We're back! And what a return it was. Season 5 of Game of Thrones opened with a very strong episode and though some of the important characters weren't in this one, we got to check in with the key players. And more importantly - The One True King is back. All scruffy and wearing a furry cloak.
Ah, how I missed you, your grace.
The opening of the episode was
a flashback, the very first flashback in the history of the series. It
was a very atmospheric, incredibly shot scene where we got to see young
Cersei and her friend Melara. They go to hut in the woods where they
find a witch, Maggy the Frog. Cersei, arrogant and condescending even
in her youth, demands to know her future. Maggy tells her that she will
be a queen, until there comes another, younger and more beautiful to
cast her down and everything she holds dear. She also tells her that her
King will have 20 children, while she will have 3 and they will all die
I was thrilled that the show finally included
that prophecy - prophecies are some of my favorite things in the book
series and so far the show didn't really handle that element of the
universe too well. But as usual, it was not perfect - there is one more
thing in the prophecy in the book. Maggy tells Cersei of mysterious
valonqar - the word meaning little sibling- who will kill her. This is
the main reason for Cersei's Tyrion paranoia in the books, while in the
show it's simply the fact she blames him for the death of their mother.
Here is a trick, though - we know Jaime is younger sibling too, they are twins but Jaime was born after Cersei....
And funny thing - in the show Cersei mentions in season 1 that she actually had a kid with Robert which unlike the books, undermines the prophecy. Yeah. The writers probably just forgot what was in season 1...
to the show and back to present time, Cersei is now heading to the
Great Sept, on the day of Tywin's funeral. As she is climbing the stairs
she passes Margaery who smiles at her. Margaery is getting way too
cocky and Dormer is seriously lost with how to play that character. Inside the Sept we get to see Tywin's body with the stones on
his eyes. I'm not sure whether he looked more scary or hilarious. Jaime
is standing next to him and I'm sure all the non book readers where
afraid we are about to get another rape next to a corpse scene between
Jaime and Cersei.
Thankfully that didn't happen. The two talked
about Tywin's legacy and then Cersei started talking shit about Tyrion,
as usual. She knows Jaime helped him escape. The scene was really well
acted and Lena Headey shows Cersei's rage as the world is crumbling
around her so well. Also the scene looked absolutely breathtaking - I
think this season has the best production values so far.
check in with the box - and inside that box? Tyrion. Varys let's him out
and we get a delightful small talk about that fucking crate and
apparently, Varys having to throw Tyrion's shit overboard. Tyrion is a
trooper - he drinks wine, vomits it, then pours himself another glass
and drinks again. His new plan is to drink himself to death.
Meereen the statue of Harpy is brought down. We also see quite chilling
scene of one of the Sons of the Harpy killing one of the Unsullied.
Daenerys wants the Sons of the Harpy to be punished and brought to justice.
was also yet another moment between Missandai and Grey Worm in their
super crucial story of Missandai trying to figure out if Unsullied can or
And then we travel to the Wall where Jon is
training Olly, in spite of Olly being annoying little shit who killed
Jon's lady love. Janos and Alliser are hanging around judging the
peasants and Sam and Gilly are chatting outside about Alliser hating
the wildlings. Gilly's baby is like right there outside covered under a
flimsy blanket. Someone call child services please.
appears and takes Jon to see Stannis. On an elevator ride 1. she asks
him if he is a virgin 2. she grabs his hand so that he can touch his
cheek. Melisandre - sexually harassing guys who are really not much
interested since season 2. She is insane. Just insane. Why is no one
fucking Stannis? This is such a waste. Jon was so hilariously confused
in this scene.
He has a problem, seriously. With his red hair fetish
it's a wonder he is not banging Tormund.
Ah, my one true love
appears. Standing on top of the Wall, all majestic, with loyal Davos
right next to him. Stannis talks to Jon about Roose ruling in
Winterfell. He says he will mounts his head on the spike and in that
moment I am making such sexual noises. He asks Jon if he wants to avenge him. Jon
responds that he wants a lot of things. Stannis says stuff like "I shall take back the North from the thieves who stole it", "I shall mount Roose Bolton's head on a spike" so I was pretty much fainting all over the place. Then Stannis tells him that he
wants wildlings to fight for him and he wants Mance Ryder to kneel
before him. He gives Jon time frame - midnight. I'm loving the way
Harington and Dillane play off each other - two men of honor, with
different ideas and different allegiances but filled with grudging
respect. Amazing stuff.
There was also a scene of Sansa and
Petyr, watching little Robin embarrass himself while practicing. Petyr
receives a letter because his birds travel as fast as he can. Also the
fuck is Gillen doing? He has softened his ridiculous Batman voice and
now speaks with strange British accent. It's so hilarious, but he is ruining every scene he is in with his atrocious acting.
We get one more scene of them in the carriage, but truthfully the less is said about this storyline, the better.
We check in with Emo Brienne and Pod trying to cheer her
up. Brienne is being a total bitch to him. I'm really starting to
We get more pitiful attempts to woo Cersei from Loras. This
time he is talking about Tywin's greatness during his funeral. It was so
funny. We also get the return of Kevan, Cersei' uncle and Lancel, his
son, who Cersei used to fuck. Lancel is walking the Earth now, he
joined the group of religious fanatics called the Sparrows. Later he
finds Cersei and he is all apologetic and judgemental. He also drops an
interesting piece of information - he expresses regret over what
happened to the King. As we know Robert died in the result of injuries
sustained in the hunt. But what we didn't know till now is that Cersei
told Lancel to encourage the king to drink, which made it more likely
for the accident to happen.
Ah, sexposition! We haven't even seen
Dorne yet and there is sex connected to it already, in the form of
Loras and the token gay guy from brothel who the show uses to bang
anyone who is gay or bi. Loras has a birthmark in the shape of Dorne. I
can't. I can't with this writing. Margaery comes in acting annoying
again and she hints that she is planning on Cersei leaving King's
Then we get another scene with Varys and Tyrion where
Varys tells Tyrion he should help him find Daenerys Targaryen and help
her get the Iron Throne. Tyrion seems interested and agrees. In the
books published so far Dany and Tyrion didn't meet but something about
this scene tells me that Tyrion will meet Daenerys in this season. I
really liked their scene, it was well written and Dinklage played the
curiosity and spark in Tyrion's eyes so well.
We got another
scene with Dany and Daario. Of course, they were in bed. Daario shares his life story and
Daenerys reveals to him that she can no longer control her dragons. She
then visits them and is all like here kitty kitty and one of them
appears and roars like insane. Well, no shit Sherlock. She locked them
in a dungeon and just left them there. That was heartless. No wonder
they are mad.
In a shocking development -
remember when barely anyone cared about the Wall story in season 1? -
the last two sequences of the episode were the highlights of the episode and they were
set at the Wall. Jon goes to see Mance and asks him to kneel before
Stannis. He tells him he will burn alive if he doesn't. Mance tells him that he is not
going to kneel because that would make hm a hypocrite. He also tells Jon
that he is a good man.
The ending scene was hands down the best
part of the episode. The wildlings, the men of the Night's Watch and everyone at the
Wall gathered around the pyre. Stannis asks Mance to kneel and Mance
refuses. Melisandre delivers batshit crazy monologue during which we see
Selyse and Shireen seated above, Selyse looking like a lunatic as
always. Melisandre sets the fire and people start gradually freaking
out, Gilly hugs Sam.
Jon, in my favorite moment of his so far, does
'enough!' expression. Before Mance starts
screaming an arrow goes through his chest. It's Jon who shot it,
granting Mance mercy. Stannis throws a 'bitch did what?' look.
I love him so much.
it was a really good episode, setting up most of storylines in a very
elegant way. There were few glitches, like that Loras/Margery scene
which was so pointless and Brienne moping around. There better be a pay
off to it that I will like.
In the books there is a good chance Mance is actually not dead but in the show? You gotta admit they wasted Ciaran Hinds. A shame, especially that the only wildling we know and like now is Tormund. So I'm guessing Tormund ain't dying anytime soon.
The show is finally starting to do Stannis
justice, but Melisandre and Selyse are portrayed like fanatics. That makes Stannis look bad, just because of the association with these two. Martin
stated many times that Melisandre is one of the good guys but in the
show she comes off as someone worse than Cersei. Meanwhile Cersei is painted as some tragic, lonely figure. Hopefully as the season progresses the characters will finally be shown the way they are meant to be shown, not the way the writers feel about them.
Next episode entitled The House of Black and White shows us what's new with Arya, gives us the first look at Dorne and Stannis is told to eff off....by a 10 year old girl.