Dark Phoenix

Back in the early 2000's we didn't really have many good CBMs. We had stuff like Daredevil and Fantastic Four, and we never dreamed that the genre will be truly successful one day. But there were also the X-Men movies, the first two parts of which, along with Sam Raimi's Spiderman, proved that CBMs can be genuinely thrilling action adventure flicks. The franchise then evolved, delivering few stinkers in the process and changing its cast. Then in 2017, triumphantly, came the best entry in the X-Men franchise and entire comic book movie genre -  the masterful Logan. They should have just quit while they were ahead. But as always is the case with 20th Century Fox, they didn't.

We already got a movie about Phoenix - widely hated The Last Stand, written by Simon Kinberg. Now Fox gave him not just the writing but also the directing responsibilities. How shocking that it didn't go well. What the hell were they thinking doing the same story again and giving it to the guy who messed it up the first time? And this time it's even worse because we don't really know Jean and those young mutants. I don't even remember what Apocalypse was about. Was that the one with Magneto hiding in picturesque woods in Poland? That was hilarious because our woods have more of a Blair Witch/The VVitch vibe to them. Jean is played by Sophie Turner, who doesn't have an ounce of the charisma and charm of Famke Janssen, who played Jean before her. Still, Turner delivers decent performance, which is a surprise considering just how awful she is everywhere else. Or maybe it's not that she is good, but everyone in the movie is even worse than her.

Jennifer Lawrence is an unprofessional disgrace again. She took money for this and yet she wanders around, clearly not wanting to be there. When you are playing a CBM character with lots of fans, you owe it to the fans to make an effort. That "X-Women" line was so goddamn cringy people in the cinema started laughing. How many flops till this woman's career is finally over? Her recent work consists of performances in disgusting male fantasies or phoning it in.  The cast playing young mutants doesn't even register and when they do it's not good - Tye Sheridan is given what is probably the most awkward and cringeworthy F-bomb in PG-13 movie. James McAvoy just looks tired and hams most of his performance up, while Jessica Chastain is cosplaying as Donatella Versace from space. Both McAvoy and her are given two really embarrassing moments - first one when Jean makes Charles walk up the stairs and then with Chastain's - her glee when she reveals she wants to destroy this world. It's like something out of Batman & Robin.

Fassbender is the only other person besides Turner who is trying here and that's ironic, considering he stopped caring about his career ages ago. Still, the scene where Magneto and Jean both try to control a helicopter with their powers will definitely make you laugh. It was really painful to watch such a talented actor involved in something like this. The best thing here is Hans Zimmer's score, but even that sounds like he just put it together from Interestellar outtakes. The production design looks very cheap, but the CGI isn't bad and some of the visuals are truly lovely. In CBMs genre it is usually non-MCU films which inspire awe with their visuals, but that's the only advantage they have over the juggernaut franchise.

People go "it's clunky but it's unique!" and "evil Disney, poor Fox". It's not something to be proud of when that uniqueness is how shitty and joyless this movie is comparing to most in CBM genre. And Fox allowed Ridley Scott to massacre the Alien franchise, didn't give Spy a sequel and is responsible for Bohemian Rhapsody. Hugh Jackman had to take a pay cut for them to allow James Mangold to make Logan the way they wanted. To hell with those incompetent bastards, I hope only Reynolds' Deadpool gets out of this acquisition unscathed.

32/100 (2019, USA, 113 min)
Plot: Jean Grey begins to develop incredible powers that corrupt and turn her into a Dark Phoenix. Now the X-Men will have to decide if the life of a team member is worth more than all the people living in the world.
Director: Simon Kinberg
Writers: Simon Kinberg
Stars: Sophie Turner, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence