10 films WITHOUT romantic subplot to enjoy on Valentine's Day

Today is Galentine's Day, the day during which we celebrate our beloved female friends. But tomorrow is the dreaded Valentine's Day. There's plenty of romantic films out there, hell, romance is featured in one way or another in most movies so I figured, as a bitter spinster (Jason Momoa is already taken, so why bother?), I'll bring you the list of films you can safely enjoy without the risk of accidentally watching moronic proposals in the work place, romantic chases on the airport, weddings, babies and all of that cute crap.

I actually did a bit of research before making this posts to check what other people put on similar lists and  there were many that featured Fury Road. What the shit, man? The love between Max and Furiosa is fierce, it may never get sexual but if that ain't love then what is?

Also - nope to Sicario. Emily Blunt gets to make out with Jon Bernthal in that!

10. Gravity (2013)


While I think there's something between Bullock's and Clooney's characters, above all this is a beautiful story of a woman trying to survive - not just defeating the obstacles in space but within herself too.

9. The Nice Guys (2016)


In this hilarious comedy Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe team up to do some detective work. There's no romance at all and you girls get to look at Gosling and more importantly hear his amusing screams.

8. Dunkirk (2017)


Usually when there is a woman in a Christopher Nolan's movie she ends up being someone's dead wife so it is a blessing in disguise there is practically no women here. There is however heroic Tom Hardy to steal your heart.

7. Michael Clayton (2007)


In this terrific thriller George Clooney tries to clean up the mess in his law firm. There's Tilda Swinton, in her Oscar winning role, but she is immune to his charms. Somehow.

 6. Eddie the Eagle (2015)


This film is all about friendship. Yes, there is a waitress inexplicably interested in Taron Egerton when Hugh Jackman in a very tight jeans is right there, but this is as far as any romantic interactions go.

5. Alien (1979)

Ellen Ripley has a Xenomorph to kill so there is no time for any nonsense.

4. This is the End (2013)


Rihanna ends up in a fiery pit and Emma Watson robs those guys, so in this hilarious apocalyptic comedy there's only room for jokes and arguments about some explosive masturbation.

3. The Big Short (2015)


Adam McKay's previous and superior effort is all about sharp writing and details. Though I am sure a lot of people in the audience appreciated that moment featuring Margot Robbie in a bath tub.

2. Snatch (2000)


Years ago when Guy Ritchie didn't have tons of money inexplicably handed to him by big studios to to play with CGI and horrify us all, he used to make fantastic crime comedies. Snatch is the second funniest movie I have ever seen (In the Loop being number 1) and there is no romance in here. Just a very big diamond, an adorable dog, hilarious Jason Statham and Brad Pitt in one of his best roles.

1. Logan (2017)


Other than me vividly imagining banging Hugh Jackman in that limo and that girl flashing him in it, there is absolutely nothing romantic going on in Logan. It's actually kinda bizarre how women don't just start throwing themselves at him, but there you have it - it's science fiction movie, after all.

Another good way to spend Valentine's Day is to watch the double feature of Gone Girl and A Simple Favor.

And if for some reason you absolutely HAVE to watch a romantic comedy, go with hilarious, unique and very underrated Zack and Miri Make a Porno!