never have. I loved this was touched upon when she yelled at Diablo. And for pure fangirl reasons I loved Leto kissing that kid on the forehead.
- Viola Davis. Amazing.
Overall I laughed a lot and they delivered a wonderful Harley. t. As pure summer fun blockbuster it was fine and it was better than morbid BvS. Nothing in Suicide Squad is as bad as Jesse Eisenberg's performance.
I just hope we get to see Robbie's Harley and Leto's Joker in much better movie. And soon.