Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sex and the City 2

By s. Tuesday, October 18, 2011 , , , , ,
(146 min, 2010)
Director: Michael Patrick King
Writers: Michael Patrick King, Candace Bushnell (characters from the book by)
Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall and Kristin Davis
Shiny shallow people 
I like the series, I like the first theatrical movie. So I figured, despite alarmingly bad reviews, I will go see the sequel. And thank God, I didn't pay for the ticket on this one. It's as bad as you read.

The movie begins with the most flamboyant wedding I've seen – there are swans there, freaking boy choir, even Liza Minelli. The beginning was rather bad, but then movie started progressing towards fun – there were few funny jokes by, as usual the most hilarious in the cast Kim Cattrall, the plot was not insanely stupid (at least at that point) and even Penelope Cruz made an appearance. But when the gals go to Abu Dhabi...now that was just bad on so many levels – I''m gonna pretend I didn't see all the potentially offensive jokes and stereotypes used in the movie. The series was always rather outrageous and used vivid and courageous wording, but this time they went too far. I can laugh at distasteful joke as long as it's funny. Here the jokes are not funny – they are just vulgar and disgusting. And movie becomes more stupid with each second – the high point being Islamic women wearing Louis Vatton under their black clothes.

There isn't much of the 'sex' in 'Sex in the City 2” unless what is considered sex are extreme shots of erect penises (I'm all for it, but they went too far) or boring humping on the hood of the car. Sex is supposed to be passionate, sensual or at least hot. Apart from the brief appearance by Mrs Cruz nothing in this movie was hot. And keep in mind I don't find Penelope particularity breathtaking in the first place.

The movie is offensive to many, but most of all to women - the whole concept of the film is exotic for me. Here are the people, whose biggest worry is that their husband watches too much TV. Here are the people, who have been saving for their wedding since they were 19 year old. Here is the mother, who yells at her daughters because they ruined her dress. Shallow, stupid and what's worse not entertaining. The series had actual story, here the story didn't progress at all. Things were exactly as they were in first movie by the end of the film. The series was insightful – here we have cliches, crude and unfunny jokes and characters I hope, I seriously hope, not many can identify with. And of course the biggest highlight of the series were always gorgeous shoes, too high for me to wear (I never wear stilettos) and the clothes which were stunning. But in this movie, even If 10 million dollars went on clothes, jewelery and accessories alone, they looked cheap and not that cool at all. Some of those clothes were just plain hideous. I dare to say I have prettier ones in my closet.
The only ones who came out without reasons to be embarrassed were Cynthia Nixon and Kim Cattrall even though the latter was forced to say lines for which I hope she was well paid. Nixon was the only one who managed to came out with a bit of dignity left, though. Kristin Davis was bland, but not bad and Sarah Jessica Parker...I can go on and on. I realize I may seem shallow, but surely not as shallow as any of this movie's characters – she is so incredibly ugly I was not able to look straight at her. I always thought it was insane – woman who looks like that supposedly scored all those men? It was insulting to New Yorkers – were they that stoned, drunk, blind or insane? When it comes to one night stands, I'd argue - looks matter. The woman is wearing expensive clothes, I assume has private stylist and hair dresser and she still looks unwatchable. And what's worse – extreme close ups of her face. I'm sorry but somebody that hideous should not play the girl who is allegedly getting laid all the time. Her hair is awful, her body is awful and her face....and I'm supposed to believe that chick is desirable? She could be a genious and Mother Theresa combined, it would not help. And as for her acting ability – her voice and style fit the character of Carrie, but as I said in movie that shallow looks matter most. So many gorgeous actresses are out there and they had to go with that one. I love Robert Downey Jr, who lived with that woman for 7 years. He is capable of amazing things, apparantly. He did that and beat drug addiction, things not many would be able to do...

But screw their looks anyways – these women have no dignity. Botox, hormones, God knows what – I have nothing against it but you need to have limits. There is nothing bad in getting older, or in having a bit of work done but why won't they age gracefully and beautifully as Julianne Moore? It's like with Madonna – you have to know when to stop, otherwise you'll end up being pathetic and that applies to both their looks and the unnaturally prolonged longevity of the show. It's sickening. And they don't look better because of this, especially in those awful outfits.

But the worst part was when Carrie kissed her ex and told Big about it and instead of storming out, yelling at that shallow brat or at least moving out, that dude....watch it...buys her huge wedding ring for her to wear it 'as a punishment'. I thought I'm gonna puke. And given that I was in 17th row that would be a bad thing to do.

I felt bad for all those poor guys dragged to the cinema by their dates – nobody to stare at, no plot to follow, no jokes to laugh at. I did laugh few times at Samantha's lines and I gotta give them something for having Penelope and Alicia Keys's song on the soundtrack. And that's it.

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